Control Alt Delete
by nogreateragony78
Summary: That Time Travel AU where An 18 year old Ezra Bridger wakes up in his pre-series 14 year old body approximately 3 months after the death of Kanan Jarrus, and tries, less than successfully to ditch both The Ghost and her crew for their own good...
1. Chapter 1-4

Beginning 'again' - if one wanted to call it that, hadn't really been all that complicated for Ezra. It had, in fact, been ridiculously simple, if you looked at it from a certain perspective. Which doesn't of course mean that any of it had been *easy.* Anything but.

There is no easy involved in Ezra Bridger waking up in his tower on that first morning, or ignoring his still throbbing headache while he makes the journey into Capital City in order to wait on the rooftops surrounding the West Side Market for his 'destiny' to make its way into the right part of town.

'Force but they're all so *young,* and they look so kriffing innocent.' He can't help but think it, as he silently maintains his lookout - having already helped out the fruit seller with less of the man's fruit in his own knapsack for his troubles. Not that it really matters all that much at the moment since Ezra's not particularly hungry. His stomach twists uneasily as he waits for Sabine or Zeb to show up, or for Kanan to step out into the middle of the street. Hanging back all the while as he does so: carefully keeping his distance so as not to tempt fate. There's no need to at all for him to make this any more awkward than it already is by rushing things after all. Not when their 'first contact' is due in a little under an hour.

Ezra can, by this point in his life, at least recognize the value of patience.

The broken link in one corner of his mind still throbs insistently. And yes, the remains of the old bond has ached for days now, but somehow its ten times worse this morning because of his present location, and because of the lack of any meaningful distance between he and his former master at the moment. Kanan is a) here b) alive and c) less than thirty feet away at last, for all that he's still a literal a stranger to him. And that part of Ezra's mind that can't reason - that only hurts and is tired of its own pain - can't understand why he can't just reach out and touch. Why he can't just have that which he's so long been denied.

'It will get better with time, it will,' Ezra keeps reminding himself over and over and over. For now, he just needs to endure. To ignore the persistent itch in the back of his mind: that compulsion to fling wide his shielding and cry out for the assistance of his Master. Because this Kanan Jarrus? Is not his own.

Ezra has to remember that. He needs to focus on finishing the job directly in front of him instead. Preferably as quickly and with as few deviations from the first time around as possible so that when it's time to depart The Ghost the break will be swift and hopefully relatively clean. He needs, in short, to end this particular part of their story by building a stronger, different sort of beginning for all of them instead...

It's almost time for him to begin.

Jump off the rooftops -check. Irritate Zeb with a jaunty little wave- check. Meet Sabine, race on the speeders, encounter Kanan, snark at Kanan, jump the median. Check Check Check Check Check.

None of this is particularly exhilarating: it's just history circling back around in a seemingly endless, ironic Mobius strip. Still, it's also comforting in a strange sort way that Ezra can't quite put into words.

Minutes later when Kanan finally, *finally* invites Ezra on board from the Ghost's boarding ramp for the very first time, Ezra has to remind himself to hang back a little and make it look like he's actually considering the other man's offer for awhile before he and the box are finally skyborne. And then- for a little while, at least - Ezra gets one last chance to be back home again.

It's weird - being back in the Ghost's vents again and actually fitting into them comfortably instead of having to constantly duck, curl up or otherwise watch his head. His introductory talk with Hera is oddly bemusing and also maybe just a little bit strange because she seems so young just like the rest of them do right now. She's still so energetic and impassioned, so unhindered by the weight of Kanan's loss as compared to how she'd been before the morning that Ezra'd woken up in this place with no real explanation as to how he'd gotten here.

It's nice to see that much spark back behind Hera's green eyes again after so much struggle and suffering, and even nicer still for Ezra to think that this time around his foster mother might actually manage to hold on to that smile a whole lot longer, if Ezra can just manage to keep on playing his own cards right.

Seeing Tarkin Town again - as well as speaking with its residents an additional time before they all head out in pursuit of the lead that Kanan and Hera inevitably get from Vizago - makes something ache tightly in Ezra's chest for a moment. It's a little like someone's decided to punch him right in the center of his sternum.

Even as it does so though, time marches on - calling out the next steps in this dance to all of them. And even if Ezra could hit the pause button at this point he is pretty sure thay he wouldn't really want to stop the music for fear of ever finding the courage to start it all going again.

When they finally dock with the vessel that they have been looking for a day and a half later, Kanan and the others enter the ship to try and locate the Wookies and rescue them, while Hera and Ezra sit for awhile in mostly comfortable quiet. The Twi'lek pilot watches him out of the corner of her eye, posing occasional questions. A few of which Ezra answers very calmly and the greater number which he deflects instead by asking Hera technical questions about the Ghost after giving brief non answers. Since he knows full well after all, that the Lady loves to brag about her ship.

When Hera finally sends him in after the others just a few minutes after that, the inevitably of Zeb's coming betrayal doesn't taste ashy in Ezra mouth in quite the way that it had the first time around. If anything it's almost funny, as well as a little difficult for him to actually time. Because Ezra has to fight off his own defensive instincts this time around in order to make sure that it actually happens. He has to make sure that he doesn't instinctively fight Kallus when the other man grabs him.

Kriff, Ezra even knows this time around, thanks to the battered (stolen) chronometer wrapped around his wrist at the moment exactly how much longer he's actually got to get things in place before the others mount their inevitable 'rescue operation.' The weirdest thing about all of it is honestly having to deal with Alexsandr again. The DIG Agent had been fairly intimidating to Ezra the first time around, but now he is just the guy Ezra used to spend every other Friday night on Yavin 4 playing cut-throat Sabaac with, and so his attempts to unsettle Ezra aren't nearly as effective.

Honestly, right now it all feels king of like Ezra's trapped in some kind of poorly scripted play at the moment...predictable if not quite boring. Everything feel much less dangerous than laughably easy. All that he really has to do once he's free from his cell and he's retrieved his backpack and the helmet is wait for the notification of an incoming vessel approaching the ship again in order to divert several units of stormtroopers away from the proper dock port and then yup, there's the Ghost crew again - showing up with their guns all but literally blazing.

Minutes after that Ezra's on his second round of 'home again, home again.' Trying hard not to get too comfortable with the sensation of warmth and security that the halls of The Ghost tend to bring him. Even as he tracks the rest of the crew back to where Hera's sitting in the cockpit and shares the rest of the information with the others that they are going to need to know in order to save the Wookies. Like before, the issue is barely even a real decision for any of them once he does so. The Wookies are prisoners right now after all, and they are their only hope at continued life via liberation.

Kanan looks at Ezra after that though, far more closely and thoughtfully then he had in any of the hours beforehand, and what's more the older Jedi cocks his head slightly to one side and then his mind reaches out, brushing whisper-soft against Ezra's outermost layers of shielding, as if trying to make sense both of what he does and doesn't find at the contact.

Ezra for his own part deliberately drops his chin then, so that his hair hides the majority of his features, fighting the impulse as he does so to either stiffen up or to mentally slap back at the gesture. Then he takes an extra moment or two to carefully triple layer his own personal shielding. Which guaranteed that Kanan will find nothing but stubborn opaqueness no matter how hard the older Jedi pushes. While all the while the broken bond pushes against the barriers that Ezra's erecting in his mind all the while almost as if he's got the psychic equivalent of an abscess starting. The strategy won't work forever, Ezra knows to hide what he actually is, but it'll at least do for the meantime.

'None of this matters – it can't matter.' Ezra repeats to himself once more, over and over and over. They are on the right path now. Ezra knows that they are because this is the one where, if he's just willing to knuckle up and make the necessary personal sacrifices, then all of the rest of them will hopefully get to live out the rest of their lives in the end.

For now Ezra just has to man the kriff up. He has to keep his focus and not lose his will to do this - because in not too much longer now he'll be able to go back to his tower and The Ghost and her crew will leave Lothal and then they'll all just...they'll all just get back to the lives that they are actually *supposed* to be living.

Ezra has to *endure.* That's really all that he has to do right now. He has to grit his teeth and bear the discomfort for a few more hours and then this last job will finally be finished up and all this torture will be over with. He'll be able to ease The pain of the excision via distance. The prize for seeing this all through is more than worth the cost. Ezra does believe that. Truly he does. They will all be better off. Kriff, he can see the proof of that every karking time that he sees Hera smile over at Kanan.

After they finally finish up their rescue of the Wookie prisoners, though - when Kanan reaches out in order to squeeze Ezra's shoulder in the way he had the first time around - Ezra can't prevent himself from deliberately stepping sideways away from the contact instead, unable to bear the thought of allowing himself even that little bit of contact. He's in real danger right now of breaking down completely if he lets his resolve falter even just a little. Besides, Ezra can't take the risk that Kanan will get any real read of the turmoil currently building beneath his shielding, and so instead he locks down his emotions completely and lets the ice wrap around his heart, slowly numbing the grief which is trying to dig its way into his insides.

The choice causes a brief, intense burst of concern and disappointment from Kanan, as well as no small amount of what appears to be very genuine confusion from the older man, who blinks at him hard in reaction. Ezra for his own part just keeps his eyes locked in front of them and forces himself to pretend that he hasn't noticed.

'Do not engage, Bridger. Keep your eyes fixed firmly on the prize. This is what you want and more importantly this is what they need if they are all going to survive this. Do. Not. Engage. Not if you can possibly help it. You can not afford to do so if things are going to keep moving in their proper direction.'

Instead, Ezra draws in another deep breath and forces himself to look down and take in all the lives that they'd just saved instead, memorizing both their names and their individual faces. These Wookies are Ezra's legacy now, and their futures - just as much as those of the Ghost Crew's - are worth any discomfort that Ezra's felt so far, or might still have to feel in the days still to come. Kark just Kittwar's life alone would have been worth it.

After the Wookies board their own ship and depart, though Ezra waits impatiently for Zeb's inevitable wisecracks to start up again. They don't though - or at least they don't as quickly as Ezra remembers it happening during the last time around, and so for lack of any better method of handling the ongoing torture of waiting, Ezra finally raises the subject of returning to Capital City himself, allowing a small relieved snort of weariness to escape from between his lips when Hera assures him that yes, they're currently plugging in the coordinates for Lothal, even as Zeb finally lets his previous wisecrack about Ezra not seeing the Specters again if they happen to see him first actually slip.

The male Lasat looks absolutely miserable even as he says it this time around, though and so Ezra decides at this point that there's really not any real reason to not to show a little pity and offer at least a little bit of comfort. So instead of snapping at Zeb's joke like he had the last time around Ezra actually turns back toward the Lasat and he smiles at him. "Yeah, it's definitely been a wild ride since I first came aboard... and I'm honestly glad Kanan invited me. I mean, after all who knows what would have happened to those prisoners if he hadn't done so as it turns out. The universe works in some very strange ways sometimes I think. But now it really is time for me to go home again, Zeb. Because I have responsibilities and commitments back in in Capital City right now, and I really can't afford keep neglecting them."

Ezra's not lying when he says it either. He's honestly relieved that they're finished up with all of this. It is time for Ezra Bridger to finally bury the hatchet with his old life after all And then for him to see about finally (never) returning home again.

Ezra ideally, would have found it best if that were simply it. If he and the rest of the Ghost Crew's parting of ways could have been kept as impersonal and as unemotional as possible. Both because Ezra's too tired at the moment to handle anything more dramatic than that and because, quite frankly speaking, he's well aware by now that Kanan's studying him nearly constantly, puzzling, and trying to figure out what exactly it is that he is missing so Ezra really wants to limit any further interaction between himself and the rest of the Specter Crew if he can possibly help it. He's going to have to get off of the Older Jedi's radar in particular just as quickly as he can possibly manage it once they all return to Lothal he knows, just as soon as he can also pickpocket the fare amount needed and drum up some decent fake ID to help him get off of the planet.

And in the meantime, Ezra needs to give Hera, Kanan and the others absolutely no good reason not to leave the planet themselves as expeditiously as they possibly can. Which is why Ezra very quietly returns the Holocron to where he found it in Kanan's room after using the Star map located within it to help him find Rex's current home planet. As well as why Ezra leaves Kanan's saber clipped to the older man's belt even after the older Jedi seems to all but dare him to try and swipe it. Ezra is not an idiot after all - he knows Kanan well enough by now to guess that he's still being judged on his reaction both to it and to Kanan's now acknowledged Jedi presence. His response to both things is and continues to remain complete and total apparent disinterest.

Before he disembarks the ship though, Ezra does do his best to remember his manners: taking care to thank Hera warmly for both the rescue from the ship as well as for his eventual ride home to Lothal though he is very careful in the midst of all of that not mention his full name, his actual age or the tower in which he lives to any of the Specters before he finally makes his escape.

Then Ezra leaves The Ghost, without fanfare or any of his previous time-stream's bitterness or sniping. Probably because at the moment some part of him is aware of the looks on both Sabine and Hera's faces and of Zeb's increasingly uneasy body language. He doesn't even bother to wait around for any kind of official send-off either. Instead, he just shoulders his day-pack and flees pretty much the moment that Hera touches down - because there are concerns growing behind Hera's eyes right now- as well as telling changes in Kanan's body language, and Ezra desperately needs to outrun them both before their silence turns into actual movement. That kept in mind Ezra waits until just after the ship has landed in the fields where he's directed Hera before he all but flat out runs from the vessel with his heart in his throat; striding away from the Ghost without so much as a parting look back over his shoulder as he does so, and thanking the Force profusely that while Sabine and Hera both do call out long distance goodbyes to him from the bottom of the disembarkation ramp, no one else tries to stop Ezra from leaving or otherwise follows along after him.

Then it's done and finished: Ezra did it. He literally, truly *did it.* And it's such a karkng relief in that moment to know that it's all finally done and over with that Ezra doesn't even feel stupid about the short burst of hysterical laughter that swamps him after that reality finally registers. Not even after said laughter eventually turns to tears that stream down hotly over his cheeky for several long, shaky minutes breathless minutes.

After the flood finally stops, Ezra returns to the city, incredibly drained at the moment yes, but still also relieved almost beyond the capacity for words, and stays there just long enough to knick a couple of nice fat wallets near one of the larger the government buildings. After that, he heads back home to his tower with a freshly bought bag of supplies thrown over one of his his shoulders and the full intention of doing nothing once he finally reaches home but burrowing under his blankets and then staying trashed enough over the next couple of days to keep himself from doing anything particularly stupid. (Like, say, watching the Specters from a distance until the Ghost and her crew finally leave Capital City and then hopefully after that, Lothal's orbit.)

He stays in his tower for the next three days - drinking himself into literal unconsciousness as often as he can possibly manage to do so, while all the while, the broken bond screams denials like an endless loop of grief and fury on the inside of his head.

'This really is for the best,' Ezra reminds himself in the early morning of day four, while the Ghost remains parked in a field in the next district over and Ezra's last stolen bottle of liquor lays empty on the floor beside his bed. It kriffing sucks right now yeah, but in the long run this road - this choice that Ezra is making to change what's to come - will still hurt all of them a whole lot kriffing less in the end then the karking alternative.

They *will* leave eventually. Ezra can and he karking *will* just out wait them.

"So, Hera wants you to come and have dinner with us one last time before we all ship off of the planet, Ezra...and so do the rest of us for that matter." The words makes him startle very much like a cat. Ezra is still dealing with enough of a lingering buzz from last night's half of a bottle of whiskey that he actually misses Kanan's presence until the older Jedi literally manages to sneak up on him. Then he gives a tiny yelp of shock, dropping both his tote bag of supplies, and the last of the coins that he was counting out in his hand as he tried to decide how and on what he wanted to spend them. The Brandy bottle that is tucked into the bottom of his bag at the moment breaks with a sharp crack of shattering glass as it impacts with the hard ground - the liquid pouring out and onto the pavement through the thin and light colored fabric.

Ezra looks down at the damp ground for a moment or so and then he rubs a hand across one of his eyebrows before sighing very, verysoftly. "Well Sithspit."

This is bad, and probably horrendously so. Ezra has no money right now for a replacement bottle unless he successfully picks a couple more pockets first. Which honestly? He's feeling too wrecked to even attempt to try at the moment. But he's also going to have nightmares bad enough to literally shatter the world later on tonight if he doesn't resupply sometime before sundown. Which means that later on today, Ezra's going to have to come back into town all over again. Probably with a full-on hangover too. So as he'd just said, Sith Spit.

Kanan, for his own part, just takes one look at Ezra mottled face and total evident lack of motor skills, and then the older Jedi's eyes narrow in a way that the teenager knows all too well but has thankfully not seen aimed in his own particular direction in well over two and a half years now. It's a look that Ezra knows better than most people portends absolutely nothing good about any of their coming conversations.

"You're drunk, Bridger." Kanan's words are a statement, as opposed to a question.

Ezra purses his lips tightly, "Yes. I am, Jarrus. And?" Even a moron should be able to pick up on his unspoken: 'And how exactly is this any of your kriffing business?' Kanan certainly does, judging by the tightening of the older man's lips that results. He simply opts, because he's exactly that kind of judgmental asshole, to simply ignore the fact for the time being. "You're what…fourteen years old? Fifteen? That's a little young to be hitting the cups, at this point Kid. Especially before you've even bothered to as much as stop for breakfast." Even as the older man speaks, Ezra feels Kanan's mind once again reach out toward his own. Though less stealthily this time around, pushing a bit more insistently along the edges of his shielding as if trying to find a way in. Ezra has to remind himself forcefully then not to retaliate by essentially psychically bitch slapping the hell out of him in response.

Instead he deliberately straightens himself up, raises his own eyes to Kanan's and glares for a long, hypercritical moment. "No! Keep your mind to yourself, for kriff's sake, Jarrus. I am not now nor will I ever be a threat to either you yourself or to any of yours. Well at least not unless you force me to be anyway. But you had better believe that I will karking well defend my mind to the death if you force me into doing so. You have not been invited. I have done you no harm. Not to even mention that I was under the impression up until now that we at least both had much better manners than that."

Kanan just looks at Ezra for another long moment, silently working his jaw. Probably because he is either debating or reassessing the present situation, and then finally he just nods his head a little bit, "All right then. Well come on, Bridger. You and I are clearly due a chat at the moment so I guess that I'm buying you some breakfast. Hopefully, something sufficient enough to soak up some of the damage that you're doing to your liver at present. We can either eat at a cafe around here or grab something from one of the stands and bring it back to your tower, if you prefer to do so Ezra. It's your pick."

Ezra had very distinctly not told any of them his last name while he was with them aboard the Ghost - nor had he mentioned where he actually lived. Which means that they have been asking around town about him. They've been actively seeking out intelligence concerning who he exactly is. Well, this is just lovely. And precisely *not* what he had actually wanted. Ezra's lips curl up at the corner just a little bit in toothy frustration, "I'm not really hungry at the moment, Jarrus, so thanks, but no thanks for the offer." Then he turns in order to make his way back out of the increasingly crowded market,

"Kid, that was not a suggestion." Kanan's voice pulls Ezra's head back around at the exact same time that the older man pulls something out of his own satchel, "Here, Ezra, catch." Then Kanan tosses something at him so fast that Ezra grabs for it before he even consciously processes what it is that he's actually catching.

It's Kanan's Holocron, albeit wrapped up in a clean square of cloth in order to hide it from public view. It's practically singing to Ezra as it lies there in his outstretched hands.

Kanan smiles at him then, with a shark brilliant grin. "Just so you know, Ezra the next time you happen to 'stumble across' one of those and get even temporarily 'itchy fingers.' You should probably keep in mind that most of them have a special function built in that records every time that the device is used, as well as by whom. Even if all that you're doing when you access it just looking at a bunch of old Republic Era star maps."

Ezra blinks at that announcement for a moment or two and then Kanan's grin widens even further. "Now come on. Because as I was just, Bridger, you definitely owe me at the very minimum a nice little chat. And I? Am kriffing buying you breakfast."

Chapter 2: Clarity (updated)

Twenty minutes later they're sitting together in a cafe on the other side of town. Ezra's slumped down in the booth with a literal mountain of food on the table in front of him. Mostly because Kanan's own personal order had amounted to the ridiculous - no doubt in retribution for Ezra's earlier and far more spartan request for "Hot Caf. Strong. Go ahead and leave the pot, please. Toast with no butter and no jam. One egg with no other extras, scrambled lightly with cheese. Creamer, sugar and salt as my only condiments currently, please."

His former Master had retaliated against this apparently unacceptable meal choice by ordering them both, well... pretty much everything else on the kriffing menu as well. With special emphasis placed on the greasy and the calorie-laden because apparently, Kanan Jarrus' precisely that much of an jerk when he's feeding a teenager with a hangover. The smell from most of what's on the table is leaving Ezra vaguely nauseous right now. Although he does have to admit that the hash browns aren't looking half bad now that he's a little bit more awake then he was before. Also thankfully at least most if not all of what the older Jedi has ordered can always be boxed for reheating later. Ezra's sure that the others on The Ghost will end up appreciating all the leftovers that Kanan'll have to bring back to the ship with him when they're finally finished with their current discussion.

"As I was telling you earlier, Ezra." Kanan tells him again calmly, shoveling his own forkful of hash-brown and sausage casserole into his mouth and chewing before continuing, "Hera and the rest of us have been talking over the last few days, Kid, and we want you to come join us on the Ghost for dinner either tonight or tomorrow evening if you can make the time for it in your schedule. Hera has an offer to extend to you at the moment that you should seriously consider, Ezra, before the rest of us leave the planet."

"I'm not interested in a job, Jarrus if that's what this is really about." Ezra doesn't look up from his own drink when he starts speaking. "Though you can tell Hera thanks for the offer for me, and let her know that the thought's at least deeply appreciated. I'm just... very obligated to other projects for the time being at present."

Kanan snorts, "To what other 'projects' exactly, Kid? Picking pockets when you're not basically hiding in your abandoned communication tower on the south end of town most of the time doing your damnedest to drink your liver into early destruction? Because I have to say, Ezra, that that whole 'plan' on your part doesn't really strike me as all that enjoyable of a career path as you'd expect for someone with your particular… uhm… shall we call them 'special talents'?"

Ezra raises his eyes from his own mug then, just a little bemused even as he gazes across the table top at his former master. Who's currently half slouched over in his booth, his arms folded dispassionately over his chest, looking just about as pissy and unimpressed right now as Ezra has probably ever had the privilege of personally seeing him.

He takes another long drink from his mug, "Just a little tip here for you, Jarrus... Admitting to stalking someone when you're also actively trying to recruit them? Is generally a *bad* opening gambit. It makes you look desperate. Plus it tends to make your target think that you might be..." he circles his finger in a loop just to the side of one of his temples. "How can i put this? Shall we say just a little bit 'hinky.'"

"Kid, this whole thing is..." Kanan repeats the same gesture. "...A little bit hinky."

"How do you figure?" Ezra snarks back under his breath more then a little acerbically, only to almost instantly regret asking the question.

Kanan just nails him with a sharp, knowing look, "You want an itemized or an alphabetized answer to that one, Kid? Because I've got nothing but time right now if you actually really want to talk about it."

Ezra makes a little snort of derision instead. "Yeah, thanks, but no thanks. Also, Jarrus has anyone ever told you that for someone who comes across as cucumber cool most of the time you apparently also have a real flare for the melodramatic?"

Kanan sighs, uncrossing his arms, and then recrossing them. "I really really, don't." Then the older Jedi comments and then he frowns, leaning forward slightly. "And, you've been told multiple times by now that you can just call me Kanan, Ezra, and you kriffing well know it."

"Thanks but no thanks." The refusal is very, very blunt. Ezra, for his own good – for his own *sanity* - needs at least that much separation between the old Kanan and this new one right now given their sheer similarity. He needs some way to maintain some level of personal distinction between the two of them in his own mind.

There's a long pause, and then Kanan leans forward slightly - his voice low and snippy and impatient. "Okay then, let's just stop pussyfooting around and cut to the heart of the issue instead. Where the kark is your *Master,* Ezra Bridger?"

Ezra chokes on his second bite of egg, nearly aspirating amidst his sudden bout of violent coughing. "Uhm what?!" He finally manages to force out, his eyes wide with shock. A glance downward reveals that yes, his hands have started shaking in reaction. He takes a deliberate second or two then, in order to still them.

Kanan just snorts in reply, and rolls his own eyes heavenward, "In case no one's ever told you as much Kid, there is a very different feeling between trained and entirely natural forms of mental shielding. Especially when you're trained yourself like I happen to be and you're looking at someone with your particular level of...err...natural talent. So again I repeat, Ezra where exactly is your Master these days Kid? Because unsurprisingly, given the past week or so, I'd kind of like to have a chat with him or her."

Ezra raises a brow at that announcement, trying to cover up how hard his own heart is now pumping. "Shouldn't we take this conversation... I don't know, somewhere a little more private, Jarrus?"

"Lead the way, Junior. We can always go back to your tower if you prefer it. We'll do so after you finish eating your breakfast though, Ezra because frankly," Kanan looks him up and down then, "You seem like you've recently skipped a meal or ten lately and it's not a great look for you, Kid. Alcohol is a grain yes, but it's still only one of the food groups. You might want to try and remember that."

"Oh hah hah hah." Ezra sighs and then he shrugs a little bit, "No: for the record I haven't been eating all that much lately, Jarrus. Because my stomach's seriously messed up. Also because in order to do so I have to work regularly. As in either barter out my skill set to someone or failing that, I have to pickpocket. And I've been 'mysteriously occupied during the last week or so for some odd reason, so I'm a little low on resources at the moment."

Kanan scowls. "That gut trouble you've currently got is called a 'hangover,' Kid. And you did it to yourself, so please don't expect me to drum up much sympathy for you at the moment, Ezra. As for your supposed food supply problems, you know karking well that while you were on board The Ghost, you had access to the same pantry as the rest of us did. Hera had to have said as much at some point. Only you don't seem to eat anything that you can't imbibe apparently, Kid."

(No actually, Hera hadn't ever said as much. But then they'd also been fairly distracted while he was on board. And Ezra had been miserable enough during his time aboard The Ghost with the others that he hadn't really cared all that much about eating anything anyway.)

Even as he speaks the words Kanan reaches out and flicks Ezra's forehead with two of his fingers - the physical chastisement quick and clearly totally automatic. It's exactly the kind of unthinking casual touch that the man's always applied to those that he's closest to, but it's also the first time since Ezra woke up in this timeline that he and Kanan have touched at all, much less skin to skin. The broken link in Ezra's head pulses like it's been hit by lightning in response, and Ezra nearly vomits in reaction.

Across from him, meanwhile, Kanan jerks and then swears fairly breathlessly. Judging by the shocked look currently on the older man's face, Ezra's guessing that he's not the only one who just felt at least some of that agonizing sting.

Glaring at him dourly, Ezra reaches out and shoves the older man's arm away, mindful to touch only the fabric of Kanan's shirt even as he does so. "As I just said, Jarrus. Keep your hands to yourself." He grits out again, his eyes watering hard. "My M...the one you were asking me if you could meet earlier. He's *dead,* alright?! He fell in battle almost four months ago now. And it's left me with zero tolerance for anyone else's Banthakriff right now thanks to this ongoing headache."

And just like that... Kanan's whole face changes. His features going from grumpy and judgmental, to well, still grumpy and judgmental but now also underpinned by a thick layer of empathy. He straightens up in his seat, his face suddenly opener than it's been since the day that Ezra first boarded The Ghost. And kark it: Ezra doesn't want the other man sympathetic, much less anything near instinctively protective! That's what Ezra's supposed to have spent so much of his energy over the past few days aggressively *avoiding!*

By the look on the older Jedi's face, though, that karking bell has already been rung - probably for the duration. And now as a result of that single moment of contact everything in Ezra's life is about to get a thousand times harder. He's going to have a fight on his hands now - even after everything that he'd tried to do to avoid it. And yes right now he's feeling more than a little resentful about it.

"Before he died the two of you had a well-established training link, I assume?" Kanan's voice is soft.

Ezra snorts at the question. "Yes, Jarrus. Hence my Karabast migraine."

"Which explains your sudden shift in attitude as well. Well, thank the Little Gods for that much at least. Well come on, then, Kid," Kanan says gruffly rising up from his seat and throwing down enough cred chits to easily cover the meal without even another glance at the food he's apparently leaving behind them. "Forget going back to the tower for now, Erza. We're going directly back to The Ghost instead. Because one, we're definitely continuing this conversation of ours when you're actually feeling better Ezra, and two I have medication on board The Ghost right now that will actually help heal psychic trauma without giving you the inevitable hangover afterward." He reaches down to grasp Ezra by the shirt sleeve then, pulling him up to his feet gently and then towing him along behind him toward the restaurant's main doors. "It's time to get you sober Ezra, and then after that to actually *treat you.*"

It's clear testimony, Ezra thinks then, both the strength of his current headache and his complete lack of survival instincts, that he lets himself be pulled out to Kanan's waiting speeder without any further real struggle or complaint. Even though it essentially means just getting sucked right back into the center of the whirlpool all karking over again.

By the time Kanan half leads, half drags Ezra back to where Hera's currently parking The Ghost - not far from where they dropped him off a few days ago, actually - Ezra's headache has grown so debilitating that he's swaying whenever he tries to stand upright. His vision keeps blurring in and out - forcing him to temporarily lean his forehead against Kanan's broad back while the two of them share the speeder in order to help him maintain his own balance. He's exhausted and nauseous and frankly ready to pass out again for several hours at the moment - and so he doesn't notice Hera or Sabine at first when they come down to greet them off of the boarding ramp.

"Ezra!" Hera says delighted.

"Hey, Bridger." Sabine nods at him.

"I'm not staying." He informs them probably just a little bit too quickly. "We're just getting something from inside of Kanan's room and then I'm going to be headed back home to my tower again."

Kanan mutters something under his breath then that sounds suspiciously like, "Yeah. Uh huh, Kid. We'll karking see about that." Then he leads Ezra up the ramp and into the heart of the ship, giving out orders even before they reach the inner storage bay. "Okay, Sabine, I need you to grab me some extra blankets and a sheet or two out of the upstairs linen closet, and then please go down to the thermostats and make sure that the heat's turned all the way up in the Medbay. Hera, if you want to help out in the meantime then Ezra here needs to be prepped for an IV bolus just as soon as humanly possible. Regular drip to gravity IV, please. Give him Lactated Ringers if we have any on hand and if not then just go with standard normal saline and get some electrolyte replacement drink into him as quickly as he can manage it. Oh - and Hera, he'll also need the highest dose of IM morphine that's safely allotted for someone that's currently in his weight category."

Hera's eyes widen in alarm in reaction to that announcement, "Kanan, what in the ..." She turns toward Ezra again, more assessingly this time, noting the younger man's unfocused gaze even as she steps forward and gently lifts his chin in order to inspect his pupils. "Did he take some kind of blow to the head while the two of you were out there this morning?

"No, Hera. " Kanan assures her. "It's nothing new, or particularly life-threatening at least for the moment. But Ezra is still in a great deal of pain right now and he's going to need a full course of IV Amalyn just as soon as we can possibly arrange to get it into him. I've got plenty in storage right now up in my room. I'm going to go dig out a vial right now and then I'll be back to set up the bolus."

"Amalyn?" Sabine is clearly confused by this particular bit of news, but Hera's jaw drops in response. She looks first at Kanan and than back at Ezra, and then at Kanan again as her eyes first narrow then go wide in recognition and then in sharp, empathetic concern as she turns worried eyes back on Ezra again.

Sith spit. Forced Damned Karking Sith Spit. This is literally the last thing that he that needs to be dealing with in the galaxy. Because now Hera is reaching out as well. Taking Ezra by the arm with a sharp nod toward Kanan and a jerk of her head toward the older man's quarters. "Go. I've got him for now. Come on, kiddo." She murmurs gently, "Let's get you upstairs and into Medlab and then get that drip in and running, okay?" Her face is literally rictus with regret. "I only wish we'd known about ...about all of this before you ever left the ship, Kiddo. You wouldn't have had to suffer for so long like this without any help like you did."

"What is Amalyn?" Sabine repeats the question again, as they all start to move down the corridor toward the ladder that will eventually lead them upstairs into the heart of the ship. Ezra sighs, and answers Sabine's question before either Hera or Kanan can. Because even if he doesn't know for certain how the drug in question functions he can at least take a couple karking good guesses. "It's a neuro-inhibitor, Sabine. A drug that's used to treat psychic damage when it's found in telepaths and empaths. It helps to numb and heal the damage cause by psychic overload or traumatically broken psi-links."

And just like that, Sabine seems to get the greater context as well. Her eyes go wide as dinner plates, her jaw literally gapes open. "Wait a minute. You mean that…you're a...like Kanan?"

"Yes he is, Sabine."

"No, I'm not Wren." Kanan and Ezra answer the question as one with Ezra ironically, choosing to be the one who takes the negative. "I used to be a Padawan awhile ago, yes. But my Master is dead now and now, and I'm back to being just a better than average pick-pocket again."

Kanan's jaw twitches hard at those words, like he wants to protest Ezra's statement instinctively, but he doesn't. Instead, the Older Jedi looks to the Ghost's Twi'lek pilot yet again. "Like I just said, Hera – take him up and over to Medbay, please. He desperately needs re-hydration and to get his pain levels down low enough in the meantime that he actually starts showing some regular interest in food again. I just need to go find what's left of my stash of vials in storage in my room. I'll be upstairs to help set up just as soon as I possibly can."

And then Kanan's stalking off through the corridors of the ship in the direction of his room without even looking at, much less speaking to Ezra again. Who finds himself essentially dragged along by Hera toward sickbay at as fast a pace as he can currently manage it. The Green skinned Twi'lek glances over at him as they walk, her lips quirking up a little wryly, "Well, this was anything but expected Ezra. Not that I mind at all that you came. Still, the last time that Kanan and I talked he told me that he was just going out to try and track you down this morning in order to let you know that I wanted to talk to you about something if you had time to join us one of these nights for supper…"

"I don't need or want a job thank you, Syndulla." Ezra tells her very bluntly, the denial by now practically automatic. "I have other commitments right now that take precedence over anything else. Thanks for the offer though - and for the eggs and the toast that went along with it. They were both deeply appreciated. I just... Well, for one thing, I only contract out my services on a temporary basis, Hera when I actually work with other people at all. And for a second, I certainly don't work with anyone...or for anyone who's been blatantly stalking me before they ask."

"You'd be a great fit for the crew of The Ghost, Ezra - and the work is very, very rewarding as you already know..." Hera's very clearly just processing the first section of Ezra word right now. She frowns as the second part of his statement finally registers. "We really move around too much for normal contract work to be practical, Ezra though I'm almost certain that the two of us could reach some kind of mutually beneficial arrangement if you wanted to try coming on board for a couple of months on a trial basis..." Hera pauses then, and then shakes her head as if to clear it. "Wait...wait a minute ...did you just say that you don't work for people who *stalk you,* Ezra?!*"

"Yes I did, Hera." Ezra says calmly, crossing his arms defensively in front of him.

"But none of us have been..."

"Banthakriff." Ezra shoots back then, politely but bluntly cutting her off, "I very very distinctly remember not telling any of you my full name. Much less where I lived in Capital City before we all parted ways. Yet Kanan still not only managed not only to track me down in the East Side Market this morning like he had my daily schedule he also made it abundantly clear that he knows both where I live and what exactly I've been doing ever since we all first got back on planet a few days ago. It's all just a little but too intense for my comfort levels right now bluntly speaking."

Sabine is right behind them in the hallway and her voice is very calm as she speaks up. "Your full name and address are basic knowledge, Ezra, for anyone who's ever worked a job with you or paid you to work one for them. You also have a clearly recognizable ID just in general, thanks to both your apparent age and your very specific skill set. We didn't have to follow you anywhere to find anything out about you, Ezra. We just made a couple of info requests backed by a little cash at a couple of the local cantinas here in town claiming that we were interested in adding you on as crew if you were interested. And since we have a good rep ourselves several people were more than happy to help us find you! " The Mandalorian frowns a little at him a little then, "And Karabast, I know that you're a...well you know, and with that comes keeping secrets, Ezra. Still, when and why exactly did you become so inherently paranoid and suspicious?"

"Oh." And okay yeah, maybe put that bluntly Ezra does sound a little unreasonably self-defensive right now. "Okay fair enough, then." He puts his hands both up in the air in a gesture of mock surrender. "My previous accusations about you all stalking me are mostly retracted. But I'm still not looking for work, you guys. It's nothing personal, as I've said the offer is flattering. I'm just unavailable to sign on as crew for anyone at the moment."

Sabine snorts yet again, "Because you're what? Fully committed to getting your professional degree in petty crime by your age of majority instead, Ezra? That's a real rewarding line of work there, Hot Shot, when you've got better offers now then just skulking around in the shadows for the rest of your life." And okay yes, that accusation definitely stings, he admits. In large part because once upon a time Ezra would've likely thought pretty much the same thing in Sabine's position. He does his best to shrug his shoulders in response in the here and now, feigning nonchalance before replying.

"Wow. We'll talk more about your apparent judgmental streak later, Wren. When I have less of a headache and you're a little less up on your moral high horse about the general state of the galaxy. Since, you know, I very much doubt that you were ever forced into learning a less than wholesome trade craft in order to make sure that you could eat regularly back when you were only about seven. I don't give a kriff what you think about my current life choices right now Sabine Wren, when you no real context at all from which to fairly judge them."

"Okay that's enough right now, you two." Hera interrupts again before the conversation can grow more heated, "Ezra has a point, Sabine, as much as I don't like to say it. We don't know enough about how his life up until now has been to see things from his particular perspective. That much acknowledged, Ezra, you or Kanan never answered my earlier question. What happened to you two out there this morning to make Kanan drag you back here so quickly?" Hera keys open the door to medbay then, gesturing to the table for Ezra to sit down and then she starts digging around in the cupboards until she finds a medkit and starts laying out IV infusion supplies. "Because by the sound of it, Mr 'Just Slap a Band-Aid On It, And Walk It Off' went from buying you breakfast to dragging you back here and ordering me to give you a dose of our highest tier of narcotics, Ezra... in a little under what - twenty-five minutes, maybe?"

Ezra rolls his eyes. "It was about half that much time, but yes Hera. Pretty much."

"Well then believe me, Ezra, that's definitely a new personal record for Kanan. And I'd really like to understand what it is that actually happened."

The door to Medbay opens then, just as Hera finishes asking the question, allowing Kanan to both hear the query itself and to witness Ezra's carefully benign shrug of his shoulders in response. "We were just talking okay? And then Jarrus reached out and flicked me right on my forehead - like the jerk that he apparently is. At which point he got to find out first hand from the contact that I have a truly wicked migraine at the moment. At that point, Hera," Ezra shrugs, "I just assume that he got empathetic."

"Kid what you have is not a migraine. It's a badly broken and poorly healed likely force willed training link." Kanan shoots back, holding up a small vial in his hand, checking it's dosing instructions against the backdrop of the main light. "One that, for the record, feels like it's still literally newly severed even though you say that the break's more than three months old, now. Which means that it's not healing the way that it should and isn't going to without help because your mind has spent every day since the break first happened constantly picking at and otherwise irritating the bond site."

"I haven't been doing anything to it!" Ezra growls at him in protest, even as Hera rolls up his right sleeve and searches for a vein in order to slide the small intravenous catheter in. The sound she makes in response is distinctly sympathetic, but it doesn't really make Ezra feel any better "Or at least, I haven't done anything on purpose, anyway. Kark Jarrus, do you think that I want to walk around feeling this awful?! I've shielded the area as best as I can ever since he first died and that's it."

"I didn't say that you were doing it on purpose, Ezra." Kanan's tone is gentle when he replies. "It's basically the equivalent of psychic phantom pain, Kid. It's not something anyone wants to do, but it's something that people with psychic talents sometimes need help actually stopping. Particularly after particularly traumatic bond severings. Which is why..." He waggles the vial of golden colored drug in his right hand, "You're going to let me give you this, in a couple of minutes, Ezra, and then you're going to pass out for a few hours Kid, with the help of some morphine while this drug works on convincing your mind to give it an actual rest. And after that, when you wake up again, if the pain is at more tolerable levels and you're willing to let me help you even further, then I can also help you mop up some of the residual damage via some Force Assisted Healing. Well, assuming that you're willing to let me in through your shielding to do so with joint meditation anyway. If not, Ezra," Kanan grunts very softly then, noting the younger man's tightly clenching fists just at the suggestion. "I can also just try and verbally walk you through a guided meditation you can on your own as an alternative...since I do know that it's probably not the easiest idea to let anyone else in your head at the moment."

"How …how long exactly will this Amalyn actually knock me out for? And does it have to be taken in conjunction with the narcotics in order for the other drug to do its job effectively?" Ezra asks after a moment.

Hera blinks at that, looking over at her lover before shrugging. "I'm really not sure, Ezra...Kanan's the expert on this particular drug not me. Wait are you actually saying you don't want something additional to help you in terms of pain control?" The Twi'lek pilot clearly doesn't think that that makes any sense at all.

Ezra just shrugs, "I'm saying I'm not sure that it's worth it to take any additional drugs if the Amalyn is going to knock me out or do its work fairly quickly. I haven't had narcotics all that often, Hera but I do know that they generally make me non-aggressively loopy when I do take them. As in prone to mild hallucinations, nonsense babbling, and on some occasions actual sleepwalking."

Hera frowns deeply at that, "Were these meds that you were taking from a clinic, Ezra? Or were they ones that you just bought off the street instead? Because I'm not judging, really I'm not, but if it's the later Ezra, then the issue may just have been the quality of the medication in question. Those kinds of reactions to Morphine are actually extremely rare, at least in my own past experience."

"The later, Hera." Ezra answers, "I dislocated my shoulder falling off of a building back when I was around twelve or so. I was able to get it back into place and then slinged up with the help of a friend who owed me a favor or two, but I didn't exactly have the money on hand for things like clinic fees at the time. I can't say for certain what actually caused the reaction, just that it's not something I have any desire to repeat if I can possibly help it."

"And you're absolutely sure, Ezra that the morphine you took before made you *both* sleepwalk and hallucinate?"

"The later for sure, Hera. I couldn't carry a baby loth-wolf up and into my tower even if I did know where one of their dens were hidden. Not to mention trying would be suicidal. So one of those keeping me company while I healed up from the injury had to be something seriously wrong with my brain. As for the former?" Ezra just shrugs his shoulders, "I just know that fell asleep in my bed after taking another dose of the same meds in question and then I woke up halfway to town with my sling still in place but no boots on my feet and no memory of anything that happened in between. Which is why," Ezra shrugs, "If it can possibly be avoided, Hera, narcotics or other mood altering substances like that are probably a no go for me right now."

Hera looks prepared to nod at that, but Kanan, of course, is having exactly none of Ezra current argument. "Oh, of course they are, Mr 'I was so buzzed when we ran into each other at the market this morning that I literally jumped like a scalded Loth-Cat and dropped my newest bottle of Brandy and broke it.' Because intoxicants are 'bad' for you, Ezra, clearly."

Hera scowls at that information, lifting her eyes to look at Ezra again as she finishes taping the last bit of the IV tubing to his arm. "Is that true, Ezra? When Kanan found you, you'd been drinking?"

The teenager deliberately says nothing in reply. Hera reaches out and shakes him by the shoulders, admittedly gently in reaction, "Ezra… you're only fourteen years old! That's way too karking young for you to be..."

Ezra just cuts her off then, glaring over his shoulder at Kanan instead. "Liquor's nothing like narcotics for me, Jarrus. I respond to the two very, very differently. I'm not lying to you guys here all right?. I'm just disclosing pertinent information to people who claim that they want to medically treat me. Letting them know of some potentially dangerous side effects that they need to watch out for if they want to give me morphine."

"Well then it's good that this time around the meds in question actually come from a reputable dispensary Ezra, and that there'll be plenty of people around to keep on an eye out if you try and go wandering off, isn't it?" Kanan shoots back calmly, "Because we both know how much pain you're in right now, Ezra. And this really is the most effective way that I know of how to treat it. I assure you Kid, that any side affects that you might experience will still suck way less than the hangover you've got coming to you right now after three days of almost nonstop drinking, Ezra if we don't do this instead."

"Three days?!" Hera hisses out breathless. "As in you haven't been sober since the day that we first dropped you off?! Ezra...!"

He cuts her off yet again, "It's not a habit, Hera, okay? I've just been ...well basically triaging this ongoing headache the past few days. Alcohol is a lot more accessible for me than other prescription medications. Kark, the truth of the matter Hera, is that I don't even like alcohol - it tastes kriffin awful! But after two or three days of ongoing insomnia I've got to try and do something. "

"Well, we're about to give you will definitely knock you out Ezra- which it looks like you need honestly. How much have you actually even slept in the past few days even with the help of the alcohol? Six hours a night? Four? Less than that?"

"Somewhere closer to two or three hours a night, Hera - and I've also been taking mini naps when this headache actually lets me,"

"Nine hours in three days?! How on earth are you even vaguely functional at present?" Hera looks abjectly horrified. "Look, Ezra the morphine will do far more for you than alcohol will by far and it'll do so without further damaging your liver in the process - it works its way out through the kidneys among other things. So if we're done with this ridiculous argument now …" She crosses her arms and glares at him stubbornly then, wearing the look of a woman fully used to being obeyed, both in life just in general as well as on her ship.

Ezra sighs deeply, "Fine." And then he holds back out his arm to her in order to let her finish attaching the bag of fluids to the IV tubing. "But don't say that I didn't warn you, Hera if I start talking about flying loth-wolves or something in the next few hours."

To be fair, Ezra admits, that's actually the last thing he's worried might come out of his mouth at the moment. But he's pretty sure he's tired enough right now to actually hold his tongue at least once until he falls asleep just once.

Twenty minutes later, Ezra is in fact asleep on the Medbay cot. Or so near to it anyway that he's no longer even vaguely functionally coherent, his face soft and slack with relief even as Hera tucks yet another blanket around his too thin body and then motions for Kanan to follow her out into the galley, leaving Ezra behind in the meantime under the supervision of a watchful, if clearly brooding Sabine.

"So...?" She murmurs quietly, reaching up into the cupboard in the galley in order to pull out the makings of a snack.

"So...?" Kanan responds.

"What exactly happened out there this morning, Kanan?"

"He was a pain in my ass?" Kanan replies back very, very dryly.

Hera's look is less than impressed with that particular summary. "Seriously, Kanan, spill it. Details, please. Talk to me here."

"I'm deadly serious, Hera." Kanan leans back against the nearest wall then, exhaling out a massive sigh. "Not only was he still tipsy when I found him this morning, Ezra also made it his personal mission in life to piss me off as much as humanly possible, Hera. For no justifiable reason that I can currently see. I told him that you wanted him to come and join us for dinner on ship? He immediately blew me off. I offered to take him out for breakfast instead? He refused that offer too. All while packing back away a literal pittance of food supplies that I just have to assume at the moment were his weekly rations after he spent most of the money that he had from pick-pocketing the other day on a bottle of Brandy instead! I ignored his refusal and dragged him into a cafe anyway, hoping to maybe sober him up and maybe have a semi-reasonable conversation with him afterward. And once we were there, Hera, he ordered one egg, dry toast, and I kid you not, here - an entire pot of caff! Which he then all but literally inhaled all while complaining the whole time that his stomach has been bothering him for literal days now. I was seriously tempted to give him a pain in the ass all of his own, Hera halfway through the entire conversation."

Hera snorts softly, "And then what - he finally sobered up and decided to tell you about his master, Kanan?"

Kanan snorts right back, "Not willingly. No, Hera. He wasn't kidding about me flicking him on the forehead. The backwash that I got off of that second or two of contact was..." The older Jedi shakes his head, wincing. "Let's just say that his head's not exactly pretty at the moment, Hera. He was in so much pain that he nearly lost his breakfast. I'm honestly still trying to figure out how he was even cognizant when I first found him this morning at all. Much less how he spent as much time as he actually did with us on the Ghost with that bad of a bond break active and still managed to stay completely off of my radar for as long as he actually did."

Hera frowns slightly at this bit of news, "Then you're absolutely sure that you're right at present both about the severity of his psychic damage and about how much he's apparently been drinking since we first dropped him off to cope with it?"

"Yes, I'm sure, Hera. Kriff - he didn't even bother to deny the latter fact. He honestly seems to think that's it's nobody's business but his own. To be fair, Hera, I get the feeling that for quite a while now his own life has essentially been no one's but Ezra's to manage. That acknowledged, the kid is clearly spiraling fast - and the booze isn't even really causing the crash so much as it's just conveniently speeding things along. Though honestly…" Kanan's words trail off abruptly then, his lips twisting into a confused little frown.

"Honestly what?" Hera presses him softly.

Kanan sighs, shrugging, "You know, I almost feel as if we also have a little bit of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde going on somewhere in the whole situation as well. Because there was the Ezra that we all saw on board the Ghost during our previous mission, Hera, and then there's...well...*this kid.* And I'm having real trouble right now, reconciling the two of them as actually the same kriffing person."

Hera nods a little in response to that, "I'll say this much, Kanan, the old Ezra certainly didn't act this combative while he was on board The Ghost before. He was mostly just really watchful and quiet. Seemed kind of sad and withdrawn, but I didn't really try to push him too hard to figure out what actually made him tick. Now I kind of wish that I had. Because seriously - what in the Kriff is really going on here, Kanan?"

Kanan sighs a little shrugging. "You ask me as if I somehow know, Hera. Like I already said, I kind of feel as if we had Dr Jekyll with us on The Ghost during the entirety of our first job. And now suddenly we're stuck with Mr Hyde instead, and I have no kriffing idea at all Hera, what in the Force so violently flipped that poor kid's switch. I mean yeah, I guess that this kind of reversal would have made more sense if Ezra was trying to get himself hired on as crew when we first met him and then he didn't get the offer he wanted. But Sith, Hera! He didn't even give you a chance to make that kind of suggestion. Nor did he try and scavenge any of the food packs out of the galley before he left. Even when he was barely eating at meal times with the rest of us during the mission! I mean yes, Ezra seemed a little antisocial at first when he came aboard, maybe... He didn't actively try and engage with us much at all- well except when he was busy aggravating Zeb anyway..."

"But he was still a good kid for the most part, Kanan, if you actually managed to get him to open up even a little bit, Kanan." Hera interjects..

"Yes. Or that's what you and Sabine have both claimed anyway. Remember, you're the ones who have managed to spend the most time with him thus far. Though not for any lack of trying on my own part. I'll say that much. I tell you Hera, I all but dangled my light-saber in the kid's face before he left the ship his last day aboard. He clearly knew both who and what I actually am…but even now he...he just ..."

"He just doesn't seem to care, Kanan. Doesn't seem to want to like or to trust anyone." Hera fills in the thought for him. "Or at least he's doing a a good job of pretending that he doesn't anyway."

"Yes." Kanan agrees after another moment, his brow deeply furrowed, "Which makes no sense at all, Hera. I mean he just lost his master recently...he admitted that much himself. And we know from talking to people at the Cantina that no one knows what became of his folks in terms of how long they've been gone now. You'd think under the circumstances that Ezra'd be practically jumping at the chance of meeting someone else from The Temple at this point. Or kriff, even just another force sensitive. He certainly had no trouble at all making friends with those Wookies we rescued even though he didn't even speak their language initially. But as far as the rest of us are concerned, Hera, I seriously get the feeling that Ezra'd be genuinely happier right now if all of us in Specter Crew just pretended that he never even existed. "

Hera shrugs her shoulders in helpless reply. "Well, He's clearly got his own code and personal history at work at the moment, Kanan, and it's been a crazy couple of days, you have to admit that much at least. Who knows what his relationship with his master was really like before the other man died? And it's not as if he really knows any of us from Adam yet, now does he? Not to even mention what happened with him and Zeb initially. Either that or...I don't know, Kanan, maybe Ezra's just not as committed to the Jedi's path as you were at around the same age because of how much he's already lost or because he's had so much less exposure to it?"

"I guess that it's possible. But Hera, if that's really the case then there should have been no reason in kriff for Ezra to choose to speak up like he actually did when he told us what he'd learned about where they were actually taking the Wookies. It wasn't even his mission up until that point, but no matter what else I can gather from the past week or so, I do know this much at least for sure... Helping them absolutely mattered to Ezra, Hera. He read as extremely protective of the kid in particular. Almost as if Kittwar was...I don't know, family? An echo of Ezra himself? Something like that."

Hera frowns, "Kanan…What if anything did Ezra actually say about his parents in your presence? Or anyone else that he's been living with for that matter? His master?"

"Not a voluntary word, Hera. As I've already said Hera. How about you?"

"Nothing, Kanan. Every time I even tried to broach the topic of where he actually came from or who his family might be he instantly backed off and then changed the subject as fast as he could possibly manage."

"So he definitely didn't cop to ever suffering from any kind of abuse or abandonment then - at least not willingly anyway?"

"Kanan, he didn't cop to anything, period. The kid had one of the most stubborn cases of lockjaw about his past that I've ever heard of or seen. Kriff, he didn't even voluntarily give us his last name at first, remember?" Hera sighs then, rubbing at the base of first one and then the other of her lek. A clear sign, Kanan knows, of building tension headache. "He's worked really hard - too hard, almost Kanan - at staying just underneath everyone's proverbial radar. He say's that he's not a Jedi anymore but I seriously have to wonder right now what that term even actually means for him…"

"Oh he's still Jedi, Hera." Kanan gruffs out, "If we're going with the whole 'walks like a duck, talks like a duck...' definition of the term anyway."

"Stealing and the drinking are not exactly all that Jedi-like behavior, Love." Hera points out to Kanan then softly.

Kanan's look is distinctly wry - something close to amused when he replies. "Hera what exactly do you think that *we* technically do most of the time for a living?"

"True…" Hera allows after a moment, "And alcohol is hardly a stranger in most cultures to mourning…though kriff, Kanan, but he's way too young for his apparent level of drinking."

The older man shrugs, "I don't think he's particularly inclined to agree with you, Hera. Still basically, to sum things up again: we know that Ezra's still at least as much Jedi right now as he isn't behavior wise, but whether because of the broken link or some other connected trauma we don't really know about yet, he's in the middle of hitting his personal bottom at the moment and - lucky me - giving me personally endless amounts of both sarcasm and grief literally all the way down. Well when he's also not, you know, messing with Imperials, rescuing us from ISF traps or sharing vital mission intelligence with us even after he's been abandoned,. As I just said, Hera, there is a distinct Jekyll and Hyde theme playing in the background right now whenever this kid is involved, and for the record, I really, really don't like it."

Hera looks thoughtful then, "Do you think he's picking new allegiances maybe, right now Kanan? Testing his old vs his new life philosophies or something like that?"

"Not quite. Though you're closer there than anywhere we've gotten so far, Hera. It more like he's..." Kanan frowns, "Hera, I think that he's already got conflicting priorities at work in his head at the moment, and the war that they're all locked in is literally scorching the earth to ash in that poor kid's head even as we speak."

"So then what do you think we should do about all of this, Love?" Hera rubs at the back of her neck, her face deeply troubled. "Because forgive me Kanan, if I'm not feeling particularly thrilled about the idea of just letting him back out into the big bad world all on his own again. Especially when he's acting like an oncoming one-man speeder wreck. It's only a matter of time before someone local or otherwise comes after him again, Kanan, and the both of us know it."

"For now, Hera?" Kanan just shrugs, "I say we should keep him mostly doped off of his rocks for the next twelve to seventy-two hours, feed him up whenever he wakes and then see if we end up with Hyde or Jekyl when we attempt to restart an actual conversation with him again in another day or so. We may very well find out that we'll get the old Ezra back after the psychic damage is treated properly. There's at least a small chance that'll happen."

"And if the attitude's not just his headache and the alcohol, Kanan?" Hera queries softly. "What the kriff do you think we should do if this snarkier, more self-destructive version of Ezra is, in fact, the real kid we have to deal with now who also knows who and what all of us actually are?"

"Then I want to know how and why exactly we got stuck with the other version of him during our first trip out on The Ghost, Hera. Because there's no way in karking hell if that's really the case, that such a different guise on Ezra's part wasn't very, very deliberate." Kanan snorts softly even as he pours himself a mug of blue milk and drinks it down in four quick swallows. "Seriously Hera... at this point, literally nothing about this kid isn't reading as somehow completely out of synch to me." He puts down the mug on the table with a low thunk. "I swear, Hera every time I even look at the kid right now, unless he's already asleep Ezra literally makes my brain start to itch."

Hera snorts in reply to that. "Yeah, and I can't imagine why that possibly is, Kanan Jarrus." Kanan scowls at her a little then. Hera merely snorts again. "Since clearly, the two of you have nothing in common. Not. a. single. karking. thing."

"I was never that bad after Depa died." Kanan mutters more than a little bit defensively in reaction.

Hera actually sputters in reply to that comment. "Yes, Love, I'm sure that the people who helped you in the wake of Order 66 would say the same thing if you asked them."

And kriff it, now Kanan's starting to wonder if he actually owes Janus Kasmir a case of whiskey or something.

But then he sobers. "I'm serious, Hera. I was never that bad off, at least not really anyway Or more precisely, I was never really in this kind of danger myself in terms of the roads that I had available to choose from. Because if Hyde's actually the real Ezra, Hera, then the kid's's probably going to be dead in a little under a year or so. And no - I'm not exaggerating when I say that either. It's just a matter of time, really, and whether he dies from some kind of chemical overdose or if he just ends up lipping off to the worst possible person when he's either too tired or too disinterested in his own survival to adequately defend himself afterward. He'll suicide by Underworld basically, Hera.

The twi'lek pilot makes a pained little sound at that particular prediction, "And if he's actually more Dr Jekyll instead of Hyde Kanan?"

"And he's left all on his own? Then he'll eventually end up suiciding 'by cause,' Hera. Even if he does sober up first and pull his head out of his rear for at least a little while. Maybe he won't go out as soon or as stupidly as he would have in the first case...but he'll go out there again like he did with us the other Hera, trying to play the hero for somebody and I'll bet you almost anything that he'll find a noble fight to burn himself out on just as soon as he possibly can."

"Sacrifice for what you believe in can be genuinely noble, you know, Kanan." Hera points out to him then, very, very softly.

Kanan shoots her an unimpressed look in reply to that, "Not when you're not even an adult yet, Hera. " He informs her bluntly, "And not when you're less focused on advancing your supposed 'ethical agenda' than you are on just stopping the pain that you associate with just being alive. Don't ever over glamorize the reality of being either a martyr or a zealot, Hera. Not for Ezra, not for kriffing anyone. Not when you know just as well as I do at this point how many of the actual people involved in those kind of situations are actually just hopeless, radicalized young adults or even worse yet, depressed or manipulated children."

Hera closes her eyes tightly in response, her face deeply pained and then she nods. Then she opens them up again. "You really think things are that bad where Ezra's concerned right now?" She asks him straight out, "That he's really going to come down to something like that?"

Kanan shrugs, "I think that I probably need more information Hera, before any of us can safely assume anything short of the fact that Ezra's a clear risk to all of our securities at the moment. That admitted, Hera, we're in serious denial if we really think he's concerned enough about his own, much less anyone else's safety."

Hera winces. "He's eventually going to be tracked back here to Capital city by the ISF isn't he?"

"I all but guarantee it, yes, Hera. There were camera's everywhere on planet during that escape."

"And will Ezra be able to avoid the ISF, Kanan if they try and hunt him here on the planet?"

"Indefinitely? Probably not, Hera." Kanan shrugs "Yes, this is his home territory - so he has that particular home court advantage, but there's also the question of whether or not, when The Empire finally tracks him back to Lothol, they'll just put a hefty bounty out for his head or do something more aggressive like start twisting the arms of various people in the city's underbelly trying to find him. Either, if it happens, will permanently change Ezra's relationship with his existent community forever, Hera."

"And do you think he actually realizes that just yet?"

"Possibly." Kanan shrugs, "I wouldn't put anything past him right now. He could know, Hera or he could not know. He could know and not really know that he knows. Kriff- he could know and be counting on it, depending on what kind of future he's actually courting for himself right now. Ever hear of Suicide by Stormtrooper, Hera? It'd certainly fit his modus operandus after how other Bucket-heads were the ones who took away the only blood family that he once had. And Sith Spit..." Kanan curses softly rubbing the back of his own neck. "This all just keeps getting more and more complicated and potentially tragic the longer and longer that I let myself stop and actually think about it."

Hera tilts her head a little to one side, studying him quietly. Then her lips quirk up, acknowledging. "This kid has really gotten under your skin, hasn't he, Kanan?"

Kanan just makes a helpless little shrug, "What can I say, Hera. It makes no sense at all, but yeah. Because ever since Ezra first pulled away from my touch after we rescued those Wookies and then literally fled off of the ship the moment that you landed on planet like it was *on karking fire,* Hera, my instincts have been all but screaming at me to go out there after him.

"And what is the Force saying about Ezra at the moment, Kanan?" she asks him, very quietly.

"The Force says that the kid is 'mine,''" Kanan responds very bluntly. "And that I should go out there and haul his ass home again. Which is both ridiculous and more than a little stupid. Because after all he's far, far too old to be mine biologically, even if I had somehow had a kid that I didn't know about before now. Which leaves me with the more metaphorical application of the term 'mine' from a strictly Jedi perspective..." Kanan gives her a wry look. "Which is even more insane frankly, then assuming that there's an actual biological connection between the two of us somehow. Because even if I were qualified enough to take on an actual Padawan at this point in our lives Hera - which I'm most definitely not- the last thing on Lothal that that kid wants right now is anything at all to do with me in specific."

Hera raises an eyebrow in reply that, crossing her arms in front of her and quirking her lips slightly as she regards her lover. "Are you really so sure about that, Kanan Jarrus?"

He blinks at her a long moment. "Yeah, I am, Hera. At least reasonably so, anyway. Ezra hasn't exactly been subtle about it, Hera. Like, at all."

"Yeah well you might want to rethink that particular assumption there, Dearest. Because the last time I checked, Love, the opposite of 'want' isn't 'hate' Kanan - it's apathy. It certainly isn't mountains worth of sarcastic dialogue or other sorts of juvenile attention seeking behavior like the kind he's shoveling at you at the moment."

Hera lips quirk up a little as she watches Kanan's eyebrows pull closer together in reaction to that observation, considering this new viewpoint. "Look at it this way, Love, whether he's Dr Jekyll, Mr Hyde or both at present, Ezra is pretty much failing in any of his incarnations to not care when you're anywhere within his current orbit. You're literally the only thing that he really seems to look at Kanan, whenever you're in the room with him right now. Don't get so bamboozled by his puppet show right now Love, that you forget that he's the one who's currently actually tied up with all the kriffing strings."

Hera pokes his chest with her fingertip then. "Or to put this another way entirely, Kanan Jarrus: when it's you, Ezra and the Force all making your opinions known about the same particular subject, then who's the one that the smart Jedi should be listening to first? Because I'm pretty kriffing sure, Kanan, that it's actually not 'Mr Terminally Snarky and fourteen who may or may not have a serious drinking problem at the moment.'"

"Karabast." Kanan mutters then, closing his eyes, looking just short of outright abashed. "Look - go ahead and come get me in another three hours when Ezra needs another round of redosing, Hera. Until then, I think that I'm gonna be in my room for awhile. Because quite clearly I need to go and spend some more time karking meditating."

Chapter 3: Interlude (updated)

When Ezra wakes up next, his head hurts much, much less. Though it is, he's sad to realize, really no less muzzy and generally useless than it had been, at least for the time being anyway.

He reminds himself that not all improvements in life come about instantly. He needs to be patient.

At least for now, he admits, the broken psi-link in his head is only intermittently throbbing. And if he lays there with his eyes closed and stretches out with the Force, just the tiniest bit, then Ezra can actually feel Kanan' s latent psychic presence at this distance. Oh, Ezra still can't actually touch the older man's mind directly, mind you. He's certainly not stupid enough to try risking anything like that right now, but he can, for lack of a better description, feel his former master's normal psychic exhalations for now. And the regular pattern of that subtle flow of energy is almost indescribably relieving.

Kanan Jarrus is alive. His Master is now once again within a sort of sight. Even if Ezra is also deliberately keeping the older man out of any sort of physical reach for now. He figures that with some time, he'll even get used to - may even learn to like- living in the same world as Kanan Jarrus at a distance...

"Welcome back Kid. We've been waiting on you. Y' hungry?" A gruff male voice on one side of his bed makes Ezra startle so badly that he nearly hits his head on the overhead light. He turns his head slowly then and finds one Garazeb Orrelios sitting beside him in a chair, peeling several yogan out of their thick skins very carefully. The Lasat's face lacks any of its previous irritation. There is no anger, no sarcasm, no lingering malice. There is just, Force Damn him to hell, a gentle and knowing kind of sympathy.

"Kill me." Ezra mutters under his breath after another moment or so. "Like seriously. Just... kill me." Because, yes, Zeb is occasionally hot-tempered, and Ezra knows better than almost anyone else in the karking galaxy where his particular buttons are located. But he also knows that there is literally no bottom to Zeb's potential pool of empathy when the older male Lasat is faced by real suffering. And if his former roommate has recently discovered from Sabine and Hera that that 'annoying bratty kid' who's been yanking his fur repeatedly ever since he first came aboard The Ghost is actually just a former Jedi Padawan who has very recently lost his own entire family, well then Garazeb Orellios, who already feels guilty about what happened back on the Star Destroyer, is going to make "becoming Ezra's close friend and confidant" his personal honor-bound duty. Forever.

So kill Ezra right now. Seriously. Just karking kill him.

"As far as reactions to food offers go, Bridger." Sabine speaks from somewhere behind him, "That request seems a tad bit extreme to me. I mean, Zeb got the fruit out of your own karking satchel, Ezra. So we just assumed that you'd like them."

Ezra groans very softly and then rubs at his his eyes with one of his hands, "How long exactly have I been asleep now?"

"Almost nine hours." Sabine informs him even as she comes over and injects something from a pre-measured syringe into the port of Ezra's IV bag yet again without even a single moment of pause or other explanation.

"Hey!" He protests loudly at the sight, "What in the Force are you doing?!"

"The standard protocol for Amalyn treatment for injuries like yours Ezra, is one dose via drip IV every four hours for an absolute minimum of forty-two doses." Sabine informs him, calmly. "That was dose number three. Which means - judging by how fast it hit you last time anyway -that you currently have," She checks her chronometer "…approximately 5-10 more minutes before you start feeling the callback into the Land of Nod again. So if you want more than a couple of Yogan to eat, Ezra - or for Zeb to take you to the bathroom as well - then you better speak up fast instead of just lying there and whining."

"Where are Kanan and Hera?" He asks after another moment or so. He hadn't expected to wake up like this and find them both gone. It's unsettling really, for reasons that Ezra can't really explain outside of the instinctive knowledge that this can not and will not be a 'good thing.'

"They went out to the market Ezra, in order to trade for more morphine in case you end up needing it. And then they went over to your tower to see if they could break in through your current security measures..." Sabine informs yet him again.

"They what?!"

The Mandalorian just shrugs in response to his incredulity, "To be fair, Ezra Hera just wanted to get you some clean clothes - assuming that you have any more available, anyway. And you weren't exactly waking up to provide access codes that could help with that at the time that they were leaving."

This is ridiculous - Ezra's current clothing is fine, it's not even that dirty right now.

They...they're going out to his tower, kark it. How good are they really, at breaking into places without Sabine or him there to assist at this particular point in their lives? Ezra doesn't really remember. And now that he's thinking about it even more, what exactly has he left lying out at home that might cause problems if they do manage to get inside his place? Some empty liquor bottles most certainly. Kriff. He'll be hearing about that later from Hera, that's for sure. His datapad - which is locked thank Force, because Ezra's been taking notes to make sure he that doesn't forget anything vital. He's been compiling a collection of cliff notes for the future ever since he first woke up in this time stream basically.

"Is this a kidnapping?" Ezra mutters after another moment, "Because I have to say that this is starting to feel a lot like a kidnapping."

"S'not that bad of an idea, Kid.." Zeb observes, than looks over at Sabine with a wry quirked up smile. "We should really point that option out to Hera when she gets back on ship later. I mean he's at least fairly floppy right now and generally compliant and all that. It'd likely go off a whole lot less messy."

"Yeah but he's so drugged right now…" Sabine shrugs, "I kind of prefer my youth abductions to be at least a little bit challenging."

"I hate you both." Ezra informs her then. His words are already starting to slur under the effects of all the medication. Like kriff he has ten more minutes right now. He'll be lucky if he even has seven. Thank goodness he's been too dehydrated lately to really need a bathroom just yet. "I have in fact actually hated both of you since the day that we first met."

"That might be more impressive of a statement, Kid if you'd known either of us for longer that slightly over a week now." Zeb informs him very, very dryly.

"You are both horrible people," He mutters darkly, reaching out to snatch a piece of yogun, and shoving it into his mouth and chewing, then doing the same to the chunk of instant meal bar that Zeb breaks off in small pieces and presses to his mouth one by one. The Lasat's long fingers carefully brushing off the crumbs that get stuck on Ezra's cheeks almost tenderly. Sabine meanwhile brings a cup with a straw over, bending the later down to his lips.

"Don't worry about it Bridger," She informs him dryly, "We're professionals, remember? Which means we're good enough at our jobs that if we'd really set out to kidnap you, Ezra, you'd've been off-planet long before you ever knew that was our actual intention."

Ezra reply to that is a string of garbled if clearly foul Mandalorian curse words. Zeb only chuckles, whistling softly under his breath. Then he leans forward a little bit winking conspiratorially at the younger man even as he whispers. "Tip for you Bridger, don't ever let Hera hear that kind of talk coming out of your mouth when they get back on the ship, if you know what's good for you. Or you're going to end up with a mouth full of soap for your troubles."

Ezra gives him the finger in reply as he takes his final bite of meal bar, his eyelids already heavily drooping.

"When I wake up again," he mumbles, "I am so knocking out whichever one of you is on guard at the time and busting myself out of this karking ship. And after that, I am probably fleeing the kriffing city."

"Mmmhm. Duly noted, Bridger. I'll be sure pass on that information to Kanan for you." Sabine informs him with a dark grin, "I'm sure that he has restraints around here somewhere." She tells him faux sweetly. "We wouldn't want you to fall out of bed, after all, not until after we've properly 'stalked' and killed you, I mean."

Ezra lifts his middle finger toward the universe in general in reply to that, hearing the guffaw of Zeb's responding laughter, and that's honestly the last thing he really remembers before lights go out again.

Chapter 4: Patience (updated)

'So how'd it go you guys?" Kanan asks, heading for the Medbay the minute that he and Hera re-enter the ship, the frowning twi'lek pilot nodding to him silently for a moment or so before heading toward the fresher with what little they'd been able to find for Ezra of usable clothing. He knows that she's going upstairs righ now to put a load of much needed laundry immediately in.

"Well, he woke and we fed, watered and dosed him about three and a quarter hours ago now, Kanan." Sabine informs him simply. "Ezra's vitals have been steadily improving ever since you first left. His heart rate's much steadier than it was when he first came on board The Ghost and his blood pressure's finally staying down instead of constantly falling and spiking like it was before. I held off on giving him any more narcotics though at his own request this time around though. I figured I'd let you make the call next time whether to fight him on the subject or not since you know his actual pain levels more accurately than I do right now, Kanan, and since you also said during his last round of dosing that this time around is the point in time by which the Amalyn should really be starting to help improve some of his psychic symptoms."

Kanan nods at that in understanding, and keeps right on walking, "Has he talked much in his sleep or mentioned anything noteworthy while he was awake that we should know about, Sabine?"

"Other than threatening to knock us out next time that he woke up? Which was a joke –" Sabine hastens to add in response to Kanan's raised eyebrow, "We were all making some pretty lowbrow quips about kidnapping when he woke up last time, Kanan." She shrugs a little bit, "He babbled quite a bit at one point for about half an hour, Kanan, in what I'm guessing is either Lothalian or his native equivalent first language. Our names were all involved in there a couple of times, yes, but I can't even begin to tell you how or why. He just seemed a little agitated while it was happening- not really angry or upset." Sabine frowns softly. "Other than that, you're just plain out of luck, Kanan. The meds had him far too deeply under during most of your absence for Zeb or I to do anything but monitor his vitals. So you and Hera both really think that this Kid was formerly somebody's Padawan, then?"

"It's about a 99 percent certainty, at this point, yes, Sabine."

"Huh. Small world then." She rubs at her nose tiredly, "I mean of all the robberies that he could have forced his way into in the entire kriffing galaxy he had to bust his way into ours. It's almost funny. Lucky us. And he seemed like such a good kid too, at first, at least initially. "

"He 'seemed' like a good kid." Kanan glances down and to the side, raising an inquisitive eyebrow as he stresses the second word's sudden switch over to past tense. "Is that you officially changing your opinion about Ezra's suitability for life aboard the Ghost, Sabine? Because I thought that you were still on Hera's side concerning most if not all of this."

"Oh I still am, Kanan. At least for the most part, anyway. It's just that...well... look, I understand that he's not exactly happy to be here right now. But he also clearly has some kind of ongoing sobriety problem. Not to mention that I also can't help but notice that whenever he wakes up right now," She shakes her head, "Ezra's displaying a very clear basic personality shift." She whistles softly through her teeth, rolling her eyes and then shaking her head just a little bemused. "And not necessarily for the better either, Kanan. Sure Ezra was awkward as kriff before, as well as kind of reclusive, though maybe the better word would have been 'shy.' Now though, he's become deliberately abrasive and, uhm, rather pointedly earthy? Is that the best way for me to put it? Or is it more accurate for me to just call him as salty as kriff? "

Kanan snorts aloud, rolling his own eyes before replying. So then it's not just him who is being blessed with that side of Ezra Bridger's personality any longer. That actually makes him feel vaguely better. It's not entirely tied to Kanan's Jedi persona then, which would have been more complicated for them to deal with, as well as more fundamentally revealing. "Wait - let me guess, Sabine, did he resort to scathing sarcasm, whip out his gift for persistent verbal baiting or did he just go straight to 'Yes I'm a loth-rath and I can swear like one too' on what feels like literally every other breath?"

Sabine chuckles, "A bit of all three, actually, if I'm honest, Kanan. He also outright accused me and Zeb - mostly sarcastically, or so I hope anyway - of literally kidnapping him as well." She shoots the older Jedi a sideways look, "Speaking of which, Kanan, while we're on the subject of that particular option, ..."

Kanan sighs deeply. He and Hera have already had a variation of this particular discussion at least twice within the last twelve hours or so– the most recent of those times being on their way home from the Kid's tower. It had been a long and grump inducing ride. "No Sabine, we are not, no matter how much you and Hera both seem to like the idea right now, just abducting the kid off of his home planet. That is known as 'bad manners. Also technically, Sabine, that would *be* known as actual kidnapping.'"

Sabine snorts softly, "That would be known as 'whole group survivability,' right now, Kanan. Which no one ever said looks particularly pretty. Especially not when you have our kinds of lives or our kinds of secrets. Look, you're the one who said that for it to work right this Amalyn treatment that Ezra's undergoing is going to take some time right? And that even after it's done, he also is going to need help with the psychic side of repairing his shielding. Not to even mention that Ezra'll need to be tittered down off of the meds once he is actually feeling better so that his symptoms don't just all start right back up again."

"Yes. And. Sabine?" Kanan is already regretting asking the heavily loaded question,

Sabine just shrugs absolutely unapologetically in response before continuing. "And if he needs the treatment right now in order to get better than he needs the treatment, Kanan. And we're go to make sure that Ezra's getting it, just like we promised him that he would. It's not our fault though, if during the course of said treatment we have to take a couple of jobs off of the planet in order to help pay our bills. It's not like we won't get around to coming back to Lothol, Kanan. Eventually."

Kanan stops then and folds his arms across his chest, looking down at the Mandalorian teenager very sternly, "That ethical swamp you just waded into there is full of some mighty big near-crocs, Sabine. That tactic on our part would likely burn all bridges of trust between us and Ezra that might actually exist."

Sabine just shrugs again, "Is doing that any more unethical than any of the other alternatives available to us at present, Kanan? I mean the kid is what - fourteen, fifteen years old tops? He may well be even younger than that too. Not only that, Kanan but he's also recently lost his primary guardian. And said guardian was notably also a Jedi: whether Ezra actually considers himself to be one or not anymore is essentially irrelevant to this particular situation. He's still just a force sensitive kid with severe psychic damage and no other apparent family or friends around to help him heal, or run or hide right now if we all just up and wash our hands of him. Which, come on let's be honest here, Kanan, none of us were ever going to be able to stomach doing. Especially not after the way that Ezra interceded like he did for those Wookies even after everything that happened. He made our business his, Kanan, when he decided to shoulder our cause and temporarily make it his own to help those Wookies, and so right now whether he actually claims to want it or not, Ezra is basically *owed* a certain degree of our protection."

"Sabine…" Kanan sighs in reply to that comment and then he tries to think of a way to tell the Mandalorian that she's actually preaching to the choir, well for the most part at least. The teenager isn't done speaking though. She crosses her arms and just looks at him hard for a couple of lingering moments before she finally starts speaking once again.

"You've said it yourself now repeatedly, Kanan: the kid is spiraling. Between his psychic injuries right now and his budding alcohol problem he's apparently got going at the moment, Ezra's not exactly a glowing example of either mental or emotional competency at the moment. Not to even mention that I've never in all my karking life seen someone so primed to bolt more often or for stupider reasons. What Ezra claims that he wants or he needs from us right now is hardly reliable right now Kanan, much less in anyone else's better interests."

Kanan is actually very inclined to agree with Sabine on all of that. Not that he's going to say so outright just yet. He's still too busy at the moment thinking back over what little they'd just found while they were visiting Ezra's tower earlier today and then methodically adding it into the working model of Ezra Bridger that he's got inside of his own head at present.

And frankly Kanan Jarrus is both confused and angry on a lot of levels right now; both by Ezra's apparent personal contradictions as well as by some of the flat-out immoral and infuriating things that they've discovered about the past decade or so of the kid's life, thanks to he and Hera's ongoing talks with several people around town and their eventual trip out to Ezra home. Where Kanan'd been absolutely horrified to discover that - well as far as he and Hera can tell anyway - Ezra's previous status as another Jedi's Padawan had evidently done *absolutely nothing* to lessen the kid's overall childhood struggle with both ongoing poverty and neglect.

They'd found nothing in Ezra's home that indicated that it had ever been inhabited by anyone other than just Ezra himself. There had been no books, few if any toys, no educational materials that weren't also obviously and usually horribly out of date cast-offs. No signs of provision being granted to Ezra in terms of food, or healthcare or even basic clothing. Force, there hadn't even been any personal mementos of Ezra and his master or Ezra and his parents that they had been able to find. Well unless of course whatever Ezra little that had managed to hang onto of those type of things were so small and so treasured that the Kid physically carried them around with him on his person at all times, anyway. Which Kanan supposes is possible if also highly unlikely in his own opinion.

There had been nothing else though. Absolutely, literally, *nothing* in the entirety of that kriffing tower that indicated that Ezra's life had ever consisted of anything but both frequent hunger and unrelenting isolation since his parents were first taken away from him. Well, excepting of course whatever spats of hours his former master must have occasionally granted to the kid for the necessary training that would have been required in order to teach Ezra whatever Force skills he clearly had at present. Otherwise, the kid had clearly been left completely and utterly alone in terms of maintaining his own daily survival, despite his clearly less than vaunted Padawan status.

All of which has been a distinctly bitter pill for the older Jedi to actually swallow - both in terms of the tower itself, and all it's resulting other implications. And as for Kanan? Well Kanan Jarrus is starting to think profoundly less than well of the Kid's previous mentor right now. Because yes, Kanan knows, there is the necessary teaching of the philosophy of non-attachment to every Jedi student as a part of their ongoing training. But there is also actual over-the-top 'non-attachment' as used by a sociopathic asshole who Kanan doesn't even *have a kriffing name for* that he can demean, as the supposed justification for deliberate and clearly ongoing child neglect.

And all this had been done to an orphaned child with whom the fallen Jedi in question had shared a karking Force-willed training link...In the wake of him traumatically losing both his parents at a young age. Kanan honestly kind of wishes at this point in time that said master was still alive just so that he could have the pleasure of punching him right in the kisser. Because kriff, if with all this new information as some kind of a base, Kanan isn't finally starting to get at least a little bit of an idea of how and why Ezra Bridger actually ticks. Not to even mention what may in fact, be driving the kid and his ongoing actions at present.

Kanan *understands now* why for a couple of days at the very beginning at least the teenager might have seemed to be one kind of person while he first initially met all of them on the Ghost. Only for Ezra to then morph rapidly back into someone completely different once Ezra had finall ybeen forced to return to his grimmer day to day existence afterward back here on the planet.

It's also odd -and more than a little bit bittersweet really - for Kanan to finally realize that whether the kid had been a former Padawan to a full-fledged Jedi master or not before they first met him, Kanan, Hera and the rest of the Ghost crew may still represent a serious upswing in terms of the rest of Ezra's ongoing childhood and adolescence. If they can only get Ezra to trust them all first. Even just a little bit.

But then that's really the rub right now isn't it? Ezra doesn't want to trust them - or even want them outright - at least as far as he's willing to admit to at the moment anyway. Does he...is the Kid really operating under the assumption at this point in his life that him not having a Master anymore actually *increases* his chances of surviving to adulthood? Is that why he's currently trying so hard to escape all of them - and Kanan most especially? Because he'd actually taken all of their measures already and they just hadn't realized at the time that that was what in fact Ezra was actually doing?

Had Ezra's first few days on The Ghost really been just one giant test of sorts of who they all were as people essentially? And if so, what exactly had he really been attempting to determine? Because if that was the case then Sith hells, but as far as Kanan can see at least, they are all probably completely kriffed at the moment.

After all, if that had been the boy's real motivations when he's jumped right into the middle of their robbery, then what had Ezra Bridger encountered as a result but the actual Specter Crew in all their muddled imperfect glory? He'd encountered a crew of people that had chased him around town while making threats on his life over the unknown contents of an unknown crate, and then who'd offered him sanctuary on their ship when it really mattered most...but only at the price of taking his prize away in supposed payment. He'd met a group of cranky strangers who yes, had arguably been ready to risk their lives for complete strangers, yes - but who had also swiftly abandoned Ezra himself to the enemy, *after* the boy had first risked his own life in order to rescue all of *them.* And Sith hells, with all that kept in mind, Kanan's starting to wonder whether *Erza Bridger* isn't the one who's actually facing a Jekyll and Hyde sort of conundrum at the moment. Because after all the crew of the Ghost had probably confused Ezra every bit as badly before he'd finally fled the ship as he is now currently confusing all of them.

After all, though Ezra's own eyes this entire ongoing recruitment drive of theirs has to seem just short of outright cruel, really. Because after all, even if he did want to join their number at one point in time, by now Ezra Bridger's got almost no reason to think that he can trust any of them anymore, does he?

And if that's really the problem, right now, well then Force but this whole situation just became a thousand times more difficult. Because truthfully the only way that the poor Kid's ever going to become truly familiar with who they are as people at this point is for Ezra to deliberately spend an extended period of time aboard The Ghost with all of them, both one on one and as well as in a unit. While they're all also aware of the fact that Ezra is, in fact, deliberately taking his measure of them. All of which will almost inevitably require one of three things to happen first 1) Ezra'll have to board the Ghost willing again- which is highly unlikely at this point, given everything that's already happened or 2) they'll have to stay for weeks or even months here on Lothol slowly building up more layers of trust with Ezra over time. Which is almost certainly fiscally insupportable at the moment, or 3) Hera and Sabine are actually right, at least in this particular case - and they'll have to essentially *kidnap* the karking kid away from the only home and level of security that he's got right now. Preferably sooner rather later, Kanan knows, while he can still justify such an aggressive action both to himself and Ezra somewhere down the line by pointing out both the current threat that they're all under as well as Ezra's overall level of current personal incompetence when Kanan first consents to doing it.

Force has Kanan really reach the point in his life now where literally kidnapping a traumatized Force Sensitive Teenager in such a way is actually at the top of his list of 'available and wise parenting decisions?'

Yes. He acknowledges more than a little grimly. Yes it appears that it actually is.

Kanan's tenure as a Master might very well have to start with a round of still *more* traumatizing reluctant child abduction. And Force but Kanan will karking hate that if it's really the case- more than words can probably say. And Ezra? Kriff, Kanan thinks, because if they take that particular path as the only one available to them at the moment then the teenager in question is going to literally karking hate them. And the sad thing is, Kanan knows, that they'll all at least partly deserve it too, after how things have actually played out. Not to even mention he knows, that depending on how damaged Ezra's ability to trust actually is such and act might quite possibly doom everything that they could hope to build together even before they have a real chance to begin.

Kanan draws in a deep breath at that specific thought in particular and then he closes his eye, begging the universe as a whole for some kind of miraculous insight, for a clearer perspective on how to handle everything. After all if this is supposed to be, as Kanan becoming more and more convinced, the will of the Force itself, than how in kark is Kanan actually supposed to fix this? How is this kid who's supposed to be 'his' - as crazy as that sounds -ever going to end up becoming anything other than a miserable, resentful prisoner who just waits on board the Ghost for the day that he can finally flee both the ship all of their unwelcome presences...quite probably permanently?

He inhales another deep breath. Exhales. The inhales again. Then he turns back to the oldest of the mantras that his master had taught him. There is emotion yet there is peace. There is ignorance, yet there is knowledge. There is... Kanan remembers abruptly, from one of his few junior Padawan level lectures at Temple, more minutes at the start of any crisis for first-responders to respond in wise ways than most stressed out people probably realize at the beginning.

What was it that he'd said to Hera himself just earlier today? That they don't know yet who exactly they are actually dealing with just yet, where Ezra is truly concerned. Not until after they treat the worst of his psychic damage anyway, and then try to talk to him again. Things probably aren't as cut and dry, or as black and white right now as they are probably imagining that they are at present. It may well be, Kanan acknowledges the more that he lets himself actually think about it, that they're all actually over blowing this whole damn situation. Ezra, for all his piss and vinegar right now, is still in incredible pain. And yes, the kid's acting extraordinarily self-defensive around them right now, but that's just because of what they've taught him up. Because the way they've acted, since the six of them first met. Ezra may, in fact, still wake up far closer to his Jekyll variant than to his Hyde one in another few days, once his pain levels have normalized again. And maybe, just maybe if that happens then there's an actual chance that they can at least try and start again.

After all Ezra Bridger may in fact be capable of actually bending. May be the kind of kid who won't arbitrarily force Kanan into actually considering the ethical implications of something like Padawan-napping. The teenager may prove reasonable once he's finally out of pain and may well...basically just listen to reason... and have the capacity within himself to forgive. Because yes, Kanan's seen that side Erza Bridger before. All of them have for that matter. They have all met the Ezra Bridger who can put aside his personal grudges in the face of other people's greater need. The kid who can and will be the great Jedi Knight that Kanan can already sense rising up just beneath his surface if he's just given even half of an actual chance to grow into him.

But Kanan's not going to find that Ezra is he? None of them will for that matter - the one who was once a beacon of light and who could all too easily become one again, if they're not willing to at least grant him the opportunity to try to be him. Sometimes everyone needs someone else to remember what it that they're actually capable of becoming if they are just granted a little time and faith in the process.

So Kanan opens his eyes up again and he looks down at Sabine with a wry sort of smile, pulling that single truth around him like a warm cloak, and letting it calm him for the moment even as he answers. "No. We're not kidnapping crewmen, Sabine. No matter how much simpler that you or Hera think it might be to do so. Because we're not to the point yet that it's actually necessary. We still have a few better options that we need to try first."

Sabine raises a single eyebrow to that claim, "Those options being?"

Kanan's smile is wry but also absolutely genuine. "Simple. We wait a little longer, Sabine. We show some karking patience as well ass some gentleness. And while we wait, we have a little faith. We believe."

"Believe what exactly, Kanan?" Sabine asks genuinely curious.

Kanan shrugs and then he smiles a little, "We believe that the past speaks for itself, Sabine - and that the Ezra Bridger who stole the crate from us in the markets the other day isn't as real or as powerful as the Ezra Bridger who helped us rescue the Wookie prisoners not long after, even after all of us had abandoned him first. We woo that Ezra Bridger onto Specter crew, Sabine, instead of just press-ganging his darker variant instead."

Chapter 5: Bargaining Part One (Updated)

"Tell me again why I'm actually letting you do this?" Ezra grumbles good-naturedly, sitting upright for the time being on the Medbay's exam table. "Because I seem to remember that when you first said that had something that could help with this headache, I essentially consented to taking a one-time dose of a single medication. Not to an ongoing course of multiple infusions that yes are helping me with the pain - because I will at least give that much - but also leave me feeling like a limp karking fish the exact *hour and a half* of every day that I'm not actively sleeping."

Kanan snorts softly in response to that particular complaint, passing Ezra over a loaded down dinner tray as he does so. The boy has thankfully opted for actual food this time around rather than just a meal bar followed by an IV chaser of yet more fluids. Which Kanan is choosing to take as a sign of real improvement under the current circumstances. It's nice to see that the kid's genuine interest in food is finally returning. Nearly as good as seeing his complete and utter lack of any other alcoholic withdrawal symptoms. Ezra apparently hadn't been lying earlier about his infrequent use of hard spirits.

Still, Kanan can't stop from smirking to himself just a little bit before he replies, "Hey, it's not my fault if you didn't read the fine print at the beginning of all of this. How's your head feeling at the moment, Kid? I know that you just said that it's getting better yeah - but by how much exactly? You should be feeling significantly closer to your old self by this point in the time, and if you're not, then that's a clear sign that we should probably step up your current dose of medication."

Ezra shrugs, seemingly noncommittal even as he replies."Well, right now it sort of feels as if my brain is being semi-regularly splashed by small amounts of sulfuric acid, as opposed to just being of straight up submerged in a pool of it and melted away on an ongoing basis. So…thanks I guess, for at least that much actual progress?"

Okay yeah - they are definitely going to need to jack up the kid's dosage by a couple of more levels then. It's not entirely surprising, Kanan knows, given Ezra's power level. Though also wow, he thinks to himself a little bit wryly, that had actually sounded a kriff of a lot like a genuine Bridger-Style compliment: one part approval and two parts acerbic if witty sarcasm.

Ezra for his own part, starts nibbling cautiously on the edge of one of his waffles. "I do know just for the record, Jarrus that what you and Hera are doing for me isn't cheap. Not in terms of either the time or the literal resources that you're currently expending, and I'll also admit that do I owe you guys a couple pro-bono reciprocal loans of my skill set if they can help you in fair payment..."

Kanan perks up a little in reply to that particular announcement. "Does that mean that you've actually changed your mind about...?"

Ezra shakes his head a little stubbornly. "I'm still not looking for a long-term job ...as I've already told you at least a dozen or more times. That said, I might be willing to consider collaborating with or letting you guys contract me out as needed while you're all still here in the system. On a case by case basis only Jarrus, until I think that I've fairly paid off my existent debt."

'Yeah but the point of actual 'help,' Kid,' Kanan can't help but think to himself more than a little bit wryly, 'Is that you're generally not expected to have pay for it afterward unless that's agreed upon beforehand.' Not that Kanan Jarrus suspects that Ezra Bridger's really all that familiar with that particular concept at this point in his life. The street is at its very core an ongoing barter system after all, and nobody in their right mind who hopes to live there long, much less peacefully, ever loses track of either what they owe or what's owed to them in return.

That fact kept very firmly in the front of his mind, the older Jedi considers his own words carefully for a minute before finally shrugging his shoulders and just going with his gut instead. "Look, if you're genuinely comfortable with the idea of working with all of us occasionally, then yes I'm more than happy to bring up the possibility of you doing so with Hera, Ezra. But only if you understand right off the bat that you won't be doing so because of our doing this," he gestures at the bag of hanging IV meds. "Instead of just in exchange for a limited cut of any profits that we might earn during any job that you happen to work with us. I can't...*I won't* take payment for your use of the Amalyn, Ezra, when my offering it to you in the first place comes down to me showing a little basic human kindness and karking compassion. I've been where you are right now, after my own master died at around your own age, and I still get sick to my stomach just remembering the experience. Broken psi links are awful, Ezra. They'll wear you down to absolutely nothing and then leave you exhausted to the literal point of tears, if you're not really careful about it. I know, because I have been exactly there myself, before I finally got a hold of some of the drug that you're currently taking. Psychic trauma sucks, Ezra and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Not even my worst enemy in most situations."

That admission earns Kanan a small wry smile, sad but also absolutely genuine. "All right then." Ezra murmurs, ducking his chin down nearly to his chest. "Bygones then, at least in terms of your sharing your medication. With my sincere appreciation for your generosity, Jarrus. But I still owe you guys for my basic room and board while I'm staying on board The Ghost. Even if that just amounts to my doing scutt-work like minor repairs or other basic maintenance."

Kanan snorts. "Oh, don't worry about that, Ezra - I'm quite certain that Hera can find you some basic chores around the ship that you can do once you're feeling a little less floppy. It's not often after all that we actually have someone small enough on board to perform repair and maintenance work from inside the vent systems. If nothing else Kid, then all of our allergies will certainly appreciate the fruits of your labor."

"Yeah, well exploit my scrawniness now while you still can," Ezra mutters more than a little bit wryly. He looks past Kanan then, his eyes going strangely troubled and distant and the older Jedi frowns. 'Wait - does ...is the kid actually not a fan of small spaces?' It hadn't really seemed like any kind of issue for the teenager at any point before now. Or is their discussion at present completely unconnected to whatever else is knocking around at the moment inside the boy's head?

Ezra speaks up moments later, his words neatly answering Kanan's former question.

"Seriously Jarrus, before the next round of this stuff almost inevitably knocks me flat, I want you to level with me here. How many more doses of this medication am I going to need to take in order to get healed up to a reasonable level? And do I necessarily need to be dosed every time via IV? Because if not, then there's really no reason for me to stay here underfoot just twiddling my thumbs and holding back you guys' own ability to work in the meantime, if I can just go back to my tower and take the drug myself via an injection whenever there's the need."

Kanan shakes his head, "Sorry but it really doesn't work that way with Amalyn, Ezra. You'll need to keep a drip running constantly while you're infusing this medication, Ezra, just like we've had you hooked up to over these last three days, or you can get to much of the drug all at once, which can seriously endanger your breathing." Kanan cracks open another can of juice then and hands it over to Ezra with a small shrug, "Not to even mention the face that Amalyn at therapeutic doses tends to leave most people far too woozy to take it completely unsupervised. So what's wrong, Kid? Are the accommodations here on The Ghost right now really wearing so thin for you already? I mean you're far enough away from team quarters at the moment that you shouldn't even be getting tortured like all the rest of us get to be at night by Zeb's intermittent bouts of snoring."

"It's not that." Ezra mutters smirking just slightly, "Well, not really anyway. It's just...well a man's home is his castle, Kanan. I miss my tower. Not to mention my privacy."

As if the kid's even awake enough right now to really have the time to truly miss it. Though Kanan supposes to be absolutely fair, that from Ezra's perspective every time that the younger Jedi has been awake lately he's had to contend with nearly constant interaction. "Yeah well, everyone has to go out on pilgrimage occasionally if only to deal with some of life's nastier dragons. Look, Ezra: we can always try and give you a little more space to yourself when you're actually awake if you want us to - or we can hold off your doses by an hour or so to give you more actual time awake, if you think that that'll help. Though in the meantime we've hopefully been at least reasonably tolerable company?"

"You're fine, Jarrus." Ezra allows with a slight upward twitch of his lips. "And Hera's mostly decent company most of the time- even if she tends to hover a lot more than is strictly necessary. I could certainly do with less of both Sabine and Zeb semi-regularly threatening to abduct me, though."

Kanan responds to that complaint with a sharp snort of laughter. "Just consider it their own particular version of affection, Ezra. It was you who started that particular joke, remember - they're just running with it, at least for the time being."

"What I'll consider it, Jarrus, is proof that half your karking crew is crazy."

"Language Ezra." Kanan says for the third time in as many hours, surprisingly patient. Maybe because he's finally realized that Ezra's penchant for swearing seems to come out most often when they're alone together. Which Kanan's taking as a sort of a compliment for now, if only because he also suspects than an Ezra Bridger who's not carefully filtering his words sentence by sentence is also an Ezra Bridger who's most off-kilter and honest emotionally speaking.

Ezra tilts his head and looks at him a little bit curiously, "Why do you even give a kriff how I talk, in the first place?"

It's a fair question, Kanan knows, still... "I don't on my own behalf, honestly, Ezra, but Hera does and that kind of thing becomes habit very quickly. As we like to say around here: Hera's rules on Hera's ship. Seriously Kid...scrub your epithets, especially when you're on board, or be prepared to get your mouth washed out with soap by a grumpy Twi'lek if she ever catches you talking like this. Our Captain gets a little maniacal sometimes for better or worse about what is or isn't allowed on board her 'baby' ..."

"So then it's actually three-quarters of you that are insane then, and not fifty percent. Duly noted." Ezra rolls his eyes. "Look, how long in total do you think that it's gonna take for this treatment to actually finish? Don't think that I didn't notice how you never actually answered my original question."

"Ideally, once we find your proper treatment dosage Ezra - which I honestly think is probably one or two levels higher than it as at the moment- you'll need to be on the drug for between seven to ten days. Usually with a bolus of Amalyn every four hours, though later if things improve rapidly enough then we may try switching you over to every six or every eight instead. We'll keep on upping the dose until the pain currently associated with your previous link break is either completely gone or has faded enough that it can be silenced with the semi regular use of simple anti-inflammatories. After that? Well then it's generally recommended that you titter yourself back down off of the final maximum dosage over the process of the next several weeks in order to avoid re-irritating the area again as it finally finishes up healing. I'm guessing that the whole process will probably take you about a month or a month and a half at the very, very longest."

Ezra grunts softly in response to that small flood of information, then chews on his bottom lip for a moment or two, "Look, I can give you seven to ten days initially here on the ship, Jarrus . But after that, I'm going to have to get back out there again to start to working my regular 'business' while the weather's still good and the markets are still packed with visiting tourists, or eating well is going to start looking very iffy this coming winter. If the IV port has got to stay in during all of that time, then I guess that I can always flush it several times a day with normal saline in order to help keep it open, cover it up when I'm out there and then meet you guys at some kind of prearranged location in order to get my daily infusion. You and Hera can simply pick where I'll do any traveling back and that's forth necessary between the Ghost, my Tower and wherever I'm working during the daytime in order to make sure that that happens."

"Ezra..." Kanan hedges uneasily, anything but thrilled by the newly suggested arrangement. Because after all the meds still make Ezra incredibly drowsy on even his very best of days, and the streets are no place for someone with an active IV port - especially not when they're in Ezra's particular line of work at the moment. Even with it carefully covered whenever he's out there, there's still a heightened risk of the teenager ending up with a serious site infection if his bandages get wet or dirty. To say nothing about what might happen if anyone in the city's local underbelly happens to catch sight of it...

The boy just crosses his arms over his chest in reply though, and looks over at Kanan through eyes that are far too old for a kid of barely fourteen years old. "Take the deal or leave it, Jarrus. Or else you're going to get your initial seven to ten days for treatment and then I'll just opt out of the tittering down phase completely and let the healing wrap up naturally instead. Like I said earlier, Kanan I'm an active, growing boy, and believe it or not even loth-rats need occasional feeding."

The kid is slipping and using Kanan first name rather than his last more and more often the past few dys, though the Jedi's wise enough not to mention the fact aloud. Kanan sighs and then he nods his head reluctantly, before speaking up again a little gruffly in order to hide his concern. "...Has anyone ever told you that you're as stubborn as a bantha sometimes when you've already decided that you're right, Kid?"

"It has been rumored occasionally, yes, Jarrus. " Ezra answers back, his lips squirming up just sightly on one side, his voice deliberately somber. "Though generally speaking, Kanan, I don't like to listen to idle gossip."

Kanan's own lips twitch upward instinctively in reply to that.

He takes a couple more minutes then to mull over the situation silently before eventually speaking up again. "Well in that case, we're probably best off to do the dosing in the evenings . You can plan on coming back to wherever Hera's berthing the Ghost when you finally finish up you 'shift' every day and just plan on eating dinner with us right before we finally hang up your daily meds so that you don't end up sick to your stomach afterward." And after that, if Kanan's really, really lucky, Ezra will end up feeling way too tired to have the energy to leave the warm ship and go back to his tower before the next day when he can just head from The Ghost back to markets again.

Ezra snorts very softly, and then tilts his head, "What is with all of you and your apparent obsession with trying to fatten me up like I'm some kind lamb for the slaughter? I swear to Force, Jarrus, every single time that I wake up recently one of you is actively attempting to shove some kind of food in my face. If you keep it up I'm going to develop a complex or something."

Kanan only raises his eyebrow in reaction to the question, letting his gaze drop from Ezra's head down to his toes in a single, all too knowing sweep. The teenager simply glowers back at him in reply, "Do not answer that question, please, by simply glaring at all of me!"

"I'm just saying that…well it should be kind of obvious, Ezra. You're not anyone's definition of overweight, Kid - and I suspect that you already know that. I mean you're pretty small plainly speaking for some halfway to fifteen." Though Ezra is finally starting to put on just a little bit of weight now though, thankfully, Kanan notes just a little bit smugly.

Ezra snorts again in response to that, and then he just shrugs his shoulder helplessly and wrinkles up his nose, "Yeah, well I'm also not as massively underweight right now as you're trying to imply that I am either, Kanan. I just happen to wear clothing that's deliberately a size or two bigger than I am right now in order to add the appearance of greater bulk to my frame. Which I am sure you've already guessed can be very very helpful when you're living on the streets. As shocking as this may be for you to hear this fact Kanan, since you and Zeb are both literal giants, some of us were actually born to one or more parents that were just naturally petite."

"And you really think that you're going to end the same way kid? Miniature sized, I mean?"

Ezra snorts. "You make me sound like I'm a kriffing candy bar, and yes, Jarrus. There's at least a decent possibility. I mean, I very much already have my father's coloring and facial structure, just generally speaking. There are far worse things that could happen to me in the grand view of things then my ending up with my mother's frame and eye color instead. It's a kark of lot easier to crawl through the vent systems when you're not over-sized, for one thing."

Kanan tilts his head to one side for a moment at that particular comment, studying Ezra frankly for another moment or so, "And your former Master, Ezra- what were his views of your more 'streetside' skills, if I might ask?" Had Ezra's possession of said skills somehow influenced the other Jedi's opinion of his Padawan in a particularly negative way and thus influenced the other man's choice to mostly disregard the teenager's day to day upkeep?

Ezra for his own part, merely raises an eyebrow in response to the question, looking almost bemused. "Well, considering that my master operated quite a lot on the 'gray' side of civilized life himself, Kanan? He never complained about what I could do - at least not as far as I'm aware of, anyway. In fact, I'm pretty sure that he found my set of talents pretty karking handy most of the time as often as I used them on missions. I mean, I helped keep the bills paid from day one just like everyone else did on the team."

'Of course Ezra had.' Kanan scowls fiercely when Ezra looks briefly away then, and adds yet another bullet point on his list of 'reasons why I really hate that asshole just on principle.' He also makes a mental note to himself inquire a little bit farther down the road about Ezra's casual referral a moment ago to some kind of 'team.' "And what about your parents, Ezra? What do you think that they would they have thought if they'd knew how you've actually been getting by for all of these years?" Kanan does his very best to be absolutely non-judgemental in the asking - he's seeking information from the teenager after all, not attempting to in any way shame him for the way he's been living.

Ezra just shrugs his shoulders a little bit helplessly, "I ...well, I like to at least hope that if nothing else they'd have been proud of me for surviving all on my own for so many years, Jarrus, after their 'emergency childcare arrangements' fell rather spectacularly through. My parents weren't exactly law-abiding citizen's themselves, remember, Kanan, so there's that too. Albeit for very different kinds of reasons I had. Still, none of us were exactly gleaming example of law and order I mean.'"

Ezra had survived in the years since his folks were taken 'all on his own.' Even though four years of that time he had supposedly been under the protection of an actual kriffing adult. A member of an order who'd sworn themselves to a life of service to the public good, only to utterly fail to provide for the Padawan who'd apparently been literally standing right in front of him. A choice which couldn't be described as anything but blatantly contradictory.

Kanan looks at Ezra for a long moment then, and debates pointing out that exact fact for several long seconds, only to mentally push the thought aside for now in favor of going an entirely different direction instead. "Ezra...where exactly are your parents at this point? Do you even know? And how long has it been since they were first taken from you - at least by your own memory I mean?"

The teen's face goes funny for a long a moment. Not really like Ezra's outright shutting down or anything, more like he's internally debating how exactly to answer the question that Kanan's just asked, before the younger man ultimately shrugs his shoulders, as if deciding that there's nothing to be either gained or lost by him just replying to Kanan's curiosity honestly.

"I guess that you could just say that they're both unwilling guests of 'Imperial Club Med' at the moment, Kanan. The Empire came for them over seven years ago - the same year that I officially turned seven." Ezra shrugs before raising a brow. "Wait - you're actually saying that you didn't know at least that much about what happened to the two of them already? I mean, I was under the impression that you guys had been making inquiries all over town about me and my past after I first disembarked from the ship? And not many people around here can resist the chance to gossip about my folks - especially not to outsiders. They certainly never hesitated to do so regularly in front of me."

Kanan internally winces, and then he shakes his head in the negative. "We were able to find out from Old Jho that your last name is actually Bridger, Ezra. And that your parents were apparently associated with the resistance movement here on Lothal in some way and disappeared into Imperial custody quite a few years ago - presumably because of whatever it was they were up to as a result of those allegiances. No one that we talked to knew exactly when or why exactly it happened though, or how it was that you didn't end up getting caught along with the two of them on the night that they were taken. I have to admit that I'm particularly curious about that last question in particular myself, Ezra. Considering your sheer level of apparent force potential Kid, you were very, very lucky not to get caught up in the same sweep."

Ezra just shrugs his shoulders in reply, "I was *small,*" he finally answers. "My Mom and Dad both told me to run and hide when the troopers knocked at our door, Kanan and I was generally obedient at that age. There were plenty of places in both our house and then later on in our larger neighborhood where I could hide when there was need. The Imperials weren't going to put that much of an effort into chasing me - not when I was only seven years old and had no bounty on my head yet. There just wasn't enough value in doing so as far as they could tell, collaterally.

Kanan sighs very deeply then, reaching out to gently and briefly squeeze him on his shoulder, "...Ezra, I'm sorry."

The younger man just shrugs, "For what Kanan? It's not like it's your fault that any of it happened. You have no more love for the Imperials than my parents did, or than I do for that matter. As for what my parents were ultimately arrested for," Ezra chews at his lip again before continuing, his voice still blunt if increasingly awkward, "Look, have you ever heard of something, Kanan, call The Voices of Freedom? An anti-imperial broadcast that was run underground both here on Lothal and apparently into several other surrounds systems on a regular basis?"

Kanan blinks at this question rapidly for several seconds before eventually nodding his head, "Yes I have, Ezra. It stopped suddenly about... seven to eight years ago now. Wait...wait, Ezra are you actually saying that ...that those people were actually your *parents?*

"Yeah. Ezra's smile is both bittersweet and very, very wry, "They broadcast from directly underneath our living room through most of my early childhood, Kanan. Or at least they did up until the year that I turned seven years old anyway. Then the Empire finally identified and came for them. The storm-troopers dragged my parents out of the house while everyone else in the areas was in town celebrating Empire Day. That was the last time I saw either of them as far as I remember."

Kanan nods at that explanation and then he draws in a deep breath, "And how old were you by the time that your master finally found you after all that had happened, Ezra? I mean how long exactly were you on your own before you two first encountered each other? And did your training start up right away when that finally happened, or did it take him awhile to figure out that you were actually a force sensitive like it initially took me?"

And just like that, Ezra's whole face goes completely blank again.

The boy's mouth and eyes abruptly clap tightly shut at Kanan's sudden barrage of more questions. His jaw twitches tightly, just once, before he finally replies. "Can we just ...not talk about this particular subject anymore for the time being, please, Kanan? You just said that it's almost time for me to have another bolus of the Amalyn, right?"

"As soon as you've eaten and had a chance to use the restroom, yes, Ezra." Kanan truthfully speaking, doesn't really want to let the subject of Ezra's Master drop just yet, but he also knows the posture of someone who is clearly shutting down emotionally. Ezra has actually been pretty decent thus far in terms of the conversations that he's been willing to engage in. The Kid just shared a lot about his parents over the past few minutes with very little prodding. Kanan and Hera can afford to be patient, at least for a little while longer at least, in order to get the rest of their questions answered.

Ezra for his own part yawns very deeply, and then he gestures calmly to his IV Pole. "Then unhook me for the moment please, Jarrus, so that I can go and take a pee. I'm pretty much done here for now, I think, at least in terms of what I'll be eating."

"Are you going to need any assistance with using the bathroom, Ezra?"

Ezra's voice is very dry when he replies to that question. "Yeah, thanks for that, but no. I've been completely toilet trained since I was three, Kanan."

Kanan unhooks the bag from its stand and then he snorts softly before replying. "I'm just saying that you might need to be a little bit careful when you're first standing that's all. You've been laying flat on your back for quite a long time now, and as a result you may end up feeling a little dizzy when you first change positions. The last time that we did anything like this Sabine and Hera basically ended up dragging you to and from the bathroom - well according to Zeb's recounting of it anyway."

Ezra's lips quirk upward again at that particular reminder. "Yeah, well I was a kriff of a lot more drugged at the time then I am now. And what, you're claiming that passed out on the floor isn't the new springtime fashion here on Lothol anymore, Kanan? I'm absolutely crushed, Jarrus."

Kanan rolls his eyes at the sarcasm, only half suppressing a smirk of his own. Yeah, the kid is still definitely snarky ever since he first woke up and then began his scheduled Amalyn dosing in earnest. He's just not ...well, *aggressively* snarky anymore. Instead, Ezra seems to use the tactic more as a means of distraction and diversion than he uses it for anything else. As well as a way for the younger Jedi to showcase his rather quirky sense of humor on occasion. He clearly finds the entire world ironic and regularly enjoys poking occasional fun at various parts of it.

His sarcasm driven conversational habits are really just a subtle form of misdirection, Kanan has finally realized, as well as an ongoing strategy that the teenager employs in order to try and control what he does and doesn't want to have to talk about. It can even be kind of charming most of the time, at least when it's being meted out in small doses. The kid definitely doesn't lack charisma, as much as he's clearly hurting for a lot of other things in his life.

Kanan takes a step backwards then, motioning to the fresher door more than a little bit dryly. "Just don't get blood on the floor while you're in there okay? We already made our regular sacrifices for this year."

It's Ezra's turn to roll his eyes again, though he does seem to at least heed Kanan's advice, for the most part anyway, shifting first to sitting than to standing, with one of his hands braced on the side of the bed as he does so to keep himself from toppling over. Kanan still reaches out almost automatically to brace him when he wobbles just slightly, and the boy flinches just slightly at the contact.

Kanan frowns a little, pulling back his hand as soon as the teenager finds his feet. "You know, you could have just asked us for more pain meds, Ezra if you're still hurting badly enough right that it's literally blurring your focus. We have a more than adequate supply of morphine available right now, there is no reason at all for you to remain in pain needlessly, Kid."

Ezra shrugs, "It's not really all that bad Kanan, it just ...comes and goes now from time to time. It's getting steadily better with every day that passes, I promise. Painkillers tend to leave me feeling loopy as kark, which is why I hate taking them so kriffing much. Not to even mention that when they don't knock me out entirely they tend to make me annoyingly chatty and karking stupid sounding."

"Oh the horrors! Actual human interaction!" Kanan puts a mock terrorized hand against his own chest, which earns him a glare. Albeit one that only lingers for the space of a moment or two. Then the teenager scowls at him good-naturedly, pointing an accusing finger at the other man.

"Don't think for even a moment that I don't know the strategies involved in a good interrogation, Kanan. I am well aware right now that whenever you guys dose me up, you always make sure that someone is sitting with me afterwards, with a voice recorder all but waiting in hand."

And Force, Kanan thinks, but this kid is cynical, if also not entirely wrong in his current assumptions. After all, they have all essentially been data gathering on Ezra from the very first moment that the kid set his feet down on the boarding ramp. He supposes that feeling as if you're under a constant microscope really isn't a pleasant sensation for anyone. Still. "You know..." He muses after another half a second, trailing Ezra across the hall toward the still open door to the fresher, speaking very dryly. "I am starting to think that I may be inclined to find that insinuation on your part more than just a little bit insulting."

"Why?" Ezra snorts, "Because you don't like being called out on your poorly hidden surveillance techniques?"

"Oh no. I'll gladly cop to that one, Ezra. Force at this point in my life it's basically just a survival instinct ...and I'm guessing that if you're completely honest about it that you do the same thing too, even more than I do. No, what I find insulting about that whole insinuation, is the implied suggestion that I actually *need* to drug you in order to effectively data mine the contents of your head! I mean, seriously Bridger, how dare you doubt my interrogation skills so blatantly!"

Ezra outright chortles in response to that statement, surprising Kanan with his bell-like snort of good humor. "You would resent that, Kanan Jarrus, you would!" He parries back, something damn near close to openly affectionately. Then he turns and finally enters the fresher, shutting the door firmly behind him as he finishes up the last of his pre-nap preparations.

"You're a Bantha's ass, Kanan Jarrus, just for the record!" Ezra calls out through the closed door, even as he also turns on the water in the small bathroom sink. And yes, as strange as it is for him to hear the sentiment in this particular context, Kanan thinks that that insult was definitely meant to be taken affectionately. The term had actually been meant as a sort of ironic honorific.

"Takes one to know one kid!" He calls back pretty much automatically, then leans against the wall behind him with a smirky, self-satisfied little grin crawling slowly up his face. Force, but for all that this kid is a total pain in the ass most of the time, he's also continually growing on Kanan and the rest of the Specters both - practically with every passing minute. They haven't even known him for three full weeks yet but regardless Ezra's already filling holes and squeezing into gaps that the rest of them hadn't even realized were even there until after they'd met him.

Every day that Ezra Bridger stays here aboard The Ghost, and continues to interact with the rest of her crew, Kanan Jarrus becomes more and more convinced that here among the Specters is exactly where he actually belongs...where the teenage Jedi is literally meant to be.

Now to just get that particular thought into Ezra's thick skull as well. With a kriffing mallet if that's what's necessary.

***********.


	2. Chapter 5-8

"You're just letting him leave the ship tomorrow, Kanan? To go out pick-pocketing?" Hera's standing in front of him in the galley five days later, her arms crossed over her chest. Her expression at the moment is a nice equal balance of unimpressed and not all that subtly murderous.

Kanan just shrugs his shoulders, "He's not our prisoner, Hera, no matter how much it might irritate you to actually hear that. I told you the other day when the two of us first went over there and brought Ezra's things back here from his Tower that I wasn't ready to resort to actually kidnapping him yet."

"Yet." Hera scowls, emphasizing the last word in his sentence. "I distinctly remember a yet being involved earlier in our earlier talk, Kanan..." She arches an all too knowing eyebrow - her voice, when she speaks again, shifts to just one level down from outright beguiling. "You can't seriously tell me that you're actually happy with the little announcement that he just made over dinner."

And no, for the record, of course, Kanan isn't happy right now about it. In the slightest. That doesn't mean however, that he also doesn't understand Ezra's position at the moment in a way that he suspects Hera with her different sort of past history really can't. "Happy doesn't have anything to do with it, Hera. Ezra's just being practical - well at least from his own perspective. After all it's been over two weeks now, since he's gotten to do any 'real' work out there in the markets even though its the prime period in his yearly 'prep season.' And as a result he's getting increasingly worried with each day that passes about he's going to eat in the days still ahead. Especially with Lothal's winter so clearly and rapidly oncoming."

"Then let's take a karking *job,* Kanan!" Hera emphasizes immediately. "You know - the kind where we all work together as a well-supported team and then are rewarded for that effort with the receipt of either goods or information or money...all of which can be applied to solving his current supply problems. You've already hinted more than once that Ezra already thinks that he owes us one for all this medical treatment- so let's use that fact to our advantage. There are rumors all over the place right now about that new weapons shipment that's supposed to be coming into the port in just a few more days that Vizago clearly interested in getting his hands on, and if the job in question really as profitable as I suspect that it's going to be then not only will Ezra's skill set come in handy in terms of getting the job done, but he can also have a fair share the profits once the payout is finally official that should help ease his mind. That'll keep him under our supervision for a few more days at least, Kanan. Not to mention pad all of our pockets in the process. It's also certainly a lot safer than him just out picking random pockets on the street for now. I mean for kriff's sake, Kanan, he's still carrying around a patent IV at the moment!"

Kanan decides not to point out the inherent irony of Hera actually implying that Ezra will be safer taking part in an arms theft and sale than a simple pick-pocketing excursion, because the sad fact of that matter is that he know that she's probably right: at least in this particular situation.

"I'll suggest the idea to him as an *option,* Hera." Kanan tells her very calmly. "But it's gonna have to be up to Ezra to make the final call on whether or not he agrees to the idea. We are not going to force him into doing something that he's uncomfortable with, not when he's just starting to finally relax when he's around us..." This particular job Kanan knows after all, is a far cry from work like just picking pockets, minor breaking and entering or rescuing captured Wookies.

Ezra's response, once Kanan finally floats the idea to the younger man, is a very simple slightly longer than the average blink, followed by a casual shrug of his shoulders, "Okay. Yeah, that works for me right now, I guess. When do we leave and what specifically do you guys need me to do on mission?"

Less than twenty-nine hours after that (Or on day eleven of Ezra's ongoing medical treatment by Kanan's reckoning) Ezra is force-shoving Kallus into the side of a mountain (saving Zeb's life in the process) while Kanan gawks from just a few feet away, before people start shooting at all of them once again, and then they are all too busy fleeing for their lives for him to be thinking about anything for awhile but surviving...

A few hours later, Kanan discretely studies Ezra where the younger man lays resting on the table in Medbay. Ezra's actions during the last part of their previous mission had been enough of a stress on Ezra's still fragile system that the teenager had actually passed out briefly after slumping down into one of the benches on the shuttle, starling Zeb and scaring Hera - who hadn't had as much reference as Kanan did at the time to the sheer energy such an act would had initially required - pretty much nearly to death.

"What?!" Ezra grunts out now, hours later, from where he's currently resting, clearly uneasy with the way he's being studied even as he raises his eyes from his cuticles and notes the older Jedi's gaze.

"That was good work you did back there, Ezra." Kanan praises him softly. "Thank you, for saving Zeb."

"Uhm... it's no big deal, I guess?" Ezra squirms a little uncomfortably. Encouragement is clearly not something that Ezra's gotten from other people all that often in his life. Kanan can tell that much just by his general awkwardness whenever he's actually met with it it. His master must not have been particularly expressive person most of the time - another thing for Kanan to be annoyed by, because on top of the boy's obvious natural skill with the force... which should have been enough to please nearly anyone under most circumstance it's also pretty clear that there are very few people in the world right now more in need of ongoing encouragement and affirmation than Ezra Bridger is.

Still, Kanan can't resist the opportunity to ask the kid just a couple more questions in light of everything that's just happened. "You know I don't think I've ever really asked. What exactly is the extent of your current Jedi training, Ezra? I mean what were you taught by your master just on a generalized basis? Because what Force Skills you've revealed in practice so far are all clearly solid, Ezra and you have to be pretty adept at meditation in order to maintain the level of personal shielding that you seem to on a day to day basis. I was wondering though - did you ever have any training in the use of a lightsaber as well? Or was that just never really an option for you because of weapon inavailability instead?"

Ezra shakes his head in response, smiling wryly but also absolutely genuinely, "Oh no. I'm definitely trained in the use the Lightsaber as well as in everything else - and I used to use mine quite a bit actually. That's just not an option available to me at present. I ... I lost my blade in awhile ago now and there really hasn't been a chance for me to replace it since that happened. I simply don't have the resources available to build myself a replacement for the one that I lost at the moment."

"You master wasn't able to help you with that problem?" Kanan raises an eyebrow as he raises an eyebrow.

"No, because it actually happened after his death." The teenager just shrugs again, "Before that he helped me get what I needed to build a blade two separate times after my first one was damaged. He always fully supported my mastery of that particular skill set just for general safety reasons."

Kanan narrows his eyes a little, "You know, you've never actually told me your Master's real name, do you realize that, Ezra?"

The teenager's face blanks, "No. I haven't." Ezra replies very, very, very benignly.

"Is there some reason for that particular omission so far on your part?" Kanan quirks his brow up at the younger man even as he waits for an answer.

Ezra shrugs, "I... just don't particularly feel the need to talk about it right now? I mean after all he's dead now, and not someone you've likely ever met. When he was still alive my Master ...well he guarded his secrets pretty closely, Kanan. Didn't talk with almost anyone about his past including me excluding shortly before his death. It seems disrespectful for me to guard his secrets differently now just because he happens to be dead instead of still living."

"Well that's operating on a lot of shaky assumptions, Kid." Kanan points softly out after a moment or so, "Ezra, if it hasn't already occurred to you by now, there's actually a very good chance that I *have* met your master at some point in my past at least once or twice during my multiple years still in the initiates wing. I mean, even the Rim scouts reported back to the main temple occasionally, Ezra, in order to take new assignments or to receive any ongoing necessary medical treatment..."

Ezra gives a queer little laugh in response to that. "Trust me, Kanan, my master took long, looooong outer rim scouting assignments. I absolutely guarantee that his name wasn't one that no one at the temple in your particular age group would have been even remotely familiar with."

Kanan frowns deeply in reply to that announcement, "He was really undercover for that long ?" That's... unusual... he knows, but not completely unheard of either, especially if Ezra's former master had worked in intelligence. "How old was he exactly by the fall of the Republic, Ezra, did he ever tell you?"

"Ancient. Like Yoda he was. Ask any further questions about him you should not, Kanan. Displeased he would be." Ezra responds back to the question in a monotone so droll and dry that it makes it more than clear that the boy is now just misleading the older Jedi deliberately, and not just that but doing so completely unrepentantly.

"...Ezra." The older Jedi growls out in what probably sounds a kark of a lot like a warning. The teenager doesn't even flinch in response, though. Just gazes across at Kanan baldly for a moment or two before shrugging his shoulders and speaking up again bluntly.

"I clearly remember making it plain on multiple occasions, Jarrus that I do not want to talk about this particular subject. As a wise man once put it, , ask me no questions and I'll tell you no lies."

"You are just... Arghh! You are completely impossible sometimes, do you know that, Kid?" Kanan informs him after a long, frustrated second. "You..."

"Let me guess," Ezra interrupts him then, "I'm a pain in your ass? A snarky asshole. A trouble causing 'brat' who's all but cut from your nightmares?" Ezra quirks one of his eyebrows very knowingly. "Guilty as charged without shame on all three, Jarrus. Lucky for you, isn't it, that in not too much longer at all now, I'll finally be done with my Amalyn titter completely, at which point you'll finally be able to bounce my butt back immediately to my tower where I will hopefully annoy you all that much less."

'...The stubborn karking little banthashit.' Kanan: 0. Ezra: 1. Kanan clenches his jaw again, drawing in a deep breath or two slowly before exhaling again. "Don't you ever get tired of all this, Ezra?" He finally asks after another long moment, "Of all the diversions and the misdirection, I mean? Because it's got to be absolutely exhausting for you to keep up the game the way you do all the time- it certainly is just to hear it on my end. Don't you ever, I don't know, just want to try the truth and see where it actually leads?"

The boy raises an eloquent eyebrow, "Nowhere even remotely worth it, believe me. But I'm also calling foul here. You point out one time since we all first met, Kanan, that I haven't either chosen silence when you asked me about something that I didn't want to share or simply answered you so snarkily that you were well aware of what I was actually doing. I haven't lied to you outright, and you kriffing well know it.'

Kanan snorts softly at that particular assertion, "Lies of omission are still lies, Ezra. Honesty and authenticity are two very, very, different things."

The teenager only shrugs, his eyes flashing with a little anger all of his own, "Maybe so, Kanan, but being offered someone's help is also not the same thing as being entitled to all their secrets, since you've so obviously failed to get that particular memo repeatedly. You're not exactly spilling details far and wide about your own history either, I'll point out - so why are the'rules of privacy' somehow just magically different for me than you just because I happen to be a kid?"

'Because you are a kid!' Kanan wants to yell back at him in the moment, deeply frustrated. He doesn't do so though, because Kanan does understand that at least from Ezra's own perspective, his current argument is not only logical but also completely and utterly valid. Never mind the fact that survival after sudden abandonment in childhood and the actual attainment of adult maturity are two separate and very different sort of things. Not that Ezra fully grasps the distinction consider all of the years that it's been since the protection or provision of an actual adult has been anything but a distant memory for this kid.

"Force...and you're such a hypocrite concerning all of it, too. You act as if I'm the only one around here who's supposedly lying or otherwise skulking around behind other peoples' backs." Ezra scoffs aloud, "Let me tell you: if I'm the pot where that particular issue's concerned, then you're a full sized kettle right now, Kanan."

The older man jerks his head up then, taking an almost involuntary step closer, "And what the Sith Hells is that supposed to mean?!" He demands, gritting his teeth hard and tightening his hands into fists.

Ezra just raises an eloquent eyebrow in reply. "Hera." the younger Jedi says the name very, very bluntly. Calm and by all appearances completely unruffled as he says it.

Kanan just stands there for a moment, his fists clenching and loosening in automatic reaction.

Ezra takes a step of his own closer to Kanan, then. "I mean after all, how chatty exactly have you been concerning your own past with anyone at this point, Jarrus? Even though in Hera's case right now, the two of you are literally sharing a bed. So why in kark do I somehow owe you guys any more knowledge then you've already given her about your previous life , after knowing you all for less than three weeks at present!"

Kanan hauls back an instinctive arm then, in order to finally hit him, but then he lets it drop back down to his side again after a tense half of a second or so. He doesn't take the swing, even as badly as he really wants to at the moment because even as low as that particular blow had felt when it was delivered, he is at least trying to rise above - not to mention he's trying to be the actual adult in the room in all of their ongoing conversations. Which means that right now he can't afford to let himself get pushed into doing something like that by a kid who is all but actively begging for Kanan to actually hit him at the moment.

Because yes, Kanan is well aware right now that Ezra had wanted - if not outright *needed* - for Kanan to take that karking swing. To give him any kind of excuse at all to justify the distance that Ezra is currently trying to keep between himself and the rest of the world at the moment. What's the best way to put this? Ah yes... actions speak louder than words on every single day of the week.

If the teenager's current levels of dickishness are any kind of indicative measure of his ongoing success at slowly wearing down Ezra's defenses right now, then the kid had got to be kriffing terrified out of his mind by the ground that he loses each and every time he finally relaxes and leans forward instead of stepping further back like he actually means to. Which means that Kanan will not cede the moral high ground in a war that right now he's actually *winning.*

So he drops his arm back down to his side and takes in a deep breath, and lets it out again before he finally speaks, slowly and just a little bit coldly. "You're right Ezra. I am not automatically entitled to hear all your secrets. Nor is Hera deserving of such blatant or derisive disrespect, so watch your mouth when you mention her, Kid. Or better yet just entirely leave her out of the conversation."

Ezra goes deathly still for a second or so then, before his head suddenly jerks up - his eyes widening as if in sudden, horrified realization. "Okay…woah woah woah back it up there a moment, Kanan! Look, I'll freely admit that it is almost entirely on me, but the two of us a moment ago? Just *clearly* suffered a massive case of miscommunication. Nothing I said a moment ago was meant to be insulting at all to *Hera,* Kanan!"

Kanan just raises an eloquent eyebrow in reply to that then gestures with a hand for Ezra to continue, willing to give the Kid just enough rope right now to hang himself if that's what's necessary.

Ezra inhales then exhales several times, clearly choosing his next words very, very, very carefully. "Look - my acknowledging that you two are in fact an actual item - when the two of you clearly are to anyone who's not blind? That is not innately disrespectful, Kanan! Or it shouldn't be unless you're actually...I don't know, ashamed of it for some reason or something. Which if you are? Then you are a karking idiot, Kanan and no more needs to ever be said concerning the subject! I wasn't referring to you and Hera being together earlier when I accused you of also 'skulking around' okay?!"

And Force, Kanan notes, if the kid doesn't actually sound just a little bit insulted just by the very idea. The teenager meanwhile has continued on speaking, his hands flailing, "What I *was* insulting, Kanan, was your glaring double standard when it comes to your own vs other people's inherent right to privacy. Which we both know is more than justified at the moment!"

Well the kid definitely has Kanan there - well, at least on the surface of the issue, anyway. And Kriff - Kanan may have once naively believed that Ezra Bridger had only had two real modes: mouthy. semi irrational asshole or fairly reasonable, logical quiet kid. No such luck though, because it turns out that Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde are in fact sharing the exact same damn skill set these days regardless of who happens to be in the driver's seat at any given moment.

Lucky Kanan. Oh well. At least it means at this point in his life that his days will probably never again get truly boring.

Still, Kanan has to at least say something in reply. He can't just cede the current argument in its entirety. "You know, you're still operating under one kark of a logical fallacy right now Kid, if you're really trying to convince me - or Sith, even just yourself at this point that my right - no my karking *ethical obligation* to be concerned about your welfare right now, is somehow morally less important than your supposed right to complete and total privacy."

Ezra groans in reply to that claim, running a frustrated hand back and through his hair, before responding. "Look, Kanan you don't owe me anything right now, okay? Or karking vice versa. There is, as you just so charmingly put it no 'ethical obligation' on your kriffing part regarding my welfare at the moment. You are absolved, forgiven, however you need to hear it put, of any guilt for what's happened to me so far or in regards to what might still happen. This weight that you're trying so hard to shrug onto your shoulders like a stupid karking martyr? Just let go and drop it already for force's sake's, Kanan!"

Kanan sighs very deeply in response to that particular statement, reaching up to rub at his forehead, almost unspeakably tired of this ongoing argument, "I hate to break this to you, Ezra, but the universe didn't exactly grant you the right to hand out that kind of moral clemency just out of hand. Like it or not we're all of us forced to face off with our own moral consciences on our own in the end. You might not like my views on the subject right now, Kid, but you also can't change them either, just learn to live with the reality of my personal ethics as best as you can. Because you aren't going to make me into someone other than who I am."

"I know who you are, Kanan." Ezra informs him then, very, very dryly.

Kanan just tilts his head in reply and studies him for a moment, "Do you really, Ezra? Because right now you sure don't seem to have a clue here. You haven't quite grasped the fact that as the literal 'Specter One' in the room, I'm also the person who's ultimately responsible for the consequences of everything that occurs before, during or after one of our missions. Whether those consequences just last for an hour, or ultimately change how all of us end up operating pretty much permanently."

"Oh for Kriffs sake, Kanan, it was one karking prisoner break?! I went into it freely and with my eyes wide open! I may be young, I'll admit, but I'm neither stupid nor unaware of the possible consequences of my decisions. I've got it covered all right, with or without you you! I'm fine and I'll be fine regardless of what happens!"

Kanan just looks at Ezra then for a very long moment - waiting for the almost inevitable falter that will have come if the kid is greeted with silence. Ezra doesn't drop his gaze though, instead his eyes turn strangely ancient for several long seconds before the fourteen year old speaks up again, the apparent confidence that he has in the words that he's speaking now draped around him like a cloak of eerie confidence. "Look, Kanan - I do get that you're all worried right now about my supposed 'drinking problem' all right? But the last month or two have been an outlier where my relationship to alcohol is concerned, not any real change of habit, and I'm all well aware that the Empire will probably be coming for me in the days ahead. As shocking as this may be for you to hear though, I can deal with that reality. I am preparing even as we speak. I have plenty of roads that I can take in order to deal with the ongoing situation. As strange as this may sound under the current circumstances, these past few weeks? Haven't even been all that strange for me, Kanan! Everybody else's blown to hell is pretty much my typical busy Tuesday morning."

Kanan blinks at him for a long moment then, before arching an eyebrow in reply. Because he hadn't read a trace of lie from Ezra in that particular comment. And seriously, what in the kriff. Ezra replies by all but flailing his hands in sheer exasperation. "Look I'm not claiming that it's always the greatest sort of life in the day to day, okay? Because if I did truly think that, then I'd deserve a room at the nearest local asylum. Nevertheless I'm dealing with it. I have definite plans of the kind that that involve me hauling my ass off of kriffing Lothol and toward far greener pastures just as soon as I possibly can."

"...Off planet to where exactly, Ezra?" Kanan frowns then, unsettled by this new burst of sudden information.

"Not sure yet, really. I'm going to start by trying to track down one of my Master's old war years buddies. A guy who goes by the name Rex. I have a pretty good feeling from the stories that I've been told about him over the years that he's the type who would be more than happy to shelter me for as short or long as necessary if I can just manage to locate actually him first. Before I actually find him though, I also have a few last bits of business to deal with on Lothal first."

"Such as?" Kanan doesn't really expect the younger man to answer his question, truthfully, which is why he's more than a little bit surprised when Ezra actually shrugs his shoulders in reply and gestures with one of his hands off to the east of The Ghost. "Well for one thing, Kanan, I need to at least try and replace my lightsaber. As I already said, my old one is lost - probably irrecoverably - at the moment."

Kanan draws up short at that, crossing his arms automatically over his chest. "And you plan to do this how exactly, Ezra?" A lighter saber crystal and various parts are not exactly common - and Kanan would've karking well sensed the presence of a kyber crystal in Ezra's tower when he visited there several weeks ago. Well unless Ezra has been taught some way of hiding said crystal literally on his person.

Kanan stretches out with the Force then - searching for any kind of hint of just that, only for Ezra to stiffen up in response to the act and take an immediate step back "Woah...enough already! No I am not currently carrying around a loose kyber crystal somewhere on my person, Kanan! For kriff's sake do I look suicidal?! Muchless stupidly crazy? Look, there's a temple out in the direction I just gestured, okay, which I intend to try and visit one more time before I leave Lothol once I've finally finished up my Amalyn. I just need to fix up my speeder first before I go, seeing as how it's a multiple day trip just to get out there, and I don't usually fly it anywhere near that kind of actual distance."

Kanan blinks, hard, then raises a hand to prevent any further flood of words, at least for the time being. "Wait a minute. Hold on. You are saying that there is an actual Jedi Temple here on Lothol, Ezra?" Kanan repeats slowly, blinking repeatedly hard in reaction. "On an Imperially occupied planet? That the Empire hasn't already located, barricaded or otherwise looted?"

Ezra just shrugs his shoulders, "Well to be fair it's very old and it's well hidden, Kanan ...not to mention hard to open, while we're honestly covering the subject, " Ezra spreads his hands. "It basically looks just like a typical Lotholian mountain peak out in the middle of nowhere when you first pass over it from above. You probably wouldn't find it at all in most cases, unless you knew to actually be looking..."

"But you know where it is somehow?" Kanan asks him then, tilting his head, his hands on his hips, his eyes intense and curious.

The dark haired teenager nods, "Yeah. Because my own master and I visited there a couple of times during the time after I met him." Ezra shrugs a, "It wasn't exactly what I'd call a regular day trip for the two of is or anything, no but under the current circumstances I figured that I should at least try to pay the place one last visit, since once I do leave planet I expect to be away for a couple of years at the very minimum."

Kanan studies Ezra silently then, working his jaw all the while. So then this kid really does have an actual plan in play to see to his own defense, then. Just not the kind that he's apparently been open about sharing with the rest of them up until now. He honestly isn't sure if hearing that births more relief, regret or resentment in him at the moment. Because on one hand a plan - kark any kind of plan at all on Ezra's part- is a whole lot more kriffing reassuring to Kanan the than the idea of the kid just waiting around passively here on Lothal for the ISF arrive. On the other hand though, even after less than two weeks of them actually knowing him, the idea of Ezra Bridger just wandering off into the Galaxy at large as he's some kind a slightly better armed than usual misplaced puppy leaves something in his subconscious mind literally screaming out in urgent warning.

Ezra out there on his own. Ezra out there with anyone other then them. Items number one and two on list number two: which is currently titled 'Completely Unacceptable Things.' Kanan's honestly a little disturbed by the ever growing intensity of his ongoing gut level reaction.

'Talking about it isn't the same thing as actually doing it.' He reminds himself. "You just said that you are going to 'try' and visit this temple before you leave planet, Ezra?" Kanan repeats these words back after a moment, frowning thoughtfully at Ezra's choice of phrasing.

Ezra just shrugs his shoulders in reply. "Well to be fair I have no clue right now if I can even successfully get inside at this point in time, Kanan. I mean it always took two people in order to access the structure up until now, but the only other option that I seem to have right now is to not try at all and still fail for lack of really risking anything. If I do go out there right now, then I figure that there's at least a passing shot that I'll be allowed to enter the temple again and trial for a functional weapon. Which seems like a reasonably intelligent risk to take on my part, consider who exactly we both know right now are likely already heading in our direction. I just figure that under the current circumstances, what I stand to gain by taking the risk is equal to anything else that I might end up losing.

"Yeah that's one way of putting it, Ezra." Kanan snorts back at him softly. Because yes - the kid getting his own lightsaber again would be almost indescribably helpful for Ezra in securing his own safety, especially if Ezra's as talented in a saber's use as he is with the rest of his force gifts. "Here's a brilliant idea for you, Kid. Do you want me along for company when you do go out to visit the Temple?"

Ezra blinks at Kanan hard in response to that particular suggestion. Twice. Rolling his eyes heavenward the older Jedi speaks up again, very slowly and simply almost as if he's in the presence of a particularly dim or particularly dense sort of company. "You know, since as you just said yourself Ezra, it generally takes two people at a time to successfully get inside of said Temple and there are in fact two of us Jedi now actually present. It seems to me like reasonably intelligent way to do things..."

The younger man, interesting doesn't even bother to actively protest the designator of Jedi this time. "Yeah, sure... that would probably work okay, " Ezra finally allows, after a brief, internalized debate with himself that's so karking fierce that Kanan can literally see the mental grapple currently occurring behind the younger man's eyes, even though he frustratingly has no real understanding of its greater context..

Kanan nods and spreads wide both of his hands, "Well all right then, Ezra, I guess that it's settled. Once you're all tittered off of your Amalyn we'll head out there together. I'll even talk to Hera in the meantime about whether or not the two of us can just borrow the Phantom for a day or two so that we won't have to make the trip out there by speeder if it's several day's trip. And in the meantime, Ezra if you want a chance to brush up on your skills, then you are more than welcome borrow my own saber for a couple hours every day just to get yourself back in the practice of regular drilling." Kanan pauses for a moment or two then, carefully considering the subject further, "Force...for that matter, Kid, the two of us should both probably try and knock the dust of our sparring skills with some old-fashioned pairs practice if I can track down some training staffs that we can use as well. Because it's been far, far too karking long at this point, since I've had the chance to practice like you can with another member of the Order. Right now it's not like we can't both use the chance for a little more practice."

Ezra works his jaw for a moment or two in response to that idea, once again clearly debating his various options. And Force, Kanan thinks, but the kid's mind feels like a three day hurricane at the moment. Who in the kark gets so conflicted about the idea of just engaging in a simple round or two of light saber or hand to hand practice? And why? As a padawan himself Kanan had always been particularly fond of exactly that sort of offer himself - if only because it also usually represented the chance for a desperately needed release of accumulated energetic tension.

Then again... Kanan tilts his head a little quizzically then, studying the teenager curiously for several long seconds before finally speaking up softly, "What's wrong, Kid...? Before he died did you never spar with your own master all that often?"

"Not all that frequently, at least toward the end, no. Things with work were always too hectic to really take that kind of time..." The teenager pauses for a moment as if he's about to say something more than that, and then he just shrugs his shoulders. "We mainly focused our attention on more practical things like completing our missions without dying."

'No joy in the skill left at all then.' Kanan notes to himself silently, "Well unless you're planning on giving it up the skill set entirely now, Ezra...which seems suicidal, considering who's likely on all of our tails at the moment, you're going to have to get back up and on to the horse again sooner or later. I really think that it'll do us both real good to stretch ourselves at least a little. Not to even mention that it'll make me feel a kriff of a lot better to actually see just how competent you really are in your own self defense with a saber before we have to deal with actual attackers showing up."

And just like that Ezra's expression suddenly twitches, his head jerking upwards, the teenager's expression stubbornly alight with something Kanan can only describe as hope. "And if I do agree to spar with you like you've just requested I do, Kanan, and if I can demonstrate my competency with a lightsaber to you when I do so, then will that finally be enough for you and the others to finally back off concerning your ongoing recruitment obsession? Will something like that be enough proof that I can tell you that I can in fact take care of myself and have you finally *kriffing believe me?*"

Kanans sighs and crosses his arms over his chest, reminding himself as he does so that he shouldn't even be surprised at the abrupt shift back to this apparently never ending topic. "Will it shut me up about the topic completely? No, it won't Ezra. Because I still have more questions that I need actual answers to Kid, before I can just back off concerning the issue with any kind of clean conscience. Not to even mention the fact I don't speak for Hera or any of the others - who are also involved in this - I only mediate during whole group agreements."

Ezra sighs, dropping his chin almost immediately down to his chest again in response, his whole body tight and clearly frustrated by the older Jedi's reply. "Then no. I don't have any desire to karking spar with you, Kanan."

Kanan shifts on his feets, frowning. "Why not exactly?"

"Because I said *no,* Jarrus. If you don't like my terms for a spar then that's fine, but it's also a game that I get to opt out of playing. Since you know I generally don't take orders as opposed to requests."

Except it isn't just a game really - and the both of them know it- Kanan acknowledges a little grimly. His asking Ezra for a true demonstration of the the younger man's defensive skills isn't unreasonable at all of Kanan under the current circumstances. Which also doesn't change the fact the kid just slammed all his proverbial access doors shut and then welded the frames closed in instinctive, frustrated reaction. Now if Kanan can just manage to figure out why his answer provoked such a strong overreaction concurrently...

'Ezra revealing too much of himself too fast, only to get nothing back for that vulnerability maybe?' After all, Kanan's well aware at this point how much that the younger Jedi had just uncovered himself emotionally in the past few minutes only to get his hopes utterly crushed in return. Kanan considers the teenager's self-protective body language for another moment or so, before speaking up with a counteroffer he hopes will be decently conciliatory.

"How about a possible counteroffer for you instead, Kid? Spar with me at least once Ezra, so that I can actually get a feel for what you're capable of in a real fight, and afterwards , I promise you that in return I will be completely honest with the others concerning your self defensive capability. And not only that but I'll do my best to also arrange a wide moratorium on the subject of you joining up as Specter crew for at least a couple weeks."

Said moratorium won't actually change the other Specters minds about the subject, Kanan knows, but it will at least give the kid a temporary break from all the ongoing badgering - which has probably hit the point it's blatantly counterproductive to their goals instead of helping the ongoing situation.

"A month." Ezra shoots back at him instantly, his hands clenching defensively into fists at his side. "I will agree to spar with you in return for a full kriffing month of silence concerning the topic, and not a single day less than that, Kanan. More than that, I'll even agree to come and visit you all from time to time once I'm done tittering down of the Amalyn and get back to my 'real life' if in return you all agree to *stop karking stalking me.*"

Kanan sighs, because here they go again, "For the thousandth time, we aren't stalking you presently, Ezra."

"Banthakriff. A month. Now, do we have a deal concerning the subject or do we not not? Because that's my absolute bottom line right now, Jarrus, if you want to spar with me right now. "

Kanan cocks his head to one side, considering the offer for a long moment . "Define 'from time to time,' Ezra."

"Three days out of seven. You're the ones who are all so obsessed with feeding me Kanan, so we'll just say that I'll stop by around lunchtime or shortly before that on the days I visit after I finish up my morning 'shift.' That way I still have the rush hours before and after breakfast and supper to work in the markets and you'll also still see me semi-regularly and know that I'm adequately eating."

Kanan considers this offer for a moment or so, then he makes another counter offer, "Five days out of seven, Ezra. With your visit times kept variant according to the weather and whether or not it's the weekend. Some days just won't be suited for early morning pick-pocketing and weekend holidays can be a goldmine in the evenings, so you'll actually have more flexibility under that agreement."

"Four days out of seven. Variant hours as you just described are otherwise acceptable, Jarrus. Don't get too greedy, though - as shocking as it may be for you to actually hear me say this, I am entitled to take a little 'me time' occasionally. Besides that's a lot of extra walking you're talking about so casually when it's going to be on top of the hours that I'll be on the job. Or are you *trying* to leave me fall down exhausted deliberately?

Kanan chews his lip for another long moment - considering the others' likely various levels of objection to this particular agreement vs his own ability to ignore, cajole or otherwise over rule them in order to get what Ezra's just asked for, and than he nods his head in agreement. "You have yourself a deal, Ezra...well, pending joint agreement from the others of course, before the two of us finally shake on the arrangement officially."

"Well I'll be kneeling on it technically, Kanan, " Ezra corrects the older man, making the standard Lotholian one kneed bow of the accord in almost thoughtless, automatic demonstration. "You're on Lothal now, remember?" Ezra draws himself upright again then, lifts his head to re-establish eye contact and points a sharp warning finger. "And just so you know, Jarrus, I don't spar - or grapple, or anything else even remotely like it until after said arrangement is both agreed upon and acknowledged by all of the others as well either verbally or on karking paper. So don't think for even a minute that in the interim Kanan, you're somehow gaming anything more than that out of me."

"Yes, because I'm the one who is clearly trying to game you, Ezra." Kanan shoots back, with a only half restrained growl bubbling up in his throat, his tone heavy with exasperation and more than just a little bit of genuine frustration.

Ezra only shrugs back at him, completely unapologetic, "I'm only extending you guys the exact same amount of respect and courtesy right now, that the rest of you extended to me. So forgive me for not caring if that makes you feel a little bit cranky."

'Now that's just banthakriff.' Kanan all but gowls, resisting the urge for the moment at least to reach out his hands and literally head smack the stubborn teen in response. "We made you a job offer, Ezra...That's all. Hera's simply offered you a place among the Specters and we've been helping you treat your healing psychic injuries, and none of which should be taken as even remotely insulting..."

"Oh I would normally agree with you in most cases, Kanan: offering someone else a job is a compliment most of the time. Right up until the point at which they very politely and clearly said *no* and then the rest of you all seemed to forget in tandem what that word actually *means.*"

Ezra scoffs very softly one more time, before ultimately simply turning away from Kanan again, shifting over and onto his side. Deliberately pulling his blanket up and around his shoulder, as if it he hopes that it will work as some kind of armor between the two of them. "I suppose that to be fair I could always try saying it again in another couple of kriffing languages." Ezra grumbles out after another couple of seconds, not even bothering to roll back over face him, " ...Maybe one of you is actually multilingual enough to grasp the concept and then explain it to the rest of you via karking pidgin sign or something."

And kriff, Kanan thinks after a long frustrated minute, looking at the tightly curled up form on the bed now doing his best to simply ignore him, if something doesn't give soon one of these day's he's going to end up kicking this kid right in the ass. Because Ezra Bridger just doesn't seem to grasp how or when to give it a rest - even during the fights they engage in that he's technically winning. He just goes right on pushing them both closer to an invisible, unavoidable edge.

Kanan Jarrus has - as general rule at least - never been a big fan of corporal punishment. Mostly because in his own experience there have always been better options Lately, though, he's been ...unusually tempted , when Ezra's particularly playing on on his nerves or testing the bonds of his patience. Which honestly? Has forced Kanan into spending more than one evening of prolonged meditation actively brooding over the topic trying to make sense of his actual views on teachings vs his newer set of emerging parenting instincts.

All which has led Kanan toward some useful if really no less frustrating clarity about both Ezra himself and he and Ezra's current situation. Because believe it or not? Kanan Jarrus is pretty karking sure at this point in his life that his real problem right now isn't that Ezra Bridger is too cynical, or too bright or to snarky. Force, it isn't really even just the plain and simple fact that the boy's clearly kriffed up relationship with his previous master have horribly damaged Ezra's ability to trust authority figures. Though yes, Kanan's currently well aware that all of the above are probably playing into the battle of wills that the two of them are locked into on a daily basis at the moment.

No Ezra's - and therefore jointly Kanan's - real problem right now basically comes down to what all that snark and self-defensiveness Ezra keeps flinging at him is actually masking. And that is a literal riptide of internalized fear, betrayal and and other long repressed emotion. Ezra Bridger, to put it all very simply, has been so badly traumatized by some of his previous childhood experiences - including both the life that he'd shared with his previous master and the earlier loss of his parents - that he won't or can't open himself up anymore in certain topics to other people's help or even opinions. Ezra flat out refuses at the moment to let anyone else close enough that he might start to need them. And as a result the kid has literally welded certain doorways in his mind shut as best he can -most likely because the kid has subconsciously convinced himself at this point that if he ever actually lets himself acknowledge how he actually feels about what's happened to him that he'll only immediately get sucked under permanently - caught up in the ever-present riptide of his unacknowledged grief.

Ezra Bridger, very bluntly stated, has come to the conclusion at some point over the past few month that when facing a clearly lose-lose choice between unending loneliness and even more unbearable loss of that kind which he's already experienced, that isolation is actually probably the more survivable option.

And until the Kid's defenses finally crumble under the sheer pressure of how much weight he has building up behind them- until Ezra finally either willingly or unwillingly cracks the wall and starts letting even fraction of said grief or terror out and into the real world, the the kid's just going to keep right on emotionally asphyxiating himself deliberately over and over again.

And in the meantime? Well Kanan actually attempting to spank the poor kid - or to do anything else like that in order to try and temporarily reign in some of Ezra's current venting patterns - might well force the kid to minimize his inappropriate behaviors for a little while yes, but it won't rip out the heart of the problem. It will if anything actually *accelerate* Ezra's oncoming collapse while at the same time severely limiting Kanan's capacity after to step in and actually comfort him afterward. Which Kanan's pretty sure at this point is what the teenager is going to most desperately need from him at the moment.

In the meantime though, even ironic as it sounds, Kanan doesn't need Ezra Bridger less snarky than he is right now. He needs Ezra *more* snarky. Or more accurately stated Kanan needs the kid to finally get angry. To let himself get really and truly "enraged* about what's happened to him over the course of the past eight years. Because when push comes to shove, all that Ezra Bridger's snark really is at its core is the phantom limb of both Ezra's rage and his grief.

The real trick, Kanan's ultimately realized, is going to be figuring out how he can use that fact against the teenager to corral Ezra until the younger man finally does blow his top. As well as to use the trait to catalyze the coming meltdown if he can do so. He needs to get the Kid truly angry enough to finally push Ezra *past* the Sith damned emotional kill switch that keeps letting the teenager walk away *just before* Ezra actually falls into that emotional whirlpool that he's currently got locked away so desperately inside of him.

Kanan basically needs to make Ezra Bridger *too karking angry* for him to effectively fall back on a coping mechanism as minor as mere sarcasm anymore. Someone needs to drag the stubborn kid over to that whirlpool of his own unaddressed emotions and then if possible basically drop kick him in.

Just long enough for the kid to realize they've already got a life preserver waiting.

And probably the best way for Kanan to accomplish that right now, he acknowledges, is for the older Jedi to just keep right on doing exactly what he has been doing so far: verbally and emotionally pushing the kid as hard and as often as he possibly can. Perhaps, with the added stimulus of some physical challenge thrown in there as well, just to heighten the physical and emotional inter-connections.

Kanan in short, needs to basically out-asshole Ezra Bridger. He needs to out maneuver the force damned kid for his own damn good and force the necessary emotional wall break. Lucky, lucky, lucky, lucky him.

And yes, Kanan thinks, sighing deeply as he stares at Ezra's now board stiff shoulders, he had meant that last bit to be taken as another deliberate use of sarcasm.

Chapter Management

Chapter 6: Playing the Board You're That You're Given (Updated)

"What do you mean that he's just *gone?*" Hera's voice is sharp and alarmed as she looks up from her place at the round galley table. Zeb just shrugs, his face still groggy from sleep, his voice gruff with concern even as he answers her question, "I mean that the Kit's not currently in the bathroom, Hera. Or in Medbay, or anywhere else that I've gone looking for him on the Karabast ship. I'm pretty sure that he popped smoke on us - either late, late last night or sometime early this morning after he'd finally slept off the last of the effects of his latest round of medication."

"But... But *how?* Zeb!" Hera snaps already rising up and onto her feet. "I mean, I thought that the agreement between the rest of us was that one of the four of us would always be keeping at least half of an eye on him? He's outnumbered five to one right now, for kriff sake! Not to even mention that Ezra was practically falling asleep on his feet last night by the time that he and I actually sat down and shared some dinner! It shouldn't have been that difficult of a thing for any of us to keep track of him under the circumstances!"

Zeb just shrugs, "Like I just said, don't look at me, Hera. The last few days now I've mostly had the early morning shift, remember? Me 'n the kid have sorta fallen into a pattern of sorts. He eats and then he goes to clean up, while I usually do the exact opposite. I noticed today that I hadn't bumped into him like normal by the time that I got finished cleaning up in the shower though, so I decided to take a tray over to Medbay. I know that the kid's Amalyn is still on a mostly consistent schedule these days and that if he doesn't eat a decent amount before his bolus, then his gut ends up gurky. I didn't want him to have to pick between showering and eating if he'd accidentally overslept."

"And he was just gone when you got there, you're saying, Zeb?" Kanan is also climbing out of his own chair and heading out into the hallway, the Ghost's pilot all but directly at his heels even as the older Jedi instinctively reaches out for Ezra's own force signature, trying to grasp for a solid feel of the kid's normally well shielded presence Apparently, though the teenager is currently nowhere near the ship.

Hera's voice is tight with worry as the two of them move together through the still dim hallways toward Ezra's temporary bedroom in the medlab. "Kanan..." Her voice is low and anxious, "Please tell me that you didn't end up successfully bullying Ezra into taking more morphine last night before he crashed like you did before he had his supper…" It's quite clear that she's worried right now from her expression about the possibility that Ezra's outside The Ghost and sleep walking.

Kanan's look is equally grim with that particular possibility even as he glances over at her, his jaw stiff and tense. "There was no need for me to bully him into doing anything this time around, Hera. Ezra didn't even try to protest the meds, he was hurting so badly before he crashed. To be fair, we'd been working together all afternoon attempting to perform some psychic clean up around the link site via some vocally guided meditation. Not that we actually accomplished much of anything. Ezra swore up and down initially that it was working for him just fine but just he looked so force damned awful after a relatively short period of trying, that I finally made him stop and let me run a scan or two on him in Medbay, and as it turned out both his cortisol and his adrenaline levels were randomly falling and spiking. Not only that, but his breathing and heart rate were way, way too fast. We'd clearly been trying to do too much far too fast so I told him to just give it a rest and later we'd try it again. I not only gave him morphine after that, Hera I actually kicked his Amalyn back up one full level before he finally started showing a decrease in his overall symptoms. We're not going to be trying that particular healing method again any time soon, he's not ready for it very clearly."

Hera's expression is grim, "So then what you're saying Kanan is that Ezra was given both a high dose of morphine as well as a higher then regular bolus of Amalyn last night and then just what...left to sleep it off all on his own? Even after he outright *warned us* when he first came back aboard The Ghost that he has a history of the former causing him to hallucinate sometimes - not to mention wander off on occasion when he's still asleep?"

"No, of course not, Hera." Kanan's voice is just on the edge of defensive when he actually replies, "I checked on him regularly from when he first crashed out right after supper every half an hour or so right up until just before I finally went to bed myself around eleven o'clock or so, at which point Chopper was supposed to take over the guard duty and stay the night in Medbay with him. Ezra hadn't even so much as rolled over in his sleep by that point in time, Hera. He was still as the dead all evening, frankly speaking."

Hera winces at that particular analogy... "Next time pick a less worrying phrasing when explaining that please, love." Then the two of them are striding together through the Medbay's still open entrance. "Hey Zeb," Hera yells back over her right shoulder, "Please find Chopper and tell him that I want to talk to him as soon as possible! Now please!" Moments later an affirmative call echoes back.

Most of Ezra's things are still present in the Medbay - at least as far as Kanan can see right now anyway- though the teenager's boots are gone at the moment and so is his notepad and pack of sketching pencils that Sabine had supplied the teenager with several days ago when Ezra had first started feeling awake enough during the daytime hours to start getting restless. Ezra's data-pad is still there as well, on the low tray beside the med-bed, as is the small, apparently no longer malfunctioning power converter that Hera had found in one of the markets earlier in the week and brought back to Ezra in order to see if the challenge of repairing it if he could would help keep the fourteen year old's mind and hands busy.

There is, unsurprisingly, no former Jedi Padawan anywhere to be seen at the moment.

Ezra's extra set and a half of clothes - which they'd brought back to him here after their trip out to the Tower - are still all here as well. They're stacked up in a pile on one of the room's low end tables, just like they'd been ever since they'd first been washed and delivered to Ezra by Hera. Both Ezra's day-pack and his hand operated energy slingshot are currently nowhere in evidence though, and Kanan can't keep from frowning deeply in reaction. Is that truly the only protection that the journeying (and possibly sleeping-walking?) teenager had opted to bring out along with him when he'd headed off The Ghost wandering?

"You're absolutely sure that he was with Chopper all of last night, Kanan?"

"Yes. Or he was supposed to be anyway. And I also specifically told Chopper to keep a close eye on him, Hera, and to come get me right away if Ezra woke up again in pain or he needed any other kind of ongoing medical assistance."

"And did you also bother to specify to Chopper that he should also come and get you right away if Ezra woke up seemingly cognizant in the middle of the night and then decided to go on a random walkabout outside for almost no apparent reason? Did you make sure that he understood the nature of sleepwalking before you finally went off to bed, Kanan?"

Sith hells. No. Kanan hadn't. Which means that he's a kriffing idiot. "We need to track down Chopper then, and find out exactly when Ezra actually left the ship, Hera. Though," He glances down at his own chrono for a moment or so, "His next dose of Amalyn technically isn't supposed to be for another hour or so. Maybe Ezra really did just wake up earlier this morning and felt well enough at the time that he just decided to…I don't know, head out to his tower and then back here again before his next bolus was actually due? He was jonesing for his Tower something awful during the last couple of times that the two of us were talking about that particular subject, Hera."

"Kanan - Ezra's been far too worn out in the past few days to safely go *anywhere* on his own. Kriff even just his going down to the market the other morning with the rest of us was almost too much for him at the time. He was literally dozing on and off all the way back to the Ghost on the speeder that the two of you were sharing afterward. He *should not* be making a trip all the way out to the Tower before sunrise on his own!"

"I know that, Hera..."

"One of us would have taken him over there on a speeder first thing this morning, Kanan if he'd just asked us to. Or kriff, it's been awhile since we relocated the ship. If he'd just have asked me I probably would have flown Ezra over there no question at the same time I reberthed the ship. Yet up and off he goes on his own in the middle of the night like a kriffing lunatic !"

"*Like I just said, I know that, Hera.* He soothes.

"He doesn't even own a communicator of his own at this point, Kanan! How in kark under the circumstanced are we supposed to locate him!?" Hera's voice is rising steadily by degrees with every word now. She's somewhere between plain old indignant and seriously panicked. "For that matter why has he not just been issued a comm from our own stores by now, Love, or been implanted with...with a kriffing tracking chip or something!?"

"Hera, look calm down we'll find him, I promise you..."

"How Kanan!?"

"I don't really know yet." He snaps back automatically. "And I'm certainly not going to be able to come up with any ideas how to do it either, Hera, if you won't slow down long enough to give me a second or two to actually think about it."

"He is...he is so karking *grounded* when we actually find him, Kanan!" Hera swears aoud. "I mean what in the kriff is he thinking?! Out wandering around in the middle of the night like, like he's a…"

"Like he's a what, Hera?! A fourteen year old loth-rat who's just spent the better part of the past eight years accountable no one and nothing except a Master who didn't even care about him enough in return to make sure that he ate, slept or studied on a regular basis? Yes, he's clearly not your typical teenager, Hera. And given all of that as a larger backdrop, how dare he!"

That seems to cut off Hera's building rant at the pass, at least for the time being, anyway. She inhales and exhales several times in a row, rubbing at her temples before finally speaking a little more softly. "Where the kriff is Chopper? He should at least be here by now." She presses a finger to the ship wide comm. "Chopper to the Medbay. Now! We need to speak to you please!"

The is no reply from the droid, not even after another three minutes. Kanan raises an eyebrow "Maybe he's in standby somewhere charging?"

"More likely he knows that he's in trouble at the moment and so he's hiding." Hera braces herself against the wall beside the comm panel, inhaling and exhaling three more times in a row, clearly still struggling to reign in her temper. When she lifts her head again to look at him again her eyes are both fierce and wet bright. "Seriously Kanan, last time it may have only taken an hour or two in order for you to actually track him down, but that was mostly luck – you said so yourself. If he's not at his tower right now, Love, then how in kriff are we actually going to find him?"

"Don't go borrowing trouble, Hera." Kanan soothes her one more time, "He could come strolling back in here any minute now for his next dose of Amalyn, okay, like he just went out to the corner store and then back again."

"And if he doesn't? If he really was sleepwalking when he left and then he ran into trouble? Or if he's actually trying to pop smoke like he was joking about with Zeb and Sabine when he first came aboard the ship?"

"Then we'll find him, Hera. He's stuck on foot for right now, remember? There are physical limits how on far and how far he can go at this point - at least initially."

"And if he just up and jacked himself a kriffing speeder, Kanan?"

"Then said speeder sure as kark isn't fast enough to outrun The Ghost. Not in a real chase, Hera. Not to even mention that I have a pretty good idea, right now if he ever bolted, the first couple of places he'd be most likely go. If Ezra really felt the need to just take off with literally no warning while also leaving so many useful and hard to replace items permanently behind him."

Hera stands up from where she's leaning on the wall then, cocking her head as she studies him critically for a moment. "You really don't think that he's bolting right now, do you?" She tilts her head a little to one side,looking at him almost conversationally as she speaks.

Kanan just shrugs his shoulders, "Oh I'm not saying that he hasn't wanted to do so occasionally…but like we both know, Ezra's smart, Hera. Smart enough that he's got to know that he'll only get one real chance at bolting if he actually does so. And so said chance better be one kark of a good one. He's not even fully tittered off of his Amalyn yet. I really think that Ezra probably just went home for a little while, Hera, because he's been so homesick for so long. Force, Hera at this point he's also technically entitled to do so whenever he karking well wants to whenever he's not actively being dosed... at least by he and I's current standing agreement."

"Agreement?" Hera repeats with a sharply raised eyebrow. Then her smile turns distinctly dangerous. "Precisely *what* agreement, Kanan?"

Kanan, pauses, trying not to squirm under her gaze as she glares at him fiercely. Because yes, he knows full well that Hera isn't going to like this next bit at all. Which is why he'd avoided sharing it so far. Because discussing it hadn't yet been technically necessary..."Look, he and I agreed way back at the start of his current course of Amalyn treatments that Ezra would only be staying with us on the Ghost overnight until after we reached the once a day stage of his tittering down process…at which point Ezra was free to come and go off the ship whenever he saw fit so long as he also got his drug dosage regularly.'"

"Kanan Jarrus!" Hera all but snarls back in reply to that particular burst of new information.

Kanan just spreads his hands apart, a little helpless, "Look, we agreed to treat his broken psi-link, Hera, not to incarcerate him, when he's done nothing wrong at this point ..."

"Other than take up repeat intoxication as a childhood hobby?!" Hera all but immediately yells back. "Karabast, Kanan it's dropping below thirty degrees out there some nights right now! His kriffing tower has no working heat at the moment!"

"And he knows that just as well as we do, Hera - kark probably even better, considering just how long he's lived out there on his own. But it's still his decision to make, Hera, and we can't make it for him ultimately!"

"Then how in kark are we any better than his former Master was, Kanan? I mean if we're not even holding our ground concerning our insistence on him maintaining even the basics? How in kark is it not child neglect if he's still out there all alone and sleeping half frozen?"

"The difference now is that for the first time since his parents were taken away from him now Ezra's got a choice, Hera! He can sleep here or he can sleep there, and so far, for the most part anyway, he's been making his decisions wisely. I remind you that we officially started tittering him once a day over *five days ago* now, and yes while you are right that he's still mostly way too weak and dizzy to safely go out there and pickpocket on his own Ezra also hasn't muttered a single word yet about actually leaving the Ghost even so. Either because he just plain doesn't want to go but doesn't want to admit it just yet or because he at least mostly recognizes his own better interests!"

Hera shoots him a completely unimpressed look in response to that particular claim and he shrugs his shoulders wryly. "Well prior to his current little late night excursion, quite obviously. But what I am saying right now, Hera, is that there has been slow but subtle progress for days now as a result of the way we've consistently given him choices and then trusted him to actually make them."

Hera purses her lips in acknowledgement of that point, shut her eyes for a moment, and then she lets out a frustrated little hiss and opens her eyes up again. "Kark, Kanan: I get sick to my stomach right now just thinking about Ezra out there on his own after dark for even a couple of hours at a time. And you and I have only known him for slightly more than three weeks now. Why…how in Force could someone who actually knew Ezra – and interacted with him on any kind of regular basis just be okay with *four years* of him living this way previously?"

Kanan sighs, "Don't ask me like I somehow know the answer, Hera. Because I sure as Force Hell don't. Look…I'm pretty karking sure at this point that the man in question must have been at best a semi-functional sociopath – and probably also a highly charismatic narcissist. No other member of the Order that I can think of would have felt so little concern about Ezra's overall survival just thanks to their kriffing force willed training link. What's even worse the man clearly also saw Ezra mainly as a tool meant to be kept up on a corner shelf until he was needed and when he wasn't to just be put back there thoughtlessly again. What's worse? Ezra apparently saw that as normal and acceptable for him to do, Hera. Kriff the kid has as much as admitted at this point that he regularly helped his master to 'pay the bills' in the day to day of life. Which honestly just makes me want to cuss a blue streak considering how underfed Ezra obviously remained even despite it. It seriously burns like Sith right now knowing how much that asshole still seems to hold Ezra's heart even now . I just wanted to resurrect the asshole and kick him right in the balls myself right now, truthfully." "

"You really think that he still does, Kanan...love and miss the man that much, I mean ?" Hera asks the question after another moment or so, lifting an eloquent eyebrow in response to that claim.

"Yes, he does, Hera. Because like it or not it's still all right there in the grieving." Kanan drags a hand down over his face then. "I mean, Sith Hells... Ezra weeps some nights in his sleep, Hera - did you know that? His pain wakes me up when he does but it doesn't even wake him up anymore he's so used to just living with it constantly. Don't even get me started on how kriffing awful he looks either, when he dreams. He doesn't make a sound when it's happening either, but Force it's clear that his Master's loss is still regularly gutting him on a level that I really can't even adequately put into words. I mean sometimes it's almost as if, I don't know..." Kanan sighs then he shakes his head, letting the words die off almost helplessly

"It's almost as if what, Kanan?" Hera's eyes narrow even as she looks at him insistently...

"It's almost as if he's somehow losing him over and over and over again, Hera. It's like it's a forced damn recurring trauma as often as the old link starts randomly throbbing at strange unpredictable intervals and then wound in question seems to just crack open and bleed." Kanan slumps, helpless against the wall then, " I just wish to kriff that he'd actually let me into his head to help him, Hera. I mean, I could probably do so much more to help him with the pain and the damage then he could ever do all on his own, Hera, if he would just trust me enough for us to do some actual joint meditating."

Hera's face softens in reply to that, even as she reaches out to squeeze him on his upper arm with one of her hands, "Maybe you ought to suggest that offer to him again, Love before he tries to go it alone next time you work on clean up or repair, Kanan. Especially if as you just said, he ends up doing himself way more harm then good trying to fly solo. I mean he's self protective yes, but he's clearly starting to like you, and he's not stupid just stubborn, Kanan."

"You know that's probably not a bad idea at this point." Kanan acknowledges after a moment or so of silence. "I'll have another round with him concerning that particular subject when he gets back on board later today." Assuming of course, Kanan acknowledges, that he's right and Ezra hasn't in fact just outright run away.

"Yeah, well before said conversation, Kanan, do me a favor and also give him one of our team communicators for him to use for the indefinite future all right? It can be one of the older ones if that's all that he'll take at this point, and make it a barter in exchange for his work on the repaired power converter that I brought to him earlier if you have to do so. Just…make kriffing sure that he actually takes and then uses it while he is with us all right? For the purposes of proving he's not dead when he just up and disappears. You can tell him my blood pressure will consider it a close personal favor on his part."

Kanan snorts softly, "Will do, Hera."

"I'm definitely also going to be talking to him when he returns to The Ghost about his less than stellar guest manners, Kanan. Because honestly - he couldn't even leave a note before he left to say where he was going or when he'd be back?"

Which is precisely and ironically the moment when Kanan finally shifts just enough to look down and finally notice the small slip of paper that's fallen from off of the top of the medical examination table and into the dark shadow underneath its four metal legs.

"Uhm… hold onto that particular thought for a minute or so, would you Hera..." He stoops to pick the paper up, noting the choppy handwriting even as he flips it over to read it. Kriff but the kid's basic script is an absolute mess. They're really going to have to work on that at some point. Kanan hadn't really noticed it at before now because for the most part Ezra's just stuck to using keypads during the few times that Kanan has seen him do any writing since he came aboard.

'Hey guys… Woke early. Headache's muuuuuch better at the moment. Am only feeling a little woozy now. Am also feeling kind of restless so decided to wander over and retake back my tower from the native wildlife before it gets permanently taken over by loth-puma. (Relax! That's only meant to be taken as a joke Hera!) Chop decided that he wanted to tag along with me for company when I told him...so he's out with me. I have my slingshot along as well for protection. Should be back without problem to The Ghost before my next round of dosing. - EB."

There's a space after this larger body of writing then one more increasingly sloppily scrawled sentence, 'If I can find any on my way through town, Hera, I'll try and bring you back some Mellirouns for late breakfast or lunch. Enjoy the start of your day, you guys. See you later.'

Kanan stares down at the message for a long moment, bitter-sweetly amused, and then he hands it over to Hera silently. "Well, as it turns out I certainly called that."

The Twi'lek pilot's eyes narrow even as she tries to ungarble the text herself - not entirely successfully judging by the way she squints at the writing. "Did...did no one ever teach this kid even the fundamentals of handwritten Basic script?"

"Apparently not. Hera."

"His hand writing is literally karking awful, Kanan."

"Yeah. But at least we know now that he's coming back in not too much longer now. He just went home for a few hours, Hera, exactly like I first suspected that he did."

Hera frowns darkly in reply to that, crossing her arms yet again, "Which he is still in no condition to be doing at the moment, Kanan. Seriously it has to be an almost ten-mile walk just one way. To where he's living, and it's pitch black out there when the moons are covered by the clouds! What is with this sudden retreat of Ezra's even most basic self-defensive instincts?"

Kanan's look is distinctly wry as he answers, "The problem you are addressing is usually referred to by most people as 'puberty,' Hera."

"Oh ha ha ha."

"Seriously, Hera. I'm not remotely joking here. So what are we going to do next, under the circumstances?"

"Next, Kanan? We are going to get in touch with Chopper if at all possible, and in the broader scheme of things, my love, *I* am going to start re-leveling the playing field for us again in the wake of you and Ezra's ongoing brilliant little bargain."

"Which means what exactly…?"

"Which means that you agreed Ezra could go back to his tower when he finally started tittering down his meds, Kanan. You made no guarantees whatsoever about where the Ghost would or wouldn't be berthing at that point. I think it's high time under the present circumstance that we try relocating to a different part of the city outskirts for awhile, Kanan. Say...hmmm...over to the south side I'm thinking! You know what people always say about the grass being a couple shades greener over there."

Kanan pauses a moment then, considering his lover, and then he lets out a wry little grin in response. "That's pretty devious, Hera. Also, I'm guessing Ezra will claim that it's technically 'cheating'."

Hera just shrugs, "If he doesn't like it, Kanan then Ezra can find a way to relocate his tower. After all it's not like we're the only ones at the moment who are currently squatting where we sleep. He's got no room to whine about it, right now, at least not in any sort of manner to which I'm prepared to listen."

"Yes, well maybe so, Hera, but you should also probably be warned that once you play that particular card for real with Ezra we'll permanently cede all current and future ground that we might have once held concerning Ezra's ongoing accusations about the rest of us stalking him..."

Hera snorts out loud at that, "Oh we are soooooo beyond the point that I even care about that issue anymore, Kanan! And while we're on that particular subject, My Love," Hera turns a full-on sharks grin on him then, displaying a truly terrifying and shining white spread of clean teeth as she does so. "I'm more than aware at this point of your feelings where all of this is concerned, Kanan, but you should still aware that yesterday morning the other four of us took a little vote regarding Ezra and the ongoing situation ..."

"And?"

"And you should probably know that this is now officially a kidnapping."

Kanan snorts aloud at those words, heading over to the room's comm unit, and swiftly sending out a ping back request to Chopper requesting a sit-rep ASAP. "Well yes, Hera, of course it is. That's never really been in question. However, unless you're particularly eager to suddenly have a no holds barred fight on your hands, I strongly suggest that you keep that fact from Ezra for at least a little while longer. Or he's only going to end up seriously panicking and fighting back ten times as hard. My own advice? Wait until at least the first anniversary of him coming on ship has passed, Hera, build up some more trust foundations, and then you can clue in the kid to the fact that he"s been involuntarily adopted."

"If he really needs a fight over the subject that badly right now, Kanan, then he can karking have one. I don't know how exactly he's failed to get this particular memo, but you are a kriff of a lot stubborner than he can probably dream of being when you actually feel the need to be. And the rest of us? Are basically the ones on whom you cut your terrifyingly sharp and pointy baby teeth. Yeah, Ezra may struggle against his new change in status initially, but even he's not desperate enough that he's going to outlast all five of us at once Kanan. Not jointly and sure as kriff not indefinitely. Sure it might be rough for all of us during the first couple of weeks - but we'll still win the war with him in the long term if we just commit and plant our karking feet."

Honestly, Kanan's not so sure about that assumption of Hera's sometimes. Ezra's a kark of a lot cannier than Kanan suspects that any of the rest of them have realized, after all - and his resistance to their offer of different sort of life though frustrating has also been absolutely genuine. Not to even mention that Kanan truly doubts the rest of the Specters have any real grasp at this point of the sheer level of raw power that Ezra Bridger actually has access to when he really thinks that he's going to need it. Still he at least appreciates the sentiment, as well as all the implied faith behind her words. Which is why he chooses his next words carefully before replying.

"Hera...I appreciate the vote of confidence on your part, I really, truly, do. But I also need you, Sabine and Zeb to listen and even more importantly to actually *believe me* when I tell you that as even as much as I wish that we could just intimidate Ezra into doing what we want him to at this point in time that's *not* the kind of strategy that we can hope to apply with him in the long run without risking potential *life threatening* consequences."

Hera blinks very hard, looking more than a little nonplussed by that announcement, and Kanan continues to speak in a tone full of warning and caution. "Look, strong arming or otherwise attempting to force Ezra to do things will not make him react the same way as most fourteen year old kids would. Stubbornness isn't"t just a personality trait for Ezra, it's a very literal survival skill, Hera that he's had to develop in order to help him survive a shipload of soul-crushing things. He'll fight to the literal death for himself when he thinks it's needed because there's been no one else to do it for him. Which means, that if we do eventually end up press ganging him the resulting war will not end well for anyone. It will be long and brutal and bloody, and there's a better then even chance before it;s finished that it'll have nearly scorched earth levels of consequences. In the very best case scenario, Hera, if we force Ezra to join us aboard The Ghost, then we will probably end up with a passive, angry prisoner on our hands. One who will walk away without looking back forever the moment it finally becomes a tenable option for the rest of us, because he'll never be able to see us as anything but his jailers again." Kanan draws in a deep breath, raising a hand to rub across his brow. "And that? Is best case scenario, Hera. In the worst case Ezra might literally go on hunger strike if he truly believes that that's his only route back to freedom. And his body can"t handle that kind of stand right now. Force he could cause permanent damage to his long term health even trying."

Hera continued to stand there just blinking at him, incredulous. "You really think that he's *that* irrational about things, Kanan?"

Kanan nods, opens his mouth to reply - then the Medbay communication console beeps with a received message from Chopper, interrupting the older Jedi's reply for the moment.

Kanan waits just long enough for Hera to gesture at the wall with with one hand, the pilot clearly delaying the rest of their talk at least for now, before Kanan nods and then taps the message twice in order to display it. 'Per request, current sit-rep. Secured fruit for breakfast with S6. Proceeded on to S6's tower. Journey took approximate 2.7 hours when traversed at casual pace. Upon arrival, S6 entered the structure alone but did not return in the time period initially allotted. Surveilled in order to more fully assess the situation. Found S6 uninjured but clearly unintentionally asleep. Next IV Bolus due, according to records in approximately 91 min. Return trip to Ghost estimated at 103 minutes at a brisk pace if on foot. Conclusion obvious: S6 will be late for next Amalyn bolus. Current plan: wake up S6 nonetheless and begin the walk back to The Ghost as soon as possible,or seek other means of transportation. Please Confirm/Advise on this matter?'

Hera sighs deeply then she hits the units send function, queuing in the option that will immediately convert the message over into to binary. " Chopper this is Hera. Negative for now on waking up Ezra. Just stay put where you are and watch him instead. We will be coming out to get the both of you in just a few more minutes.'

There's a short pause than. 'Confirmed. Additional comments/questions?'

"How long has Ezra been awake and how long have you two been off of the Ghost, Chop?"

'5 hours 27 minutes/4 hours 52 minutes. Our departure occurred within less than an hour after his initial waking at S6's express wishes.'

"And you're sure he's okay, right now? That he's uninjured and in no pain at the moment?"

'S6 was clearly exhausted by the walk but otherwise seems unharmed, he displayed good spirits throughout the course of our journey and was elated to see his own home again.'

"Did he ever appear disorientated during the trip? Nauseated or dizzy?" Kanan speaks up with his own question then.

There's a brief bit of transmitted holo-vid along with a time-stamp dated slightly more than an hour and a half ago. In it Ezra, who is walking just a few feet ahead of Chopper's camera, glances back over his shoulder to look at the droid even as he motions him forward with a hand. The kid's smile is wide and sunny, his face is probably the most open in the frame that Kanan has ever actually seen it, and the whole picture is almost indescribably relieving.

Or rather it would have been had Kanan and Hera not also been able to see the way that Ezra's literally swaying from side to side as he passes through the short grass,so greater is his exhaustion. The kid looks glowingly content, but he's also more than half asleep on his feet, as if he's at least two days late at actually going to karking bed.

No wonder the dumb kid had passed out asleep nearly the first moment he let himself sit down, Kanan thinks to himself with a bittersweet little grimace.

"Grounded." Hera affirms again, very, very softly, looking with a sigh at the still moving vidcast. "Grounded from everything excepting food, sleep and handwriting practice until he's either a skilled calligrapher, or he's died of old age, Kanan. At which point? I'd probably just resurrect him and then ground him again.".

Kanan frowns a little bit as another thought finally registers, "Wait a minute. You said that he's up in the Tower, Chop? Not on ground level anymore, right?"

'Affirmative S1. S6 is currently upstairs and sleeping. Streaming live from his location in approximately thirty more seconds.'

Kanan just blinks: how in the Sith Hells had the kid even made it safely up the staircase? Was Ezra really just that accustomed to making the journey back home to his tower after he finished up a shift in the city this karking close to unconscious?

There's a sudden blip in the streaming video imagery and then a moment later they're staring at another image of Ezra. This time the teenager in question is out on what looks like the tower's wrap around balcony – half folded over in a slouched seated position in the warmth of the late morning sunshine. From the looks of it he'd probably been sitting with his back against one of the outer walls, simply taking in the spectacle of the morning sunrise, when he'd lost the battle with oncoming unconsciousness.

He doesn't look particularly uncomfortable, or unsafe where he is at the moment, just far, far less than actually fourteen years old.

Hera cuts off the comm channel after that with just a few more brief, simple sentences. "Thanks for making the requested update so swiftly, Chopper. We'll be there ASAP. If Ezra wakes up again before you pick us up on radar in the meantime, please let him know that we're incoming - and do not let him leave! You can tell him that it was actually easier for us to come to him since we were already scouting this end of the city today for a new berthing location."

'Affirmative.' Chopper cuts his end of the link along with the video feed.

"So now what?" Kanan asks her, tilting his head to one side.

"Now we fly over there and we get him back to the ship for his meds, Kanan." Hera strides out of Medbay then down toward the Cockpit, stopping just long enough to peek her head through the open door of Zeb's room and confirm that both he and Sabine talking somewhere within. "Be aware you two: we're going to be moving the Ghost's current berth ASAP. Engines are going to be hot then up in ten to fifteen minutes."

Sabine looks over from where she's speaking with Zeb, then turns to follow the Twi'lek down the hall. "Hey, Hera – I was actually just coming to talk to you. Are you aware that Ezra's apparently..."

"AWOL? Yes, Sabine. Except he isn't anymore. He and Chopper apparently decided to walk out to his Tower sometime before sunrise early, early this morning "

Sabine blinks at that announcement. "Wait. He went over to his tower? As in the one on the *other side* of the city?!"

"Yes. He's been feeling rather homesick for the past few days." Hera replies more than a little sardonically.

"So the Kit just decided to randomly walk out there in the middle of the night. In the pitch dark. On his feet?" Zeb's accent is thick with clear incredulity at this announcement.

"Well you didn't expect him to go that far on his hands did you, Zeb?" Kanan shoots back more than a little bit acerbically.

Zeb snorts and shakes his head, still clearly stunned by this news. "I'm just saying that's a long walk...he could've just taken a speeder over or something."

"Yes he could have if he'd had his own speeder here, instead of it still being back at his tower right now. Or if we'd offered to let him use one of our rides if he felt the need – which we didn't. Ezra thankfully, clearly isn't a fan of all theft."

Sabine rolls her eyes heavenward at that, more than a little bit sarcastic. "Yes Kanan, we didn't offer Ezra the use of one of our speeders when he first arrived back on board. Because the meds that he's been taking ever since you brought him back have made him alternatingly dizzy, woozy and half conscious. He's been in no shape recently to be driving anything!"

"And thus he walked over to his tower instead," Kanan intones, bemused. Hera just huffs a little in reply rolling her eyes at Kanan droll tone, even as she turns to continue walking back through the ship in the direction of the cockpit. Kanan matches pace at her side. Sabine and Zeb quickly follow along right behind the both of them, and the large Lasat scratching at his head a little once they finally enter and sit.

"Guy are we sure right now that this kit isn't just literally brain damaged? "

Sabine adds her own two cents in with a low snort, "It'd explain a lot about the last few weeks, I'll give you that, Zeb."

Hera drops down into her seat, then, beginning the pre-flight off checklist with the ease of many years of practice. "When we get tower guys and find him, he's grounded. Or cleaning all of the freshers with a toothbrush. Or doing something else that's really unpleasant for this little display of stupidity of his."

Kanan sighs deeply, leaning back in his chair and linking his hands behind his head as he looks at her patiently, "Hera is this the point at which I have to remind you that Ezra doesn't actually work for you yet? Again."

Sabine leans over and mock whispers directly into Zeb's nearer ear, "Ohhh…those are fighting words if I ever heard them. What do you think big guys, should I go and maybe make us some popcorn or something?"

Hera just waves a hand in the rear seats' direction, "Don't even bother. Kanan's already been informed that this is now officially a kidnapping."

"So then we're officially back to condoning press-ganging? Perfect!" Sabine's voice is all but gleeful in its endless dripping sheets of sarcasm. I have a new emblem all made up tailor made for this ongoing situation. It's a skull and crossbones in the shape of a phoenix."

"I can hear you clearly, you know...?" Hera sing songs back, scowling over her shoulder at the rest of them briefly even as the Ghost finally takes off, first gaining altitude for a while and then circling back around and down to the other side of the city.

"You were kriffing meant to, Hera." The sixteen-year-old girl snipes back very bluntly.

"Language, Sabine!" Kanan responds to the now mostly uncustomary use of epithet with a resigned little sign.

The Mandalorian wrinkles her nose in response. "Sorry. Drinks are now on me per the usual rules, the next time that we all hit the Cantina. Because Bridger's potty mouth and sarcasm are making me backslide more than I previously realized apparently."

Zeb snorts at that claim softly, then. "So the kid ain't just crazy then, he's outright contagious."

"You know the rest of you keep saying stuff like that over and over and over." Hera interjects into the silence after a moment or so, "But honestly other than when Ezra first came back on board the ship he hasn't really sounded all that salty around me."

"Because he's been warned." Kanan, Sabine and Zeb all speak up then, simultaneously.

Hera snorts, "And he apparently listened for once? Does that mean that I should be offended or flattered at the moment?"

Zeb shrugs his shoulders a little, "Some of both maybe, honestly, Hera? I mean at least when he's swearing up a storm you known that the Kit is being absolutely genuine… not to even mention that his vocabulary's inventive and pretty diverse for a kid who supposedly spent so much of his time on the streets of a single rim world planet, I mean."

"Speaking of which, guys.." Sabine interjects after another moment, even as Hera locates the area she's looking for through the nav system and then begins her descent, "I was wondering, has anyone else noticed that sometimes Ezrs's got two very different and distinct ways of talking most of the time or is it just me?"

"Oh believe me I've noticed as much, Sabine." Kanan supplies with a small nod. "Though I am still working out what that particular quirk actually means."

"So what's the plan for when we get there, guys?" Zeb asks curiously after another long moment. "I mean after we land, get out and track the kid down anyway?"

"He's due for his next round of Amalyn in a little under an hour, Zeb. And before that time, he gonna need time to eat."

"Can we break into his tower once he's out again like you two did earlier?" Sabine inquires then, gleefully.

"No, Sabine. But I'll promise to look away from you strong-arming him into giving you a tour later after he finally wakes up." Hera replies.

Sabine shrugs, "Works for me, I guess. In the meantime I suppose if we do some general scouting in this area there's also probably plenty to see to keep us busy."

"I assume so as well." Hera answers back bluntly, "Either way we're not going to be anywhere for awhile guys...so be prepared." She glances over at her lover, "Since Kanan here and Ezra brilliantly made some sort of deal a few weeks ago that Ezra was free to start sleeping off the Ghost again just as soon as they switched over to the tittering stage for his Amalyn."

"You what, Kanan?!" Zeb and Sabine both turn to Kanan then, with twin expressions of complete incredulity.

"Hey, I never made him any promises about where we'd be berthing at that point in time did, did I?" He deadpans back in reply.

The Mandalorian and Lasat both stare at Kanan for a long moment jointly, before finally bending forward to convulse with laughter, utterly silent.

Hera meanwhile, just crossed her arms over her chest and glares huffily at him. "Okay Mister, you just totally *stole* my punchline."

Chapter Management

Chapter 7: Triumphs and Challenges (Updated and Expanded 2nd half)

Hera sets The Ghost down about a quarter mile from The Kid's tower, close enough for them all to reach it easily on foot, but not close enough for the noise of the engines to wake up the teenager up before they arrive and touch down. Kanan's not sure whether that's because the twi'lek pilot wants their newest (involuntary) recruit to get as much rest as he possibly can in light of how far he's just walked, or because she has very specific plans underway for how to wake the teenager up once they all get upstairs and, knowing her present mindset, probably try and put the fear of the Little Gods into Ezra for scaring her as badly as he just had.

Either way, her decision means that the teenager manages to sleep completely undisturbed through their initial appearance. Though Chopper at least is there to greet them when Hera lowers the ramp, having apparently abandoned his present watch of the sleeping teenager for the moment.

Kanan meanwhile, busies himself with grabbing a couple of things from the ship, including Amalyn, Morphine and enough spare bags of IV fluid and syringes to make it possible for him treat Ezra upstairs if necessary. He also grabs a couple of clean extra sheets and the warmest of their blankets from the well-supplied linen closet. Zeb and Sabine -when he finally meets the others outside -are gathered with Hera at the bottom of the disembarkation ramp - where Chopper speaks to the Twi'lek with a series of arm spins, whirs and low clicks. Most likely the droid is once again updating Hera on either he and Ezra' journey across the city earlier or on the teenager's current status and situation. Hera for her own part in replying to his current tirade of complaints very calmly.

"Look, I'm not saying that you did anything wrong, all right, Chopper? I'm just saying that the next time it's happening after sunset, I want you to immediately wake up either Kanan or I if Ezra's decides to leave the ship suddenly. Just consider that the indefinite new protocol for now where Ezra's concerned. And no, before you ask I don't particularly care whether or not he objects to you sharing…. We'll handle any fallout. While he's in my jurisdiction Chopper, I still want to know where he is and what he's doing as often as I possibly can."

Chopper beeps out a short affirmative in response to that instruction, spins his optic sensors back toward the ancient tower and lets loose a couple strings of disdainful whirs and clicking sounds – his ongoing opinion of the entire situation more than evident. Then he turns and makes his way back up and into the bowels of the ship, with a few disgruntled beeps following after about recharging.

"So," Sabine says after a moment, her hand raising to shield her eyes from the morning sun, as her gaze shifts eventually out to the tower, "This is where he's been living for the past few years at least, then? It's a lot farther from town I guess, then I was really expecting."

Zeb grunts softly. "It's a hell of a lot bigger than I was expecting the place to be. too. The thing looks pretty dilapidated, though. How long exactly's it been abandoned? Do we even know when or how he first stumbled across it?"

Hera grimace. "It's been empty since the fall of the Republic at least, Zeb. And more likely twenty to thirty years before even that, based on earlier look at some of the internal computer equipment. You'd have to ask Ezra and more for more details then that, though I suppose it's also possible that even he doesn't know how long this place actually stood out here abandoned before he eventually hacked in through the codes on the door and turned this place into his home."

"And when did that happen exactly?" Sabine repeats her earlier query with a small scowl, her eyes still locked on the building standing in the middle distance. "I mean how long has he actually been living out here all alone? Did any one we talked to in town have anything useful to say on the subject? Well other than that one electronics vendor who told us that it happened 'quite a while ago now' and that he's pretty sure Ezra's folks were completely out of the picture by the time he was ten?"

"Their names were Mira and Ephraim Bridger, guys. Mira was a political writer. Ephraim apparently helped maintain the networks for the planetary communication systems -which is why Ezra probably knew how to find this old Tower out here in the first place. He and his Dad no doubt visited here on multiple occasions long before Ezra's parents disappeared in order to scavenge various useful parts. Speaking of which..." Kanan clears his throat, glancing over at Hera with a meaningful look before continuing. "You remember awhile back that there was supposedly an anti-imperial broadcast that originated out of the Lotholian system, Hera? A regularly scheduled program known simply as 'The Voices of Freedom?'"

Hera nods her head, and then her eyes jerk from where they're still locked on the tower back over to Kanan's own calm face again, "Yeah I remember…it was supposedly run by a couple from here in Capital City who were causing all kinds trouble here on Lothol and in a few of the neighboring systems. It stopped suddenly with no explanation." The twil'lek pauses then, before she sudden inhales very sharply. "Wait a minute… Kanan, are you actually saying what I think that you're saying?"

Kanan's smile in return is distinctly wry. "I'm pretty sure at this point Hera that Ezra's technically been a shirttail relative of the resistance movement even longer than even you or I have been. He imbibed the animosity that he's got for the Bucketheads literally at his mother's breast. As for how long he's been living out here at the Tower on his own, well..." Kanan shrugs, "We can certainly ask him about it sometime if you'd like to- not that he'll necessarily just answer all our questions, but I'm personally betting that his relocation over to this part of the outskirts occurred during the same year that Ezra turned seven. Sometime after he watched his parents get dragged off by imperial storm troopers and into the darkness one evening."

Zeb chokes on the water that he's currently in the middle of draining out of a bottle as Kanan speaks. "Wait…so you're saying that Ezra's parents are still alive? That the kid isn't even technically an orphan. He's just...well basically stuck separated from his folks at the moment?"

"Yes, Zeb, at least as far as he knows currently, anyway. As Ezra put it to me earlier, his parents are both guests of the Imperial 'Club Med' at the moment. That all acknowledged, Ezra has been completely on his own in terms of keeping himself alive since they disappeared initially."

Sabine speaks up then, looking slightly gobsmacked. "Wow…He snapped at me once when he first came back on board the ship about having to learn to pickpocket when he was younger in order to eat, but I guess I just thought that he was being sarcastic...you know, basically overstating his position for sympathy."

"I wouldn't actually bet against the truth of his statement. The story that told Ezra me lines up way too neatly with the timing to be coincidence, not to mention the rumors we all heard about why those broadcasts finally stopped. If Ezra;s parents were under the watch of the Empire at the time, or they were finally located after a long period of the ISF trying to identify the actual people behind their unidentified voices, well then, it certainly explains why afterward everyone who'd known his family before then turned a conveniently blind eye in Ezra's direction."

Zeb works his jaw, "So you're implying what then? That the kid was just essentially orphaned - or as good as that anyway, when he was a small of seven. And then he what - resorted to living out here all alone and swiping food and wallets and such back in the Capital to eat. The entire karking planet just basically up and abandoned him? This world has no social service programs, no orphanages or fostering programs? There was no one in his old neighborhood who'd knew his folks and woulda been willing under the circumstance to take a seven-year-old in? They didn't want to kill him outright but they were fine with him starving or freezing to death?"

Kanan grimaces then shrugs. "Well what I'm guessing actually happened is something closer to this Zeb: almost the entirety of the Lothalian resistance cell that his parents originally belonged to got scooped up the night they were arrested right along with Ezra's parents. And before that point they'd all acted as each other's families and generalized support systems just for general security reasons. So their was no one left who really knew or had contact with Ezra regularly. And as for everyone else in town during the years that followed? I'm guessing that no one who stumbled across him afterward and eventually learned who Ezra truly was, was ready to risk the stigma or Imperial attention that the Bridger name could have brought down on their families. Helping him from most people's perspectives was just to costly."

"But...but that's not *fair* Kanan!" Sabine grits out clearly indignant at the idea. "He was…he was karking seven years old! He was guilty of nothing!"

Kanan's look in response to that is distinctly pitying. "'As the sins of the parents, so the sins of the children. You know collective guilt and it's ower just as well as I do, Sabine. Not to even mention, since when have the Imperials been particularly fair about how they anything? Do you guys honestly think that already threatened people don't regularly turn a blind eye to the suffering of the innocents around them on a regular basis when they're afraid of the possible consequences for making any kind of moral stand? What's one lonely little boy's life i vs the greater 'public good' to most civilians."

"Cowards!" Hera spits out in rapid reply, the word passing from her lips in crisp and accented Ryllian. And yeah, from the look on her face this whole story might not have been the brightest thing for Kanan to share with the group if he wants his lover to maintain any real rationality considering the current situation with Ezra - especially when she's already patterned onto him. On the other hand though, it is in fact the likely truth, and knowing that is at least supposed to set people free,

"Look, if Ezra is anything at all, then he's a survivor you guys. First and foremost - but that's not all, he also didn't lose his empathy when he lost his folks despite everything he went through after that experience. Whatever his parents taught him about ethical living before they were taken, stuck with him rather amazingly. He's certainly been given no incentive since they disappeared to remain as decent of a person as he at least tries to be."

"Do we even know why he came back out here this morning, Kanan?" Sabine finally asks him, very very softly. She's obviously mulling over the entire situation at the moment with changing eyes and probably shifting perspectives. There's a distinct softness to the Mandalorian's face that hadn't been there at the beginning of the conversation.

Kanan just shrugs shooting her a wry smile in reply, "My best guess is that he's been feeling crowded, and as strange as this sounds probably a little bit homesick. Remember that he's not as accustomed to interacting with other people as he has been over the past few days. His tower isn't new and shiny, clearly, but that doesn't mean that Ezra doesn't genuinely miss actually living in it. Force I can't even say that I'm particularly surprised if that is the case...for a very long time now, that tower has been his life's only true constant."

"The place still looks like a dump, though Kanan." Sabine grumbles back in reply, only to get herself gently head smacked by Zeb in reply,

"Yeah well, genius, I wouldn't actually suggest you be dumb enough t'say that out loud around him! At least not in his presence, unless you're trying to humiliate him deliberately He hasn't exactly had a lotta better options, up till recently, now has he?"

Hera sighs softly and tilts her head to one side, "Probably not, no Zeb. As infuriating as that is to admit. Hey Kanan, do we know why Ezra chose to live here on the outskirts in particular, instead of finding a bolthole somewhere else inside the city limits? I mean it's got to be a long haul for in to work and then back out here again every evening. Especially in winter."

Kanan shoots her a look then he shrugs, "We haven't ever talked about it directly, if that's what you're really asking me, Hera. My own best guess though, is that it's actually a combination of different reasons... including the place being an easily overlooked watertight structure and it being outside of any kind of gang claimed territory. Which given his lack of any apparent criminal affiliation, Ezra desperately needs to guarantee protection from raiding."

Zeb grunts a little, "You know, I hadn't really thought of that before now, but probably I should of? I wonder why it is that he hasn't been recruited by this point in life by someone from the underside of the city? A kid with a set of his natural talents would be a kark of a valuable asset after all you actually managed ever to gain his true loyalty."

"Oh, he's been approached by various gangs once or twice in his life, I all but guarantee it Zeb. And truthfully, I'm a little surprised that no one's ever simply tried to force Ezra into some sort of alliance. I can't say for sure why they haven't. Though my first guess is that he either has some kind of standing accords with several of the gangs in the city for a share of his take on their turfs the days he works or he's just that good at escaping notice when he actually needs to be sneaky." Kanan snorts softly, acknowledging one other distinct possibility. "Well that or maybe at some earlier point in his history it's possible that Ezra's former Master just pragmatically decided to put the fear of the Force into the local underworld concerning Ezra's ongoing personal safety."

"So what…? You're actually implying that his former master might have literally rounded up and then scared the metaphorical banthacrap out of a bunch of Lothalian Gang leaders on Ezra's personal behalf?" Sabine raises an eyebrow at the older Jedi. "Uhm isn't that a little…dark..strictly speaking?" She tilts her head as she asks the question very quizzically.

The Jedi pauses for a moment or two, trying to figure out exactly how to go about answering that question. Hera save him the trouble though, when the twi'lek literally tosses her head back and laughs - both loudly and freely.

"What?" The perplexed sixteen-year-old Mandalorian asks, blinking hard at the pilot. She's clearly unable at the moment, judging by her expression, to see how anything about her previous question could be remotely construable as funny.

"I'm sorry...it's just...well Jedi Masters and their Padawans were the closest equivalents that the Jedi Order had to parents and their *children* Sabine. An order that I note for the record was populated by beings with a natural tendency toward forming strong psychic links. And stupid people claim that *Twilek* parents are wired to be overprotective! Not to even mention the fact that an aggressive response in the face of threat to one's offspring is a *cultural* instinct just as much as it's a biological one for the most part, and any Jedi Masters out in the fields - especially during the height of war years - with their Padawans in tow would have almost unavoidably been visiting places that heightened those instincts…with completely predictable results. 'Thou shalt not mess with the Padawans' is how I remember one clone trooper explained it to Cham and my Mom when my dad asked a couple about some of the stories he'd been hearing, "Not unless you want to go out messily. It was item one on line one on all their briefing memos basically."

"I can't say that I knew that many Master and Padawan pairs all that well myself before Order 66, Hera." Kanan interjects dryly then in order to answer the question as well, "Excepting those rare times that they visited the Creche together or taught class - especially after the war started. That admitted, yes most Masters and their students were generally close judging by the historical records. After all it would have been all but impossible for them to not be eventually, just because all the time spent on shared training or meditation – to say nothing of the natural effects of a strong and well attuned training link. Retaining the right amount of distance in most cases to avoid unhealthy levels of attachment was probably far, far harder for most masters to manage than the opposite while they worked with their students. Which is part of the reason that I still don't get…." Kanan pauses, and then trails off snorting at his still almost constant level of bitter obsession.

It's part of the reason right now, he acknowledges to himself, that Kanan genuinely can't make sense of most of what he's extrapolated regarding Ezra and his Master and their previous ongoing dynamics. Because after all, Kanan admits without the slightest bit of shame, he doesn't find it hard to believe at all that a strong sense of protectiveness might have also accompanied that strong of a training bond. Enough protectiveness in fact to make the idea of threatening a bunch of local gang leaders on Ezra's behalf almost dizzyingly, alarmingly easy. But then that's the whole problem isn't it? At least as far as Kanan's concerned, anyway. Because after all, the same kind of protectiveness the other man had to have felt if he had any feelings at all should also have extended to a whole kark of a lot more than just scaring off immediate physical threats to Ezra's ongoing safety. A bond as strong as the one that Ezra and his master appeared to have shared - just judging by the fall out of the original bond break -should have also created an equal amount of concern in his Master for maintaining all the other aspects of the teenager's ongoing well being. *Especially* in light of the kid's neglect and trauma peppered history.

That it apparently hadn't done at least that much- hadn't meant that Ezra hadn't ever had to worry about having the basics necessary for survival while his master had been alive and apparently capable of working, is as confusing to Kanan right now as it is just fundamentally infuriating.

"It's part of the reason you don't what?" Zen asks him then, one eyebrow raised. Kanan just waves him off for the moment, because it's a topic that's better left for a time. The topic isn't even particularly relevant currently.

"Look, I can certainly see how doing something of that particular nature in order to keep Ezra safe during the times his Master wasn't there in person to defend him would have been a justifiable decision from most Jedi Masters' perspectives, yes. Also yes, that idea would also explain how exactly Ezra manages to work in so many different parts of the city without running afoul in various territories." Kanan pauses for another moment or so considering the idea more thoroughly. "Which is almost enough to make *me* want to go out and try a run down a couple of them myself truthfully."

"Uhm, why exactly, Kanan?" Hera blinks at him. "Do you think things might change again now that his Master's gone? For that matter Love, do you think they even know that he's dead yet? Did the man finally fall somewhere here on Lothal or were they somewhere else off of the planet when it happened?"

"Oh they don't know that his Master's actually dead quite yet, Hera. Or at least I assume that they don't if none of them are currently trying to mess with him all that much if they think he's lost that outside protection. Nor do I have any intention of deliberately tipping them off to the change until everything else is finally settled between us and Ezra - it wouldn't be safe - but in the meantime that doesn't mean that I'm not seriously tempted right now to go run some of them down and try and shake them up myself just to try and get some useful information."

"About…?"

"Ezra's old Master, Hera. Whom Ezra, irritatingly enough, refuses to talk about at all, up to and including giving the man's actual * real name* to me."

Hera blinks for a very long moment in response to that confession. Zeb raises a clearly curious eyebrow. "Wait - really? The kit literally refuses to tell you anything about his master at all?"

"Yes. It's Ezra's biggest dead zone conversationally, and I have to tell you it's absolutely maddening!"

"Why though, Kanan?"

"Because it's important in terms of context all right! Knowing his master's name, rank and age would at least give me some kind of clue concerning the way he interacted with Ezra depending on the quirks of his own generation! I'd at the very least be able to use his name to learn his race and probably even his career specialty."

Hera sighs patiently, then repeats the question one more time. "No Kanan: not 'why' as in 'why do you want to know his name'. I meant why: as in 'why *won't* Ezra tell you anything about the man' at the moment?"

"Because he's a kriffing pain in the ass, Hera? And he likes being annoying?"

Hera rolls her eyes, then sighs before continuing to speak. "Then he's seriously given you no other explanation for his silence on the subject then that, Kanan?"

"Other than him saying that he was trying to respect the other man's privacy post-mortem? No! Which makes utterly no sense at all, Hera! I mean the man is dead! His secrets don't protect anyone anymore!" Kanan scowls at the remembered conversation dourly.

"Only as far as you know at present. Look, have you ever tried pushing Ezra more on that particular sub-subject specifically?"

"Not really, because every time I even try to get anywhere near the topic the kid immediately changes the subject, or disengages whenever I actually try and call him out on it."

"And yet he has no issue apparently telling you numerous details about his life with his parents? Or even about the basic day to day life that he's lived ever since the two of them were first taken?" Now it's Sabine's turn to ask the question. She has an almost identical puzzled wrinkle to Hera's currently claiming the center of her forehead.

"I wouldn't go that far, Sabine. Look what I know right now about Ezra's early life and his parents I got out of exactly one discussion that the two of us shared about them. And that who conversation? Was basically started by him asking about the gossip we'd heard from other people in town, and then either confirming or denying most of it. Well that and I asked him point blank how he hadn't been captured with his parents when the storm troopers came to his house that initial night. The two of us were basically killing time when he just decided to open up about it abruptly."

Zeb speaks up after another moment. "Question for the rest of you – since you've been asking most of the questions. What have the people in town who you three've been talked to had to say about Ezra's master?"

"Not a word."

"The subject never came up as far as I remember."

"There's been no indication from anyone but Ezra, Zeb, that the man ever even existed."

"At all? Not once? From anybody?" the Lasat's eyebrows nearly reach his forehead now. "Even though Ezra supposedly knew him for over four years - at least according to his claims? He was the kid's master for that long and not even once is he mentioned just as Ezra's semi regular companion? Isn't that...well...more than a little bit strange? I mean unless the man was literally mind tricking everyone who he met on the literally daily basis up to and including the people he spoke to out on the street... Was he really that unremarkable? Or was he just not around all that much honestly. Exactly how involved in Ezra's life was he truthfully?"

Kanan blinks hard, then exchanges a long look wry look with Hera. Who's looking distinctly thoughtful herself - those are some very astute questions Zeb's just asked after all. Zeb hasn't missed much at this point. Which may mean that it may be time for them to actually have a more important conversation with both Sabine and Zeb about the grimmer realities of Ezra's past.

Kanan frowns, deeply deeply conflicted. The topic is certainly important, but there's also the matter of just how much longer Ezra's going to continue to sleep where he is comfortably or safely. Not to even mention that his next dose of meds is due now in - Kanan checks his chronometer - sith spit, in just about twenty-five minutes.

"Hera, were you actually all that heart set on waking him up personally yourself? Because if not then we should probably divide and conquer here…" He gestures to Sabine and Zeb, "Try and actually have this conversation while the fire's hot, but at the same time Hera, I really don't want Ezra having to miss one of his doses... or kriff, even him just being late on his bolus if we can possibly prevent it. We're running short on time. The clock is ticking. And someone is going to need to get him back under actually shelter and hopefully convince him to eat, or he's going to end up seriously nauseous later on when he's on his IV."

Hera glances at the Tower a minute longer, clearly internally debating, Then she sighs and nods her head. "Go on and deal with things Kanan. The rest of us will all be up in a little while as soon as we finish up talking. Also...did you actually pack stuff to dose him while he's upstairs, or will you be bringing him back here to the ship before his next bolus?"

"I packed the amalyn, Hera, because I didn't know how easily he'd wake up once we actually find him, or how long that it'll take for him to make the trip back to the ship once we do– how arduous the required journey will actually be from his perspective. It was an eight-plus mile walk from the other side of town to hear as you mentioned earlier. I may end up having to fire-man carry him back to the Ghost later if he wore himself out badly enough But that's not exactly a tenable plan with in the middle of a running drip to gravity IV. Which means that he's probably going to need to stay in the Tower for a couple of hours this afternoon, until his current bolus of his Amalyn finishes running."

Hera wrinkles her nose. "I see your point but still - that tower is hardly sterile, Kanan. I know that he's trying to keep his port clean as best as he can, but when we brought them back to the Ghost his stuff was still pretty filthy...I don't even want to think about his bed sheets..."

"Yeah I know, which is why I also packed a couple of clean sheets in my bag as well as plenty of steri-spray. He's good about always covering his IV. It'll be better than nothing at the moment."

"Fine."Hera crosses her arms across her chest and sets jaw. "But he's not spending another night out there in the cold, Kanan, and I mean it. Because even I have my *limits* and this is one of them apparently."

"Then I suggest that you take up the issue again with Ezra after he's slept off his meds and, Hera. After all, the deal that he and I made earlier was *just between the two of us,* Hera. Which gives you some room to haggle with Ezra now and try a get a better bargain then I did."

Hera makes a face, clearly preferring giving orders to carrying out negotiations. Kanan can't help but think back to her earlier comments about being happy to provide Ezra with an fight at this point if that's what's necessary. Which makes him wonder in the interim if it's really Ezra who craves a confrontation most desperately right now, since Hera hates almost nothing more in life then ongoing uncertainty. When she's unsure she sometimes takes the bulldozer approach to fixing things in the short term, which only works well if your target doesn't still have some things in their possession worth not breaking.

"Please Hera, just try things my way for a little bit longer. I know you're getting impatient with all of this, but like I told you earlier, this situation is complex. Go to war with him only when you absolutely have to Hera because I guarantee everybody will end up losing even if we eventually do resolve a different kind of complex."

Hera sighs, clearly exasperated but also resigned for the moment. "Yes fine, I hear you, Kanan and I'll try it you way for just a little bit longer at least. But only as long as he's actually displaying common sense and negotiating with me fairly. Don't think for even a moment that I won't play hardball with him when it comes to issues of his ongoing health or safety right now, because some lines are absolutely worth drawing."

Kanan snorts at that apparent conditional, very, very wryly. "Hera, if Ezra's still too wiped out to walk back to the Tower on his own after we finish up here, or if he's clearly too weak to defend himself and he still wants to leave the Ghost before dark, then you won't have to fight with him until after he manages to get through me! Our original agreement hinged on Ezra being better all right - on him being ready on some level to see to his own safety! It certainly never included him sleeping somewhere else all by himself when he's unable to defend himself at that point adequately."

"...Your arrangement, Kanan?" Zeb intones, frowning, "What exactly did that even entail in the first place? Just so that we're all clear on the subject in the future?"

"...Go on and take care of things." Hera tells him then, with a wave of her arm toward Ezra's present location. "I'll fill these guys in on all of that along with the rest of our still upcoming conversation."

"All right." Kanan agrees with a simple nod of his head, and then he lifts his bag from where it's lying at his feet, and sets off across the field at what is admittedly more than his regular top speed.

It's not really necessary, he acknowledges once he's finally at the base of the structure, for him to be feeling as rushed or as anxious as he is at the moment. After all, it's not like Ezra's in any serious danger of relapse or injury at the moment. Technically speaking, if Ezra's going to suffer at all during the next hour or so it's going to be from a lack of further pain meds. And that's assuming he'll even need them considering how much better Ezra had seemed in his noted before he'd hared off in the earliest hours this morning.

Then again maybe that's the real problem, Kanan admits (at least to himself anyway) as he bypasses the door into the main column and starts to make his way up the long winding staircase. After all it has been six coming up on seven hours now since Ezra and Chopper first slipped silently away from The Ghost and that? Is by far the longest that the teenager has been out of Kanan's direct supervision – or at least some close approximation of it, anyway - since their reunion in the market the other morning. And Kanan's subconscious mind is less then happy with the prolonged separation.

After all, for all that the older Jedi is trying to be the voice of proverbial reason these days he's truthfully even less instinctively rational when it comes to Ezra Bridger and his safety then the rest of the Specter crew was combined at present. As it would have put back in temple (admittedly under most peoples' breathes) Ezra is actively courting Kanan's full fledged Master crazies at the moment.

Hera had commented a few minutes ago about Jedi Masters and their Padawans, about the Jedi's generally deeply empathetic natures and most Jedi Masters' tendency to lean toward natural over-protectiveness as a result when it came to their student charges. The truth of the matter is that she'd more than hit the nail on the head concerning that particular subject. Kanan is well aware right now of how badly he'd likely respond to any real threat aimed in Ezra's direction given the kid's fragile health and horrifying levels emotional damage.

Kriff, Kanan isn't even technically Ezra's master yet so much as he's just actively attempting to position himself in order to assume the role. Granted the Force has also been making its desire's known concerning the subject with about as much delicacy as a Bantha for days. Still, with every days the issue just seems to get worse, Kanan's emotional reactions get stronger and more difficult to release even when he was to let them go as he should, and the Force seems to thrums with more and more unexplainably urgent. If this present building tsunami wave of instinct and emotion that Kanan is currently dealing with is any indication of what it's going to be like until the two of them finally sit down and actually resolve the situation then Kanan truly doesn't think that either he or Ezra will be able to take too much more of their ongoing battle of wills before something finally breaks in one or both of them. They're dancing on the metaphorical knife's edge these days and at increasingly heighten risk of one or both of them either getting cut as a result or slipping.

'To be fair, Jarrus," He consoles himself even as he climbs up the stairs to the room at the top of the tower, "You never once in your life imagined taking on the care of an actual Padawan. Much less one whose history has left them so standoffish and broken.' The care of a teenager, yes – back when Kanan and Hera had first welcomed Sabine aboard The Ghost. Though making room for the Mandalorian girl had been a very different sort of commitment , then encountering and committing to the long term care of a force sensitive teenager. And not only just that, Kanan acknowledges to himself a little grimly, but an actively homeless street kid who'd been completely self-supporting for most of his middle and late childhood and had little trust for other force users thanks to a highly dysfunctional (if not outright abusive) previous Master-Padawan relationship.

That Ezra doesn't even seem to register the dynamic between his old Master and himself as unhealthy thus far is bad enough all on its own. That the kid still clearly loves and mourns the man who couldn't even be bothered to keep him from basic malnutrition for years is indescribably galling, and worst of all, Kanan certainly can't to say anything negative in Ezra's presence at this point concerning any of it.

What he can do for now he knows, is try to outdo the man that he's been subtly setting himself up to replace. Force - he figures that it won't even be that hard for him to manage to start to triage the kid's years of neglect, in terms of Kanan's own ability to make sure that Ezra is supplied with a solid foundation of all previously denied basics.

And not just food or medical care or adequate protection, Kanan thinks to himself just a little bit grimly, but also affection and affirmation and ongoing emotional support, as well as regular day to day company. The kind of basics that anyone with common sense should know that all children need. Sure Kanan acknowledges, it may take some time for them all to adjust to the new normal, for Ezra in particular to actually relax and slowly start to trust again - and that as a result some of the early months may be incredibly long and sometimes frustrating. In the meantime though, even slow progress is still progress -and it'll at least help to quiet some of his own current jitters if he just gives himself permission mother hen Ezra at times like this even just in minor ways.

Which is why it's such a relief, when Kanan gets up to the top of the stairs and steps out onto the wrap around balcony to find the kid still exactly where Chopper had left him. Though perhaps Ezra looks a bit paler and colder than he'd appeared initially on Chopper's vid feed. His lips are currently twisted slightly up on one side, like he's either dreaming about something unpleasant or registering a significant about of pain at the same time as he sleeps.

Kanan crouches down in front of Ezra for several long seconds, studying the younger man's face and shielding both carefully and taking in what little he can of the information currently slipping out of the teenager's still battered mind, and then he rises up to his feet again, goes to the tower room's main door. He lets himself inside and quickly sets up Ezra's makeshift bed – laying out everything he'll need to set up an IV drip on box beside the pile of blankets and cushions - and then he goes back outside in order to shake the boy awake by his right shoulder gently.

Except Ezra doesn't wake up in reaction to the touch though – instead his face screws up even harder as he curls in slightly on himself. "Ah come on Zeb…Get off of me already! Just five more minutes, guys, like seriously, please..."

Well, that's a little odd, Kanan blinks in slightly bemused reaction. He'd been under the distinct impression that Ezra is the one who typically wake up before the Lasat does not the other way around. Another gentle nudge does nothing as all to pull the kid out of his sleep. In this at least Ezra appears to be a very typical teen. Sighing a little, and rolling his eyes Kanan gets one of his arms beneath Ezra's bent knees, hooks his other behind the slumped forward set of shoulders, and then lifts Ezra from the balcony deck with a low grunt of effort as he does so, and kriff but the kid is light. A moment after that he's laying Ezra down on the ramshackle, sheet covered bed, pushing up the sleeve of the teenager's shirt in order to reveal the current location of his IV port, beginning to unwrap the bandage wrapped around his lower arm methodically.

Even as he does so Kanan also instinctively reaches up with one hand to tap Ezra lightly on his cheek. "Bridger. Ezra come on, Kid - wakey wakey… " And then for just the space of a moment or two, the direct skin contact provides Kanan with another rare burst of that lightning-like pain, before he finds himself suddenly pulled almost directly out of reality and into Ezra's current dream.

Coldness. Icy, terrifying coldness. A tall man clad all in black - from the mask on his head to his charcoal black boots- standing just a few yards away from Ezra through the teenager's perspective. There's a red saber blade in the man's left hand while at the same time the right one pins Ezra like a bug to the wall... the blue light saber glowing in Ezra's own hand is being driven methodically closer and closer to the teenager's face…the heat of the blade steadily warming the flesh it's approaching even as the other man mocks Ezra. There's the knowledge in Ezra of coming death, until…suddenly the distant sound of shouting voices...and relief. 'Master.' Help is finally coming to help him deal with the Sith...

And then Kanan's real hand is suddenly being tugged back abruptly away from Ezra's suddenly *conscious* face as the teenager grabs Kanan's wrist arm almost spasmodically, yanking the older Jedi back away from the contact and dumping them both into wakefulness again from out of his dream.

Ezra's voice is tight and choked when he finally speaks – his tone is hoarse with pain and tight with no small amount of panic. "How many time do I have to tell you this, Kanan!?" He literally wheezes out on his next breath, "Until my head is finally healed up please karking *ask* before you actually try and touch me!"

Ezra doesn't sound angry anymore when he makes the comment though, or even particularly bitter like he'd sounded the last time around. Instead, the kid's breathing is just ragged and harsh - his hands are clenching almost spasmodically at his side. His eyes are open wide for just the space of a moment, before the shut again with an abrupt snap as Ezra's hands automatically reach up – the meat of his palms digging into each side of his forehead in what is clearly a gesture of deep unwavering agony. He looks as if he's literally fighting off some kind of psychic attack in his own head at the moment.

"Kark, but my head hurts like banthashit right now." Ezra finally whimpers after another moment or so of this expression, finally breathing out harshly and releasing a long and violent string of mangled, interspersed profanity.

"I've got some morphine right here, Kid. You want some?" Kanan makes the offer immediately

"Yes. Please, Kanan. It's either that right now or a full on frontal lobotomy."

"Just hold on, Ezra. Help is already on the way." Kanan shifts then to one side and starts to dig through the contents his shoulder bag frantically, grateful beyond words he's been wise enough to bring along a precautionary vial of morphine.

A moment later Kanan's injecting the max allotted dose of the opioid into Ezra's now wiped clean IV port, "Hang in there, okay, Kid? It usually only takes about three to five minutes before things start to feel something near bearable. In the meantime just try and breathe with me slowly so you don't hyperventilate until that happens, all right?" Kanan sighs, running a hand back through his hair anxiously. "Force, Ezra, I'm sorry – I just didn't think. I was trying to wake you up as fast as I possibly could so that you could have a chance to eat, before your next dose of Amalyn."

There's a pause of several seconds then a breathy huffed reply, "I…I'm still at my tower right now, aren't I? At least for the moment."

"Yeah. Yeah, you are Ezra..."

"Then how..."

"How is it that I'm here too?" Kanan waits for the teenager to nod, before he continues on speaking, "Hera flew us over here in The Ghost, Ezra. We woke up shortly after you and Chopper made over here to the tower this morning. We checked in with Chopper in order to get a fresh ETA, and he informed us that while you'd made it all the way out to the tower without problem you'd also promptly fallen asleep. I''m guessing because you sat down for a few minutes in order to watch the sunrise and then got mugged by the sandman."

Ezra curses again then, though softer this time around, and also thankfully, with far far less accompanying agony. His face is finally starting to go slack in clear sign of pain relief. "Damn it. Thanks, Kanan. Sorry that I yelled at you, earlier. I honestly didn't mean to crash out when I sat down - just wanted to rest for a few minutes, but I guess I underestimated when I first sat down how much the walk over here had actually ended up taking out of me."

Kanan almost reaches out again in order to squeezes Ezra shoulder, only to free in place, and then deliberately pull his hand back again. Why is it such an instinctive compulsion for him right now to touch the kid. "Yeah, I figured as much. Don't worry about it right now. Let's focus on getting you out of pain first, then and back on your regular schedule of meds."

The teen's face constricts as he nods, and then he huffs out a chagrined little chuckle, wryly meeting Kanan's eyes. "So... do I even want to know how pissed off Hera or any of the others are right now at me?"

"On a scale from one to ten Ezra? You're at about a six or so minimum. Our good Captain's not exactly keen on people wandering off of her ship in the middle of the night hours the way you just did last night without at least providing a little warning of those intentions preliminarily."

"I...I managed not to wake anyone up before we left. We were really, really quiet about it."

"Yes. You were, Kid. Which still does absolutely nothing in your favor in terms of Hera's current level of unhappy."

Ezra groans softly, "Force! She is such a kriffing nanny goat sometimes. She seriously needs to get some kind of hobby…"

Kanan smirks, 'Yeah well good luck with that Kid, since you're pretty much it - well at least for the moment. Have fun eventually actually adapting.'

"Yeah well I hate to break this to you Ezra, but I can't exactly say that I'm really much happier right now , myself. Because yeah while I'll acknowledge that you do have every right to leave the ship whenever you like, maybe next time around that you decide to wander back home unannounced, you could try not doing it right after you've been given a full dose of Morphine! Which you've outright told us makes you prone to stuff like hallucinations and sleep walking! Before we actually found your note in Medlab - which had fallen of the mattress and halfway under the bed, both Hera and I nearly had a heart attack when Zeb told us you were missing."

Ezra's face crumples. "Oh Kark, Kanan. I didn't even think about that possibility. I'm really, really, really sorry. I'll weight it with a book next time or something..."

'There isn't going to be a kriffing next time, not if Hera has anything to say about it.' "Yeah well, I'd probably be as pissed as Hera is right now, Kid, if I weren't also so karking relieved you're okay. For the record, Ezra, you are seriously wreaking havoc on my blood pressure at the moment."

"Yeah so you keep telling me, Master... pretty much near constantly." The unintentional honorific when it passes through the boy's lips literally makes Kanan freeze, staring down at Ezra shell-shocked even as the kid blinks up at him hazily before rubbing at his eyes for a moment as if try to clear them. "I'm so kriffing tired right now. I desperately need to get some actual sleep.

The Morphine has finally come into full effect then, at least judging by the teenager's increasingly vacant expression. Kanan's pretty karking sure at the moment that the kid's not even hearing the older Jedi's words so much as he's simply sensing his presence. Ezra's clearly not fully cognizant of anything that he's currently saying.

Which still does absolutely nothing to quell the literal bonfire that feels as if it's just been stoked to life right in the center of Kanan's own chest, as frustration and discouragement and yes more than a little bit of doubt about the choices that he's been struggling with over the last couple of weeks go up like so much tinder under the flame of one word, spoken with complete and easy conviction by the teenager in front of him. While all around the two of them, the Force itself seems to practically sing in smug reaction. As if to gloat, 'See?! Yes, we both know exactly what we're doing!"

And no, it doesn't solve any of the bigger problems that are still in front of them. It doesn't make Ezra any less emotionally damaged right now, or irritating, or stubborn. It doesn't prevent even one of the battles that are almost inevitably coming in the days still ahead, but it sure as Kriff is a nice little balm to Kanan's less than stellar or stable self-confidence concerning everything that's happening.

"Ezra?" He murmurs quietly, mostly checking that he hasn't lost the kid to unconsciousness completely yet.

"Yeah, Kanan?" Blue eyes blink up at him sleepily. The word is heavily slurred under the effect of the medication.

"How you feeling at the moment, Kid?"

"Juuuust fine, Master. Thanks."

Oh the irony, Kanan can't help but think to himself then. The complete and utter irony of every single bit of this whole situation.

Kanan slowly shakes out the blanket he's also produced, carefully covering the smaller, thinner body and tugging off the teenager's boots one at a time before tucking the cloth gently around two half bared feet. The kid needs new socks - the one's he's got on right now are literally falling to pieces. "Hera and the others will be arriving pretty soon. Do you think that you can take a short rest until then and then wake again?"

"Definitely not gonna be a prob'lem, Master." Ezra's eyes slowly slide again - moments later he's sleeping like a piece of literal rock, while Kanan Jarrus just sits back on his heels and does his best for the moment to stop grinning like a karking idiot, hopefully before any of the others finally arrive, or Ezra wakes back up again.

Ezra doesn't exactly know how or why, but sometime within the last couple of hours Kanan Jarrus has gone from being easily baitable -if admittedly always seriously dangerous for Ezra to actively engage in debate with- to someone who is calmer and far more personally grounded then Ezra really knows how to deal with. He doesn't understand what's caused the change in the older Jedi, he just knows that witnessing the transformation is absolutely terrifying...

None of which detracts from Ezra's more obvious problem at the moment.

It's an issue that is small, strong-willed and rather sadly Hera Syndulla shaped. The Ghost's pilot has been all but completely silent ever since Ezra first woke up in his tower about half an hour or so ago, his current dose of Amalyn already hung up on the wall just above him and the drip running rapidly as his body happily suck the needed medication. He was clearly already a little dehydrated by the looks of things. Hera, for her own part is studying Ezra very carefully currently, from her seat on a set of crates that has been pulled up to form another stool of sorts beside his bed. The twi'lek pilot has an all too too familiar mix of frustration and uncertainty on her face right now, along with a more typical expression of rising motherly anger, and kark it, Ezra acknowledges to himself grimly even as she finally opens her mouth to speak to him, if that particular look doesn't mean that it's way past time for Ezra to finally employ 'that' prescripted back up conversation.

Ezra, truthfully speaking, would have preferred just to avoid this discussion altogether. Because after all he knows Hera well, and he loves Hera too…a lot like the much older sister who he never had the privilege of actually having. And so he wants to hurt her right now about as much as he wants to hurt Kanan. Which is to say not at all. But that? Is clearly now no longer an option.

Because the truth of the matter is that Ezra's been playing with fire for literal days now - ever since first following Kanan back to The Ghost. Though honestly given the severity of his psychic damage at that time, Ezra also doesn't see what he could have sanely done any differently. Refusing further help from Kanan when he'd so clearly been in need of it at the time would have been like waving a red flag at Kanan and Hera and declaring his obvious mental incompetence under those circumstances. Consenting to temporary treatment had simply been easier then refusing it.

It still doesn't change the fact, though that Ezra's actions ever since he first came back aboard have involved a very special, very dangerous kind of cruelty to the rest of the Specter crew that now has to be stopped before it literally kills one or more of them. He's been getting to comfortable and too comfortable with this version of the Ghost Crew then he can really afford to. Because right now? The Twi'lek pilot is clearly starting to think that they can somehow just lure Ezra back into the fold and onto the ship as crew again. Which yes, for the record Ezra wishes to kriff that they could, but that doesn't change the fact that they can't. Because after all Ezra's plan? His perfectly reasonable, perfectly executed little strategy that he'd set in motion the day he'd left the ship as a premeditated, deliberate decision? It has never been a fool's errand - no matter what any of the rest of them might currently think. It'd been Ezra's means of preventing a far greater, far worse future agony. One that had left Kanan dead on the ground and the rest of them staggering around in shock for almost two months afterward well the galaxy sunk further and further into darkness no matter what they did. Not to mention judging by Ezra's visions at the time it had been the death of all hope and any desirable future really.

That future was the bottom line that Ezra was at war at the moment – the outcome that he was committed preventing again at literally any cost which he could pay personally out of his own pockets. And to see a different future unfurl, where they were all better all, where they all kriffing lived thanks to any lack of his stupidity Ezra was more than prepared at this point to do nearly anything in order to make real changes happen. Up to and including scorching the earth of his own previous history.

Which means that right now its time for him to just face the facts: the Ghost Crew are, and are going to remain, Ezra's single greatest stumbling block in setting things to right in this particular stream. Which means that starting today he's got to man the kark up, and start dealing with all the necessary - he has to literally cut and run. Even if that means that he needs to cut some kind of a deal in the short term with someone like Vizago in order to make it actually happen.

"You're very quiet right now, Ezra." Hera observes quietly, from where she's seated. Twi'lek's wide green eyes are locked on his face, apparently studying his changing facial expressions intently.

"I'm just thinking about some stuff, Hera." He acknowledges, equally calmly and quietly.

"…About?" Somehow that question feels very much like some kind of trap, but Ezra still doesn't hesitate to answer it. As previously stated they have to actually have this karking conversation.

"A lot of different things, actually, Hera," he finally admits. Because after all it's the literal truth, and there's no better way in to begin a lie than by using at least a little bit of it as precursor, at least in Ezra's own past experience.

"Such as?" Hera's tone is growing increasing prodding, just a little impatient.

He shrugs, "Just about what's happened to all of us over the past couples weeks, I guess. How crazy life can be in ways you wouldn't expect it to be. And what lies waiting for me in the days still ahead."

Hera nods a little in reply to that particular admission, sighing deeply in response to his honesty. "If that's really the case, Ezra, then I think that you and I may well be of the exact same mind subject wise, at least at the moment."

Despite his best intentions, Ezra's lips quirk upwards, though without any true humor, really. "No offense, Syndulla, but it's probably better for all involved if you don't count on that. We all might be on a common road right now, yeah, but that doesn't necessarily mean that you and I have the same kinds of destinations in mind or even just intend to use the same sort of travel maps. Not every traveler - or group of travelers is on an identical journey."

And wow, okay maybe that had been Ezra becoming just a little bit too honest in the moment, at least judging by the way that the Twi'lek pilot leans forward toward him in reply, her eyes suddenly going both watchful and far far too canny. "And what is it that you actually do want, Ezra Bridger? Both from us specifically and for your own life generally speaking? Because I think that it's well past time that we finally have a discussion concerning that topic. As well as about everything else that's happened since the rest of us first met you, truthfully."

Ezra's answer is once again simple, truthful and ultimately misleading. "That's easy, Hera. I want an honest chance to trade up from my past as it it's been up until now into something stronger and less bloody. And along the way, I'd like to save as many of the people that I love as I possibly can."

Hera blinks at that answer for a long moment, looking just a little bit nonplussed by his truthfulness. "I ...I am going to assume for the moment that you meant your parents when you said that, Ezra? I mean unless you also have other family members out there that we're not currently aware of?"

Ezra's smile is distinctly bittersweet. "No. There's just my folks, Hera. No blood kin who'd otherwise claim me. Though I do have some very old friends of a sort that I haven't gotten around to actually meeting just yet in person. Hopefully that much I can change soon - or at least relatively quickly. As for my wanting to rescue my Mom and my Dad, Hera...?" He shrugs his shoulders, a little strangely emotionless in the face of that particular subject, even in terms of his own opinion. But then again he hasn't been able to let himself think for more then a few seconds at a time about the reality of them still being alive. At least not if he hopes to maintain any kind of emotional stability in the face of what's still to come. "It's a nice enough pipe dream I guess, but also probably rather unspeakably cruel, to wish for any kind of real family reunion."

Hera's forehead wrinkles up a little bit in response, clearly confused by that comment, "And what is that supposed to mean in this context exactly?"

"Just...that I'm grown past the required level of naivete required to believe that something like that's ever truly going to be a good thing. Look Hera, I freely admit in hypothetical that I'd be more than delighted if I could find a way to bust my folks out of prison unharmed. It'd probably even be a nice fantasy for awhile afterwards for the three of us to pretend that if I could do so safely without also unfairly endangering anyone else that we could try and go back to being the same kind of people that we all were before the two of them were arrested. The plain cold truth of the matter though, is that that'll never be a real or viable option...because they're not the same them and I'm not definitely not the same me. Which means that it's probably kindest if we all just keep our distances indefinitely."

Ezra plays with the cuticles of one hand even as he continues talking, "I mean even if I did have the resources available to raid an imperial compound tomorrow or next week or next year or the year after that like I just said, Hera the three of us would never really go back to being the same as we were again, could we? Not after all three of us walked straight through our own individuals versions of hell as a result of the choices that they made for all of us all those years ago? The wild haired, wide eyed innocent who they convinced themselves that they trying to create a better world for? Is dead now. Because when they disappeared their precious moral legacy basically starved slowly to death out on the streets. The two of them were so blinded by their ideals and their willing sacrifice for their 'causes' that they failed completely to recognize they'd picked a real dud if something happened to watch over their baby. But rubbing that fact into their faces at this point? When they only did what they did out of blind love, just seems like terrible, terrible cruelty to me. Better to just let them love the kid that they still think they have from a nice, blurry distance, I'm thinking."

There's a long moment of silence then, as Hera processes all of the above. Her forehead wrinkling clearly in deep thought and perhaps an unspoken word or two of comment for several very long seconds, before her expression ultimately settles to stillness again and she tips her head to one side, apparently discarding and reply in favor of asking her next question bluntly. "You said earlier, back when I first offered you a job aboard The Ghost, Ezra, that your present commitments here on Lothal were why you didn't want to join up as crew. Only now, you've been hinting to Kanan that you've always intended to leave the planet, at least as far as he's told me. So what I want to know right now is this... did you just lie outright initially? Or did you truly change your mind about the topic at some point after I initially asked you?"

Ezra makes a pained faced then. Because this answer is going to definitely hurt her. "Honestly, Syndulla? I was just trying as politely as I could possibly manage at the time to tell you guys to get lost, okay? You didn't want to hear that message though. Even now that still refuses to get through. I was trying to let you down gently at that point...to not hurt anyone's feelings if I didn't have to, but honestly? What I wanted from all of you at that point was for you guys to just back off - to detach and just let me be."

Hera frowns deeply at that admission, before nodding slightly. "And now that you've actually lived with all of us for several weeks since coming back on board, Ezra, and and you've hopefully had the chance as a result to get to know all five of us a whole lot better?"

Ezra makes another pained face, "You seem like decent enough people, for the most part Hera, I'm honestly not trying to claim otherwise for the most part at least, but I'm still not even remotely interested in 'buying' any of what you guys are currently selling "

"Considering how briefly we've talked about what that might actually look like, Ezra, how can you be so sure of that fact right now?" Hera's mouth purses up in frustration even as she asks.

Ezra sighs very deeply, lifts his eyes to hers and locks her gaze. "Because I know your *type* Hera Syndulla, okay? I've already lived through two rounds in my life of being typecast as the future martyrs' assistant. And honestly? I have no interest at this point in even *auditioning* for a crack at round three. "

Hera jerks backward in reply to that statement as if she's been physically slapped by his words. "We're...we're not martyrs, Ezra! Though yes, we are actively fighting as hard as we for other people's freedom."

"Yes, so you keep saying, Hera. Just like my parents did essentially. And truthfully right now you're all probably closer to zealots then you are actual martyrs, but you'll still end up there eventually unless I miss my guess. Because believe me Hera, by now I know the signs and the patterns involved like the back of my hand. But I? I can't afford to live in that kind blast zone again. Not after round two of living exactly that kind of life left me with a psychic hole in my head that I'm literally going to be living with for literal rest of my life because I was unlucky enough when it happened to miss the blast zone that killed my master by less than three feet. Never mind that I'd have preferred at that point in our mutual journey to just go along with him."

"Ezra," Hera tries to protest then, clearly upset almost beyond words by everything that he's saying, but Ezra just gently cuts her off. Because after all he isn't done speaking quite yet. He's had days to plan this particular speech, and now that it's actually occurring in real time he desperately needs the resulting amputation to be neat, clean and most importantly, deep.

"Sacrifice is a noble path, isn't that what you implied to me the other day, Syndulla? How exactly did you put it again. Oh yes: 'If the only life you fight for is your own than your own life will ultimately count as nothing?' Or something very much like that . Value other people's lives and need constantly over your own if you want your life to matter, was basically the gist of the point that you were making? Our lives - our existences only really matter if we're willing to give them up, to discount our own needs and troubles ? That's how we build all real and lasting legacies?"

Ezra leans forward a little bit then, looking at her candidly, "Only the funny thing about that particular philosophy, Hera at least in my own experience at least, is that it's usually the people who say that kind of stuff the the very loudest who are also the most eager to die - no matter what kind of mess they're leaving behind when they do. Even when it also means leaving everyone else that they're supposedly serving to do the real shit work of *actually living.*"

"Ezra..." Hera tries to cut him off yet again, but he just pushes on relentlessly. "So no offense right now, Hera...I mean to each their own, at least philosophically speaking. But I'm not ready to disregard the value of saving *anyone's* life at this point in time- including my own if no one else is going to bother to even try and do it for me. Because after all, Hera every life has to count for something - every one has to matter in the larger view - or no life will end up counting when it counts for anything. Forget that truth, or even just take it for granted for long enough, and one morning you might accidentally wake up to discover that yeah, while you and the rest of your crew are more than willing to risk your lives to save a completely random group of strangers you've decided need immediate saving, you also have almost no trouble at all leaving behind a snarky teenage loth-rat who just risked his neck in order to save all of yours in the heat of the moment. And why did that happen the way it did, Syndulla? That's easy. Because noble causes are a lot easier to love and value when you get right down to it, Hera than actual messy, flesh and blood people!"

"Ezra that's...that's not *fair.*"

It's not Hera who speaks up in protest this time around though, it's Sabine. Who's standing in the doorway that leads out onto the wrap around balcony; one of her hands pressed to her mouth, one hand hanging at her side limply. The teenager is just staring at him horrified for the moment. Kanan's standing directly to her left, and Zeb directly to her right. The Lasat looks positively nauseous. All three of them have very clearly heard most if not all of what he'd just said to Hera judging by their varied expressions and none of them are taking the words particularly well at the moment. Sabine's expression is swiftly morphing from horrified to something closer to furious. Zeb looks about as depressed as Ezra's ever really seen him. Kanan meanwhile just looks somewhere between resigned to what he's hearing and almost unspeakably saddened by what Ezra's just said. Almost as if he's somehow seen this conversation coming when it was still at a decent distance.

Ezra licks his lips, then, tilting his head toward Kanan a little bit respectfully, then he shifts his gaze back to Hera again. The Twi'lek pilot looks as if Ezra's literally punched her in the gut. Which maybe he has, by speaking a hard dose of partial truth about things that have happened that she has needed to hear for awhile now probably. "Truth is rarely fair, Wren." He informs Sabine, then, "Probably because being kind has never been the larger part of its job description. Still, let me do us all a favor right now and just cut straight to the chase here, okay? I have *no interest at all* in being part of your crew you guys, all right? And I never *will.* We have completely different and non-compatible life philosophies. We value very different things. It's won't work for any of us, and so I need you all to stop badgering me about the subject so constantly please."

"...Kid." Zeb's voice actually breaks a little when he finally speaks. "Yes, I screwed up the other day. Badly. You're right about that much, and Karabast do I ever regret it. More'n I can probably ever say. But Hera and the others didn't know what I was actually doing till it was already too late, Ezra. For kriff's sake don't judge our entire lives jointly by one of my stupid, selfish, decisions! Hera would never have taken off from that ship in the first place if she had known what I actually did to you, Ezra! And when the other found out what had actually happened, we all voted on it, Ezra and then we *all* came back for you."

Ezra snorts softly. "But you had to take a vote before you did back, didn't you, Zeb? And was it a unanimous decision, or did I just barely squeak by when said vote happened like I'm guessing?" Hera and Kanan in particular both flinch hard in reaction to that particular set of comments.

Ezra knows damn well that it wasn't a unanimous decision to return to the ship to free him at the time. Largely because at one point in his own original timeline a tipsy Sabine had apologized to him profusely concerning the subject. And kriff but he's an absolute asshole right now. One who is apparently prepared to use acts which he's already forgiven in his own history differently here in order to further his current agenda. Meanwhile, the entire group's silence is answer enough to his last question. Hera looks like she's literally going to vomit. Ezra quirks his lips upward toward her with with a look of genuine sympathy, before once again schooling his features to calm stillness. Force but he wishes at this point he could just be done already with all of this awful messy business. "Yeah, I kind of thought that might be the case. Forgive me, guys, but I have no desire at this point in my life to live in a world where I'd constantly have to be playing that kind of game of odds game with my neck over and over again. Not when I already know how badly the universe has always stacked that particular of deck of proverbial cards against me."

"Ezra you wouldn't..." Hera roughly clears her throat, before finally speaking up again. "You can't possibly think that we'd ever...that that's the type of thing that would ever happen again in the regular day to day!"

"No, Hera." He tells her bluntly, "As I already said you're all trying really hard to be decent, people. It'd just mostly likely become a real issue again at the times that I could least afford to deal with it. And that's not the kind of gamble I'm willing to take with my life any more. Not again. Because kriff it but someone better value me as much as that fictitious little boy prince was once adored by my parents, even if that someone turns out for now to just be me."

Ezra closes his eyes a moment, and sends a silent near prayer upwards. 'Forgive me, Mom and Dad. Forgive me, Master, for being so selfish in how I;m doing this. I never blamed any of you for what actually happened – not rationally any way. But you're all three of you gone now and I won't... I literally *can't* live through this same end to this story all over again and come out sane in the end. This is all I can think to do at the moment. If this is ultimately going to be the cost of my really changing the narrative then that's fine. Take your eventual pound of flesh in penance. It's all yours, I swear it. Just please... let them all live and manage to be actually happy in the meantime.'

"Look, Hera," Ezra finally continues after another long moment or so, his voice very gentle now. His tone to one side of pitying. "The truth of that matter is that I basically hijacked you and Kanan's robbery on the spur of the moment the other day when we were all in the market. That was my move, okay? And then you guys let me onto your ride - that was your move. I'll even freely admit right now that yes, it was the right choice for all of us to make at that particular point in time, and it helped save a lot of lives as a result, but the truth of the matter is that that my coming aboard when I did, was about the short term. It was never intended to be anything but temporary. Because the fit's just plain wrong between me and the rest of your crew to face up to it bluntly. Which means that it's now time for me to permanently disembark from this wild ride somewhat graciously," He gives Hera a small smile of false humor then, "Hopefully with enough mutual respect and dignity still left intact between the six of us at this point that there's a better than decent possibility that we'll still remain allies if not the closest of personal friends, if we all ever happen to stumble across each other at some future date. Because yes, Hera, I'm pretty karking sure that given the galaxy we live in, that will occasionally still happen."

Ezra spreads his arms wide then, his smile falsely cheerful. "And there, you guys, ends the last of my patience with any further attempts at ongoing recruitment. If the subject is even mentioned again from here on out then I'm just going to get up and simply walk away and if that's a deal breaker for the rest of you in terms of this..." He gestures to the IV tubing still hanging from his arm. "Then after this dose, it's also time for me to discontinue my Amalyn treatments. We can all just say bygones at this point and starts making our own plans to go separate ways."

"Like Hell, kid..."

"No, Ezra!" Kanan and Hera both speak up simultaneously. Kanan with an almost eerie level of calm in his low voice and Hera with something that sounds very, very close to panic in her own. Then the two of them trade long looks for a moment, before Kanan continues in a low tone, apparently temporarily taking on the role of speaker for all of the rest of them. Because Zeb still looks shell-shocked beyond the use of any real words at the moment and Sabine is currently somewhere between irate, flabbergasted and incredulous. Kanan though, just reaches up a hand and calmly rubs at the back of his neck for a long moment or so, a million mini-expressions flickering over his face in a heart beat, including something that may be the grudging giving of credit.

"That was…that was one hell of a karking nuclear arsenal truth that you just dropped on all of us, Ezra. I mean seriously, *Sith Spit,* Kid. Next time give us all a little warning first okay? If only so we can all brace for impact?! You just pointed out some stuff that's gonna require some soul searching in all of us - I will definitely give you that. That acknowledged, Ezra, whether we can change your mind or not about staying on as crew on the Ghost or not at this point, if you really want to remain allies like you just said sometime down the road, than for the time being you at least owe us the chance to think over what you just shared for awhile and then provide some kind of coherent response of our in reply. I figure that we can all probably manage to do at least that much by the time that you're finishing tittering down off of your Amalyn."

Ezra sighs but nods in a little consent, "All right. If you think it'll help. But I also meant what I said, Kanan, I am literally deaf at this point to any further attempts at recruitment. I'm not going to be having and more discussions with anyone on that subject."

"You won't need to, Kid. Because given what you just said, and the conviction with which you just said it, I am currently declaring a complete and utter cessation of all recruitment based talk, indefinitely - or at the very at least until after you and I get back from our trip to the temple in another week or so. Since we both agreed earlier that we would go out there. And Ezra? I am still holding you to that promise. Because even if you are not staying on the Ghost as crew, we are force damn well still going to make sure that you at least have a chance to replace your lost lightsaber if only for basic security reasons."

Ezra chews his lip for a moment, and then he nods his head. "That's fine with me, Kanan. I mean you'll benefit from knowing it's location as well. So when do you want to head out there?"

"As originally agreed, Ezra once you've finished up the last of your Amalyn, which probably means by the end of next week,. Which reminds me while we're on the subject since I promised I would ask, Hera – may Ezra and I borrow the Phantom for the trip out to the temple on the weekend that the two of us make that trip?

"Yes." Hera agrees with a brusque nod of her head. "You absolutely can." Then draws in a deep breath, "So long Ezra here also agrees in the meantime to follow two specific conditions."

"Those being?" Ezra says cautiously, after awkward, quiet moment.

"One: Your Amalyn doses…and I do mean *all* of them, Ezra, will be done here on board The Ghost. Where there's a reliably sterile medical environment like the one in med-bay. And until your tittering is done you will also minimize your time spent in the Capital. Because cities are naturally dirty places by nature, Ezra and one – just *one* serious contamination near or at your port site could cause an infection that could have major repercussions and lead to a need to antibiotics. If we're supposedly going through all of this with the Amalyn in order to heal you up enough to defend yourself from the ISF, Ezra then we are at least going to do it right and finish up the infusions wisely!"

Ezra nods, shrugging his shoulders. "That term is acceptable to me, Hera. And condition number two?"

"You'll do absolutely no more pick-pocketing during that same time period either, Ezra. Until both the temple trip is over and you IV port is out for good. Until that point, we will cover your meals instead, in exchange for your help with some basic maintenance and repair work here on the ship. Kriff – come to think of it I'll even go one farther with this deal than that at this point. You said that you have people that you are going to be looking for off planet, right? Family or friends of your master's or your parents or something like that?"

"The former, Hera." Ezra acknowledges with a small dip of his head. "I have names, contact leads and possibly a couple possible home systems."

"All right then. Help me clear out my repair queue, Ezra - which should take probably two weeks at the very, very most - and then also thoroughly clean out all the vent systems on the Ghost before you leave and in exchange for all that labor on your part, Ezra, I will fly you to at the very least the first departure point off of Lothal in that manhunt. And I will also help you get a decent set of fake ID to help keep you under the Imperial radar while your travel. Consider the fact a partially self-serving last gesture of goodwill on our parts since our information is equally compromised if you end up getting captured or questioned."

Considering that he is fully intending to track down *Rex* if he possibly can? Ezra considers the idea of allowing the Specters anywhere near his actual manhunt to be nothing more than a massive Kanan sized meltdown literally waiting to happen. But then again, the rest of them don't have to know that at this point, do they? Maybe Ezra can just get them to take him to Gorse or to Alderaan or somewhere else significantly populated like that and then successfully ditch them there at some point. It'd increase his chances of being able to make contact with Hondo more easily than he could do so on Lothol, as well as eliminate the need entirely to bargain with Vizago to get off of Lothol- which Ezra is absolutely all over right now just from a security standpoint.

He chews his lip a moment thoughtfully, then nods. "Agreed, Hera. But only with one added condition of my own. That condition being that I get full access to my Tower whenever I'm not actively being dosed or performing maintenance here on board the ship just so long as I also fully cover and wrap up the port before I come over here to visit. This place is my home after all and I'll need to do some sorting and disposing of things here for several days before we can finally leave the planet. ."

"You can come over here in the daytime Ezra, but not stay at night to sleep."

"Hera..."

"Do not try my patience right now, Ezra." The Twi'lek shoots immediately back, scowling a little, "This is a good deal - a *very* good offer that I'm making you presently, and the both of us know it. If you want to come back over here mostly to pack, as you say, then at night you won't even be able to see to do so anyway. We're teen minutes walk away at most. There is no good reason to sleep in the cold rather then back on ship if we're trying to actively guard your health when it's well below freezing." And yup – there it is - Hera's eyes have officially gone from distressed and a little bit shell-shocked to stubborn and just short of outright angrily flashing. Which historically means that if Ezra knows what's good for him – and yes, he generally he does - then right about now is when its time for him to immediately agree.

This isn't a perfect situation by far, Ezra's more than aware of the fact– but it's also a lot less messy of an outcome than he'd initially hoped for at the beginning of this particular conversation. It's a genuine compromise that truly helps all of them - well if Ezra assumes that the Specter's biggest payoff will be both his labor and the the eventual location of the Jedi temple here on planet. His own greatest challenge in the meantime is probably just going to be maintaining a constant layer of emotional distance between him and the rest of Specter crew over the next few weeks - he'll have to be careful to maintain a chilly distance and not let them crack through his facade enough for any of them to start doubting the sincerity of his position again before they finally all truly part ways.

Ezra's eyes go from Hera – who's still clearly waiting for his eventual answer, to Zeb who's staring down at the floor at the moment, to Sabine who's glaring a hole through the far wall with the intensity of her outrage. Then they shift over at last back over to Kanan on more time. The older man just raises a perfectly calm, perfectly unimpressed eyebrow. Exactly like he had nearly three weeks before when he'd first stumbled across a drunken Ezra after the Wookie mission in the market.

That is Kanan's skeptical, if infinitely calm *Master* face back in full force at the moment. What the kriff had Ezra missed over the last couple of hours with Kanan?

"Well Kid? What's it going to be? Yes or no?" Kanan asks him then, very calmly.

"Agreed under all present terms." Ezra said, "And formally bowed on officially once I'm actually capable of standing."

"By the honor of your blood?" Kanan returns, his eyes glittering just a little bit dangerously as he says those words just a little bit darkly.

Ezra blinks at that word choice. When the kriff exactly had Kanan learned the oldest of the oaths from here on Lothal? Ezra feels a prickle of unease run up his back, then, but he nods at the older man nonetheless. Because yes Ezra knows that Loth-wolves do in fact exist, but he has no desire to be the sort that would get eaten by one of them for oath breaking. Besides this is a good deal, Ezra figures, there shouldn't really be the need. "By the honor of my blood Kanan, and by the lives of the ones that I hold most dear." He rejoins, sealing the bargain by actually completing the full oath as he does so, trying not to think all the while about the inherrent irony of what he's actually just done. If he breaks his word at this point then if the old stories are completely true then both he and the rest of the Specter Crew could be dubbed walking wolf chow.

"All right then." Hera sticks out a hand for Ezra to clasp in what is probably a distinctly Rylian oathing fashion. "We're going to let your current drip finish up now, Ezra and then after we're all headed back to the Ghost's new berth so that we can have a real meal and clean up a bit. Let us know in the meantime okay, if you start feeling nauseous or need you anything to drink or eat."

"And where is that new berth right now, Hera? I mean Kanan said that you guys decided to move the ship over to the south end of the Capital right? Where exactly?" Or Ezra thinks that's what the older Jedi said to him earlier anyway... Kanan's initial arrival had been distinctly fuzzy for Ezra. Probably because of their brief moment of contact that had immediately started the broken bond screaming bloody murder again and ultimately necessitated his need to take more morphine.

"We're parked south by south-west in the field about ten minutes that way." Hera says, pointing out through the door and out into the far distant grasses. "And by the way that's where we're going to be staying, Ezra until the day that all of us finally pack in and leave the planet."

Ezra frowns deeply in response to that new bit of information. "What?! Wait now guys– seriously?" That particular move hardly seems sporting in Ezra's current opinion. Kanan just smirks at him slightly while at the same time Sabine comes forward in order to stand beside him as well, smiling at him with all of her sharp, shark bright teeth.

"Congratulations, Bridger," She says to him calmly after another moment, crossing her arms over her chest, and gazing down at him calmly. "How should I put this right now for the record? Ah yes, how about this: this is us now stalking you *officially.*"

Chapter 8: Reassessment and Revelation (Updated)

Chapter ManagementReassessments and Revelations (Updated)

Chapter Text

A/N This chapter is especially for DarthBreezy - who has been pushing me since the first week I met her to be braver in showing my own take on ChopperVoice in public. I hope this nicely satisfies that itch for awhile my friend...and that you are feeling better from your Death!Flu soon!

"You're quiet tonight, Hera." Kanan observes softly, sinking down into the galley seat across from Hera. "Some people might in fact say that you're actually brooding. Which isn't generally your preferred aesthetic."

Hera's lips twitch upward a little as she lifts her gaze from her caff mug, raising her eyes to meet his, only albeit very, very briefly before she looks back down again. "Yeah well, most days I also don't get philosophically *spanked* by a black-haired, blue-eyed nightmare of a teenager who's only fourteen years old and technically not even as tall as I am yet." She exhales softly, rubbing at her forehead before taking a sip of the steaming beverage. "Little Gods, Kanan, I should've under the current circumstances, but I did not see that particular take down of Ezra's coming."

Kanan makes a sympathetic sound in reaction, reaching out across the table in order to briefly squeeze her hand, "You may be being a little hard on yourself at the moment here, Hera. Ezra blindsided all of us to be fair with that little speech of his."

"Am I really though? I mean kriff, Kanan - he wasn't even inaccurate or particularly cruel in how he handed all of us our proverbial asses . He was just well, basically ruthless in eviscerating any hope that I had harbored that things could possibly go easy. Ezra's dead certain at this point in his life that he knows exactly how the future's going to play out for him, if he stays on The Ghost. And I'll be kriffed right now Kanan, if I know how to even start meaningfully contradicting him. I mean he'd probably take the rest of us trying to force him on board The Ghost at this point as a literal fight for his life to the death."

Kanan winces, "Yeah. I know, Hera. It's actually what I was trying to talk to you about earlier when I warned you. May I also assume that *you* also know at this point that the moratorium I just called on all recruitment talk from here on out is only between Ezra and the rest of us while you and I try and regroup and reassess and not an end to that topic completely. Or were you actually serious when you told Ezra earlier that you're fine with helping him track down his master's old friends so he can stay with them as an alternative? Because if you really are, Hera, then we definitely need to talk some more concerning that.

Hera snorts softly, "Oh Sith Hells no, Kanan. I mean yes - I will help Ezra track down these friends of his master's if he really wants to. But even when we do find out where they are there's literally no way in kark that I'm just leaving Ezra *anywhere with anyone* that we haven't fully vetted first. Not when he just admitted outright that he still wishes he'd just died at the same time his master did. I mean that's one step short of full on suicidal ideation, loud and clear." Hera motions helplessly with her hands. "I mean yes - there are clearly some massive trust issues that are going going to take some serious fighting through in order for us to eventually get him past them, but the truth of the matter is that I only spun the deal with Ezra that I did in the first place because he was in process of aggressively detaching himself from the rest of us at the time like we were...like we were some kind of actively virulent infection. He would have sacrificed a karking limb at the point he was back-peddling so quickly and I had to…"

"You had to try and give him something..."

"Yes! Even if I did it the wrong way, Kanan, I just…"

"You did just fine, Hera. You bought us a bit more time. Which is what we probably need the most right now under the current circumstances."

"And what about you, Kanan?" The Twi'lek pilot stares at him hard then for a couple of long intense moments, her entire forehead crinkling in confusion, "How are you sitting just there looking as cool as a cucumber right now, Love, instead of brooding or panicking right now as badly as I am about all of this?"

Kanan smirks at her just a little. "Because Ezra unwittingly called me 'Master' today, Hera."

Hera blinks at that announcement a long moment before replying hoarsely. "He what?!"

"He called me Master, Hera." Kanan repeats the words with a small shrug of his shoulders, "Admittedly only while he was high as a kite on morphine, and I'm pretty sure at this point that he's completely unaware that it even happened judging by how normal he's been acting around me ever since. But still, it did happen, Hera, and at the time he absolutely *meant it.*"

"So he trusts you, then, at least subconsciously, anyway. Well I guess that's got to count for something at least right now." Hera grimaces, though Kanan suspects that it is actually meant to be an attempt at an actual smile instead. "It's just the rest of us that Ezra apparently trusts about as far as he can pick up and throw The Ghost these days."

Kanan snorts. "Now that is a complete exaggeration, Hera, and we're both more than smart enough right now to know it. May I remind you that the kid who insists he has no desire to continue working with any of us because we're clearly 'not to be trusted' is currently down the hall asleep in our med-lab because he's been letting us *medically* treat him for psychic shock ever since he first came back on board even when that means us regularly drugging him nearly senseless. Ezra's concept of how to identify and treat real threats in his life is clearly rather 'sketchy' at present."

Kanan lets out a rough little snort of laughter then, his face twisting in discomfort. "Though to be completely fair, Hera, I suppose that I should also admit that Ezra shocked me speechless earlier with how directly he decided to try to take your feet out from under you earlier this morning. Kriff, Hera, he went straight for our collective jugulars with that little pre-prepared speech of his and I'm still trying to figure out what exactly what him employing such a giant change in overall strategy actually means."

"A change in strategy, Kanan?" Hera raises her eyebrow.

"Hera, everything is either a battle or a game right now for that kid. What's more, Ezra gets more unpredictable and off-kilter with every hand that he's dealt as the stakes that he's playing for also get higher and higher. Which is why I think, that we've officially just moved past him ignoring the proverbial elephant in the room in favor of him actively trying to kill the sucker outright via a round of sudden death."

Hera blinks. "Huh. I hadn't really thought of it that way up until now."

"Yeah well, you weren't *meant* to, now were you, Hera? Remember that that little speech of Ezra's only really works if you automatically assign him the entire moral high ground in the wake of that little smack down he gave all of us. Instead of simply acknowledging that yes, in that one smaller line of discussion he had some points that deserved some acknowledgement. Moral authority in one small portion of life doesn't equate to moral authority in all areas though, Hera. No matter how much automatically dipping your head to an opponent who's just smacked you silly in round one is a natural thing for most of us to do."

Hera studies him for a long moment then, her lips twisting up a little wryly. "What is it?" Kanan mutters after a moment, squirming slightly under the sudden intensity of her regard.

"It's nothing really, Love, " Hera shrugs. "I guess that I'm just currently trying to figure out why exactly…" The words die off and she shrugs again more than a little bit helplessly...

"Why why?"

"Why Ezra, in particular, seems to have this profound an effect on you personally, Kanan." She puts her mug down for a moment, rotating her head on her neck to make the muscles pop. "I mean yeah sure, Sabine has been on board the Ghost for well over a year now, Love. And her presence has always seemed -I don't know stabilizing somehow for you? Or something like it anyway. Mentorship definitely brings out your better side, Kanan. But Ezra in particular has only been on board The Ghost for about three weeks now, and his presence has accelerated the process of personal growth in you to a degree that's more than a little bit terrifying to watch frankly speaking."

Kanan snorts in reaction to that particular confession, and then he spreads wide his arms. "Nine words for you, Hera: Lots and lots and lots and lots of *meditation.* Fueled by lots of bratty kid stubbornness and attitude. What can I say? You do what you have to do to stay sane in these kinds of situations."

"Oh is that all?" Hera mutters back, as dry as a desert as she does so.

Kanan tilts his head and shrugs his shoulders yet again, "How do I put this? It's harder to miss the obvious when you're regularly forced into periods of prolonged self-reflection, Hera. Well unless you're being deliberately stubborn or stupid or blind to the unfolding patterns within your own life anyway. My Master used to call it the power of practicing daily mindfulness. You can't see the world completely clearly unless you can also truly see your own place and roles within it.."

Hera's lips quirk up, "So what you're essentially saying, Kanan Jarrus, is that all our years of blatant workaholism up until this point basically kept you so distracted that they enabled your long-running flirtation with immaturity by giving you excuses not to sit down on a regular basis and actually deal with your own kriff?"

Kanan winces at the word choice. "Well, that's not the kindest way to put it maybe, Hera, but essentially yes that's the general idea."

"What can I say, Kanan, kind doesn't seem to be in any of our allotments this week." Hera sighs again and then she spreads her own hands wide, " So what are we doing next, Kanan? About Ezra I mean? Because I have to be honest here – I have no karking clue how to proceed at the moment. You're the only one of us – except Chopper maybe Kanan - who seems to be having any luck at all at right now with the kid."

Kanan snorts, "If by having luck, Hera, you mean that I'm finally at the point at which I'm both winning and perversely enjoying most of our verbal sparring matches? Then yeah, I guess that I am. If only because Ezra hasn't really figured out how to outmaneuver people who can handle him when he's being abrasive and it's kind of humorous to watch him flail around in reaction." Kanan rubs a hand down over his own face, feeling it heat up a little bit before he mutters, "Well when I don't fall into the trap of letting him provoke me into blatant emotionalism when we're actively swiping at each other anyway."

Hera snorts at that – clearly involuntarily. "Kriff Kanan, you make it sound like you're a puma that's wrestling with a tooka or a loth kit, do you know that? I'm starting to have flashbacks to all those stupid vids of Lions roaring to encourage their cubs to bite harder holo clips that were all over the web a few years back."

Kanan laughs aloud – sharp and surprised at the image – he just can't help it. "Not exactly no Hera. But thank you for the mental image, because I'll almost certainly be using it in the days to help me retain my sense of balance."

Hera raises an eyebrow, "So then you do expect more conflict to erupt between the two of you in the days ahead then? Even with the Moratorium currently in place?"

Kanan snorts "Oh kark yes, given what Ezra pulled today and his need to vent on a regular basis – at least a little bit anyway, when he finds himself under especially bad stress. I can almost guarantee you that our talks in the coming days are going to get progressively nastier and nastier as Ezra slips more and more often and accidentally drops his guise when I push him during our various conversations."

Hera sighs at that, tilting her head to one side, "You know, I'm still not really sure that I even understand what you mean when you say that, Kanan. Because you make it sound a lot like you and Ezra are actually no holds barred fighting on a regular basis…but I? Still haven't even really seen the rude side of him yet. At all. I mean yes, he handed my ass to me this morning, Kanan but he was incredibly polite while he did it. He's always on his best behavior it seems like when he's around me."

Kanan snorts at that assessment, "Of course he was on his best behavior when he dropped that bomb on us, Hera: that was Ezra deliberately maintaining his temper and keeping his cool - both which he need to do if he was going to keep the upper hand so to speak, and simultaneously hold the moral high ground while he did it. It'll be different when he's stuck in a situation where he can't pre-plan everything that he intends to say ahead of time or otherwise maintain any real emotional distance from his audience. And while we're on that topic, Hera," Kanan sighs and runs his hand back through his hair, "That polite, mostly distant kid that we met during Ezra's first few days aboard The Ghost? Expect that he'll be making a comeback and soon, Hera. Kriff expect that that'll be all that we'll be seeing out of Ezra for the indefinite future. At least for as long as you keep up your end of the bargain just so long as Ezra finds no good reason not to do the same.

"So what, you're essentially saying that you think that that little speech was the beginning him flipping his own switch over off of Hyde yet again?"

"Yup. I really, really do, Hera. I'm pretty sure that Dr Jekyll is about to step back into the center of the stage where Ezra is concerned. Only this time around. the whole act will seem a lot more like a facsimile of Ezra than it will like someone who's actually real. Because after all, once you realize the kid isn't shy at all you also start to see that Ezra actually shows most of his true self through the softer side of his sarcasm. All of which is about to as they put it 'leave the building.'"

Hera shrugs "That might not be such a bad thing on a strictly temporary basis, Kanan. At least in terms of the dynamic between Ezra and Sabine. She's seriously pissed about his little speech from earlier if you haven't already noticed, Kanan. He's really managed to push all her buttons. Though I can't exactly tell you how or why his words even hit her so hard."

Kanan shrugs his shoulders, "My guess is that it's because she sees his attitude as unfairly punitive to our 'happy little family' Hera. Which Ezra was right, probably does have some soul searching to do at the moment. Still, as far as Sabine's concerned at least our life together on the Ghost is still a hell of a lot more savory than what she left behind when she finally ran from her clan. She feels safe here on The Ghost finally, Hera, after a long time not feeling that way almost anywhere. As a result, she's naturally very protective of all of us. We are her ideal - or at least as close as she can imagine getting to one, and it has really got to gall her that Ezra appears willing to forgive what happened but not truly move on or forget."

Hera's lips press together hard then. "Well, I can't say that I'm handling that trait in him all that much better myself right now, Love. Ezra's attitude has me incredibly frustrated right now. I mean yes, I've always known that Ezra was prone to a little paranoia just because of some of his comments from earlier but I somehow overlooked his sheer level of cerama-crete level stubbornness. I kind of want to just shake him right now because he's just being so hard headed."

"I think the better word for it Hera, would be 'self-defensive' - at least from Ezra's perspective anyway. I mean yeah, we may be decent people, Hera– who deserve a second chance on a logical basis. For someone like Ezra, though, using logic instead of relying on instinct usually just gets you dead. Life's been tearing literal chunks out of that kid's heart and mind for years and years now, if you want to think of it that way. It's really not all that surprising under those circumstance that he's decided after all is said and done to try and lock down whatever of himself he's actually got left at this point."

Hera scoffs softly, "It might not be surprising, no Love - but you also can't possibly think that it's even remotely healthy Kanan! I mean how in the kriff is Ezra ever going to learn what a healthy life or relationship actually looks like Kanan, if he's already decided that he's already done with letting in anyone who actually tries to practice either or the above?"

Kanan shrugs, laughing more than a little bit bitterly before continuing. "Well on the bright side, Hera, he hasn't given up hope in its entirety. I mean he at least seems inclined to still trust his master's old friends."

Hera sighs deeply, "Yes, but does he actually know any of them really, Kanan? And if we do find them, is there going to be actual room for him in any of their lives, Kanan? Not to mention will they actually be good influences for him? Because yes, I know that what we technically know about the man could probably fit in a little under two paragraphs right now. Given what we've both seen and deduced about he and Ezra's shared life thus far though, I'm not exactly inclined to take Ezra's Master's esteem as a particularly comforting form of personal reference. I'd feel a kriff of a whole lot better if these old colleagues that Ezra's so intent on finding right now were at least former friends of his parents."

"You're preaching to the choir, Hera," Kanan snorts, "As you are more than aware of by this point. What I wouldn't give right now to have just ten or fifteen minutes in that asshole's company at some point."

"Speaking of Ezra's Master's friends – what are we going to do when we do track them down, Kanan? Because unless one of them is actually another Jedi in hiding -which you'd really think Ezra would have bothered to mention by now if he knew about it – then you can't possibly think that a literal stranger to Ezra, and a non-force-sensitive to boot, is going to be better equipped to deal with the current situation with him than you are?"

"No. They won't be." Kanan agrees without any hesitation.

"Plus there's the issue with you, him and the Force. You said earlier that The Force seems to have some pretty strong opinions on the matter didn't you…."

Kanan snorts, "Strong, Hera as in literally screaming loud enough in my head right now to leave me kriffing deaf."

"Then what are you going to do now, Kanan,in response to what amounts to Ezra's literal ongoing attempts at defection?"

Kanan shrugs again, "To be honest Hera, …I thought I'd start by just talking to the individual or individuals in question and explaining the situation. Preferably as calmly and as rationally as I can manage to do so."

"As opposed to what?"

"Getting out my light saber and swinging it around like the deranged lunatic most of me wants to be at the moment."

Hera pauses then, raises an amused eyebrow at that admission. "Is there something that you want to share with the rest of the class about your current mental status, My Love? Or was that just a colloquial over-exaggeration you applied just for the humor of it?"

Kanan lets out a hoarse laugh. "Right now, Hera, where Ezra in particular is concerned, I am probably much less rational then the rest of you are right now combined. I'm just also fully aware that it's a problem right now and I'm trying not to let things get too out of hand as things progress. The whole 'Master' thing, as much as it has settled a bunch of doubts that I have about the path we've been recently taking has only aggravated other instincts that I've got right now even further. I mean seriously, Hera: Ezra's a karking mess who's keeps getting progressively worse with every day that passes since he came on ship, and I'm getting increasingly impatient as a result to stop slapping on metaphorical band-aids and get around to actually fixing the karking situation."

Hera blinks at that confession, for several moments. "Uhm...Isn't that essentially what we've already been doing ever since we first met him, Love?"

He shakes his head, "Force no, Hera! We've been triaging his surface issues, mostly, and putting out small fires as they occur as best as we can. All while at the same I'm basically ignoring the larger disease that's slowly killing Ezra at the moment."

Hera pauses at that, and shakes her head a little, "Okay so I know that right now he has no sign fever or other indications of physical injury that I'm presently aware of, so I'm going to assume that you're being metaphorical when you say stuff like that that? Please try and restate the problem, Kanan, for those of us still stuck sitting up here in the non-psychics peanut gallery at the moment?"

Kanan snorts, "Basically, Hera? The kid may be doing his best to ignore it right now, most of the time but the truth of the matter is that Ezra's practically choking on his own unacknowledged grief, fear and anger over all the kriff that he's endured and experienced. Everything that he refuses to acknowledge has hurt him is just stuffed down inside of him right now and it's burning at him like some kind of acid, because he's refusing to take the time to process and release what he's feeling like he should. Kriff, Hera, for the most part I'd say that Ezra's refusing to even acknowledge that the more negative feelings are even there at all for the most part - he talks about what he's experienced without almost any affect at all because he's got such an emotional block at present. Which would have probably have driven him completely around the bend by this point except luckily enough he accidentally found him an unconscious release valve for at least some of that unacknowledged emotion via …"

Hera interrupts, "His sarcasm."

When the twi'lek speaks up, her voice is different, suddenly understanding, suddenly knowing. Kanan taps his own nose with the tip of his finger. "Yes, Hera. Exactly."

The pilot frowns deeply then, clearly still thinking this through, "But Kanan, if Ezra's really about to go back into Jekyll mode again, as you just put it, then that means that he'll be purposely shutting down his only natural emotional outlet for all that emotion again. It'll just pile up until it finally becomes too much for him to contain any longer

"Yes again, Hera. But Ezra doesn't know that, at least not consciously anyway, yet."

"And what do you think will happen to him when the pressure inside of him finally builds past his ability to contain it?"

"He's going to to finally, like karking magma chamber is my bet."

"All at once, Kanan, or in a set of smaller explosions?"

Kanan shrugs his shoulders, "I'm really not sure yet. It depends on how and when it actually happens, and whether or he notices what's occurring in time to at least try and derail our ongoing efforts. Not that I have any intention at all of actually letting it happen. In terms or foreshocks, Hera, we could see him get increasingly physically restless. Or he could suddenly regain his thirst for alcohol as he attempts to re-harness his more negative emotions. Speaking of which, Hera, we're going to have to tell the others to be on guard for that possibility especially over the next couple of weeks. And in the meantime during all of this, I'm also going to try and gently shove Ezra repeatedly toward the possibility of doing a little physical sparring with me, just to try and control the time and location of the inevitable meltdown when it finally happens.

"Which will only piss him off more probably, Kanan..."

"Probably yes. But even more importantly than that, Hera, every chance that I get in the next week or so I am going to be emotionally pushing Ezra as well just as hard and often as I possibly can on the sly trying to push him toward the inevitable end. Because the kid may not want to admit it, Hera, but some part of him desperately wants my approval at the moment. He clearly knows that I'm not happy with the present situation, and he's also well aware that all he can really do to make things any better is just agree to stay on - which as you already saw he's completely convinced himself that he can't. All of this together is thankfully creating a handy little internal conflict inside Ezra right now. He is going to be Dr Jekylling like mad over the next week or so just trying to politely ignore it, but Mr Hyde is at the party as well, and I intend to push him Hera, and push him and push him..."

"Until what exactly?"

"Until I finally manage to shove his stubborn, repressed little ass straight out of the sarcastic kiddie pool, and into the infuriated deep end. Because the kid is a walking pressure cooker as he right now, Hera. He's an explosion or implosion begging to actually happen and he's never going to truly heal, unless he finally starts to let go of and actually deal with some of these things that are currently hurting him."

Hera nods in understanding at that particular pronouncement, and then her shoulders start to silently shake, just the tiniest bit. "Then what you're basically saying is that you're going to be trying to piss him off as much as humanly possible within the next week or so Kanan, in order to force Ezra into at least one *provoked* major emotional meltdown if you can possibly manage it?"

"Yup." It takes Kanan longer than it should have realize that the silent shaking motion he's seeing from his lover is actually repressed laughter at the moment. "Hera, what's so karking funny?"

"Nothing Kanan…it's just that...well I kind of wish that I'd actually realized that earlier. Before I made our little deal with Ezra for instance, instead of just going with my own immediate gut instinct..."

"Which was exactly?"

"To just get on with outright kidnapping him and damn the consequences, Kanan."

"And why is that exactly?" He raises an eyebrow, his head tilting. The Twi'lek pilot responds by simply looking at him.

"Kanan." Hera's voice is distinctly exasperated. "We've been constantly joking about kidnapping Ezra until he gets past the worst of his current stubbornness for literal days now. And yes, Love, for the record I do know that functionally those kind of tactics would never have worked as a strategy in an actual recruitment except an absolute last resort. Because after all you can't force people into trusting you, can you? Not unless you're literally neurologically brainwashing them. Coercion just doesn't work in most case when you're trying to prove your trustworthiness to other people - and fear tactics may get you what you want yes, but only at the price of your target fleeing after just as fast and as far as they possibly can unless you also break their minds or wills, neither which you want to do except in very rare circumstances. That all acknowledged, Kanan, can you currently think of anything more effective than literal kidnapping right when it comes to taking the safeties of Ezra anger after what he's just said to all of us? Press ganging him would have been the almost perfect method for setting him off under almost any other kind of circumstances. "

Kanan snorts aloud - because no, Hera isn't even wrong about that particular observation from a base line sort of context. Still: "Don't worry about it, Hera. I've got it covered for the moment. Because unless I've completely underestimated Ezra's mental state at this point, nine days of the rest you basically treating him exactly the same minus any talk of recruitment while I ruthlessly poke at his repeated attempts at self isolation with offers of shared meditation and or sparring and such should be more than enough to make Ezra finally epically blow his stack by the end of things. At which point if I'm actually right about all of this Hera, the real work of healing will finally have a chance to start. Because once Ezra finally does lose his cool and actually break down - probably after taking a swing or two at me in the process, then we'll finally get a chance to step in afterward and maybe..."

"Actually kriffing comfort him?"

Kanan nods, "I hope so anyway, Hera. It's certainly what he needs most at this point in time. I'm also hoping that somewhere along the way Ezra will also figure out on his own that letting the rest of us help him cope as he grieves doesn't permanently destroy or even really weaken him that badly.

"You really think that that's the root of the problem with him at the moment? Why he's trying to hard to leave no matter how much he's offered in terms of assurance."

"I'm all but positive, Hera. Right now, all that that kid really knows when it comes to relying on other people, is that everyone he's ever tried to lean on, has always failed and then abandoned him. Be it to hunger or death or in the case of his Parents' involuntarily to the street when they both went to prison."

"Yeah but he clearly understands that *wasn't* a deliberate choice on their parts, already, Kanan. His folks never wanted to leave him - or at least I assume that they didn't. They just underestimated the possible fallout of what they were actually doing. Like Ezra said himself earlier, they were just following their consciences, doing what they felt was morally right at the time. Kark I bet he knows that they were just trying to be good examples for him…"

"Maybe so Hera, but none of that leaves Ezra any less entitled to feel devastated by their loss or to struggle with ongoing anger over the consequences of where those same choices left him. Emotion *isn't* rational, Hera. It's not supposed to be. Especially not when you're a fourteen-year-old kid whose world had just kept on continually collapsing over and over again while you stand helpless to stop it from repeatedly happening. Good intentions on his parents' part or not, Ezra's still been through a very real kind of hell over the past eight years, Hera. He's been on his own and it taught him the hard way how little he can trust even love's supposed 'protection.'"

Hera's nod in reaction to that is incredibly pained. "It's going to be a major job, isn't it? To get him to truly believe that he's genuinely safe aboard the Ghost verses just essentially chained at the very bottom of our rankings. Muchless to get him anywhere near healthy enough at some point to actually be ready to be out and ever on his own again?"

Kanan nods more than a little bit grimly in response to that assessment, "It's going to be a long road ahead for all of us, yeah, Hera. With a lot of ups and downs along the way of both the good and the bad kind. The will be some really really positive days along the way along with some occasional terribly bad bouts of him backsliding. I'm gonna want to seriously whup his ass on occasion, I can all but guarantee it when he's being particular stubborn. And sooner or later Hera, *you* are finally going to get a real taste of either his anger or his sarcasm or both. As well as his occasional potty mouth…which Zeb wasn't lying about Hera. When Ezra's not holding back its actually very, very impressive."

"You know, as strange as it sounds for me to be saying this right now, I may actually be kind of relieved when that finally happens." Hera admits wryly after a moment.

Kanan raises his eyebrow at that, and tilts his head to the side. "Why exactly?" He asks her softly, now genuinely curious.

"It's just…well how do I put this exactly, Kanan? I've talked to you and to Zeb and Sabine, kriff even to a little bit Chopper about their observations concerning Ezra's ongoing behavior, and I'm pretty sure by this point that for reasons I don't entirely understand I'm the unwitting recipient of some kind of double standard of good behavior whenever Ezra and I are in the same room. And honestly love, I'm pretty sure at this point that that's not even remotely a good or healthy thing."

"Why not?" Kanan asks her, curious to hear more of her thoughts on the matter.

Hera sighs, "Because by the sound of it Ezra's far more reserved, far more personally deferential– well on the surface atnyway, when the two of us are personally interacting then he is when he's with any of the rest of you right now, Kanan. But it's also like…I don't know, it's like he's more play acting some kind of character than he's being an actual person, and I am almost sure at this point that if I ever managed to dig down deep enough to actually find out why he's granted me this special status then the actual reason for the difference is how he treats me is going to be anything but healthy. I mean you've all said in one way or another that Ezra essentially snarks in the same way that he apparently breaths - because that's apparently just how he processes the world and the stress he experiences in the day to day of living, but he's essentially locking all of that away almost as if he's afraid of instead of just respects me."

"You know, I hadn't really thought about it in quite that way before, but you're probably right about that much, Hera. Though it's also a little ironic for me to actually say so at allt. Because honestly I felt nearly the same way when we all first met Ezra after he first came aboard ship. I mean yeah, he seemed a little reserved around the rest of you initially, Hera, but he simultaneously all but flat out ducked and covered in order to avoid having to dealing with me directly. And the way that he pulled back away from my touch at the end of that first job didn't read to me as anything but blatant fear to me at first. Though thank kriff that guardedness seemed to melt away like ice in the sun pretty much the moment that the two of us finally started snarking at eachother semi-regularly."

Hera snorts a little under her own breath in response to that particularly admission.

"What is it?" Kanan asks, tilting his head to the side in order to study her curiously.

"It's nothing, Love. It's just: well Ezra kind of reminded me of the living embodiment of 'just you wait until your father gets home' whenever you were involved, at least initially, Kanan. As I've said before it's like Ezra's always been more than a little electrified just by your karking presence, Kanan. I thought initially that it was just some kind of adult male wariness pattern on his part - it wouldn't have been at all that unreasonable assumption either, given how he all but grew up on the street. Then latter on when I found out that he was actually force sensitive as well– and a former Jedi Padawan to boot - I guess that I just figured that maybe it had to be one of those weird Jedi hierarchical things at play. A little bit like a smaller loth-puma meeting and never taking its eyes off of a larger one when they came face to face essentially. Except in this case Ezra wasn't actually looking to challenge your position Kanan, or steal anything from you or your pack such as it was, he just wanted temporary safe passage while he was actively in your territory." Hera lets out a whole body sigh, "Not that Ezra actually managed to get that from any of us in his own view by the end."

Kanan sighs himself and nods. "I'm still trying to figure out how and when to intercede with Ezra and Zeb in particular, honestly - if I am going to do so at all. I mean yes, Hera, Zeb's apologized for his earlier actions…earnestly and without any need for further prodding. He's obviously feeling like kriff after everything that happened. But the same time, none of us can exactly force Ezra to trust him can we - especially under the current circumstances. And at this point there's no way that I can think of to naturally balance the scales between them ...not with out some kind of literally miraculous intervention."

"Just ...let it go, at least for the moment, Kanan. I'll talk to Zeb in the interim and try to mop up some of the lingering damage. Though Kanan, I really do also think that we should speak with Chopper, Zeb and Sabine as soon as humanly possible about your ongoing plans as well. If only to let them know what the kriff you're actually trying to accomplish. All three of them deserve to know, if you really are going to try and uncork Ezra's rage in a deliberate campaign over the next week or so, how you're going to be approaching it tactically. Both so they can help you subtly as it's appropriate and even more importantly in my opinion, so they that know once Ezra finally hits his limit to try and keep clear of the blast range."

"Aye Aye, Captain." Kanan smirks and then he salutes.

Hera points at him with a finger stern finger briefly. "Now don't you sass me, Kanan Jarrus."

"…But I thought that you were feeling left out of the sass olympics at present, Hera." Kanan rejoins, waggling his eyebrows at her good-naturedly as he does so.

Hera rolls her eyes "And yeah we're officially done with any serious part of this conversation if you've now shifted right back to full on flirting."

Kanan grins at her, and shrugs his shoulders faux innocently. "What can I say, you were the one who just complained that you were feeling a bit bruised up by all of this chaos, Hera. If you like can probably help with that."

Hera rolls her eyes again with another snort. "Ezra bruised my *ego,* Kanan. And don't even bother saying what you're clearly thinking. Though nice attempt, and points for trying at least."

"How many points exactly?"

"...Not that many. Well for now at least."

Kanan pouts a little bit more in response, but then he just shrugs his shoulders. "Fair enough I guess. Oh well I tried. Ah well – then back to more meditating, I guess. Well after I go and check in on Mr Personality one more time, I mean."

"He was listening to an audiobook on his bed in Medbay the last time I checked on him myself, Kanan. I said hello and he just sort of half waved at me in response. Didn't even bother to look up from his book and say hello."

"Dr Jekyll." Kanan shoots back at her almost smug.

"I'm sorely tempted right now Kanan, to buy and throw a datapad program at the kid's head on the basics of legible penmanship."

Kanan snorts under his breath in reply to that comment, but Hera is in fact actually serious - well judging by her face. She pauses a moment then finally changes the current subject. "Kanan…sooner or later we are going to have to figure out how exactly to get a measure of Ezra's actual educational status currently. You do know that right? He's as bad of there as he was for regular feeding probably. And even if he's not exactly heart set on attending university or something of that nature, Ezra does deserve far better than what he's probably gotten."

"I know, Hera. His handwriting is literally awful and his sentence structure when he writes is the literal definition of atrocious…but at the same time Hera, his math and technical skills are actually really solid and he seems surprisingly well read considering his actual circumstance. I do kind of have to wonder sometimes, though, if…"

"If what?" Hera looks at him curiously, puzzled no doubt by the way that he's trailed off thoughtfully for the moment.

"I'm probably seeing things that aren't really there, Hera, but the truth of the matter is that I've actually wondered more than once if Ezra may actually be dyslexic."

Hera blinks at that, "You think that he's *what?*"

"Dyslexic. Well, maybe anyway."

"...And why do you think that exactly?"

"Mostly? Because of a few things he does that remind me a lot of an old friend of mine in the Creche who had a similar issue. Also it's far more common in near humans then it is in Twi'lek." He shrugs, "The kid is in no way stupid of course, no matter which way you cut it, but he still as a few ...odd quirks, i guess, that just keep popping up. I could be making something out of nothing though. If by chance I am right in my suspicions and he is then there is certainly no need for us to make some kind of big stink about it with him at the moment, especially under the current circumstance. Deal with the big issues first, and then later tackle small potential problems I figure."

"You're serious," Hera notes then, just a little bit blankly. You actually think that on top of everything else he's had to deal with he's…"

"I think it's possible Hera, not that it's certain. And probably if I'm actually right and he is then that it's probably a lot less crippling for him than it might have been to a kid who grew up with a different sort of life then he has. There are certain advantages after all, to learning to survive the way Ezra has on the streets - it's all mostly learning by doing - constantly hands on. If he is dyslexic I highly doubt that he even knows it himself at the moment." He shrugs again. "As I just said our real focus needs to be on breaking him down then building him up again at the moment. We'll deal with the rest later if it turns out that I'm right."

"And you're going to start on that when exactly? Tonight? Tomorrow morning?"

Kanan shrugs at the question, his lips quirking up wryly. "Tomorrow morning immediately after breakfast I think, Hera. I want at least one night first to ride high and be smug about the whole 'Master' thing before I go right back to wanting to strangle him regularly at least."

Hera snorts at that. "A wise plan. So who's sitting watch on him tonight? Since as far as I know, he has been dosed with Morphine?"

"Me until I get tired. Then later tonight Zeb. Then tomorrow morning Chopper will take over for awhile. He and Zeb decided to switch shifts for the next few days at least if you didn;t already know that, Hera. I think until Zeb basically gets past the worst of the proverbial sting."

"Makes sense. Well good night and good meditation then My Love, I'll see you first thing in the morning. Unless something important comes up before then. At which point of course please feel free to come wake me.

"Good night to you as well, Hera. I'll brew the Caf for breakfast as usual." Kanan says rising from his chair, bending down to kiss her briefly on the fabric covering on of her shoulders, and the he heads off to find and check in on his erstwhile apprentice.


	3. Chapters 9-10

It's been seven days days now since her and Hera's bargain up in his tower and Ezra Bridger is aware of two things at the moment. Well two things that he actually cares about at least.

1 ) Kanan Jarrus is the biggest asshole to ever asshole anywhere. And 2) right now as a result of dealing with the above on a nearly constant basis, Ezra desperately needs both a large and *stiff* kriffing drink.

Which is why, in the immediate aftermath of his lunch hour - and roughly seven hours before his next dose of Amalyn, he is ditching the vents of the Ghost where he's been working for the past four days straight for awhile and going into the Capital in order to find and steal a damn bottle of Brandy to get thoroughly plastered for the rest of the current afternoon. And if Kanan and Hera don't like it? That's just fine. They can either wait until he drags his ass home later on and yell at him, or they can try and track him down by the creek to glower disapproving. Though in Hera's case it is far more likely that the Twi'lek pilot with attempt to guilt him with extremely sad eyes, at least in Ezra's previous experience.

They can both go kriff themselves at the moment though - or each other if that's how they'd prefer it - because right now as far as Ezra is concerned an entire afternoon off and spent doing whatever the kriff Ezra feels like doing- well minus a very carefully covered and wrapped IV port of course, is his current 'living with you guys' banthakriff without completely losing my mind in the karking process' day fee.

"Hey Bridger!" A female voice calls out from behind him then - the yell punctuated by the sound of several approaching pairs of feet. Moments later Ezra can easily identify all of them without even turning around just by the sound of the footsteps and metallic squeaking. He doesn't bother to stop walking. "Chopper. Zeb. Hello to you as well, Sabine."

"So..." The Mandalorian falls easily into perfect step beside him. Her voice is not exactly confrontational at the moment...more almost, as terrifying as it is to actually say it, cheery. "So...where exactly are you headed to at present?"

"...I'm going into the city for a couple of hours, Sabine."

"But your deal with Hera..." Zeb immediately interjects.

"I said that I'd limit the time that I spend in the Capital, Orrelios. Not that I'd avoid the place entirely. Look, I'll see you guys around in another couple of hours, all right? I'll be back in plenty of time for my nightly dosing, I promise. In the meantime, though please tell Hera she doesn't need to bother to wait on supper for me."

Chopper gives a derisive little beep in response to that announcement: falling in immediately on Ezra's right. Sabine shifting over to his left and Zeb falling in directly to the opposite side her as ."So Kid -" The Lasat asks him calmly, "Where exactly are are the four of us headed in town at the moment?"

"I need to buy a few quick things. From one of the Markets. With yesterday night's sabaac earnings just for the record - so thank you, I guess, Zeb for the unintentional funding. Now if the three of you will please excuse me, I'm kind of in pursuit of some serious 'me time' at the moment."

Chopper electro-shocks him then - albeit lightly – in reply, his small arms whirring and his beeps escalating in soft accusation.

Ezra sighs heavily, pausing and pivoting to face him. "Okay yes *fine,* Chopper. I agree. I did promise you the labor on that upgrade that you want in exchange for your lending me the funds for the initial buy-in at sabaac the other night. Which means that yes, you are now welcome to come to the Market with me for the parts that upgrade will require. Just so long as you also know that I'm not going to be staying therefor all that long and that I won't be helping you carry anything back to The Ghost once we're finished. Because I have other commitments to see in the city after I finish up with my shopping."

"But you promised Hera, Ezra!" It's Sabine's turn to try and object, but Ezra just cuts her off with a cold glare and a raising of one of his hands. "None of which involve remaining in the city any longer than it takes for me to go pick up a couple small things, and please note that I said 'pick up 'Wren, - as opposed to 'pick-pocket.' After which I'm going to be headed back to my tower for a few hours to do some more sorting and packing alone. You know, so I can finally have some karking peace!"

"I get the feeling that he's feeling a little peopled out right now." Zeb leans over, mock whispering the words to Sabine.

Ezra rolls his eyes. "Yes. Thank you Orrelios. You are clearly a world-class yet undiscovered comedian. Now if you two will please excuse me and Chopper, we are about to get going."

Zeb bares a far to toothy grin at him in response, "Actually kid, I hate to burst your bubble, but you're not actually the only one on the planet who needs to get stuff from the market this afternoon. It's actually pretty Karabast convenient that you're headed there right now. Weren't we just talking about making the same trip Sabine?"

"I need more paint." The Mandalorian supplies, so cheerfully that Ezra wants to literally kick her. "And Hera has also requested that the next time that one of us go into town we should try and bring back some more decent looking fruit from the market if we find some."

"Then I suggest that the two of you hit the East Market in the city...they have a whole half mile of artisan products there, Sabine, as well as a great produce stand on the south eastern corner of the bazaar. Chopper and I, on the other hand, are going to be headed to the west one instead as it has a better electronics section there. If you guys like we'll even walk with you as far as the south district's main roundabout. But be warned in advance you guys that I'm not currently censoring my language, as I am now off of Hera's ship for the next several hours, and frankly tired of feeling like a choirboy at the moment."

"Ah...then you're finally giving up on the whole stuffed shirt routine that you've had going then? Glad to hear it, Ezra. It's been getting boring the past few days, if I'm totally honest. No one likes trying to live with a poorly fashioned saint." Sabine chimes in that reply automatically with a deliberate roll of her eyes. Ezra immediately stops walking in reaction, rounding on her very abruptly his nostrils literally flaring in reaction. Sabine for her own part just puts her hands on her hips and tilts her head looking up and down for a long moment. "So Ezra, while I'm actually thinking about the subject, have you considered yet how you're actually going to pay me back for your bets during our last round of gambling the night before last? I'm not trying to call in the marker early mind you, I'm just curious. Because yes you technically do still have another four or five days to either come up with or win back the amount I'm currently owed, but I am also more than willing if you want to just wipe the entire debt clean in return for you giving us your previous Master's real name . Which is quite a write off in your favor, quite frankly speaking."

And yeah, Ezra is officially through putting up with all of this ongoing Banthakriff. "All right, why don't you just fill me in here - because I'd serious like to know at this point, Sabine. Have you guys all started pouring literal asshole powder on your eggs every morning when I'm not actively looking, or have you just started taking private lessons from Kanan on being a passive aggressive little jerk? Because I'll be karked if I'll take this poodoo from all of you on *my afternoon off.* Take your passive aggressive commentary right now and karking shove it, Sabine!"

The teenage girl's eyes widen just a little bit in reaction to that explosion of words, her mouth falling just slightly open. Which is about the same moment that Ezra realizes that numerous small pebbles from the ground are now actively hovering in the air now all around him, shaking from the strength of his restrained temper. He closes his eyes then, inhales and exhales through his nose several times, shoves the heat in his chest and in his mind back into its iron lock box again and then he slowly opens his eyes again, the bits of rocky debris pinging into the dirt in a pattern of soft thumps all around him as he does so.

"You were saying, Sabine?" He finally asks her again after another moment, his voice now exquisitely collected - choosing for now to act as if he simply hadn't heard her previous comment.

But the Ghost's second youngest crew member doesn't bother this time to answer him. She's too busy having a silent conversation with Zeb at the moment. One that Ezra is pretty sure involves the following: "Okay so now the kid has officially lost his marbles like we wanted him to in the first place, which one of us is going to stay here and keep an eye on the armed bomb and which of us is going to go and tattle to Kanan?"

Which really? Is just the last straw for Ezra's shot nerves at the moment. "Okay fine. Don't even bother to talk to me at all. It's honestly what I wanted in the first place, not that any of you seem capable of actually grasping that." And then Ezra is turning and breaking into a full-on sprint - headed down the hill and across the short swaying grass in the direction of the distant city several miles out in front of them. Chopper's thrusters whirring along beside him quietly all the way down the hill.

Behind him, twin shouts echo: "Ezra!"

"Bridger! She was only teasing! Get your ass back up here!"

He doesn't slow down for even an instant, though, because right now he is so done with all of this banthakriff that 'done' isn't really even an adequate enough word to describe it. Ezra Bridger has had enough. He's karking sick of all of this. He is heading into the city, he is buying (as opposed to stealing - because kriff it yes, he did in fact make a bargain) himself some Brandy and for a few kriffing hours at the very, very minimum, Ezra is finally going to be allowed to *stop thinking* for a couple hours about this ongoing mess.

And anybody who doesn't like it? Can go to the Sith Hells or to Malachor and back for that matter. Because Ezra Bridger is officially paralyzed with not giving a kark anymore about anyone else's opinion at the moment. He is taking the afternoon off and he is getting out of the battlefield that's in his damn head.

The run into town doesn't take them long at all: fifteen, maybe twenty minutes top. Force speed is handy that way, and Ezra's finally feeling physically stronger. The liquor stand of course, is where's its always been for as long as Ezra can remember- and Karabast but today it isn't even adequately staffed. Ezra truthfully, could probably have walked away with three or four bottles without being noticed for the amount of creds he leaves on the far end of the booth in exchange for just one before he carefully tucks it into his backpack, not even bothering to look at Chopper's clicking disapproving response before he re-shoulders his satchel and then sets out through the open air market again.

"All right then Chop. Let's see if we can find the stuff we'll need for the work on you that I promised to do..."

They do find the needed parts with virtually no effort at all. After that Ezra waits a couple more minutes for Chopper to finish browsing through one of the few artisan tables that they encounter on site and then he pays for what he himself needs before he walks with the droid to the nearest end of the bazaar - pointing out to the grasslands in the near middle distance. "That right there is probably your fastest and easiest route back to The Ghost and the rest of the Specters at the moment, Chopper. Well unless you needed anything else from anywhere else before you go I mean?"

The droid whirs and madly twirls his arms in both directions in response to the question. Then he whips out his electro-prod and shocks Ezra one more time – clearly motioning to the younger man's backpack. Ezra sighs very deeply, folding his arm across his chest before finally speaking, "Chopper, I do not need any kind of lecture at the moment. Go home! Like I already said I'll be back to The Ghost in plenty of time for my usual dosing later on this evening."

There's a momentary pause of several seconds then, before Ezra's jaw literally drops open as Chopper reaches into his parts bag and produces... a kriffing pair of *beautiful* hand carved Lotholian shot glasses. Ezra blinks a few times, a little dazed, before finally speaking up again. "Chopper you're a droid, Buddy. In case you missed the memo, you can't actually drink."

Chopper opens his bag again in reply to that claim and then seconds later he shoves a small canister of crude oil at Ezra as well, then he stretches out his electro-prod again, as if in clear warning.

Ezra raises his hands up, "All right, all right, I hear you. If you want to come along with me boozing then no, I'm not going to try and stop you, Chopper. Just so long as you also promise me the same courtesy in return. Because I will take your company right now Chopper, but not judgement of any kind at the moment."

The droid whirs his arms in reaction and then beeps out several sentences in reply. "Foolish to judge you S6. Organics require regular hydration. Brandy is potable fluid. Select preferred imbibing location and S3 will even go so far as to also purchase any additionally needed snacks or other types of refreshments."

Ezra stares down at him again the , for several absolutely incredulous seconds, before he nods his head again, bemused. Because of course: Chopper is offering to help support teenage drinking. That would be his approach to being helpful under the current circumstances, wouldn't it. Some people never change. Also for the record, Ezra's life has officially moved from the ridiculous, into the straight out comedic.

"You know what? Karabast - just screw my entire karking life at the moment." And then, at that, Ezra silently hands the shot glass back to Chopper - for the moment anyway, and pivots abruptly on his right heel, marching resolutely out of the market and silently up the street toward the over-sized City Center Dome and the nearer of the two public vehicle docking garages that are all but waiting patiently for him. The ones that are filled with a literal plethora of various jackable transport choices at the moment.

Beside him Chopper beeps very softly, the astromech following along behind him in very clear in confusion. No doubt still trying to figure out what in the kark they are actually doing. Ezra reaches out and pats the droid's head dome in reassurance. "Don't worry about it, Chop: I promise that we will get around to actually having that drink, as soon as I can possibly manage it. I've just decided that in the meantime that before that actually happens I'm also going to work on putting myself out of my ongoing misery. See that building over there?" He points to the parking garage calmly, and waits until Chopper beep in affirmation before he again continues speaking. "I'm going to go in there and 'borrow' myself a ride, Chop. As opposed to just stealing The Phantom this time around. Because no I'm not quite that level of crazy just yet. But I am leaving Capital City, Chopper and I'm doing so *tonight.*"

Because honestly? Kanan already has the place's coordinates on file now whether he noticed Ezra input them or not, so he can get there on his own just fine. Ezra just agreed to go and get absolutely sloshed with only a literal Murderbot for drinking company. Which he thinks is a pretty good indication that he's already this trip out to the Temple off for far, far longer than is even remotely good for his currently teetering sanity.

Chopper lets out a couple of whirring sounds in response to that announcement. His response to the long string of words simultaneously insulted and also bemused, the flood of binary when he lets loose damn near close to affectionate lecturing. "Warning! Illogical Greater Strategy, Ezra Bridger. Transport Jacking: Logical. Suggested method of transport acquisition at present: judicious application of Jedi Mind trick. Result of said method of acquisition = greatest length of time before vehicle absence is ultimately reported to the authorities. Additionally Brandy = known organic intoxicant. Driving is highly inadvisable while under alcoholic influence. Alternate Option Suggestion: Leave driving to present inorganic instead and greatly increase the current mission's overall speed as well as general survivability."

Ezra blinks at Chopper hard for another long moment. "Wait a minute here. You're offering to help me to 'run away from home' right now - is that in fact, what I'm actually hearing?"

There is another set of beeps, before Chopper replies again. "Confirmed, Ezra Bridger."

"Why exactly?

"S6 is clearly intent on fleeing The Ghost with an eighty five percent probability of success given S6's curent levels of determination. Safety outcomes must be mitigated for under such percentages."

"And so you're what?" Ezra puts his hands on his hips. "Giving up on stopping me from popping smoke altogether in favor of just letting me get it out of my system while also minimalizing the resultant collateral risk?"

"S6's above statement is the most logical strategy for S3 to employ at the actual present."

Ezra snorts aloud at that, starting forward toward the building again with a slight shake of his head. "Kriff, Chopper, Zeb's right, you know that? You really are completely crazy. But you are also welcome to come along, just so long as you promise not to try anything stupid if you do."

There's a pause of several long deliberating seconds and then before, "Query posit: Why has S6 not revealed his time traveler status to S1, S2 or any the rest of the Specter crew thus far, given how much doing so would lighten S6's current burden?"

Ezra literally trips over his own feet in response to the question, only managing not to knock himself out on the road by absorbing the impact of the fall with his hands. Then he lays there face down, blinking at the blacktop for several long incredulous seconds, before he once again lifts his head, "Wait a minute, Chopper. You know!? You kriffing knew?! Since karking when?!"

There's a pause. Then a soft beep. "S3 did not know for certain, but the probabilities were calculated at a ninty five percent chance. S6 confirms/denies S3's ongoing hypothesis?"

Ezra can't help it. He laughs, so hard that his sides literally ache, and then he rolls over kipping up and onto his feet still chuckling. "Well come on then Chopper if you really want to drive then you can help me pick the vehicle of your preference."

"S6 is requested to answer the question before the continuation of S3 and S6's current mission."

"I will answer the question Chop - I promise. That one and any other reasonable ones that you have. After I'm like two or three shots of Brandy in, though, because right now I just kind of want to bask for an hour or so in apparently no longer being the only lunatic in this particular asylum."

"Confirmed. Does S6 need time to gather food or any other supplies like supplies for the trip to the Temple before our departure?"

It's such a reasonable and yet a completely banal question that Ezra literally can't help himself. He bursts into giggles yet again. "Yeah. Yeah, that's probably a good idea actually. The ride out there and back will take quite awhile, and I don;t have much for food right now in my bad. There's a shop down the street though, that should have just what I need." He pauses, "I don't suppose that you'd cut me another temporary loan would you buddy? In exchange for more upgrade and maintenance? At least until I can either get to a Sabaac table or provide you with some helpful investment info if that's your preference instead?"

There's a pause then, before Chopper beeps yet again. "Unwise. Advance acceptable in exchange for further maintenance however. New Query Posit: How old is S6 chronologically as opposed to biologically at present?"

"If I'm doing the math right – and I'll admit that it's a little fuzzy, Chopper, then I'm currently nine and a half months past my eighteenth Majority. Give or take a couple of weeks."

"S6 = non-minor. How long has S6 been in current time stream at present?"

"On the day after tomorrow, Chopper, it'll be nine weeks on the dot."

"Also confirmed. Was S6's trip to the past voluntary/involuntarily? Please note that S3 is already aware that S6 has not lied thus far according to all available bio-metrics. S3 is grateful for S6's honesty. Please continue to respond truthfully as you have up to now to all posited questions."

"The later, Chopper. I honestly have no karking clue how any of it happened. I just woke up in my bed in my Tower after falling asleep what felt like moments before that on another kriffing planet."

"S6 was crew on The Ghost in his original timeline: confirm/deny?"

"Yes. Yes Chopper, I was. For about four and a half years."

"New Query Posit: what are S6's intentions toward the Ghost and her crew at the present?"

"I'm just trying to save all their lives, Chopper." Ezra admits very quietly.

And Kriff, but speaking the words aloud is a tremendous relief after all of this time. Ezra desperately needs someone other than just him to know it. To know what it is that he's actually trying to accomplish right now. He needs to believe someone else can understand the real stakes at present.

"Specter Crew is dead in S6's future: confirm/deny?"

"Not all of them no." Ezra blinks his eyes hard and repeatedly. "Hera and Sabine were both uninjured. You were fine - just a little banged up. But Zeb was comatose when I left. They didn't know if he'd ever wake up again. They didn't think so. And Kanan...well Kanan had recently fallen in battle. Admittedly he had a very noble death."

There's a long space of moments then, before Chopper reaches out, patting his hand gently against Ezra's lower leg. "S6 was Kanan Jarrus' Padawan for four years in his timeline: confirm/deny?"

"Yes. Yes, I was Chopper." And Force but Ezra wishes that he could weep as he speaks the words, but he literally can't anymore. There's nothing but emptiness and ice in his chest any longer in regards to that subject. He was Kanan's padawan but he won't ever be that again.

There's another long pause. and then Chopper's metal arm abruptly starts banging hard repeatedly on Ezra's nearest shin.

Ezra takes several startled steps back, "Ow! What in the kriff, Chop!"

"S1 was the original source of S6's broken training link: confirm/deny?!"

"Yes."

"Conclusion obvious: Previous bond fracture is not healing as it should at this point because it remains partly patent. The link is still partially functional on your end and can be *repaired* with adequate assistance. S6 should tell Kanan Jarrus!"

"I can't, Chopper." The words all but crack out of Ezra's throat

"Request: Logic based defense of that decision."

"Because if I do then it all just starts over, all right? History will only end up inevitably repeating and Kanan'll probably just die all over again."

"Request: Undisputable proof of this conclusion via repeated statistical analysis."

Ezra sighs heavily, "Look, Kanan died because he deflected the wrong target during a massive battle, okay? And he only did so because by that point in the time-stream, Chopper, I'd blinded him."

"...bioanalytics indicates there is only a 49.999 percent probability of truthfulness in the previous statement."

Ezra growls, low and rough in his throat. "Fine. I didn't actually deliberately burn out his eyes with a lightsaber myself, if you insist on being technical about it. But I'm responsible for opening up our lives to the asshole that did take his eyesight - very, very much on purpose! Either way, the loss of Kanan's vision was what ultimately killed him. And…and then Hera lost the baby that she was carrying at the time after she found out what had actually happened to him. Two lives gone in what feels like the space of a heartbeat, Chopper because I royally screwed everything up by being a kriffing idiot. And I can't, I won't let it happen the same way again."

"The statistical probability of the above statement cannot be analytically determined. Bio-analytics are also insufficient. Request for additional information on the specifics of the situation."

Ezra sighs deeply, "Like I already said, you can ask me anything you want, Chopper. I already promised you that. Just…can we please do if once we're on our way to the temple and I'm at least three shot glasses in?! Please, Chopper, I'm begging you here. It's been a long karking week, okay and I desperately need a break at the moment."

There's a pause of several moments before, "Request accepted. Query Posit: does the store which you mentioned also have a compatible charging station?"

"I... I'm not really sure."

"Then S6 should go and get supplies as necessary. In the meantime, S3 will surveil all available transports within and fast charge briefly if that option is possible. Suggest rendezvous at the lower south entrance in approximately thirty more minutes?"

"I..." Ezra hesitates, then nods his head. "It probably won't actually take me that long. I…I promise that I'll be back just as soon as I can possible manage it. And Chop? What I just told you? You can not tell anyone else about any of that - I mean it!"

"S6 is afraid of possible paradoxes occurring if this information is shared with the others: confirm/deny?"

"Yes." Ezra swallows, "Among other small, minor things."

"New Protocol: Information will not be shared with rest of Specter Crew unless statistics bear out its logistical necessity for the continued survival of one or more of the crew. S6 has not yet provided enough data for any further conclusions. More queries are required for additional clarity."

Ezra snorts softly to himself, "Well then we better head out to the temple as soon as possible so that you can start asking more of them shouldn't we buddy?"

"Confirmed. Rendezvous in fifteen to thirty minutes as previously described. Meet up and lower eastern entrance. Confirm/deny?"

"Yeah. And sooner than that if I can possibly make it. We probably ought to both hurry right now, Chopper." Ezra clears his throat. "The sooner we get out of the Capital the better, truthfully. Because after what happened earlier, I'm pretty sure that once Sabine and Zeb actually get ahold of the others for any length of time, Kanan is also going to be coming into town actively gunning for me."

Chapter Management Qualitative Analysis (Updated)

Chapter Text

Ninety-seven minutes later Ezra and Chopper are more than an hour and a half northwest of the city – Chopper in the driver's seat of the open air four-seat transport, Ezra a very comfortable three and a half fingers of Brandy in. He's finally at the point at which the world around him has gone from nearly unbearable to something more muzzy instead. Something that is muted and distant and blissfully, blissfully quiet inside his head for the first time in literal days...

And with that additional distance has come complete and utter kriffing exhaustion.

"S6 is tired. S6 should try and sleep for awhile in order to restore the charge on his organic battery." Chopper's observation from where he's driving is both calm and a just little bit chiding.

Ezra half waves, half flops a hand at him in reply, "You can just call me Ezra if you want to, Chopper. Well outside of secure communications anyway. Though I won't be offended if you prefer to remain more formal for now. I mean I do know that I am still mostly a stranger to you at this point, even I've technically known you for four years no. As for my actually going to sleep..." He shrugs his shoulders for the time being. "I really am fine, at least for now, anyway. The Brandy is finally juuuuust kicking in."

Chopper doesn't turn his viewer from the road still stretched out ahead of them, "S6 is *not* fine. S6 is under severe operational strain at the moment and is no doubt also teetering on the edge of logic circuit failure due to the overload that is unavoidable in these kind of circumstances." There's a short pause before the droid gudgingly adds, " Admittedly S6 is also facing a highly statistically improbable situation at the moment, and is at least attempting to self-treatment his ongoing symptoms via the consumption of hard liquor, which may or may not be the most effective methodology for doing so in most cases, but also beats S6 knocking over a pharmaceutical dispensary for anxiety and anti-depressive medication at present. Without more information, S3 is electing to with-hold any further judgment."

Ezra blinks a little at that long string of words just a little bit blearily, then he chuckles very softly, tilting his head just enough to study the droid. "Well, you're certainly not pulling any verbal punches at the moment, are you Chop. Not that I really mind all that much if I'm honest. It's been a long few months after all, and at this point the chance for candor is…" Ezra shrugs, pours himself another shot of Brandy from the bottle on the floor. "Just really, really appealing."

The droid pivots his eye camera to look at the teenager for a moment and then he pivots it back to the front of the moving vehicle. "S3 reasserts that Ezra Bridger should tell Kanan Jarrus the truth about what has actually happened. Or S6 should at minimum confide in Hera Syndulla regarding some of the specifics of his current situation. Doing so would greatly mitigate S6's current levels of stress."

Ezra snorts in response to that more than a little bit acerbically. "First - what you tell Hera, Chopper, Kanan will almost immediately find out and vice versa, as I'm sure you already karking know. Second: No, it really, really wouldn't make things any easier at this point. If anything it'd probably result in just the opposite. I'd probably just end up in the kriffing looney bin. Or worse yet, Kanan might actually believe me just enough he'd want to confirm it was a closer look inside of my head and the old bond and some of my more recent memories, and frankly stated Chopper, he'd be safer wandering around in a snake pit."

"The Ghost's med kit packs a broad spectrum of anti-venom if one should become necessary, Ezra Bridger."

"Not for this kind of snake it doesn't. Look it's plenty just to have one of us flirting with full on insanity because of what happened all right. My head's a karking mess at the moment and I can't guarantee that I could adequately protect him from psychic damage if he actually got past my shielding. I know they say to share your burden, Chopper, but I'm feeling distinctly greedy about my levels of mental instability at present."

Chopper side-eyes him thoughtfully for several long seconds before eventually replying. "S6 has already stated on multiple occasions over the past few hours that he is trying to save Specter crew not to harm them. S6 biometrics also indicated that his intents were honest at the time. Additionally S6 was obviously close to S1 in his previous timeline, just given the intensity of the grief which he seems to battle in S1's daily presence. S3 does not believe S6 would willfully harm S1 if it can be possibly be prevented. Well not intentionally anyway at least."

Ezra shrugs, "I'd only actively hurt him if it were the only way I could think of to save him, Chopper. And even under those kind of circumstances I'd try and be really careful if I could. It's one of the reasons that I kept on refusing his offers for hand to hand or other kinds of training saber fighting. I don't…look I don't trust myself right now, okay if he pushes me too hard? Not to lose grip, lose perspective…whatever you want to call it. Just to end up doing something really stupid without meaning to if I'm either to tired or too distracted. As my own master put it too me once, fighting when I'm emotional has always badly impacted both my shielding and my ability to react completely rationally. It's just better for all concerned under the present circumstances if I avoid taking that kind of chance if I don;t have to take it, because the absolute last thing I need at this point is Kanan – especially when he's in in this particular mode – getting overprotective or nosy and trying to push his way in more aggressively through one of the cracks in my shielding when he doesn't know the truth about how or when we broke our link."

"S6 does not trust S1." Chopper makes the observation very quietly.

"It's not that, Chopper. Kanan is a very good man. Kark, he was…he is... probably one of the best people that I've ever known in my life. He is…he was a lot like a second father to me, at least in my originating time stream. But he was… he *is*…also very, very protective of those whom he considers 'his own' or who he otherwise takes into his keeping. And he can become downright irrational sometimes about how strongly he responds to what he perceives as threats to their ongoing safety."

"Affirmative. That particular trait seems to be a S1 and S6 commonality."

Ezra shoots him a dry look in response to that. "Oh hah hah hah, Chopper. You're a barrel of laughs. I'm throwing kriffing flowers."

Chopper shocks the teen in reply – albeit on his very lowest setting. "S3 was not attempting to be funny. It is a trait that S1 and S6 do share. S6 is clearly emotionally compromised by the situation in a similar manner at present. S6 is not considering all aspects of the current situation in an entirely healthy or rational manner. S3 is deeply concerned at present by this ongoing pattern. S6 must at some point acknowledge that he is making rationalized as well as rational decisions if he has any hope in the long terms of saving the rest of his crew mates and friends."

"If that's really your present opinion of the ongoing situation Chopper, then why are you helping me pop smoke at the moment, instead of just running away in order to rat me out to Kanan and Hera instead? I mean you're not acting all that logically right now either by that measure, technically speaking."

There's a pause again. "Because S3 is still in the middle of analyzing the ongoing situation, which is highly statistically unusual. Chronal incidents of this type are not part of S3's regular protocols, though S3's programming is thankfully adaptive as well as heuristic. S3 is therefore attempting to analyze the ongoing situation as best as possible and S6 still currently possesses most if not all of the needed data for this effort at the moment."

"Ah...So then what you're actually saying right now, Chopper is that you want to pick my brain for at least a little bit longer before you finally decide whether or not to finally flip on my ass? Okay then, duly noted, buddy. Remind me to shut you down and dump you somewhere then at my earliest possible convenience."

Chopper responds by shocking Ezra yet again in rebuttal. "Ow Chopper!" The younger Jedi scowls at him. "That was supposed to be a joke, you big bully!"

"Do not attempt to be mentally unstable and humorous concurrently, Ezra Bridger. It leads to unnecessary confusion."

"Why the kriff not, Chop? I mean for force sakes, my sense of humor is practically all that I've got left of me at this point in my life. Excuse me for using sarcasm as an effective method of coping."

"Please continue answering all posited queries, at least for the moment. Paradox is still theoretically possible if the current situation is not carefully analyzed and mitigated for in the days still to come. At present S3 finds the life that he shares with the rest of Specter Crew to be generally optimal and wishes for it to continue as long as it possibly can."

Ezra's smile is wistful as he glances back at the astromech then, "Believe me Chopper, I more than 'get' you concerning that particular mindset. So ask away. I've got nothing but literal time at the moment."

Chopper shocks him again, his displeasure regarding the teenager's attitude clearly evident. "S6 is still being deceptive – as S3 has already pointed out on multiple occasions - to both himself as well as well as to the rest of Specter Crew, and what's more the the ongoing habit is becoming more irritating with every moment that passes."

Ezra blinks for several seconds in response to that particular accusation. "Excuse me?" He asks, knowing that he really should be more upset at those words at the moment but right now he's simply too absorbed in all the effects of the alcohol that he's drinking to feel much more than mildly indignant right now. Ezra'd never had that much to drink before coming back in time truthfully, a couple of different nights out, yes, when invited out with the other members of Phoenix squadron, but that's essentially it. He also knows from those rare excursions out that he's not an excessively angry drunk. Booze makes him philosophical, occasionally silly and according to Zeb and Sabine at least, incredibly sleepy and droopy and muzzy headed. Which means that right now Ezra mainly feels confused…and maybe just a bit little stung, by Chopper's scolding string of declarations.

"It is true that S6 was not lying earlier when he expressed his concern for and his ongoing desire to protect Specter Crew."

Ezra's brow raises, "…I somehow sense a massive 'but' oncoming?"

"But S6 fails repeatedly to acknowledge his own greatest ongoing contradiction in pursuing that outcome at present."

"Huh?" Ezra's forehead wrinkle

"S6 himself is – or at least was, once part of Specter Crew as well."

"…And?"

"S6 claims that he wants to save the Specters. To keep them safe in the face of upcoming danger."

"And again with the 'but…'" Ezra snorts softly.

"And S6 repeatedly and illogically refuses to acknowledge both himself and his own safety and needs at the moment."

Ezra sighs deeply, looking over at the astro-mech. "Yes Chopper. Because saving the rest of them in this time stream requires removing me as much as possible from the remainder of their ongoing equation."

"Warning: Fallacy, Ezra Bridger. If S6 is truly the source of all initial change in this time stream then S6 must stay both intact and relatively healthy just the same as Specters 1-5. Both in order to assure that all information is disseminated as needed and to help prevent the return of any oncoming danger that lead directly to S1's eventual death. Not to even mention to avoid potential incidents of paradox further down the line do to any already ongoing changes. S6's role in the days ahead will thus be absolutely critical both in avoiding multiple serious obstacles that may well occur because of possible time stream divergence, and because S6 has the most potentially useful future information. Yet even despite this clear fact, S6 seems absolutely intent on leaving the Specters behind. Of leaving both himself and them unguarded in the process. S3 finds this choice on S6's part to be distinctly contradictory to his stated goals and aims. How does Ezra Bridger possible intend to save anyone as effectively or efficiently as he might have done otherwise as an unaccompanied minor child with almost no resources while willfully operating alone for the most part on what appears to be a purely solo basis?"

"I don't intend to keep on working alone forever, Chopper. Nor am I without other resources I can tap at the moment as needed... I have other friends from the previous timeline that I fully intend to track down ask for help just as soon as I get off of planet. Good people whom I I know I can trust with the truth, who will help me if I ask them to because that's just the kind of people that they are. Especially once they're made aware of the actual situation"

"S6 is referring to some of your 'former master's' friends among others? Confirm/Deny?"

"Yes, Chopper, I am. The most important of that group being Rex."

"And these allies are people who regularly interacted with S1-5 in your originating time-stream?"

"For the most part, yes. A couple of them we were introduced to at the same time but all eventually became good friends. Captain Rex, in particular, is from that latter group, and he's a very good man, Chopper. Probably second only in my own opinion to Kanan. He's a former member of the GAR from the days of the clone war, a former command staff officer to General Anakin Skywalker himself, who taught me pretty much everything that I currently know about using non-Jedi types of weapons. On top of that, is my originating time-stream he also was an honorary uncle of sorts to me as well. We survived a lot a missions together - and quite a few were pretty bloody. That all acknowledged, I know karking well at this point that if I show up on Rex's doorstep and present myself as a former Jedi Padawan who's master had recently died in the process of fighting several Sith, he and his Vod will absolutely welcome and then make a place among them for me."

Well okay, maybe not all of them would do so without an hesitation. Ezra can be honest enough to at least acknowledge that much to himself, but he figures that he can also be discrete with all but Rex initially as to who and what he really is until the two of them can come up with some kind of better plan.

There is a long, weighted pause then. Then Chopper's head pivots to better look at him. "S6 intends to defect from the Specter Crew at present in order to try and go live instead with one or more former *clone troopers?*"

"Yup." Ezra throws back one last final shot of brandy. "Well assuming that Rex is willing to have me, anyway."

Chopper lets out a long string of what Ezra knows from previous experience is the droid's version of laughter in response to that admission.

"What?!" He grumbles, crossing his arms turning to the astro-mech and openly glaring.

Chopper only keeps laughing, pretty damn near to hysterically by this point. "May S3 assume that S6 has *not* revealed this particular detail of Captain Rex's back history to Kanan Jarrus as of yet?"

Ezra's look is distinctly dry. "No. Nor do I plan to ever do so if I can possibly help it before we all part ways. I'm nuts Chopper, not actively out of my damn mind!"

"S3 debates your present assumption about you ongoing mental status, but that is not critical to the ongoing situation at present. Query Posit: S6 currently has a standing accord with S2 concerning his transport off of Lothal and to Captain Rex's current location in exchange for all the labor S6 is currently doing. Given S1's and S2's clear concern for S6's security at the moment, how exactly does S6 intend to find this Captain Rex and secure his necessary allegiance while also avoiding S1's suspicions?"

Ezra shrugs, "Hera just said that she'd get me off of Lothal Chopper and help get me decent fake ID if I want one. Not that I'm going to be able to use said ID at this point if they're also going to be able to use it to try keep track me of me. Keeping the others from finding out where I'm actually going at this point is actually ridiculously easy. I just need to pick a jump off point somewhere along the major trade routes here in this section of Space if I accept Hera current offer of a ride, so that she and Kanan both don't lose too much time or fuel in the process, and then I plan on giving them all the slip once we land on another planet, secure other transport and make the last leg of the journey to where Rex is actually staying independently. Well, that I don't just decide to find another ship off of Lothal after I'm finished up at the them and thus skip Hera and Kanan taking me anywhere off planet entirely, which is probably the smarter option at the moment."

"S1 and S2 will be deeply angered by this potential course of action. S6 has both bartered and oathed in less than good faith."

At this point all they'd actually be out if I break my part of the deal is their ongoing assurance of my continued company. All of the work that I ended up doing for Hera over the past couple of weeks will essentially serve as payment for a ride that I won't even actually be taking and the stuff that I abandoned on the ship as well as the various spare parts currently laid out in the tower should more than cover any addition costs that any of them had while housing and feeding me. Not to even mention that Kanan'll eventually realize that the coordinates to the temple here on planet have already been stored in the navigation system if he goes looking for it. I deliberately entered all that data into the central computer quietly last week." "Nonetheless, S6, S1-2's primary concerns up until now has been the group's mutual safety up until the present, and such a departure is not likely to ease their minds or calm their tempers...Any failed failed attempt to flee in such a matter would likely end extremely unpleasantly for S6 if he were caught before successfully leaving the system. S1 and S2 are both highly unenjoyable company when they are sufficiently angry."

"Yeah, I'm more than aware… Remember that I lived with all of you for almost four years the last time around. " Ezra shifts a little uncomfortably in his seat. He really needs to try and contact the Loth-wolves before he leaves the planet, honestly, just to be careful. He doesn't think that the old promises in use on Lothal today are anything other than carryovers from the elder days gone by when the creatures interacted with the other sentients on the planet more frequently. Still…for the pack to harm the people he swore on the lives of when they were the ones he was swearing to, when he intends to violate said oaths for their own protection is more than a little self-contradictory. Ezra's reasonably certain the wolves will agree on that point, and hopefully, deal with him directly and not on the others if it actually becomes an issue. "It doesn't have to be a good plan Chopper just the best one that's actually available at the moment."

"S6 is proving himself skilled both in manipulation and in less than honorable tactics. S3 generally approves of both skill sets when they are necessary to upset statistical advantages in high risk situation. However under these circumstances, be warned, Ezra Bridger! Deception layered on ignorance in this particular case only heightens possible miscommunication and confusion for all parties."

Ezra snorts softly at that claim. "Yeah well I'm hardly the only one guilty of hedging my bets right now, am I buddy? I'm not the only one who's actively playing mind games right now or hiding secondary objectives. And my motives are at least honorable generally speaking. I mean seriously, Chopper! I'm trying to slip the leash right now in order to keep the rest of them safe. Well they in counterpoint are apparently trying to make me lose my karking mind, for no other apparent reason than they just all need better hobbies. If I broke the deal with Hera this afternoon first, then yes I broke it, but it my own defense that choice was largely made in defense of my crumbling sanity. Which clearly, is already on seriously shaky ground at the moment. I mean honestly, Chopper I'm running away with a droid in a stolen government transport at the moment in order to try and get back my lightsaber. Which was essentially stolen from me by the karking time stream, hopefully before my formerly dead Master and former Phoenix Squadron leader track me down to try and ground me. Does that sound particularly well adjusted life to you right now? Because I? Am thinking pretty much not at the moment."

"…S3 did not see S6 pickpocket earlier today in the market? "

"I didn't, Chopper. I didn't need to with all my winnings from Sabaac in addition to the other funds that you staked me."

"Then S6 is technically still within the accord from earlier. S2 did not disallow grand theft of a vehicle in the original pact and S6 has also been doing agreed upon ship maintenance and cleaning in exchange for all meals and board. S6 has thus not yet technically violated the letter of the ongoing bargain that was agreed upon."

"No." Ezra agrees, "I'm just stomping all over the spirit of the thing rather gleefully right now . I remind you Chopper, that originally this little jaunt I'm making out to the temple was supposed to be made *along with* Kanan."

"So S1 would be aware of its location as well?"

"Yes. Among other things. And also to hopefully increase my own chances of actually accessing the site and eventually leaving with the supplies needed to make an actual weapon."

"That intent is seriously compromised at present?"

"That intent was always compromised, Chopper, even as little as I initially wanted to face up to it when the topic was first raised. Look, Chopper - it's always taken both a Master and Padawan to access this structure all right? At least in my own previous experience. Which Kanan and I definitely aren't anymore – at least not as far as I have anything to say about it anyway. This trip is essentially a fool's errand, for me at this point. Just one more wild goose chase for me to get out of my way before I finally get my ass off of the planet."

Chopper's arms whir back and forth in what is clear disgruntlement at this news, one pounding hard on Ezra's shin one time in clear retribution. "Then why is S6 making this highly illogical journey in the first place? Why is S6 risking aggravating S1 and S2 this way when it is completely unnecessary?"

"Other than because I got tired of them aggravating me? Ow! Enough with the shocks, Chopper! Looks initially, we were coming out here together so that I could show Kanan exactly where this place actually is, Chopper. Or at least that was my reasoning for doing so initially. It's Kanan's Temple now, after all: he's the Jedi in the room at this point, remember, not karking me."

"S1 is not here though. Why is S6 traveling to the temple at present if S6 expects to be denied any entry?"

"Because I'm both covering my ass and crossing my fingers at the moment, okay? I'm making sure I'm not shooting myself in the foot by just assuming that I actually know the will of the Force at this point instead of at least requesting access to be certain where now stand officially. I'm about to prostrate myself on the mercy of the cosmos, concerning all of this basically. After all, I may be physically fourteen years old again at this point, but I am four years older then that mentally at least, and what's more, just like Kanan at the start of my own initial apprenticeship, I currently have a fair bit of previous training. Right now, from the broadest possible perspective of the current situation I'm a former Jedi Padawan whose first master died recently in badly and left me all alone… and so now I'm seeking entrance into the temple asking for the means to guarantee my own personal protection if the temple decides I'm still worthy. And yes, that request could net me absolutely nothing at all for my troubles at the point if I'm right in my own suspicions, but even so the potential benefit if the temple lets me in to quest for a weapon is still equal to anything that the attempt might currently cost me."

Chopper considers all of this for a moment before finally responding. "S6 believes that he could be judged as non-jedi even when he and S1 current statuses are virtually equal essentially? S3 admits confusion and queries the reason behind S6's adoption of that particular assumption please?"

Ezra just shrugs his shoulders. "It's not so much about the path we've walked so far as it is about the difference in our attitudes and priorities right now, truthfully. "

"Further qualification is requested. Elaborate please, Ezra Bridger."

Ezra sighs deeply then reaches up in order to rub at the back of his neck wearily "Look…If it comes down to an actual choice between my becoming a Jedi or my saving Kanan's life this time around, Chopper? Then it's Kanan. No hands down - it's not even an actual decision for me at this point. I don't have to become a Jedi – or anything else, for that matter to live a fulfilled life I just *want* to become one right now. But that dream is karking nothing to me under the greater weight of actually losing Kanan in reality. To me at least, family is absolutely everything – and protecting family as much as you can without going dark in the process outranks anything else for me in terms of day to day priorities. If saving Kanan is going to require my walking away from the Jedi Order, then I will, Chopper. And yeah it'll hurt like the Sith Hells if it happens, but so what. That's the kind of pain that's survivable most of the time in the end. Burying people is far worse in my personal experience then just burying a set of old dreams. You can always get another set of the later if nothing else, for one thing."

"S6's current conclusions are logical. At least on initial analysis." Choppers next string of binary has turned very decidedly grumpy. The astro-mech clearly isn't happy with the explanation that he's been provided but the droid also can't deny any of Ezra's current conclusions. Which for now Ezra is going to consider as something very close to winning.

He still snorts softly in reply, "Yeah. Thanks a lot, Chop, for that stunning vote of personal confidence on your part."

"S6 is welcome. As S3 said before, S6 is tired and still clearly under great stress at the moment. S6 requires both sleep and eventually sustenance and re-hydration in order to recover from the past few hours of drinking adequately."

Ezra yawns, widely, in a clearly involuntary movement. Then he smiles at the droid wryly, "Is that your way of saying that you've interrogated me enough at this point for your personal own satisfaction and that I should leave you alone to do some more processing?"

"Affirmative, Ezra Bridger. At least for the time being. In the meantime S6 should rest. For a short duration at least. In the meantime S3 will keep the watch and continue with driving. The journey to the coordinates you recently input into the nav system will take us another six hours to reach at least."

Ezra nods his in consent, shifting slightly down in the chair, raising both arms above him and stretching. "Wake me Chop, okay? in another four hours if I'm not already on my own, or if I appear to be having nightmares before that. Before we get to the site officially I really ought to spend at least a few hours actively meditating in order to try prepare myself. And Chop...?"

The droid swivels its head. "Yes?"

"Thanks…both for letting me know that you do know, and for coming along so I could be safe about the driving. Even if doing so gets you in trouble later on, which we both know that it probably will at this point, I just…I really don't know how to tell you how much I appreciated – how much I needed – a few hours of this particular kind of company from someone right now. It's nice to feel a little less alone and crazy about all of this. I mean for a little while at least."

Chopper doesn't look away from the fields still out ahead of them, but one arm stretches out again, gently patting Ezra on the knee. "Ezra Bridger's sudden appearance among the Ghost Crew several weeks ago has for the most part been highly novel and entertaining. Life on board the Ghost can be boring and repetitive at times. S3 greatly appreciates the chance to stimulate new protocols and other subroutines in this manner at the very least."

Ezra snorts at that admission, already more than half asleep. A moment or so later soft music from Chopper's personal speakers engage. Ten minutes after that Ezra Bridger – be he fourteen years old or eighteen or somewhere in between, is slumped down like a child against the door cushion, snoring softly in the passenger's seat, a shot glass in his hand, a bottle of brandy resting against on the floor beside his currently unbooted feet.

Chopper considers the younger Jedi for a long moment or two before the astro-mech finally snaps another holo-image and files it away in the folder presently marked ' current allies'. Then he shifts over just far enough to also liberate said bottle from its position on the floor, shifting the partially full container amber liquid out of the open air cab and dropping it into the grass below them. The intoxicants have already served enough useful purpose at present, easing the needed extraction of information and temporarily relieving the symptoms of both depression and severe anxiety in the teenager at least in the short term. More to drink from here on out would likely be unwise rather than useful. Better to follow the alcohol up with proper hydration and rest and nutrition for the time being. S6 is likely highly deficient right on beneficial levels of actual sleep.

Besides with the bottle of Brandy now gone, and assuming that S6 does not confess to drinking alcohol outright during the almost inevitable coming confrontation S 1-2 may not realize that S3 has actually allowed S6 to drink before the two of them finally encounter the Ghost Crew again. This is an outcome that would benefit S3 greatly at present given his already untenable position. Hera Syndulla is both loud and exceedingly unpleasant when she is sufficient angry, though usually when the emotion is not aimed at Chopper himself directly, the droid usually finds the outcomes of said temper highly dramatic and amusing.

Kanan Jarrus's personal reactions as of late, on the distinct other hand, have been under clear patterns of consistent alteration recently, and Chopper is honestly uncertain right now how the Elder Jedi will react to hearing of their current location and circumstances. Human males can be highly unpredictable in the face of perceived threats to their vulnerable offspring, even when said children are also amidst the trials of early adolescence. Which - as far as Chopper can tell after several days of intensive surveillance of the two cranky Jedi - best fits the pattern of their ongoing current interactions.

The older Jedi has been unusually volatile and emotionally over-reactive as of late, perhaps because, Chopper's beginning to suspect, of the presence of a currently unnoticed training link now present between the two of them. It would certainly explain a great part of S1's off behaviors at the moment. S6 may well claim at this point that all currently bonds - psychic and otherwise - have been cut between himself and S1 in this particular variant of the time stream, but Chopper for hi finds that conclusion increasing more and more erroneous right now, regardless whether or not S6 technically qualifies as past literal or theoretical majority age at the present.

Chopper looks at the teenager one more time and then returns to watching the horizon while completing the rest of his processing, computing likely various likely scenarios and then following through each of the resulting probability trees. It takes him less than fifteen minutes truthfully to just throw up his hands for a final time and grudging acknowledge the whole exercise is currently beyond the scope of even his own not insignificant capacity. Which is why the astro-mech finally switches back on his communication array and the vehicle's location beacon both, before composing a one-paragraph message back to those waiting aboard The Ghost and hits send, before returning his attention to to the route ahead of them for the time being.

The situation as it exists at present is far too complex for Chopper to analyze further without additional information. Which is why he just sent S1 and S2 two very specific questions about he and Ezra's current status, which he hopes to receive answers to reasonably swiftly...

1) Is allowing Ezra Bridger to enter the Jedi temple on his own at this point in time a reasonably safe course of action for Chopper to take if S6 receives useful instruction while he's inside the structure that could benefit all of them? Or would such an excursion be foolhardy at this juncture because of the teenager's currently deeply troubled emotional mindset after he'd been recently forced to endure more than a week of emotional baiting from the rest of them? (Chopper doesn't much care for the odds) and more importantly...

2) what exactly are the long-term psychic and psychological effects of someone actively fighting the restoration of a force willed training link for an extended period of time if *both* Master and Padawan are theoretically *alive* even after said bond was initially broken.

Chopper then also cues in their current vehicle's transit and speed information, sits back and waits on the message received receipt.

The answer comes back less than seven standards minutes later. It's a few simple sentences in basic, and a lot of Ryllian expletive directly underneath that which Chopper is just assuming Hera added on herself by the end.

The first bit is from S1 unsurprisingly:

Chopper – Keep Ezra the SITH HELLS AWAY from that karking temple until I arrive! I have your current coordinates and the Phantom - I am already in route. You can expect to see me some time in the earliest hours of the coming morning.

-KJ

(If he hasn't already, Chopper, please make Ezra eat dinner and then try and get him to sleep.)

The second is far less genially phrased …

DO NOT THINK FOR EVEN A MOMENT THAT THIS GETS YOU A FREE PASS OUT OF YOUR PART IN ALL OF THIS, CHOPPER! WHEN I SEE YOU NEXT, WE WILL MOST DEFINITELY BE TALKING! WE ALL LOOKED FOR THE BOTH OF YOU IN TOWN FOR MORE THAN THREE HOURS THIS AFTERNOONS AND BY THE LOOK OF IT BEFORE YOU TOOK OFF EZRA TOOK OUT HIS IV PORT WHILE SITTING ON THE FLOOR OF A FILTHY, TRASH STREWN BACK ALLEY! YOU BOTH HAVE AN ASS KICKING COMING WHEN WE GET THERE!

– HS

Chopper lets out a largely satisfied, if someone resigned little beep in reply, glancing over at the sleeping Ezra yet again, watching the teenagers brows knit, and his body shiver slightly in the increasing cold of the deepening evening.

Then he whirs softly, and moves the Holopic which he took earlier from the 'Allies' folder into the one that's marked simply 'SpecterFamily.'

Chapter 10: Leave Taking

Chapter Management Chapter 10: Leave Taking (updated)

Chapter Text

"I am going to kill him. I am going to literally kill him!"

Zeb raises an eyebrow at Sabine, "Is she referring to Chopper or Ezra, do you think, when she says stuff like that at the moment?"

"I'm...actually not sure," The teenage artist softly whispers back.

The Twi'lek pilot scowls fiercely, leaning back against the wall by Kanan's room's only entrance. "Right now in regards to that particular duo you guys and what's been happening, I see no reason at all to be particularly discriminating!"

"Hera..." Kanan sighs very deeply, even as he stuffs things in his bag, packing as efficiently and as mindfully as he possibly can. He really needs to stop in Medlab before he goes both for Ezra's spare clothes and for both of the spare ampules of Amalyn that are still in drawer there at the moment. Because if they're not needed right off the bat after Kanan knows, then there is a good chance that they still probably will be by the end of the weekend.

He also considers coming to Ezra's defense for all of half of a second or so, before shrugging the idea off, in favor of just letting his lover have the chance to vent some of her tension for a little while. They can all stand a little of that opportunity, right now if he'a honest. The past few hours have had more than their fair share of both fear and speculation.

"He outright ditched us, Kanan! And Chopper apparently went along for the ride when even though it was his kriffing turn on watch duty! He deliberately turned off his personal tracker, thereby cutting off all actual means of communication to the rest of us for over five and a hours even knowing as he did so that we'd also be hearing from Zeb and Sabine about the whole floating rocks a all but flaming eyes thing! Chopper didn't bother to leave us behind a note, Kanan, a 911, a simple assurance that he hadn't been dumped off by Ezra somewhere along the way during his escape or just switched off for supposed upgrades and maintenance ... He did literally nothing! Kark it's even technically worse than just that, Kanan according to the vids that Sabine managed to hack, Chopper outright *helped* Ezra commit what amounts to Grand Theft Larceny of a cross-continent capable vehicle before the two of them departed! Which means that right now Ezra could theoretically go to any other city on this karking planet with an interstellar transit hub and try to arrange himself passage off-world on another ship!"

Kanan sighs, "I know that Hera. We're lucky that I was right yet again and that his first instinct after bolting from the Ghost was apparently to run straight toward the Jedi Temple. Apparently, visiting there is top priority in terms of any unfinished business for Ezra at the momement. Also speaking in Chopper's defense… we were the ones who told him specifically to only follow Ezra, Hera, and otherwise leave dealing with the rest of his increasing craziness to us. Because none of us - though I probably should have - expected Ezra to actually pull this kind of stunt at this juncture, which really was pretty unimaginative of me."

"Chopper was supposed to respond if anything unusual occurred by letting the rest of us know what was happening as it is happening Kanan, so that we could intercede with Ezra. Not by aiding and abetting Ezra's behavior to the degree that you're now going to be scrambling in order to even catch up with them before Ezra tries to crack that temple open on his in the morning! Also, while we're on the subject of general uselessness, what the kriffing hell was that second question of Chopper's even supposed to actually mean?!"

Kanan shrugs helplessly in reply, "I'm honestly not sure about that one yet, Hera…I'll think it over on the way out there for awhile and also maybe see if Chopper will answer a couple of additional questions for me. It may turn out to be something incredibly important or it may turn out its a random curiosity that Chopper suddenly decided to fixate on while he and Ezra were driving out there. I really don't care which one it is of those at the moment speaking frankly. And as for Chopper's actions earlier – I'm only trying to remind you, Hera that we don't know the entirety of the situation concerning what Chopper was actually facing when they disappeared, and how it impacted any of Chopper's ongoing decisions along the way. If Ezra was really acting particularly chaotic or self destructive and Chopper truly believed as a result that he wasn't going to be able to hold him back from taking off long enough for the rest of us to arrive, then I actually don't find it unbelievable at all that he'd make it look like he's suddenly'flipped sides' and then invite himself along on Ezra's little joyride just to ascertain Ezra isn't the one who's driving if he's severely emotionally compromised. Not to mention to wait for a chance to help the rest of us track them down later if it became possible, which is exactly what Chopper is doing at the moment."

"But why would Ezra suddenly do all of this at *complete random,* Kanan? We've been pushing him for almost a week now, yeah – with almost no effect at all for all that trouble that any of us could see up up until now! I mean when we both saw him last night he was stewing, yes, but definitely not acting impulsive or anything else but highly antisocial truthfully. He certainly didn't act like he was actively heading for a meltdown, just digging himself in even further for one kriff of a long haul! Which was why we ultimately agreed to visit Vizago's camp first thing after breakfast in order to try and get the names and contact info for some of the local gang leaders here in the capital so that you could shake them down for information on Ezra's former master and then try to use said information in order to pry Ezra out of the corner that he's currently wedging himself all but bodily into!"

Kanan just shrugs his shoulders a little, "Ezra seemed quiet last night yes, Hera but something obviously changed slowly overnight or maybe over the past couple of days that neither of us managed to actually registered consciously. Looking back at things no that's probably because Ezra has been so consistently withdrawn and I've been giving him lots of time to fester in his juices over the past few days for lack of any better ideas. It was my kark up, Hera and I'm sorry. I've been the one on point with the kid ever since all of this first started and I really should have known that I needed to stick closer to the ship no matter what Ezra did or didn't appear to be doing. The truth of the matter is I was getting impatient too, so I was trying to prematurely catalyze some kind of change but all that we really did when we both left The Ghost this morning is provide Ezra exactly the opening that he was apparently looking for to react to the change already occurring! I underestimated how frustrating waiting him out was going to turn out to be."

"Who the kriff among us didn't, Kanan?" Sabine asks him then with a roll heavenward of her own eyes. "I mean the only time that Ezra's willingly talked to any of us recently is during shared mealtimes or occasionally when we're playing sabaac in the evenings. Otherwise, he's become monosyllabic essentially. He's repeatedly turned down your offers to train chat or meditate, Zeb and I's offers to spar - kriff even when we've made it clear when we offer that he's the one who'd've gotten to do the shooting! I have met deaf-blind mutes who are more interested in regular interaction than Ezra is right now. I mean sure he went down to the electronics Market with Hera when she asked him to the other day Kanan – and then he spoke a total of maybe three sentences to her over the course of more than five karking hours! He did the same thing to me as well, while we're on the subject, on that day that he was doing switch repair work in the cargo area and I spent some time in there as well adding on one of my murals with Hera's permission. I swear to kriff it's been like living with a karking boulder for the most part Kanan. I never thought when this all started that'd I'd get here quite this fast but the truth of the matter is that I actually meant it earlier this morning when I told Ezra that I've started to actively miss his sarcasm if this is the only alternative for the moment. I mean yes, Ezra's utterly unfailing polite whenever he's around the four of us right now Kanan, but his eyes are also literally dead when he's looking at you and his smile is so clearly just pasted on that it's actually creepy. He's absolutely miserable right now, Kanan, and none of us are really that much better off when we have to be around him!"

Zeb snorts, "Yeah well the fact that you're actually worried about him and not just pissed at his guise may've been a little lost to the Kit earlier, Sabine in the wake of that particular delivery. You were kind of overdoing things with all the passive aggressive banthakriff"

The Mandalorian just shrugs her shoulders, "I was only doing exactly what I have been for litera; days now,Zeb...matching Ezra sarcasm for sarcasm even if his eyes are the only things still occasionally flinging back the sheer depth of his current saltiness. The agreement was that we'd all just hold the center, wasn't it? That we'd all try and act like little or nothing had changed in the wake of his speech to us up in his tower while at the same time Kanan simultaneously focused on trying to get the kid to actually acknowledge some of his own repressed anger. Given how deeply said anger's been buried up until now, how was I to know that he could literally go from zero to a thousand on the pissyiness radar that quickly!"

Zeb practically barks out a laugh in reply to that comment, though it's admittedly also tinged with a fair amount of frustration as well. "Sabine think for a moment about how exactly the four of us first met Ezra! It the kit has ever been anything at in his life then it's quick, at anything he chooses to be."

"I'd have gone with reckless, personally myself." Kanan mutters back, softly under his own breath, "Not to even mention seriously, seriously slippery. Which is why I should have know better than to just up and leave." After all Kanan knows, the kid is still definitely a street rat - probably just as much as he is still a Jedi at this stage in his life, and the sudden breakaway was a critical skill for any creature of the street who didn't want to get captured or even worse yet, cornered and eaten.

"None of this conversation is making Ezra any less permanently grounded when we find him." Hera growls, "I swear to kark, Kanan I am literally going to put a boot in his ass when we finally track them down again. The two of us mad a good faith deal the other day and he just broke it without even blinking. Which pisses me off just about as much as it also surprised me."

"Not technically yet, he hasn't, Hera" Kanan mutters under his breath. "Your original bargain terms were too unspecific for Ezra to have to do so more deliberately at the moment."

"...Excuse me what?!" Hera gapes at him dumbly.

Kanan looks over at her and he shrugs his shoulders. "He's met all the terms of your deal as it was laid out so far, Hera, at least in terms of him doing all the work that you've assigned him and avoiding spending too much time in the city. Even if yes he's visiting his tower right now pretty much any time he's not actively working, sleeping or taking his prescribed medications. Force Hera right now the closest that Ezra's come to violating your specific stipulations will be if he doesn't show up to take his next dose of Amalyn in another seven hours. And even that's a grey area technically. Because yes, Hera, Ezra was supposed to be careful about keeping the port clean until he finished up tittering down, but when that process was actually completed was an issue between him and I. And Hera? I deliberately never made the end date fully explicit because I wanted it open-ended. Which means he could remove consent for the process whenever he felt he no longer needed it basically."

Hera rises up from her half slouch and stares at him, irate. "He STOLE A KRIFFING GOVERNMENT TRANSPORT, KANAN! Not to even mention bought himself another bottle of booze in the Market by the sounds of things ass! I mean that vendor was clearly shocked when he actually found that cash tucked into the place where he found it when we asked if his stand had been pick-pocketed this afternoon. How is this in any way okay with you right now? Why are you not furious with him, frankly?

"Because it's a waste of energy for me to be so right now, Hera, okay?! Look...you are not actually his mother, okay, an he doesn't acknowledge me as his master yet - at least, not consciously. Right now Ezra still clearly sees himself as having almost complete autonomy over the choices that he makes outside of the bargains he's knelt on and the strictures he's agreed to so far concerning 'Hera's Rules on Hera's Ship.' You bargained the kid a ride off the planet the other day in exchange for his labor, for Ezra not sleeping in the Tower until and for him agreeing to not pick-pocket until we all leave the planet and he's honored that agreement pretty much to the letter just like he agreed to, but the rest of what Ezra does when not on the Ghost or he's 'off duty' from his 'work hours' is still sort of a grey area from his own perspective, because your deal didn't include you being granted complete authority over everything he does at this point until we all leave the kriffing planet."

Hera gapes at him yet again, her hands on her hips. "Are you kriffing out of your mind right now, Kanan? Will you stop karking defending him! Ezra is clearly not an adult who's meant to be left to his own devices! He's an adolescent Jim Moriarty in progress who's clearly headed straight for the edge of a cliff! Or he will be soon , if something isn't done about all these chances that he's taking right now - especially in front of Imperial Security! This isn't just reckless, it's blatantly self destructive to his safety at the moment."

Kanan sighs again, "I already know that Hera. And I'm going out there to deal with the situation right now as I just told you! But that doesn't change the fact that at the moment Ezra technically hasn't break any 'rules', at least by the letter of the two of you's current bargain. Which means that we don't have the moral high ground from Ezra's perspective right now because we still haven't proved any more deserving of it then him yet. Look, yell at me more over the comm's about all of this if you really want to, but in the mean time I've got to get going. Chopper can only delay their arrival by slowing their driving by so much at the moment."

Hera sighs in reponse to him pointing that out, but then she also nods, silently following him down the hallways and into med-lab before speaking up one more time. "Kanan, why are we all not just going out there to get him in the Ghost instead?"

"Other than because you mentioned earlier to today that you have a meet about a possible job at Jho's later this evening?" Kanan shrugs a little, "Because I'm also getting sick and tired of all of this banthakriff, Hera, to speak very frankly. Clearly its now past time for me to actually do something about it a whole lot more aggressive than I've tried thus far, and frankly stated neither of us need an audience when I do that. I mean Force Hera, Ezra's just jumped straight from 'repressed as kark but basically still politely surly' to ' a clear and present danger to himself' in a little bit under eight hours, Hera. He's just literally crashed through his personal bottom floor into an apparent sub-basement. That kind of stuff doesn't just happen typically in my own experience either. There has to have been some some kind of catalyst for all of this. This whole mess could very well be the very first sign of the emotional break for which we've been actively waiting."

Kanan seals up his bag, and then heads down the hall toward the Phantom's inner docking port at a fast clip, "I mean seriously - think about it for a moment, Hera. Ezra's always had a code he follows, even if he's the one who both created and self enforced it all these years, but right now he's apparently so stressed out or angry that he's aggressively abandoned even that? That kind of a new tier of behavior on his part means new rules from me, Hera. It has to. The two of us are about to have a serious 'discussion', whether he wants to have one or not at this point. And quite bluntly speaking, it's probably better for me to minimize the audience if Ezra ends up forcing me to literally whup his ass in the process. "

"So then you think that the two of you are gonna actually end up seriously tangling then?" Zeb raises a eloquent eyebrow at that admission, though the Lasat doesn't sound particularly surprised, even as anti physical conflict as Ezra has thus far been. Then again Kanan also knows, Garazeb Orrelios is a physicalist himself – a being who carries most of his emotions in the curve of his body without making any real attempt to either hide or control them. He, probably more than anyone else -with his ability to read body language and probably smell Ezra's sheer scope of repressed emotions - probably did see this particular eventuality on-coming.

"Considering how you and Sabine described his involuntary reaction earlier coupled with this little stunt that's going right now, Zeb? I'm about eighty-five to ninety percent certain that that is exactly where we're heading at the moment. I don't think things is going to resolve with simple talking at this point, ans it's probably going to involve a kriff of the lot more then me just goading Ezra into taking a swing at me or something. When I do catch up to him the two of us are likely going to end up in an actual fight, and once Ezra truly takes the gloves off things are going to have the potential to get really, really messy because just because he rarely show them doesn't mean he doesn't have a serious set of teeth. I mean really, if Ezra's deliberately torn out his own IV port at this point, if he's actually making his own run on the temple all alone right now, even though he knows that it severely limits any chance that hes got to successfully get in on his own. If hes just literally abandoned everything but what he had on his person when he took off.. Well then that's a pretty clear indication that Ezra's just reacting right now, not reasoning. He's like a Sith bedamned toddler at the moment who's running straight out into oncoming traffic he's so caught up in his own emotional turmoil, and that means that it's way past time that I grab him by the belt and yank him physically back."

Because honestly, Kanan has never felt quite this way in the entirety of his life before now. He has never been so completely aware of yet completely unattached to the whirlwind of his own frenetic emotions as they happen. Oh yes, Kanan knows right now on some level that he's pissed off and frantic and nearly as terrified as Hera is, but right now that's all subsumed under what Kanan can only think of as a needed focus on 'the necessary.' It's a little bit like the pre-battle calm that he'd occasionally witnessed in Depa Billaba and the Clones in his younger days with the GAR right before the start of some of their larger campaign battles.

Kanan tries not to shake his head wryly in response that apparent correlation. After all who'd have ever thought that he'd seriously be comparing pre-warfare mindset to adolescent parenting tactics.

Still, as Kanan enters the Phantom from the inner lock and drops his bag at his feet before sliding into the shuttle's pilot chair, he can also sense all three of the other lingering directly behind him as he starts the preflight checklist, not sure how to say goodbye, or even wanting to at the moment. Having Ezra and Chopper both off of the ship has made all of them twitchy enough as it is the older Jedi knows, and now Kanan's heading out into the unknown as well. Albeit only because he fully intends to return as soon as possible with both Chopper and a *permanent* new member of their crazy little family.

Because after all, Kanan knows, there is a time for the slow subtle long game, and then there is now - when he clearly has to start marking some very explicit boundaries for Ezra, whether the kid actually likes them or not. Before Ezra either gets seriously hurt as a result of his ongoing panic or Kanan finally loses his karking mind, preferably.

"Look, I'll see you soon guys. I'll keep in touch I promise, don't worry. Just…try and think positive thoughts for the next few days okay? We can use the good energy."

Zeb and Sabine nod in response that, turning and leaving the Phantom reluctantly. Hera meanwhile lingers behind just a little bit longer, her hands digging uneasily into the cushioning on the back of Kanan's seat.

"Hey... It's going to be fine, Hera. I swear to Force it is." Kanan says the words very softly, easing his tone to comfort her as best as he can even as he reaches back to squeeze one of her hands. "This may not have been quite how we firs pictured all of this unfolding, but if Ezra finally hit his limit break it's still exactly what we needed to happen. And at least Chopper has been there with him the whole time - hopefully minimizing the collateral damage . I've got it covered from here, I really do. I promise you it's all going to work out eventually."

"I know you do, Love. I just…" She shakes her head a little, rubs at the back of her neck, and then she sighs deeply. "I'mtired at the moment, that's all. This… is all just exhausting, and not even just for us, for Ezra it's got to be ten times worse since he's been like this for almost sixteen weeks." Her hands tighten down on the seat back again, "Which is why…look, Kanan kick his ass if that's what it's finally going to take to actually this resolve for good. Cut this off at the pass and just bring him home - we'll deal with any consequences you doing so require no matter how long that takes, and for kriff's sake don't let yourself get trapped into thinking that you're just like his old master was or something if you do so. Abuse is...it's not the same thing as discipline is in this kind of situation, Kanan. Ezra will actually end up feeling safer once he's got explicit boundaries and people who'll actually enforce them- maybe not at first, no but he will appreciate the change over the long term. Obviously don't be a jerk about things when you find him if you can help it, but for kriff sake's Kanan just *finish* this contest of will that we're locked in already. For good if you can manage it, Kanan. Please."

"As I just said it's not going to be a problem, Hera." He says again softly, "We're actually on the same page at this point in terms of the best way to handle things. My own breakpoint in dealing with Ezra has always been whether or he's started endangering himself deliberately vs displaying the ability to recognize and rationally respond to actual reason, and the former is where he obviously is at the moment. That was always my line in the sand in terms of when it was time to intercede more aggressively instead of taking the slow and steady approach, and as we both know now he's well and truly crossed it. Look, I'll try and check back in just as soon as I possibly can once things are actually resolved, Hera but in the meantime, I don't want you to get to worried if you don't end up hearing from either of us for at least a couple of days all right? Because time inside of the temples can sometimes pass differently than it does elsewhere in the world world and even if it doesn't we're still probably both going to be pretty exhausted both mentally and once things are actually resolved. We may end up exiting the temple and both crashing out for at least a little bit."

Hera nods, bending down to kiss him softly once on the lips. "Take care of yourself, love, and for that matter take care of Ezra, too."

"Will do." Kanan watches her back out the entryway to the Phantom, shutting it with a soft thump behind her, and then two minutes later he's plugging in a map of the continent, the transponder data from Ezra and Chopper's stolen transport and the Jedi Temple's saved currently saved coordinates, doing a little calculation even as he does so trying to figure out how hard it'll be to actually catch up to them.

And yeah, that's fine. Given Chopper's last set of actual coordinates, Kanan should very easily be able to overfly them and get there first at this point. Which means that he can simply land a little distance away from the temple and just be there lying in wait when Ezra finally arrives. The kid had said more than one occasion since they first started talking about the trip that the area around the temple structure is basically nothing but miles and miles of uninterrupted grassland with the occasional scatterings of rock formations along the way, and that should more than provide the environment that Kanan's seeking for any coming confrontation. If he positions himself just right then there will literally be nowhere for Ezra to go once he realizes that the older Jedi is also present but either straight back the speeder or forward toward the temple proper – the former which Kanan'll arrange to have unavailable with just a little more help from Chopper and the later which Ezra will only get access to by literally going straight through him Kanan in the process. If the kid really wants into The Temple so desperately at this point for some reason, then that's fine…they can always make their their trip a little early. The Amalyn's already done about as Kanan suspects that it can for Ezra even as frustrating as that is for him to admit, and Kanan is, as they say, adaptable in most situations. His only rule at this point on that subject is that basically for safety reasons they only go inside the structure after they've resolved things on a semi-permanent basis between the two of them.

And as for that? Well, as Kanan's already admitted to Hera, clashing with Ezra can actually be kind of fun – or at the very least mentally and intellectually stimulating, so long as he didn't lose grip of his own emotions and give in to the temptation to be baited off-topic. Now, in a much much higher stakes round of the same sort of ongoing mental game Kanan is well aware that he is going to have to try and accomplish the same kind of objective, and hopefully keep his own mental footing while simultaneously kicking the kid's right out from under him. He has to knock the kid on his ass, emotionally for certain, psychologically if that's what it takes to cause the needed break and physically if that's ultimately the only way to get the job done. Whether it's verbally or physically or both at this point, Kanan knows that he and Ezra are almost certainly headed for a full-scale fight upon reunion, and yes, while Kanan outweighs the kid significantly and out heights him by what feels like miles, that doesn't mean he can expect said fight to go easily. Force, Kanan would be so lucky as for that to happen.

Because after all, no matter what else can be said about the fourteen years old's life experiences up until now, Ezra Bridger has had at a minimum at least four years worth of what Kanan has to assume was intensive and ongoing force instruction. And this kid learns fast. Which means that when not if things all but inevitably take a turn for the physical that Kanan needs to expect the situation to get potentially brutal extremely quickly.

Ezra Bridger hasn't been advertising his strengths up until now. Kark if anything he's been downplaying his gifts instead– probably from the very first moment that he set an observant pair of eyes of Kanan. Kanan's known that much for awhile now, and wondered more then once about the reason for the kid's ongoing hesitance. Is the habit on the fourteen year old's part about him always holding some of his resources in deliberate reserve? Maybe a life-long habit of hiding in plain sight that Ezra had picked up from his years living in the shadows on the street or if it is something even more basic and fundamental then that. Could all his reluctance just be the learned hesitance of a teenage boy when it came to deliberately outshining his own master on regular basic, if him doing so on any regular basis got him in trouble or caused his master to further limit their contact in retribution? Because yes, Kanan figures that a true narcissist, if that is in fact was what Ezra's master had actually been, would absolutely have responded badly in just that kind of situation.

Kanan, on the other hand, is far less concerned with what's currently in Ezra's tool chest at the moment than he is with what the the fourteen year old is willing to actually do with it if he truly thinks that he's acting in self defense. Ezra is generally gentle most of the time after all – well with everything except his words, anyway. Kark the kid has even refused ouright to spar with Kanan just for simple entertainment over the past few days – though Kanan can also sense that Ezra almost viscerally wants to take him up on the offer sometimes. Right now it's almost as if the younger Jedi's afraid to trust himself with any kind of weapon in his hand. Though yes, there'd also been a very distinct fondness in his voice when he'd referred to his lightsaber earlier that Kanan hadn't missed – had in fact tried his darndest to actually capitalize on every time he offered Ezra the opportunity for practice. But the kid stubbornly enough so far, has stuck to his guns and stuck himself when doing his Force skills practice every bit as much as he does for his daily meditation.

Which brings Kanan right back around to wondering how things had usually worked with the man that Kanan is now referring to as the NSA (Or Narcissistic Sociopathic Asshole) and Ezra during their day to day of training? How had the two of them handled – kark had the two of them ever even *had* any kind of direct power conflicts after they initially met, or had Ezra never even dared because he'd just been too terrified of doing anything that mighr drive the other man away? What had been the older Jedi's approach to things like basic instruction and day to day discipline? Had Ezra's old Master ever struck the kid when he got mad at him? (Ezra's very guarded to touch, Kanan notes) or had the other Knight just stuck with using a mix of intimidation, isolation and rare moments of genuine affirmation or actual provision in order to maintain his influence over Ezra instead? Who exactly had instilled Ezra's stalwart (up until now at least) faithfulness both to true oathing and generally fair deal making? Had that actually been his master's influence or had he picked up his moral code from someone else entirely - like say his parents before they were taken perhaps? How much had the Bridger's bartered with their kid when he was age six or seven?

And while Kanan's on that particular subject ... had Ezra's recent break from his own honor code been a permanent change of behavior that Kanan is now going to have to be on guard against when the two of them are interacting or was this all just essentially a one-time act of load breaking on Ezra's part? Kanan knows that the kid is currently headed out to the temple right now, but what had prompted that decision and what were his plans after that? Is he planning to come back to The Ghost afterward and apologize to him or Hera for what he's just done, or is Ezra actively making other plans to get himself permanently off of the planet?

Kanan has no idea at this point how deep down the rabbit hole Ezra's taken himself at this point. Had he brought up any of the above subjects to Chopper in the time since the two of them had 'defected?'

'And speaking of Chopper…' Kanan opens up the Phantom's mainscreen messaging function. Because while he's thinking about all of this, Kanan's got also some serious questions right now concerning Chopper's 'hypothetical' question regarding the current status of Ezra's Master and whether or not the older man is actually dead or not, because seriously Kanan thinks, what the karking kriff?! The other Jedi and Ezra's training bond had to have literally fractured then shattered, given how much damage it has continued to cause Ezra psychically to say nothing of how long and how deeply Ezra is still struggling to come to grips with the resultant psychic damage. There is no way in kriff Kanan thinks, that said bond could have broken any other way but through death. Force Jedi don't even retain the cultural knowledge of how to cut forced willed bonds more deliberately, because they're too damn sacred and too damn rare. Not to mention things get unspeakably messy for all involved when those who share them actively fight them. Historically the people stubborn enough to do so end up either breaking down eventually and dealing with the reasons for their resistance instead, because the other alternative is to literally drive themselves crazy. That much all acknowledged as context, Kanan can't imagine any other way that such a link could have been broken, if only because the only people he can presently think of who wouldn't have considered it blasphemy to even know how to cut such a bond were…

The words cut off literally mid-thought, simultaneously robbing Kanan of his breath.

Because there are really only two groups of people that he is aware of who might have possibly had the specific kind of knowledge necessary available to them that would have been needed in order to deliberately cut a Force Willed training link. The first were the eldest and the most skilled of the Jedi mind healers, and the second were former Knights of the order who had eventually fallen of the Path thank's to the manipulations of the Sith. Which really Kanan can't help but think at the moment? Makes a horrifyingly logical kind of sense.


	4. Chapters 11-13

**You shall know the truth and the truth ...**

Chapter 11: Shall set you free

Wooo...this is actually one of the firstparts I ever wrote for this story. Thanks to DarthBreezy (Feel Stronger Every Day Dear One!) and OpalSong both for a ton of hand-holding and encouragement. We are now approximately 1/3 of the way through the greater arc of the story.

TW: please be aware this scene contains one all-out brawl between Kanan and Ezra that devolves at one point into Ezra getting a short but quite literal ass-whupping from the older Jedi as a way to bring said brawl to an end. (Kanan would claim he did so largely in both desperation aswell as self defense.) Such will not be a regular occurrence in this series, just a right feeling one-time decision on Kanan's part at the time which best fit the needs and tone of the particular situation. Nonetheless lease be aware if spanking is an issue for you that this specific section many be potentially triggering.

***Note: the author is a parent of two children herself and very much does not condone spanking as a particularly healthy or effective means of discipline in most cases. That acknowledged, please be aware that the subject of what happened in this part as well as its impact (no pun intended) will be discussed quite frankly in the aftermath by those involved, and in the next section in specific Kanan will actually offer Ezra an apology for what occurred. Both characters are under extreme emotional stress in this particular segment, and stress, due to to its very nature, does not always promote wise decision making, but Kanan in particular will take a mindful approach in dealing with the aftermath as best as he can, within of course, the context of his own cultural history on the subject of discipline.)

Chapter Text

The problem with impulsive, emotionally driven plans like this trip out to The Temple is that nine times of ten they are initially driven by sheer adrenaline. Adrenaline which inevitably crashes like a kriffing speeder wreck once the initial high wears of. Ezra Bridger is sadly more than a little aware of this fact at present.

Case in point: the way that hours into their trip, and even after nearly six hours of sleep, he's still physically fighting to keep his hand from shaking and his knees from knocking even as he shoulders on his backpack, climbs out of the transport and stands there strangely breathless and panicked, gazing up at the heavily shadowed temple which is mostly obscured -despite the two waning moons - by still the surrounding darkness.

"It's beautiful isn't it, Chopper?" He murmurs, his voice hushed even as he turns his head to look over his shoulder at the astro-mech. "The truth is that I've only ever been out here during the daylight hours until now. We never had the time for an overnight stay. As serene as it is right now though, Force I wish that we had *made* the time to camp out just once. Kan…my master, he would have loved this view of the sky-scape. I remember that he could talk for literal hours about the stories linked to various star systems' constellations if you got him going on clear nights like this one."

"Affirmative. S1 would no doubt enjoy that activity as well. Astronomy is a long time personal hobby of S1 from S3's own previous past experience, and so long as there are minimal bugs to contend with, Kanan Jarrus has also found sleeping out overnight to be occasionally cathartic."

Ezra quirks his lips up a little at that reply, turning his head back toward The Temple again, "Well then whenever he gets out here on his own, Chopper you ought to suggest the possibility to him. He never takes as much downtime as he probably should – there's just too much of the hardwired workaholic in both Hera and him for it. He could really afford, though, given what's coming up in the years still ahead, to work on building up a peace account instead of just a massive sleep deficit."

"S3 will tell him you said so. Or better yet, S6 can tell Kanan Jarrus that himself, if S6 returns to the Ghost after we are finished with this portion of journey. Or if S6 still insists on finding different passage off of Lothol instead, then S3 will happily record a goodbye for the rest of the crew before S6 leaves the planet and seeks out his Master's old Clone Trooper ally. What did S6 say was Captain Rex's specific designator, again?"

"I never mentioned it actually, Chopper – because some of the Vod can be a little picky about sharing that kind of information. Many dislike talking about where they came from because of all the panful memorues, not to mention many of the stigmas attached to, the later which is especially stupid considering that none of the Vod ever got to actually pick their beginnings. If you're looking at adding the batch number to your little 'eyes only spy file' though, than it's CT-75-67. Just for Force's sake *never* call him that to his face, okay? Use his chosen name unless he specifically requests it. His designator may be what they tried to make of Rex yeah when they tubed him, but Rex is who he made of himself in the end."

The droid gives a satisfied little beeping sound at that addition, his viewing cam shifting over toward the rising arc of the massive temple - most of which is still draped in shadow - for the moment. Then his gaze shifts back toward Ezra once more. "Understood. Call former clone troopers by their chosen call signs and not by their assigned designators. S3 concurs. So what is next on our itinerary at present?"

"Prep work, Chopper. Plus a couple more hours of meditation and or sleep if I can manage to get it. The trip out here took several hours longer than I thought it would initially, and it's going to start turning pretty cold soon. Which means that we need to make a fire for the night and I need to try and eat something more than just meal bar like earlier if I don't want to end up spending the entire night shivering. Not to mention that we need to get this transport parked undercover, preferably somewhere out of sight from above, just in case Kanan and Hera come out this way looking for me based on my earlier site descriptions. Assuming that they don't arrive in the hours before dawn, I want to go ahead and try and access the structure pretty much at first light, since there's no point in dragging out the question of whether or not I'm actually going to be able to get in."

Because yes, Ezra's well aware that there's a high probability that before tomorrow noontime has past, he and Chopper both will have the Ghost and her Crew on their tails. That outcome is just expected at present. Hera may have softened up her stance on the issue of Ezra remaining on as crew thanks to the little ethical wallop that Ezra'd given them the other day up in his tower. (Which the twi'lek pilot still hasn't attempted to rebut, Ezra notes, which means that he'd been right in at least some of his accusative assumptions.) That's still a far, far cry from Hera overlooking Ezra's deliberate abandonment however. If nothing else The Ghost's Captain is going to try to hunt Ezra down at this point just so she can yell at the younger Jedi for being 'fourteen and stupid and unforgivably reckless.'

To say nothing at all about the almost inevitable showdown that Ezra knows he's got coming right now with Kanan. Because his old master, no matter how much Ezra wishes it were otherwise– just refuses to detach and let things go in the way that Ezra hoped he might eventually, with a little reassurance. Instead, Ezra staying on ship for as long as he had hasn't made Kanan's protective instincts calmer, kark if anything it's made things progressively worse and worse and worse.

Which truthfully, is terribly confusing to Ezra most of the time. Nothing about this version of his Master makes any sort of sense to him anymore. Not like it really ever has. Force, some days it's as if he's dealing with a literal pod person.

After all, what else has Ezra had during the past couple of weeks but endless time to look back and reflect, about where he is verses where he'd one been. And every time that Ezra stops and considers everything that's happened since he first met the Ghost crew for a second 'first time around' Ezra can't help but notice how every single one of them has changed.

Zeb is far calmer in this time stream – still wounded, yes, and terribly guilty about what had happened when his world fell and his people had died, but at the same time the Lasat guardsman is also far less raw and vicious in his grief then Ezra remembers him being the first time around. Zeb's much wryer in his humor now, less easy to irritate in small or petty ways and he is also far, far more observant of the details of the world around him then Ezra is even remotely comfortable. Ezra has learned the hard way not to take anything for granted in terms of maintaining secrecy when around him. Sabine in perfect contrast actually seems younger, and fierier – far more vicious in when and how she displays the heat of her temper. She's nowhere near as cool or as unreachable as Ezra remembers her being the first time around. Probably, he admits because now he simply reads her better.

Hera is...well still Hera, for the most part at least. She's honestly changed the least of the rest of them, as far as Ezra can tell anyway. Though she's definitely got a problem some days with a certain level of tunnel vision sometimes that Ezra had never really noticed about the Twi'lek before.

And as for Kanan …?

Ezra sighs very, very deeply, because he has no clue at all how to explain what has apparently happened to Kanan. He has no idea at all how to make sense of the older Jedi and his actions.

Because Karabast and Sith Spit, but Ezra's been left wondering for literal weeks now about the changes in the man that Ezra's been forced to interact on a semi regular basis ever since first waking up here in this time stream. A man who's honestly a kark of a lot more like Kanan became in the years after he was eventually blinded than he is like Ezra remembers him being during their first year or so together on The Ghost

His own younger Kanan Jarrus– reticient, reluctant and almost constantly uncertain about how to go about almost everything, had been the one that Ezra had expected to come face to face with when he'd first re-boarded the Ghost three weeks ago. This Kanan though is almost nothing like him.

His old master had always been good man certainty - fiercely dedicated to his causes and the protection of his self assembled little family, but he'd also been a man who wasn't looking for greater responsibility when and Ezra had first met, or for further members to add on to the already existent Specter crew. He had had no interest in the possible danger that such an increase in number might portend.

When he'd first re-encountered the other Jedi in this time stream, Ezra had been expecting to cross paths with a man who, for lack of a more delicate way of putting it, should have been more than happy under the circumstance to just be rid of him. He certainly shouldn't have reacted in the way he had to the teenager's earnest desire to walk a different path at that point then the rest of them.

How had Ezra put it the first time around, after all, just after their first face to face encounter with the Grand Inquisitor? Ah yes. It had been something to the effect of, "Don't worry about it, I'm letting you off the hook, all right? Luminara or no Luminara." Because after all, Ezra had never been stupid, and he'd known by that point how to recognize the ways that other people looked and reacted to him when enduring his presence finally became too much of an ongoing burden.

And true, it had hurt like the burning Sith Hells to say the words that first time around - to recognize his presence had become not a help but a hindrance to the older Jedi at that stage in their lives, but that didn't mean that Ezra hadn't meant every word he said, or that he wouldn't have left willingly if that had ended up being what Kanan had actually needed or wanted from him at the time.

Instead though, whether for better or for worse, something about their first encounter with the Grand Inquisitor had flipped some kind of invisible switch inside his previous Master's head, bringing about a permanent shift in their personal dynamic.

Ezra had always thought, at least with the benefit of some hindsight that that had been because of the immediacy and realness of the sudden threat. The knowledge that each of them had acquired on that day about how much danger they were all going to be in if they didn't stop sweating the petty details instead of getting straight down to business.

That had been the point at which the older Jedi's previous methodology had abruptly shifted from something unstructured and largely nebulous to something much more focused and fundamental and even just a little bit vicious.

It still hadn't been an easy transition of course. Kriff the first three months or so after their initial encounter with the Grand Inquisitor, Kanan had literally driven them both nearly to the point of exhaustion teaching Ezra every childhood meditation and kata that he could possibly think of between various holocron based lectures, while also pushing himself as well with the help of the Holocron's vid saber training library in order to increase his own skills, and they'd both experimented with how to increase their personal shielding by using each other as essential guinea pigs.

It had been a mad sort of dash toward survival, basically - reckless, rapid and completely unabated, and it hadn't truly ended until after the mess off Ezra's fifteen birthday, when Kanan had abruptly backed off, presumably as reward for what Ezra had finally revealed the truth about he'd lost his parents. Though of course Ezra's first brush with the dark side while fighting off the fyrnocks had unsurprisingly required a bit of tactic reanalysis and brooding from both of them. Thankfully, their subsequent trip out to the temple not long after that had happened, as well as Ezra's finally earning his own lightsaber crystal had seemed to smooth out most of the rough edges of doubt that had still lain between them as the two of them finally learned to function as a real combat team against the enemies who'd spent the next several years hunting them.

And the Kanan of this time? Has essentially morphed into *that* Kanan already - at least in terms of his general perceptiveness and ongoing tactics in dealing with Ezra now. He had much of older Kanan's general steadiness.

Because for some reason, the focus and the self confidence that Kanan had struggled to grow into as a master the last time around had simply come to him almost effortlessly in this particular time stream. Not because of the sudden terrifying reality of being confronted by the Grand Inquisitor this time around, but simply because Ezra had opted to drop into the Specter Crew's lives for a very, very short time before walking deliberately back *out* again. Ezra had even gone so far as to attempt- completely unsuccessfully - to limit their actual interactions to one successful, if admittedly dangerous mission, and then after that he'd done the very best he knew how to ditch them.

And somehow that one choice on Ezra's own part; like some kind poorly balanced domino in a multilevel cascade, had inexplicably changed everything else that had concurrently happened. His decision to leave The Ghost had scattered a future which he had just assumed would roll out like a gently kicked carpet in front of them into a bizarre mix of both chaos and commonality instead.

The younger Jedi had been forced to watch absolutely bewildered, as the same group of people whom he'd spent the better part of his first year convinced were going to dump him at their very first even vaguely convenient opportunity morph from that into a bunch of seeming lunatics instead. A group of five frustratingly stubborn near-stalkers who'd literally trailed Ezra around Capital City as if he were some kind of naughty lost puppy they'd decided that they wanted to adopt. All while bandying about endless jokes about the merits of kidnapping and press ganging.

Despite Ezra's best efforts and his use of multiple distancing strategies, the rest of Specter Crew has flat out refused to actually disengage and just go about getting on with their own lives. And frankly? At this point the whole experience has been just short of outright infuriating. Because now it's like Ezra doesn't even know the rest of them anymore– has possibly never really known them - even though he'd known them for four kriffing years in his original timeline, he utterly fails at predicting them. He's gone from having to abandon a close knit family he'd adored enough that he'd been willing to give them up in order to save them to utterly failing to ditch a group of near total strangers instead.

And the only clue that he has concerning the source of all that change all roots straight right back to the current changes in this time stream's own Kanan. To the older Jedi who quite perversely seems to care more, engage more, fight more in the face of Ezra's continued, insistent refusal of his assistance than Kanan'd ever done so in response to the younger, more vulnerable Ezra who'd initially both desperately needed and wanted him.

'Everybody always wants what they can't have, as my Dad used to tell me.' That old adage proves true yet again, rather painfully this time around. And now the sheer absurdity of his life in this timeline makes Ezra want to literally weep in ironic frustration.

After all, what is it that Ezra's doing right now but deliberately walking away from a group of people who've made it abundantly clear that they do want him in their lives? Everything he'd most wanted at fourteen, Ezra's now got in spades...

Not that it really makes a single bit of difference anymore in this particular situation.

Because after all, he can't keep it now can he? Not in any kind of good conscience. Ezra'a abandonment of the others in this case *is* his proof of his love for them. It's also just the kind of personal sacrifice that none of them are currently capable of truly understanding. Because after all, they'd have to know the truth about his time traveling to truly understand what he is trying And once they did really grasp the reality they'd only fight him tooth and nail in terms of letting him go through with it. Kanan in particular, Ezra is more than aware, would likely to go completely nuclear if the younger Jedi tried to takeoff once the older Jedi actually understood what's been happening. The older Jedi'd go to war over the issue - gloves off, no holds barred, combat to the metaphorical death.

And Ezra honestly can't imagine how he'd ever survive that kind of prolonged battle of wills with him, not when the current lesser one has left him so fundamentally exhausted. Better to keep Kanan in the dark as much as possible instead.

Which is why he'd essentially begged Chopper for his patience earlier today. At least until Ezra has finally gotten out to the temple and received a little personal confirmation one way or another as to what this path he's taking will end up costing him specifically in the end. Who and what is he anymore under the current circumstances? What's the final price of this deal that he's making with the Universe at the moment?

Ezra knows that he has to find out one way or another - before he goes mad with the wondering, and if the very worst happens and the temple flat out refuses to acknowledge him at all when he reaches it because of what he's become, well then Ezra figures that he at least deserves a little space to privately grieve over the life he's willingly abandoning.

"S6 is bleeding. Is S6 aware of this fact at present?" Chopper's sudden words make Ezra jump in shock, then glance down once he realizes that yes, the droid is right - his hand is bright red and stinging. His nails have dug unintentionally into the meat of one of his palms and now the viscous red liquid is falling in thin dribbles over his moon lit skin and down onto the shadowed grass beside him.

"Sorry, Chop. I just got caught up in my own thoughts for a moment or two there, that's all. Are you okay to park our ride on your own if I focus on collecting some brush so that I can get a fire going?"

"Affirmative. Does S6 have all the supplies that he will require until S3 can return?"

Ezra smiles wryly. "Everything I need that's still currently available, yes, Chopper. Including my flint stone and plenty of food and water from in town. Though I do notice that we are suddenly mysteriously without the rest of my previous bottle of Brandy."

Chopper whirs in affirmation softly. "Than S3 will go and check in on you shortly. And Ezra Bridger? For the record, S3 is very, very sorry."

Ezra's brow wrinkles up in confusion. "Sorry for what Chopper?"

A deep base voice speaks up then, from the pitch black shadow stretching out from one side of the temple. "Most likely, Kid? For not warning you about *me.*"

x0x0x0x0x0

Ezra backs up a quick step in shock, instantaneously slamming up his full scope of shielding even as he does so, praying like kark the whole time that he hasn't been projecting his thoughts over the past minute or two. Because after all, the words that he's just said aloud have already been more than bad enough.

Kanan knows now - about Ezra's plans after this to find another route off of the planet. And kriff…Chopper had gotten Ezra to tell him Rex's, designator as well.

Which means that Kanan… that Kanan knows everything now.

Well okay maybe not everything – thank kriff that Ezra's obsequious just by habit now when he's speaking to others about his old Master. Still, he takes an involuntarily step backward, in preparation to bolt even so. Because he's definitely said enough at this point to end up dead and buried in the very, very near future, judging by the way that Kanan's body is practically radiating with a combination of disbelief and fury at the moment.

"How in Force did you…"

"How did I get all the way out here before the two of you did?" Kanan grits his teeth, rolls his shoulders – takes a single, distinctly menacing step forward. "Chopper sent us the coordinates earlier., Ezra, while you were still sleeping. Not to even mention that the Phantom is a kark of a lot faster than anything that was available at the point that you and Chopper decided to go transport jacking." The older Jedi takes a step forward, working his jaw, his eyes ice cold. "You and I are overdue a long chat right now, Ezra, clearly."

"Kanan…" Ezra hedges, taking an involuntary half of a step backwards.

"Be. Silent. Ezra!" The words are thunderous in their quiet determination, and again, for just the space of a heartbeat or so the younger Jedi seriously considers bolting –his eyes scanning the distant hills for escape routes or for adequate cover in the low grass. But ultimately, he's just too kriffing tired to even bother at the moment. This week has been literally karked to hell and back, and ultimately, Ezra has to believe that this man is still ultimately Kanan – whose better angels Ezra's always trusted when he's had to. It's probably better in this case to just let the older man take the necessary pound of flesh until his temper cools down, and after that, they can at least try and talk about the subject rationally again.

So Ezra exhales, and then he drops his head nearly down to his chest with a quick nod, letting his supplication show in literally every line of his body. "Okay, Kanan. I'm sorry and I'm listening."

"No, you're not, Ezra," Kanan's voice is biting when he finally replies. "Not to me. Not to the Force. Kark - not even really to yourself at this point, as much as you're trying to deny it. Force kid, it's like you've been playing a high stakes game of mental Sabbaac for so karking long now that you don't even seem to acknowledge what the contents of the pot are anymore. Even though the stakes are so high for you at this point that you're bleeding yourself out just trying to cover the buy in."

Kanan gestures down toward Ezra's still blood streaked hand as he walks down the hill in order to stop all but directly in front of him, the moon illuminating the planes of the older Jedi's face as he stares down at the younger man determinedly, "Only Ezra?" his voice heavy with equal measures of promise and warning. "The game is *over.* This table? Is closing down. Hand in your karking chips, Kid, you are cashing out, for the indefinite future at this point. Because you no longer have the kind of creds required to cover the kind of debts you are presently writing. The only tender you have left that's worth a damn anymore, Ezra is straight up, unvarnished honesty at the moment."

Ezra's head jerks sharply up and down again, "I understand, Kanan."

"So you say, Kid. We'll be seeing. Because I have a list right now about as tall as you are, of stuff that still needs some additional... discussion. But in the meantime, Ezra." Kanan takes another step forward then, his jaw twitching hard, his eyes flaring hot as he speaks. "Let me make this crystal clear, just for the sake of clarity from the onset. 'Captain Rex,' I believe was what Chopper called him? You vaunted master's old Clone trooper buddy from his war days? His chances of becoming you substitute guardian Ezra, instead of Hera and I? Just went from slim, to literally non-existent. You can set your current relocation plans *on fire*, Ezra. Because your former master, if he'd had any real credibility in my eyes to begin with - which he really, really didn't - lost it completely the moment I finally realized that he was at best a narcissistic asshole that I wouldn't trust with the safety of a plant which I happened to like, or at worst an expelled knight of the order who died and nearly took you along with him in the process of falling to the Sith. Either way you will go near any of your old clone trooper 'friends' at this point Ezra, the day after I am literally *karking dead and buried beside him.*"

Ezra doesn't consciously remember making a choice then to actually hit Kanan. He just takes a swing, feeling his fist and Kanan's nose connect, hot blood spurting, as both his mind and the link in his head explode in simultaneous fury. Because Kanan Jarrus? Is an absolute moron who clearly does not understand anything, who has *no clue at all* what it is that he's actually implying. He needs to shut up right now. And if necessary? Ezra will kriffing make him.

Everything gets distinctly fuzzy for a couple of long minutes after that– the whole world shifting into a wild blur of blows and epithets, of Force Shoves, Force Jumps and desperate parries - and all the while through it all, everything is knife sharp and blood red with with the force of Ezra's fury. The grief and pain growing sharper and sharper until it's a relief, when just a few minutes later Ezra abruptly collapses downward under Kanan's final order to 'sleep.'

It's underhanded, Kanan supposes, for him to set up their initial round of conflict so that it cripples most of Ezra's strengths while also maximizing all of Kanan's own at the same time. Nothing in the world right now, can change the fact that in straight up hand to hand situation Kanan's way kriffing bigger than Ezra is, after all. But right now, especially in light of Chopper's most recent round of bombshell revelations, Kanan doesn't care about being fair in this confrontation anymore. No, what he cares about right now is *force damned winning.*

Because Ezra - damaged, stupid, far too trusting of his Master, Ezra Bridger - has apparently been planning for all this time to offer up his neck to the universe by throwing himself literally on the mercy of a bunch of former GAR Clone Troopers. Like this is somehow a remotely *tenable* option.

And that? Is not going to happen. Not unless Kanan Jarrus is literally dead and buried first. Everyone has their breakpoints, after all. And he just hit his own, for the moment.

The first part of their fight passes predictably fast and brutal – finally ended not by an actual resolution of hostilities so much as via Kanan's forced sleep suggestion. When Ezra drops, the Older Jedi literally slumps for a moment in relief. Because frankly speaking by that point Ezra has clearly moved well past even remotely rational for the moment, and Kanan needs a second or two to check a couple of his ribs on the left side. Because that kid force shoves like a kriffing Gundark once he's a certain level of angry. Or maybe like a pack of them truthfully.

Once Ezra's finally unconscious – well at least for the moment anyway - Kanan lifts the now sleeping boy over his shoulder, carrying him back up the ramp and into the hold of Phantom, leaving open the boarding ramp and plopping the kid down across several of the rear folding seats. His other hand digs around in the lower compartment where he knows Hera keeps several packs of hydrating sports drinks for several seconds. He knows at this point that he needs to drink a couple of the bottles just as a precaution as hard as he's been sweating in the last fifteen minutes, and if Ezra's been hard lining Brandy all the way out here to the temple then that's probably doubly true for the kid, who is the walking talking definition of hot mess at the moment.

He drops a blanket over the smaller form then settles in on one of the seats across Ezra so that he'll be in clear line of sight whenever the teenager finally opens his eyes - along with two bottles of the aforementioned sports drink as well. Because yes, whupping the kid's ass from here to Capital City at this point if that's what it takes to keep him safe is all fine and well at this juncture, but Kanan karking draws the line at unnecessarily dehydrating him.

Kanan empties two bottles of the too sweet green fluid in a row, drinking slowly as he does so, and then he closes his eyes and tries to begin re-establishing his own center of calm, first through deep breathing and then eventually through meditation. It's not an easy task though. He's been all but twanging with rage, disbelief and something very close to outright panic ever since Chopper first tricked Ezra into unintentionally outing Rex and his brothers when the two of them first arrive.

Ezra had actually intended to...to...Kanan can't allow himself to actually finish the sentence.

The older Jedi reminds himself then, that the men in question probably don't even know that Ezra even exists yet, depending on how long ago they'd actually known or regularly interacted with his former master. The assurance either way that regardless of anything else they will never have the chance now to meet Kid completely and utterly unguarded is a comfort that Kanan can at least cling to for the moment .

Kanan doesn't meditate for all that long truthfully - maybe half an hour, maybe forty-five minutes, before he finally hears the sound of a low groan from the other set of chairs. After that, there's a pause and a low growl of disgust before there's the sound of a gingerly shifting body and the distinct 'schick!' sound of another bottle of liquid being opened.

When he opens his eyes half a second later, Ezra is glaring at him dourly as the younger swallows down the last of Kanan's offering in a seated position. The kid wipes his hand over his mouth before speaking. "Yes, you are an asshole Jarrus, and apparently about as perceptive as a blind, deaf flatworm when it comes to drawing reliable conclusions, but I'm still not attacking anyone when they're actively meditating. My former master? Was a very, very good man. He was absolutely *not a Sith.* I know that much for certain, because on two separate occasions, the two of us actually met and tangled with some, and believe me Jarrus, said men were very distinctly different! 'F' for faulty and generally dumbass assumptions. Also, thank you, I suppose that I'm now obligated to say, for sharing the Karabast drink."

Kanan just rolls his eyes. So then they're back to just verbally sparring again for the moment? Fine, he can deal with that. "I'm touched by your apparent retention of some personal standards, Kid." He points to the second bottle still at Ezra's feet. "Drink the other one too so you don't end up anymore wrecked in the liver then you already are. I repeat for the record, Ezra - booze is not just water that's taking vacation."

Ezra snorts at that comment, his voice derisive, though he also does reach down and pick up the drink in question. "I can't believe it's actually come down to me having to explicitly say this to your face, but you are neither my Master nor my *mother,* Kanan Jarrus - no matter what in kriff is currently shaping your delusions."

'Tell me that when you're not addressing me by the title whenever you're under the influence, kid. In Vino Veritas.' Kanan can't help but think in the moment, before he speaks up again, "Arguable Bridger. Walks like a duck, talks like a duck, yadda yadda yadda. Like it or not I'm the closest thing that you've got to either one of the above at this point." Kanan cracks his own third bottle of liquid open, "And you clearly still need both at the moment, so you might as well just quit while you are actually ahead."

"Odd - I don't remember actually requesting re-assignment for either position," Ezra snaps back at him tightly.

Kanan just shrugs his shoulders a little bit philosophically before replying. "Yeah, funny thing about that Ezra, is that the roles in question are usually assigned not requested. Admittedly normally from birth or shortly after, but hey – sometimes you get stuck with an awkward replacement. If you don't like the situation Kid, then you can always file a complaint about it when you finally reach the actual age of majority and be let off the hook at that point - well assuming that you're both reasonably healthy and self sufficient and not say a drunken, over-reactive kriffing mess. When you're still fourteen, half starved and still actively recovering from massive psychic trauma on the other hand..." Kanan makes a shaky up and down motion with one of his hands in Ezra's general direction, "You're pretty much out of luck for the moment. I personally suggest that you just zip your lip and deal with it."

Ezra blinks at Kanan for a long moment in response to that analogy, and then he laughs, high and more than a little bit hoarsely. "Force, you are certifiably insane! You do know that right, Jarrus? As in you are literally rounding the bend right now on the road that leads to the asylum."

Kanan's returning grin is just slightly feral - although this time around it's also less angry then before. "Well if I am Kid, then you better get used to the view from the bed in the room that's currently directly across the hall from me." He shrugs his shoulders "Because as Hera so kindly reminded me just a couple of weeks ago I'm a kark of a lot more afraid of ignoring the will of The Force concerning all of this Ezra than I am of fighting with you if it's necessary. I'm smart enough to know who's the better boss here, Kid, in terms actually knowing everyone's better interests. Which means that I'm going to actually pay attention when the Force makes clear where and what it wants me to be."

"The Force wants you actively attempting to give me an ongoing ulcer, Kanan? Because I have to question that conclusion, quite frankly."

"Sounds like a topic for you and the Force, Kid, not one for you and me in specific at this point. I suggest you try adding it to your next meditation..."

"I've already been doing that for literal weeks now. Hasn't helped much, Kanan, believe me."

"You've been meditating on the situation for that long Kid, and despite that you're still claiming right now that you can't sense...?" Kanan motions to the space in between the two them for a moment, his head tilted, his jaw working in pure frustration. "Ezra, you have to know - if you're actually in tune at all at this point, that this...this is not at all how we're supposed to actually work, Kid. Something's off kilter here. It's completely, as you once put it yourself, Ezra, 'hinky.'"

"Yes." Ezra acknowledges then, finally tipping back the contents of the second bottle. "'Something is off kilter, Kanan. That something would be me. Because I can't - no, I won't walk down this particular road again, willingly for love or money. Because I already saw an earlier matinee of this show as I've mentioned before, and believe me, Jarrus, the final camera roll is pretty awful and messy."

Kanan snorts, "Wow ... do you want me to maybe grab you a towel or something there, Kid? While you literally sit there drowning in a pool of your own self-pity? Because I have to tell you, Erza, that right now the constant whining about it all is seriously starting to grate on me."

Ezra clenches his fists at his side, "You have no idea what you're actually talking about right now Kanan, as we've already established, so why don't you just shut. the. kark. up. about. it. already!"

Kanan snorts very softly in response to that claim, "Ezra, nobody in Karabast creation knows this particular sob story better than I do at present. You're basically the new and not particularly improved edition of me. You start out walking a road at some point earlier on in your life, because it's clearly yours and it's where you belong until suddenly said road turns brutal and ugly and abruptly ends up costing what you assume is too much. And so you run, and you drown yourself in intoxicants for a decade or so until one day you suddenly wake up to discover that surprise, surprise - you are still who you have always been no matter how much you might want to run it. The path is still there in front of you and it's still yours to walk, same as ever Kid. It always has been it always will be. Only now on top of being a wreck you also get to deal with the realization that you've just wasted ten years on literally nothing but hiding from your life that could have been spent instead on ...get this, *actual healing.*"

Kanan takes another sip of his own drink. "Yes, I know...it hurts like kark to endure what you just have, Ezra - I'm not going to try and claim otherwise. But guess what, if you're in the process of actively running away from your life instead of running towards it even as hard as that can be at times like this, then it *is* still just a big pity party on your part, and it will never be anything else until the day that you finally *stop hiding* and start actually dealing with the necessary."

"I am *trying* to 'deal with the karking necessary!'" Ezra cuts him off at a near shout. "As you so tritely just put it. I am trying desperately to build something better right now…" Ezra points an accusing finger at the older man. "Newsflash, Jarrus! You are the one who is repeatedly *not letting me!*"

"You're trying to build something 'better...'" Kanan puts the last of the word in sarcastic air quotes, "By willfully ditching the only other living Jedi that you know of at this point in your life in order to go and live with a bunch of former Clone troopers instead. Men who you don't even know as anything but the shadows of your master's memories. " Kanan reiterates, "Whose 'brothers' wiped out all but a likely pittance of our order about the same time as you were born - assuming that there are any other Jedi left out there alive anymore at this point other than just you and me."

"You make it sound so karking personal, when you say it that way Jarrus." Ezra groans sharply into his hands. "It's nothing against you personally at all, why can't you seem to understand that?! None of this decision is about you, all right? My reasons for doing this are ultimately all about me."

"It is personal, Ezra!" Kanan snaps back, looking for a moment like a nearly rabid wolf. "Unlike you, Kid, I've actually met actual Clone Troopers before. And I was there when they literally cut down my master right in front of me! Are you really that naive? That fundamentally blind to the details of your own cultural history? That kind of decision on you part will never not be anything but a suicidally stupid direct slap to the face to someone like me!"

"Other clones may have been a threat to the Jedi at one point, yes, Kanan, but these three are different, I'm telling you! None of them having karking chips that work anymore. How many times do I have to tell you that my master trusted Rex with his life explicitly! That Rex called For kriff's sake, Jarris, for three years he worked with the man repeatedly! Well after the completion of order 66."

"I don't care at this point if your former master trusted the karking Emporer himself, Ezra. As has already been stated, he is no longer with you anymore, I am. Which is clearly a pretty big step up for you at this point, Ezra, since as already I already stated earlier, he was clearly less than a looming pillar of light judging by the absolute mess that he left after he died as his legacy!"

Ezra literally to starts to shake again with barely repressed rage at those words. He points at the older Jedi hard with one of his pointer fingers, shoving forward to the very edge of his bench. "Don't you dare disparage his name that way in front of me again, Kanan! Don't you dare presume at this point in time that you even have the right right now to bend over and kiss his karking feet! You know nothing about him or about the life he chose to live, Jarrus! Literally, absolutely nothing!"

"Oh, I already know everything I possibly need to know about the man by this point in time, Ezra." Kanan rises to feet then, and spreads his arms out mockingly as he continues to speak. "He may not have a name, but he was a literal God among mere men apparently. So much so that you're literally running like a mynock out of hell into the arms of potential murderers right now to avoid even taking the chance that you might actually belong with another Jedi instead! So clearly the man was a moral bastion who cared for you as you deserved at the very same time that taught you how to recognize and appreciate the value of having both cultural past and a family!"

Ezra explodes up and off of the bench in response to that particular dig, pivoting sharply once he reaches his feet and stomping back out of the open back entrance of the shuttle and out into clearing between the Phantom and the Temple. Kanan pivots and then follows him out and into the darkness, his own jaw set, because they have apparently reached the start of physical round two. And it it's about karking time to speak very frankly.

Because truthfully, yes: Kanan had always intended to bait Ezra into another round of fisticuffs or brawling if he could do so. He had meant to drag out the younger man's anger, and shove them toward another round of actual physical reckoning. He all but needs the kid to take another swing at him once they're both clearheaded. Both because the kid has got to eventually acknowledge who had the position of top dog right now, and because, on an even more fundamental level Ezra isn't going to survive if he doesn't eventually acknowledge the truth. If he can't face up to and start to purge some of his lifetime's worth of both terror and grief. If he can't acknowledge what his relationship with his former master had actually made of him.

Kanan genuinely hadn't known until that moment in front of the temple though, though perhaps he probably should have, what would ultimately be the final lynch pin in toppling both Ezra's guise and his emotional composure completely. All Kanan'd really needed to do in the end was exactly what he'd wanted to do for literal days now...

...Start taking pot shot's at the Kid's old Master apparently.

Because Ezra Bridger comes for him then, the moment that Kanan's just a few yards clear of the Phantom. Not with strategy or tactics no - but mercilessly, rapidly and silently - with more power behind his eyes and in the air around him than Kanan Jarrus has ever karking seen. With the exact kind of raw unfiltered force potential that if left unchecked long enough could probably level or raise entire cities. It would probably honestly be the most terrifying thing that Kanan's ever encountered in his life up to that moment honestly, if it weren't also the most stupid, pointless bull-rush of a charge that he's ever karking seen.

Ezra after all, is at best one hundred and twenty pounds soaking wet - if even that. The kid's head barely touches the top of Kanan's shoulder - his power may be great but grappling physical combat isn't currently his best way to employ it. With Kanan rooted in the Force for balance as he is, and without either of them currently bearing a blade the kid may have power yes, but with this particular type of attack Ezra is essentially just headbutting against a wall like a kriffing battering ram. This isn't isn't a real fight, no– this is him just purely venting his fury.

Which is too bad for Ezra really, at least for the moment. Because after all battering rams usually require more than one blow to actually work. Battering rams aren't effective on targets that are easily mobilized and battering rams sure as kark don't usually aim at walls that can actually fight back. Stopping Ezra is almost painfully, ridiculously easy for Kanan under the circumstances. The older Jedi simply shifts his torso as Ezra finally draws closer, grabs the younger man by the back of his jumpsuit and tosses him, using the teenager's own forward momentum from the charge in order to fuel most of the necessary motion. Then he puts his hands on his hips, as Ezra lands face down in the high grass. "Sloppy, Bridger. Really, really damn sloppy. Try again, Kid- and little a harder next time around. For Force sakes don't waste our kriffing time if we are actually going to have to do this."

Ezra growls in reply, flipping from him stomach onto his back before swiftly kipping back up and onto his feet. The kid's next attack is far more controlled but really no more effective. The force shove Ezra sends in his direction slams Kanan back a fairly decent distance yes, but the older Jedi never truly loses his footing, and when Ezra tries to use the resulting distraction in tandem with burst of force assisted speed in order to jump, flip and land behind Kanan's back, the he merely makes a derisive sound as he spins around swiftly in return, planting a boot as he does directly in the center of Ezra's ass and very deliberately pushing.

"So is this an actual fight Bridger? Or just a five year old's temper tantrum? Because I honestly can't tell at the moment, judging by the way that just keep on bull-rushing me. It's like you're not even actually trying. I'm guessing your esteemed master's advice would have been something like, 'do karking better.' If he'd have cared enough to have an actual opinion at all, I mean."

Ezra growls at him again, though this time around he doesn't take any further initiative than that. Instead the younger Jedi simply holds his own ground for the moment, trying to steady breathing. Kanan tilts his heads to one side, "Are you ready to cede now?" He asks mock conversationally, raising an eyebrow even as he voices the question.

Ezra's own response, besides just a slight shift of his stance is a long string of increasingly crude multilingual obscenities. The older Jedi snorts hard in almost automatic reaction. "Well come on then.' he motions the teenager forward with his hand. "I'm going to want to stop and eat eventually, you know. This stuff tends to burn a lot of kriffing calories."

Ezra's eyes are wet and wild now – a potent mix of frustration and fury, and Kanan, looking at the way that the kid's whole body is starting to shake again just with the sheer effort of trying to repress his emotions, figures they've both had just about enough of this essentially. If this goes on for too much longer Ezra's almost certainly going to stroke out from high blood pressure or something.

Which is why when the teenager comes at him this time around, Kanan takes the blow instead of simply deflecting it, with only a little grunt for his effort as he does so. The older Jedi pivots hard and drops them both to the ground - with Kanan absorbing most of the impact as he does so, before rolling swiftly over and pinning the younger man's arms to the ground on either side of him. He grunts a little as Ezra bucks, adjusts his crouching lower body. "This is over, Kid. I win! For kriff's sake, Ezra, just cede!"

"Let me go!" Ezra grits out in desperate reply, his voice cracking with the weight of unshed tears even as he struggles and fights the hold on his wrists with equal measures of both terror and panic.

"Kid, how many time do I have to say this: That. Is. Not. Karking. Happening." Kanan calms his tone, speaking as steadily as he can possibly manage, aiming for in control in his tone but not for authoritarianism or further cruelty, seeing as how Ezra probably doesn't require any more goading just gentle to truth to finally break him completely. "I know that it pisses you off to hear that, and frankly probably scares you to death, but I'm sorry Kid it's still the literal truth, and you're just going to have to try and get used to it eventually."

"Force, I karking hate you!" Ezra spits back in reply, spewing still more profanity, even though right now his eyes are clearly starting to glisten, though the moisture blurring his vision thus far refuses to actually spill over.

"Yeah, so you keep telling me, Kid." Kanan replies, watching the tears well up in wide blue eyes, "But news flash for you, Ezra – that doesn't actually change anything! At least not in terms of how it's going to be! You can karking hate me if you need to right now! You can run! You can try your best to shut me out - and I'm still going be here two steps directly to the left of you all the way. Because I karking well know right now that that's where I'm *meant* to be Force Damned be!"

Ezra bites down so hard on his lower lip that it literally bleeds then, before the teenager brings up a sharp, desperate knee – no doubt aiming for Kanan's groin as he does so. The older Jedi deflects the attack without any difficulty, though he does have to pause and readjust his grip on the struggling body after a couple more moments. Ezra's back to being more instinct than he is reason right now in his struggles. The shields around the kid's mind are finally cracking under the strain, Thank Force, the emotions underneath literally swirling and boiling in their sheer desperation. Almost there. Almost done. ' Well hopefully'

When Ezra attempts yet another groin shot, his eyes slamming tightly shut against the building flood, Kanan finally curses softly, releases his hold for the barest number of seconds, then flips the teenager over in the grass and onto his stomach so that Ezra can't make the same kind of attempt to unman him again. So close...so karking close. 'Just a little further.'

"Enough Ezra." He repeats one final time, pinning the younger man's torso in place with most of the weight of his upper body. "Just let it go already, Kid. This is not a fight you are going to be allowed to win, do you karking understand me? Just. Let. It. Go. Kriffing Please!"

Ezra just fights him even harder, his palms clenching into tight fists, though he doesn't call even once on the assistance of the Force, Kanan notes. And then the older Jedi's hand smacks down hard at least a dozen or more times on the teenager's upper thighs and backside with more than enough force behind each blow to sting. It's less than delicate Kanan acknowledges, but the best he can come up with for breaking the desperately overfilled emotional at the moment.

Kanan can feel the emotional barriers in Ezra's mind finally crumble in response as the teenager beneath him starts first to shake and then to sniffle repeatedly - his whole body quaking in response to both the chaos in his head and the far more literal pain in his body - well all the while Kanan keeps up a pattern of repetitive swats until at last the fabric beneath his hand grows warm from the repeat application of friction and Ezra's previously tense form goes suddenly utterly limp against the ground. All of the fight finally dropping out of the smaller former as the tears inside the kid finally make their escape, spilling hot and ruthless out of Ezra eyes and onto the soft grass that's directly beneath him.

Which is the exact moment at which Kanan finally releases his own hold on the struggling boy, backing off immediately, just far enough for the time being to give Ezra plenty of room to roll off of his stomach and into another position if he chooses to. The teenager responds to Kanan's retreat by flipping instinctively onto his side then and curling up into a tight compact ball of abject misery.

"...Ezra." Kanan's voice is soft now as well as as soothing as he can possibly make it even as he reaches out a careful hand to stroke through the dark head of hair. Which Ezra accepts without so much as a flinch. "It's all right...you're going to be okay, Kid. I know that it doesn't feel that way right now but I swear to Force, it's going to start getting better. It's going to be all right, you're not alone anymore. I'm right here and I swear to Force, Ezra that I'm always going to be if I have any say about it. This is just a new beginning okay? It isn't any kind of end."

There is no reply to those words really, short of the teen curling in even tighter on himself in response, his breath still ragged with the force of his grief and the intensity of his weeping. Kanan watches him for another moment or so, feeling utterly helpless, before finally sighing very deeply, and reaching out to gingerly shift the kid a little closer and ease him into a very gently hug. He's fully prepared to back off if Ezra stiffens or tries to push away the offered comfort instead. It's always a possibility after all, Kanan knows, that the normally standoffish teenager isn't going to want to be touched for awhile - by anyone under the present circumstances, and as much as it kills Kanan to even think about it, if that's what happens then the older Jedi is going to have at least try and respect it.

Instead though, Kanan is almost immediately rewarded for taking the chance at all when literally three heartbeats later, Ezra curls his whole form forward into physical reach of the larger man's body – the younger man's hands digging into Kanan's shirt front for a moment or so in silent, pleading desperation.

Sighing in, relief, Kanan stretches out his legs in front of him, then gingerly crosses them. It takes him another moment or so to arrange the smaller, trembling form into a semi comfortable position on his lap, but eventually he's got the kid essentially curled up half resting against him, one side of Ezra pressed against Kanan's broad sternum. Ezra's dark head of hair is tucked in under Kanan's chin for the moment, as the older Jedi strokes through the younger man's hair several times methodically before eventually wrapping both of his arms around the smaller shakig body, murmuring basic nonsense reassurance all the while, while he sits and waits for Ezra to eventually find his center and hopefully start to calm down again.

The teenager doesn't stop crying though - not after five minutes, or fifteen or even twenty. In fact if something doesn't change relatively soon, Kanan realizes by around minute twenty-eight, the kid isn't going to manage to calm himself down at all, so much as literally cry himself into an utterly exhausted sleep, cry straight through his dreams, and then wake in a couple of hours with an awful dehydration headache to deal with on top of everything else he's struggling with at the moment. Ezra Bridger is probably going to keep on crying, Kanan realizes, until the river inside of him literally runs dry. Assuming that that's even possible for the kid at the moment.

And no one deserves to be left fighting that kind of prolonged agony all alone, at least not in Kanan's own opinion anyway. So he draws in a deep, steadying breath, releases it and then very, very carefully brushes his own mind against the teenager's now paper thin shielding. Not demanding information as he does so, nor even really requesting entrance, just offering a steady mental flood of warmth and reassurance, while making his offer of assistance very, very clear to the both of them. Kanan is here and he wants to help... he *will* karking help, he swears to Force he will, if Ezra will just trust him enough to finally *let him in.*

He waits there, gently testing the barriers, until at last they fall away like a thin sheet of silk, allowing Kanan to slip almost effortlessly in past the outer edge of Ezra's mental safeguards and into the center of the teenager's mind, bringing a literal flood of love and comfort and reassurance right along with him.

Only for both of their bodies to suddenly jerk in reaction as if they've been suddenly contacted by a live wire as Kanan's mind reaches out to wrap itself around Ezra's own with a warm rush of healing and praise and 'Yes, it's okay. I'm here. You're not alone...' Only for him to feel the Force literally thunder in the depths of his own head in sudden reaction, before sending a sharp rush of sudden, almost unspeakable power literally streaming into psychic cores of the both of them.

And then Kanan is spasming in repeated shock as well as the energy ensnaring both of them abruptly ripples: once, twice, four times in a row - each surge of power carrying with it further rightness and finally allowed restoration. As a training bond *already present*- faint and strained and terribly, terrifyingly fragile yes but also *already karking there* because this thing was *forced willed*, right from the start and how in Force had Kanan *not* previously recognized it?!

The bond flares from a narrow strand of intertwining gossamer threads into something as thick as a cable even as he instinctively reaches toward it. Toward a binding secure and solid and right and so incredibly relieving. Like Kanan's just discovered something of himself again that he'd never even consciously realized before now was actually missing.

The link roots in deep - not beside, not above or below but literally atop where Ezra's old bond with his previous master had been. While the teenager in his lap keens with relief and terror both, his whole body shaking, as ripple after ripple of power flares repeatedly through the both of them. Well all the while the influx of energy continuing to build on the bond, linking the two of them together, over and over and over, binding their minds and fates into an interdependent, and hopefully long enduring journey.

"Sith spit. What in the… what in karking hell just happened?" The words come out as a strangled gasp through Kanan's own lips. He doesn't even realize that he's speaking until Ezra literally flinches hard in reaction, curling in on himself as best as he can even as the trembling fourteen year old tries to scoot backward like a beaten child out of his spot on Kanan's lap.

"I'm sorry." He babbles, "Force Master, I'm so, so, so sorry. I tried, Kanan. I swear to force that I did. I did everything that I could possibly think of to stop it, to keep it all from just starting up again. I really, truly tried to take a higher road on this second time around, Master. I did..."

And yes - despite it all the kid is still kriffing crying.

"Hush Ezra." And Force but Kanan doesn't understand most if not all of what is happening at the moment. He still doesn't grasp any of the reasons for the almost limbic level of fear that he can now sense connected to Ezra's desperate rush of nonsense words. But it's all there where Ezra can't hide it anymore nonetheless. The terror for the teenager is real, and it's violent and it's literally crushing him to death. Ezra's genuinely terrified for both of them right, and Force but in the face of that very real panic Kanan literally can't help but respond with instinctive, protective parental reassurance.

"It's fine, Kid. I promise you. It's going to be all right. We'll figure it out."

Ezra lets out an almost manic giggle in reaction. "No, it isn't going to be all right, Master! Force, Kanan! You say that like you actually know – like you have any karking clue at all! But this is not my first time at this particular carnival, all right!? I've been on this damn ride at least one time around already over the past four years and I'm telling you by the end of it only one of us will still be alive. And at least half way to permanently out of their mind!"

Ezra buries his face in Kanan's chest again then, clinging like a young child who had just been woken by night terrors. Kanan frowns deeply, considering that statement for a couple more long and hesitant moments, turning the words over in his head before finally pushing the teenager just far enough back in his lap that Kanan can see Ezra's face as the two of them continue speaking.

"You've been having swarms of Force visions haven't you? Ever since The Ghost first came into orbit during that first mission? Ones where the two of us ended up as Master and Padawan, and then I ended up dead or something? And something very similar happened just before your first master died?"

Ezra giggles - this time outright hysterically, "Yeah. Sure. Whatever. I suppose that if you need a kriffing explanation for all of this then that one is as good of one as any of the others. Because Karabast if *I* understand exactly what the kark is really happening!" He giggle-whines once more, and this time, from Kanan's vantage point inside the teenager's crumbling mindscape, he starts to truly grasp just how close Ezra's been for literal days now to outright breaking. To the kid's sanity literally crumpling like wet paper under the sheer weight of the wrongness of the world that's all around him. A world simultaneously real and yet also not his own.

This...this is more than Kanan first grasped isn't it? This is about far more than just Ezra losing one Master and then finding another even though he's terrified to have anotherat this point in his life. This is about more than his parent's disappearance all those years ago or even the damage that's been wreaked on his psyche by a previously shattered force bond. This is about more than just the link that is currently forming - no reforming - rapidly between the two of them at the moment.

"Ezra what in kark is actually going on here?" The words are quiet but also very intense when Kanan finally finds his voice again, the question equal parts demand and plea for any kind of coherent information that might help him start to truly understand the actual situation.

His Padawan only replies to the question by outright giggling. Though not defiantly exactly, Kanan notes instinctively at the same time. There's just nothing stable left of the kid that can answer anymore, not in the wake of their recent fight and Ezra's following cry and the way that the older Jedi has just finished up literally spanking the tears and the truth both simultaneously out of him.

"You probably wouldn't believe me even if I did tell you, Kanan. Kark, I'm the one who's living through it at present and even I don't believe me sometimes. I keep expecting to wake up strapped to an interrogation table in a star destroyer or something with Thrawn or on of the inquisitorius standing over me laughing. It would certainly be no less illogical for that to be the reality right now than what actually seems to be happening!"

The words make something pang hard in the center of Kanan's chest - and rocks the teenager carefully even as he continues to speak. "You'd be surprised what I'd believe right now Ezra, under the current circumstances. Seriously, Kid - just spill it already. Tell me what you know, at least from your own current perspective Ezra, and I absolutely promise you: I will not judge you, just help make things better if I can."

Ezra shudders, then giggles yet again, drawing in another deep breath. "Fine. Don't say that I didn't warn you, though. Welcome to crazyville, Master. I am eighteen karking years old, Kanan! Or at least I was until about nine weeks ago anyway. Which is about the time that I fell asleep in a chair on the Rebellion base on Yavin because Sabine and Hera kriffing sedated me in the wake of *your* death, both insisting I that I was actively killing myself from insufficiently treated exhaustion. And then I woke up here, Kanan. In this time and this body, trapped in a dream that I can't quite seem to wake up from, no matter how hard I try to do so. No matter how much I want at this point to truly not be asleep."

Ezra lifts his hands to his hair then, digging them into his scalp, hard enough that Kanan raises one of his own hands for a moment to try and ease the grip just a little, before the teenager's fingernails can break the skin, or even worse yet, before Ezra actually manages to pull any of his hair free in large clumps. "Easy, Kid. Easy." Kanan murmurs, debating for a moment if he should wait on the rest of this explanation and put Ezra back under for awhile instead. He settle for sending pulses of calm and reassurance into the kid for now, instead- as strong and constant as he can possibly manage to keep them for now given his own inner turmoil at the moment.

Because Force, yeah Ezra was right...the teenager absolutely does sound crazy. Sith hells - he sounds insane at a level that would normally require a course or two of locked-ward psychotherapy. Except for two things other things that Kanan also can't help but be blazingly achingly aware of at the moment.

Number one….Neither Ezra nor the Force itself - which is still wrapped around the two of them, sharp and bright and pulsing as it continues to weave more and more psychic strands between the two of them- is giving any indication at all that the teenager is either incorrect or deliberately lying at present. Ezra truly believes every word that he's just shared, and the Force …? The Force isn't even mildly contradicting him. If anything it's doing just opposite, really: humming True True True True repeatedly at Kanan.

Two… Kanan can literally sense both the depth and age of the bond that's currently forming between the two them. No, he corrects himself, not forming like it's new…restoring back to whatever strength it had originally been before...before Kanan'd died. Which only moves this entire mess from seriously, epically karked up just in general terms to a new and likely profound level of *Shatterpoint* crazy.

Because Ezra is speaking the truth - at least as far as he can consciously comprehend it, anyway - and as a result all around them the kriffing galaxy is literally shifting and bending and remaking itself in front of his eyes while he literally clings to the boy who lays at the center of this apparent chronal hurricane while all the while the currents of time shift in larger and faster ripples around the both of them.

Kanan just sits there for the moment and he holds on to Ezra for dear life - because the younger Jedi is slipping right now – slowly, steadily, if not irrecoverably just yet. And honestly Ezra probably has been ever since the very first moment that Kanan laid eyes on him all those weeks ago. What's teetering over the precipice right now isn't his Padwan's alignment to the light or the dark side, though. No, Kanan realizes, a little panicked with realization, this is about Ezra's sanity. Because no one - no matter how young, how brave, how fucking resilient can endure this kind of mental dissonance alone indefinitely without eventually completely cracking under the strain of carrying around this kind of secret alone. Not when reality at its most basic level of is based upon a world of shared time, place and memory.

"How in the karking Force?" Kanan mutters into his hair, squeezing his eyes shut before exhaling raggedly, "Did you not literally flip your lid the very first moment that you set your eyes on all of the rest of us in that market, Kid? Because Ezra, I would probably have gone completely *psycho* at that point if we'd been in opposite positions."

Ezra giggles in reply to the question, reaching up to wipe his eyes with his sleeve. "Psychological detachment maybe? Or enough time to adjust at least a little bit beforehand to everything that was happening before the rest of you arrived on planet? When I first woke up in this time stream, Kanan, and I realized that I wasn't going anywhere I kind of ...well I guess that I just kind of lost my kriff for a bit. I did a lot of yelling at no one initially, a lot throwing things and screaming at the sky. Tried to 'wake myself up' about every half sane way that I could possibly come up with. Without any luck. Tried more then one less then sane way as well,truthfully." He wipes his eyes, again, finally. "Then one afternoon while I was getting food I ended up stealing a bottle of Whiskey from one of the shops in town just to try and turn it all off for awhile. And well...I woke up on the floor of my tower with said bottle empty about a day and a half after that." Ezra chuckles then, sniffling wetly, nose wrinkling in remembrance, "I have to admit, Kanan, I genuinely thought when I first regained a decent measure of consciousness that the hangover from that particular decision was going to end up literally killing me by the end."

Kanan makes a distressed sound in response to that confession, tightening the hug, but Ezra isn't done speaking quite yet. "As it turned out though, that dry out period helped out a lot in the long run, Master. Because I was too physically and mentally flattened to go out and get more booze at that time. I didn't have the physical strength or the psychological focus to manage another trip into town for almost two days, and there was really nothing else that I could do after the worst of the vomiting passed except just lie there wherever I happened to fall and try and meditate in order to fill up the hours, as my head gradually started clearing. At which point I finally realized Kanan, that if this really was going to be my 'life' for the foreseeable future ...if this was all actually happening and I couldn't prove that it wasn't then you and the others were going to be showing up on Lothal in a little more than four weeks time. And so I better sober up and get my ass back in gear. Because if I didn't you guys were all going to die or be captured by the Empire during the course of our original first job together because I was a drunken loser who couldn't handle doing my part this time around. Which no..." Ezra shakes his head. "Just no to infinity. Like Kark was I just going to clock out that way and watch them take you guys away helplessly in the same way that I had to watch when they took my parents from me."

"And after the mission was over, Ezra? When you apparently decided to dump us all off to the side like we were so much useless baggage?" 'For reasons I still don't entirely understand? But about which we will *definitely be talking?*' "What exactly was your plan for after that, huh?"

Well other than more excessive drinking apparently: which Ezra had already had an ample start on when Kanan had first relocated him and dragged him out for breakfast that first morning in the market. When he'd found about the Kid's shattered training link. A link that no doubt had been constantly trying to reform despite the Kid's best efforts to stop it ever karking since.

Ezra shakes his head, shrugs his shoulder, doesn't bother to look up. "Basically, Kanan I figured that I'd just duck and stay under cover until Hera got restless like she normally does after a couple of day and you guys finally jumped back out of the system. At which point - I don't know, I planned to finally re-emerge and start acquire enough funds to get off of the planet in a few months and start living life on my own after the resulting divergence."

Ah yes, Kanan scowls very deeply at that particular admission. Recalling Ezra's apparent plans to dump the rest of them like so much unwanted bagged before ultimately seeking out and throwing himself on the mercy of a bunch of 'they who shall not be named…'

Kanan blinks hard as another thought registers. This Rex? Was some Ezra actually had met. Who he claims Kanan had grown to consider a friend. Even though right now that whole idea is nothing short of ridiculous.

Ezra laughs wetly as if aware of Kanan's current thought processes, "Only then, surprise surprise, you guys refused to leave when you were supposed to after I first disembarked. Because I'm apparently cursed Kanan, and you're all a bunch of stubborn idiots."

Kanan cuffs the back of his head in reaction to that claim. "Pot. Your name is kettle." The older Jedi growls. "Just the record right now, Ezra, I'm still debating whether or not I ought to be spanking your damn ass again! Just given the sheer amount of blatant self-destruction that you've been recently displaying! I mean, do you have any clue at all concerning the level of damage that you've probably managed to cause in your own mind over the past couple of weeks just repeatedly fighting off the damn reformation?"

Kanan runs a hand down his face, "If you'd kept it up for very much longer, Ezra you probably would have ended up with permanent psychosis on top of severe psychic scarring. And the pull that both of us felt toward each other? Would have still been there forever Ezra, regardless of how hard or how long you fought against it. Did other me really never teach you at least that much about force willed links like ours is, Ezra? What the kark do you know that I don't right now that could possibly justify this reckless and stupid of an ongoing decision?!*"

Ezra's next breath is definitely tremulous before he finally answers, "I was thinking that we were back to being basically strangers, Kanan. And that you didn't appear to have any remnants of said psi-link, okay? Only I did! And when all was said and done, at least under my present circumstances, Kanan, that may have actually been a considerable blessing…."

"Ezra…" The older Jedi tries to cut him off with a deep frown,

But the teenager remains stubbornly insistent, "No, Kanan. My turn to talk for now. Look, until that first day in the market, Master, you literally didn't know me from Adam. But I still knew and loved all of you, all right? And given that I'm the one with the mind that's been kriff'd to Malachor and back as a result of everything that's happened, forgive me for assuming that deliberately chaining you to the chair beside me on the crazy train wasn't and still isn't a particularly 'good' or moral thing."

Kanan has a lot to say in response to that particular load of banthakriff right now, but nothing that Ezra's actually capable of really hearing yet, and so instead he settles on hugging his padawan even more tightly, at least for the moment, continuing to channel broad streams of comfort down the link as the kid relaxes more and more completely against him.

After another minute or so Ezra glances back over at Kanan, his lips finally quirking at his master, just a little. "Also for the record while we are on the subject of the past few minutes, Jarrus: in defense of my continued sense of dignity and my ability to look in the mirror on a semi regular basis I regret to inform you, that I apparently blanked out just shortly after I tried to knee you during our fight a few minutes ago, Master, and I don't currently remember anything that happened after that until after I started crying. I'm currently susceptible to minor bouts of selective traumatic amnesia, apparently."

The look that Kanan gives him in reply to *that* particular comment is some strange mixture of affectionately bemused and absolutely unimpressed. "Start talking banthacrap about running off to live with Clone Troopers like you were doing before, Ezra, and I promise you that it won't be a problem, for either of us for more than a couple of seconds. Because I will just immediately and painfully refresh your memory as to my views on that particular subject."

"Duly noted," Ezra answers, gingerly shifting his weight on Kanan's lap with a distinct wince of discomfort.

"Still a little sore right now I take it?" Kanan asks him abashed, a little horrifyingly amused a moment later by the teenager's far too awkward expression. Though thankfully he isn't apparently the only one currently using some distinctly wry humor in order to help himself cope with everything that's just happened.

Ezra's shrug is easy even as his lips quirk up wryly at the corners as he glances again at his Master. "What can I say? You hit like a force damned shovel, Kanan. And it's been...quite awhile now since anyone has actually spanked me, frankly speaking. Plus at this point in my life I tended to bruise like a damn yogan. My bruises are probably going to have bruises by morning unless I miss my guess, though that trait'll thankfully recede as I get a few more pounds on this frame hopefully."

Easy bruising probably indicates a basic case of chronic malnutrition as well as probable scurvey. He's going to need to start getting a multivitamin into the kid then, as soon as he possibly can. "How long is 'awhile' exactly, Ezra?" Kanan's genuinely curious to hear an answer for any number of reasons. The most obvious of them right now being that he's really, really hoping that what he'd had to do to Ezra a few minutes earlier hadn't actually been a regular thing that the two of them had to deal with in the day. Though yes, Kanan's also well aware that Ezra's more than capable sometimes of hitting outright self destructive levels of stubborn, and Kanan'll still take actively kicking the kid's ass on any day of the week over the alternative of him actually losing him..

"How long has it been since I'm been spanked before today, you mean?" Ezra raises an eyebrow at the question, his eyes going far, far away. "Force not since before the Empire took away my parents, Kanan. So well over a decade according to my memories...and eight years at least from the perspective of my current body. "

Kanan relaxes slightly, "So then you're saying that the other me never had to do the same then...?"

"No!" Ezra snorts, "Though I won't say that he probably wasn't ever tempted to do so, Kanan. I was definitely a handful sometimes, especially when the two of us first met."

"'Was' a handful you say. And Hera didn't ever do so either?" That's a little hard for Kanan to believe that right now, honestly, just given Ezra's sheer levels of ongoing recklessness, snark and bad language. Four years is a very long time to share a small space after all, Kanan knows. Especially a small space like a kriffing space ship.

Ezra snorts, "No – she didn't ever have to either, Kanan. Though there were quite a few times during our first few years together that my 'free time' ended up involving an awful lot of extra chores and scrubbing instead."

"Neither of us? Not even once?" Kanan regards the younger man with a small amount of disbelief as the younger man nods and shrugs. "When exactly, Ezra did I qualify for sainthood in your original timeline?"

Ezra actually snorts with laughter in response to that comment, then shakes his head before finally wiping his eyes on more time with a wry. "I guess you can just say that I never screwed up badly enough that it became a necessary option for either of them. There were always extenuating circumstances involved when I went this far off the rails, so to speak. But then again, Kanan," Ezra smirks just a little bit at no one in particular before finally continuing, "Please don't make the mistake of thinking that fourteen year old me was actually *anything* like I am right now, okay? I was a kark of a lot less socialized for one thing initially, when the group of us first met, and I was far warier of losing my place on the ship, whereas here my entire goal was the opposite. Look, I know that I don't really look it right now, given my present body, but still I remind you that in terms of years actually lived, I am technically just a few weeks shy of turning nineteen."

"You were physically eighteen before you came back in time, maybe, Ezra." Kanan corrects the statement gruffly. "But sadly for the state of your rear at the moment, you've clearly been demoted from that particular position..."

"Well I'm certainly too old for spanking anymore." Ezra snorts in soft reply. "At least in most cases, anyway."

Kanan raises an eyebrow, "In 99.9% of situations, Kid? Yes, I agree that you definitely are. For a very few select forms of recurring stupidity though, I'm prepared to still whup you ass... either figuratively or literally, whether you're fourteen years old or twenty-five or fifty. If you don't like the idea that much, Ezra, well then your 'dignity' will either have to learn to cope with that reality or better yet start promoting less self destructive decision making processes. Cause the way I figure it, Kid if you're old enough to *repeatedly* display truly epic levels of stupid then you're also karking old enough to know about and live with the possible consequences afterward."

Ezra snorts very softly in reply to that assessment, bemused. "Kriff sometimes you sound like you grew up in the feudal middle ages, Kanan, you do know that, right?"

"My Master was a Knight, Kid." Kanan reminds him very, very dryly. "And you better karking believe that the only punishments that we faced at Temple were not just meditation or chores for particularly serious offenses. Force, Ezra, the leader of the council carried around his own personalized whacking stick."

"I guess." Ezra shrugs one more time, "Though, for the record, I really don't think that it'll likely be an issue again anytime remotely soon, Kanan. Because yes, while my parents did spank me when I was little, at least on occasion, mainly because I could be pretty stubborn sometimes, apparently..."

"You? Stubborn? Never." Kanan shoots back blandly, earning a mock little huff of affront from the still red faced teenager in immediate reaction.

"Still as a general rule, Kanan, it rarely comes down to power struggles that like for me most ofthe time, because literally nothing's a bigger deterrent for me in most cases than just having to live with other people's ongoing anger, sorrow or disappointment. The payout of winning stupid fights under that kind of toll in very, very rarely worth it to me." "Good to know. I'm guessing that your folks and my other self probably figured that out pretty quickly too, and then learned to actually make talk if you did suddenly become so recalcitrant, if your doing so wasn't generally something that commonly happened." "For the most part, yes...as you've probably already noticed I prefer compromising, bargaining, or such as that to get what I want or need, Kanan. Because in my own experience at least it's easier when everybody wins. Not that that mindset would have helped much in terms of resolving our previous situation. What I wanted you simply weren't going to give me at a price I could stomach anymore." The teenager clears his throat, then, "Though truthfully, speaking with a little hindsight here, I'm also guessing that what happened earlier – not just the eventual spanking, but the fight you and I had about everything before it as well as the week leading up to my leaving was basically you all just trying to drive me insane in order to get me to finally blow up or restart my waterworks or something?"

Kanan shrugs a little, "You desperately needed it, Ezra. You were so emotionally repressed - so defensively closed off to listening to anyone but yourself because of your fear and grief that it was literally destroying every effort that the rest of us made to try and help you cope. And nothing else was actually working, Ezra. Believe me, Kid, I tried, at least a dozen different ways. "

"No, I get that." Ezra allows, shifting awkwardly again. "It's all ultimately good for the soul, Kanan, if admittedly also kind of rough on the dignity."

"Not to mention on the gluteus maximus." Kanan adds in then himself, speaking very, very dryly.

Ezra shoots him a glare. "Kanan, right now with those kind of jokes, you are not even remotely close to funny.'

Kanan snorts aloud. "On the contrary, Ezra...I'm kriffing hilarious. " He informs the younger man. "You're just mad to be made the literal butt of the joke at the moment."

Ezra groans aloud at his master's repeated use of the pun. "You are awful, Kanan." he informs the older Jedi after a moment. Then he reaches up to pinch the bridge of his nose hard, sighing deeply. "And kriff I am so tired right now. This headache is absolutely slaughtering me. I would seriously kill for about four fingers worth of whiskey at present."

Kanan's scowl is fierce in reply to that particular statement. "Yeah well, you're not getting any, Kid. So don't even think about it. You are drying out, Ezra - excepting prescription meds. And when I say dry I do mean dry, Kid. Completely. We will rediscuss the subject again when you actually hit you next physical majority *if* you can actually stay clean until then. Thoug yes, just for the record, Ezra, I will be making occasional exceptions to that rule for religious toasts to the dead or very specific emergency medical situations."

Ezra lips twist up at that announcement, clearly unhappy. "Kanan, like I already told Hera when I first came back aboard: I don't actually drink alcohol on any kind of a regular basis. For one thing, I kriffing loath the taste! Though okay, yes - last week I will acknowledge that there were a few times that I was particularly tempted by the idea because of how much you all seemed to be constantly baiting me. It's not…it's not an addiction, though, Master. I don't regularly crave it. In fact as a rule I only drink at all in times of ultimate need. Like, say for example when my brain is literally trying to kill me like it actively is at present."

Kanan narrows his eyes at him, unimpressed. "Kid you just told me a moment ago yourself that you went through a full bottle of Whiskey in a little under *two days.* That the hangover might have easily killed you. That does not strike me as a minor problem, okay? Frankly Ezra, I'm surprised after that initial bout of stupidity your liver didn't literally try and crawl out of your body and join the Ghost crew all on its own. You are absolutely *cut off* from any mood-altering substances that I don't give you myself, Ezra, do you understand me!? At least until I'm reasonably sure that you are completely and truly past this most recent round of ridiculously self-destructive behavior!"

"Yes Master, I hear you." Ezra sighs again very softly. "Though for the record, Kanan, I still think that you're probably massively over-reacting in terms of seeing problems that aren't problems."

"Yeah well after the last couple of weeks, Ezra, I am more than entitled to it."

There's a brief pause then, and then a tired sigh. "Yeah, I suppose I can't argue with you there. Well okay I could but 1) it wouldn't help If I did at this point and 2) I'm not going to even bother because it's starting to get unbearably cold out here and on top of that I think I'm hungry. Not to mention, like I just said my head is trying to murder me at present."

Kanan huffs sympathetically, "Have you got an actual migraine this time around or is just a normal headache, Kid?"

"The former, I'm pretty sure. I tend to get them after a long hard bout of crying like the one I've just had. Or when I'm particularly dehydrated or my body doesn't agree with something that I've eaten."

"Well then I guess that it's a good thing that Hera packed plenty of food and fluids for us, Ezra before I left The Ghost. And that I currently have both Amalyn and Morphine ampules packed on the chance that either or both would be needed."

Ezra raises an eyebrow at that. "I thought you just said that I wasn't allowed any more mood-altering chemicals from here on out, Kanan?"

The older man shakes his head. "No...I said no meds that aren't prescriptions, Ezra. And none that I can't literally feel how badly you need just straight down our kriffing link. Your shields are still pretty permeable at the moment, Ezra, even as hard as I know that you're trying."

Ezra nods, and then he sighs again, pausing for a moment or two to close his eyes and try and fix that as best as he can, before he opens them again and rapidly changes the subject. "When does Hera not pack us way too much to eat, Kanan? I mean this is her that we're talking about! I swear to Force that my first time around I spent over a year and a half aboard the ship fighting off various nutritional shakes and awful tasting protein booster products from that woman. The whole experience was seriously traumatizing! Also Kanan - I do not now nor will I ever like immune boosting supplements of any sort or kind. So please do not let her waste her money buying that kriff in the markets when she sees it. Three of the last four nutritional supplements that she tried to force on me actually made me vomit repeatedly before she finally gave up and stuck with letting me eat more actual normal food. I might be a loth-rat yes, but I actually have a pain in the ass of a sensitive preemie-kid's stomach."

Kanan chuckles at that rush of words. "If Hera really finds your present state of health that personally offensive, Ezra, then there's really nothing that I can do for you at this point in time short of giving you two good pieces of good if admittedly basic advice."

Ezra side eyes him, "Those pieces being?"

"Take what you're given without initial complaint unless it makes you sick, Ezra. Just tell her outright when it does. Eat meals with people other then her to avoid any unnecessary fussing." Kanan looks the kid up and down, mentally guessing his actual weight now that he has some frame of reference, and calculating that to at least guess Ezra's current BMI. The resulting rounded result makes him openly wince. "Also, as soon as humanly possible it probably best that you find something that you do like to eat that's reasonably healthy and roughly the size of a Purgil, Ezra, put your ass in a chair and then get started eating."

Ezra blinks at him a minute, his nose wrinkling. "Seriously? That's the best that you can do for me right now, Master?"

"It's the first rule of any long running conflict. You only ultimately win if you also learn to pick your battles, Kid. The same applies in this situation. Resist Hera hard enough when she's got actual reason to worry and you might get stuck on one of Captain Terrible's actual food plans. It isn't worth the suffering that that will inevitably bring you, Ezra *believe me.*"

"You sound like this is a matter of past personal experience." Ezra observes then, his lips twitching up a little wryly.

"Jedi healing doesn't fix everything instantly" Kanan informs the younger man very stoically. "I've been injured myself more than a time or two on mission or lost some serious weight when sick.

"And?" Ezra sounds almost afraid to voice the question.

"And if you don't heal to Hera's satisfaction within what she deems an acceptable amount of time the woman is ruthless and completely unavoidable. Considered yourself warned and just act accordingly to the above information."

"Yes Master. As you say, Master." The boy replies, as he climbs out of Kanan's lap, rising to his feet and bowing slightly ... only half in jest, before he finally disappears once more through open door of The Phantom.

Chapter Management

Chapter 12: Confronting Reality (Updated and Expanded)

There are three things which Kanan realizes about his Padawan (And Force, Padawan, it's *official* now – which is both amazing and terrifying!) within less than half an hour of the teenager waking up beside him in the Phantom the following morning...

1) Ezra, unless he's had literal lakes full of caff first, is not even remotely what one would call a 'happy morning person.' Pretty much the opposite.

And 2) The teenager, once he's finally unhindered by the need to keep up a guise of any kind for any longer, talks to himself - as well as most of the inanimate objects that he interacts with, almost as much as he does to actual people when they're in the same room with him.

And 3) whether Ezra's actually conscious of it right now or not, his Padawan is obviously, inherently and massively skin hungry. As in literally starving for touch to a degree that's more than a little painful for him to look at if Kanan is actually correctly reading the younger Jedi's body language.

Kanan's seriously starting to think that someone - Hera? Chopper? Kriff, even the older Jedi himself, if the kid is actually willing to let him) - really ought to spend the next few days cuddling the proverbial stuffing out out of the kid. Especially considering the way that Ezra is unconsciously hugging himself whenever he's not actively doing something else with his hands, the way that he's relaxed intermittently all morning - at least just a little, whenever Kanan reaches out a hand to to squeeze him on his shoulder or even passes him in the hallway and absently musses his dark mop of hair.

To say nothing of Ezra's behavior since their fight yesterday evening, which has been muzzy and tired and also sadly uncertain in terms of what to say or where to be at present. Because no - Kanan definitely hasn't missed the way that the teenager's been hovering just at the edge of 'close but not too close' to the older Jedi's personal space ever since they woke this morning, as Kanan's wandered around the Phantom completing the ship's standard morning diagnostics. Ezra's both out of his element right now, and all but drift essentially.

It's a little bit like owning a new puppy, Kanan can't help but think to himself a little wryly, once he finally confirms that yes, Chopper has taken the other vehicle back to the city within the last six or so hours in order to dump it and then rendezvous with the rest of the Ghost Crew. Or maybe more precisely , it's like having a still half feral tooka, who hasn't figure out yet that it essentially owns you, and thus deserves to be petted pretty much on demand - one who's currently wild but also a little lonely as well, so it settles for following you from room to room a great deal like a fakely disinterested stalker, trying to live vicariously off of the dregs of its clearly dimwitted person's affections.

Kanan only wishes at the moment that he had enough personal reference to Ezra's own history to know for certain whether the Kid has always secretly been this way about craving touch and just usually hides it better, or if this is all just an intense but temporary trauma based reaction to their shattered bond's clearly long overdue reforging. The older Jedi figures that the odds for either are basically fifty-fifty at the moment.

(Kanan rather unsurprisingly under the current circumstances, had found it all but impossible in the earliest hours of the morning to sleep even after Ezra finally did so, thanks to a heady combination of both relief and regret. He'd spent a couple hours meditating while Ezra rested instead – methodically reviewing and rewriting his interpretations of the last few weeks day by day and when necessary hour by hour. Which had been incredibly helpful in him helping finally get a real grip of their actual situation.)

He kind of wants to kick himself presently about how dense he'd been about some things. Hindsight as it turns out can be both enlightening and almost epically frustrating.

Because with the benefit of a broader scope of context, Kanan's pretty sure at this point, that Ezra's subconscious mind has been reaching out for Kanan's own repeatedly since the very first moment that the Ghost had flown back within broadcast range of the planet. Which completely explained the larger the normal amounts of restlessness that he'd felt during that initial round of pre-mission planning. Kanan had wondered more than once about his repeated urge to simply go off on a seemingly random on walkabout before the start of the Capital City snatch and grab, his vague sense at the time that he should be doing some sort of seeking. The link, even as weak as it had been at that point had actively been tugging at him to take notice, to sense something had changed, to actively willfully pay kriffing attention.

He hadn't really, at least not the way he really should have, until well after Ezra literally jumped down on top of them.

Oh yes he'd gotten there eventually, right about the time Ezra had gotten himself and his cargo up and onto the ship, but then the stubborn little banthashit had spent the better part of the following few days actively fighting back his own mind as it reached out insistently toward his former master in order to protect Kanan's mind from any possible psychic spillover damage. Which really, even as much as it pisses Kanan off to think about at this point, also explains a kark of a lot about Ezra's sheer depth of acute psychic damage by the time that Kanan had eventually broken down and hunted down the prodigal teenager, locating Ezra in the market and then dragging him out to breakfast.

Where they've had actual real conversation, as well as a brief and highly painful first skin contact. Touching Kanan while actively shielding against his mind at the same time while the bond lay broken between them had evidently really *pissed off* Ezra's half of their psi link.

Kanan should have thought to have asked why Ezra only seemed to hurt when it was Kanan who was touching him.

And after that? Well on the bright side the Amalyn that Kanan had generously provided to Ezra in order to help him with his headaches had also started to act as an ally and enabler to the teenager simultaneously – dimming down the constant screaming from the unresolved bond to the degree that it was at least vaguely tolerable, so he could both eat and sleep, at the exact same time that the medication had also started to help heal some of Ezra's lingering psychic damage, at least in minute ongoing increments.

But even then, real progress had come painfully slow, because new damage from resisting the pull to open up and repair the break had been both constant and on going for Ezra, especially once they'd located what Kanan had assumed at the time was the kid's peak dosage and started to tittering down the meds, decreasing both the rate of healing and the help that the higher dosage of the neuro-inhibitors had provided Ezra in dealing with the discomfort caused by the entire situation.

Which clearly also explains the kid's ongoing propensity right now for severe breakthroughs of pain anytime that Ezra overextends himself either physically or psychically. His mental landscape is still a tapestry of only half healed wounds. And emotionally speaking, the kid's still a gigantic karking mess.

No wonder the Ezra's been so tired, no wonder he's been coping so poorly. He just stopped injury himself repeatedly within in the past twelve hours or so, and now he needs time to actually heal, with the bond finally back in place and actually quiet instead of screaming at him constantly: flooding Ezra's body with massive amounts of adrenaline and constantly battering his psyche. No wonder right now half of the kid reads as kriffing exhausted and the other half as thrumming with almost hysterical relief.

All that acknowledged, Ezra's body language right now is still deeply troubling and more than a little telling to Kanan. The two of them both still have some issues to work through pretty clearly. Because after all, from most of what Kanan has read on the subject over the years in his various psychology classes, there generally isn't a child in the entire karking galaxy who isn't instinctively wired to reach out their parents for physical and emotional reassure when they are feeling overwhelmed even uncertain.

What's more there are practically no situations that Kanan is currently aware where a child's repeated failure to seek out said comfort or reassurance from their caregiver when it's needed doesn't indicate that some level of abuse, fear or dysfunction actively present in the relationship. Which brings him back to the current dynamic between Ezra and him.

Because after all, Ezra has just spent the past four years on board The Ghost with the OtherSpecters, for lack of any better way to describe them. Which means that Hera and he must have functioned, in the other time stream at least, as the teenager's all but adoptive foster parents.

Foster parents whose roles would have included the regular provision of things like comfort when it was needed, provided Ezra had accepted that that option was available to leaves Kanan with the Ezra who is currently standing in front of him … A fourteen year old boy is currently hugging himself repeatedly. Who's made no effort to ask his master for anything but the current location of breakfast since he first woke up this morning. Who's hovering close right now, yes but also seems all but afraid, at least by the read of his body language anyway to reach out and actually try to touch Kanan.

Because while yes it's true that Ezra hadn't tried to crawl out of Kanan's lap for more than an hour after their initial tussle last night, that doesn't just mean that the two of them are now just instantly okay and comfortable in each other's personal spaces. Especially not in the wake of Kanan giving the kid what had to have been a wickedly hard spanking.

After all, at the time that it had been happening Kanan hadn't even bothered to pull his punches. He'd been far more intent in the moment on ending what had amounted to his padawan's near hysterical tantrum while also pushing the kid into actually expelling some of his nearly life crushing reservoir of repressed emotion to be delicate about it, not as long as the exhausting conflict had already dragged out for the both of them.

And as a result, Kanan'd literally whaled the tar out of the poor kid - half out of grim desperation, half out of basic self defensive instinct in the face of Ezra's continued angry flailing. Only after the kid had finally broken under the extra layer of more pain had Kanan finally backed off and then gently coaxed the weeping kid into a tight embrace to comfort him. Never mind the fact that the last time Ezra Bridger had been hugged - to say nothing of a touch more unkind then that - by his former master, had no doubt been in the days just before OtherKanan's death.

And yes it's also true, that Ezra hadn't voluntarily pulled away from Kanan's grip in the aftermath of his his eventual break down and far far bigger revelation, until the kid had finally seized on a joke to finally all but flee back to the interior of the Phantom. Still, for all the that Ezra's stayed within arms reach of his master ever since, Ezra hasn't even once attempted to touch or be touched by Kanan since. Instead the teenager has just stood there for hours now, aggressively self-comforting, miserable looking and exhausted but also silent in terms of acknowledging any of the above to the man currently just across the room from him. And Kanan, who finally has the kid -right along with a nice newly reformed, twitchy-as-hell training-link, is bitterly aware in the rising light of mid morning that he currently has no clue at all how to properly respond to what he's currently seeing correctly.

'If your kid doesn't hug you when he looks like he needs it in the aftermath of a conflict like we had yesterday,' he wonders just a little ironically, 'Should you then hug your kid instead?' Or should Kanan at least be asking if a hug is appropriate right now? Should be offer a hug if Ezra wants on instead. What if he does ask and Ezra straight up lies to him or refuses the gesture, out of fear, or lingering awkwardness or embarrassment? Because yes, for now at lease Kanan will be able to sense at least that much if happen until they both relearn how to better shield their seperate ends of link? What the kriff is Kanan supposed to do in this karking situation? Call Ezra out if he lies? Reassure him that yesterday was Kanan's last ditch effort to keep Ezra from having a full on mental breakdown and that in the absence of such high, pratically life and death stakes, Ezra won't ever be touched by Kanan again without his permission? Force right now is the older Jedi just completely over thinking all of this? Is everything going to now feel this hopelessly complicated? Has he screw everything up already, and if so, exactly how deeply or badly?

Because seriously, Kanan has been a master now for less than twenty- four hours, and he's just realized that he literally doesn't even know how to go about properly the kid when Ezra looks like he might need some reassurance at the moment unless he's just actively finished spanking him. And Sith Spit, if this is parenthood than clearly Kanan's awful at it.

"You can breathe again now, you know." Ezra mutters from a few yards away from him. The teenager's voice is still a little early morning raspy at this point but his tone also holds more than a little bemusement. Kanan jerks his head up to stare at him. "Huh?"

"You. Can. Breathe. Now." Ezra repeats the words very slowly. His Padawan's still hugging himself, most definitely, but Ezra's posture is also slowly loosening up by degrees as he stands there studying his master, and yes, Kanan realizes, that's definitely amusement right now that's coming down through Ezra's end of their link.

"Huh?" He repeats the word one more, lost to the whole conversation, at least for the moment. He's just relieved that the kid's actually attempting to actually converse with him.

Ezra's eyes twinkle, even as the younger man stoops up to pick up the remains of his drink from the floor. "It's nothing, really. It's just...well I *know* that particular expression. Kanan Jarrus: look seventy-three. Panic Variant. Also known as 'Oh kark oh kark, I just let Chopper push Ezra off of the top of The Ghost at over 10000 feet and now he's falling - probably to his literal death!'" Ezra smiles then, just a little, "And yeah, I know that things are kind of weird right now - for both of us quite truthfully, Master. Still, I really don't think the current situation really merits quite that overall level of panic."

"I let Chopper do what?!" Kanan gapes at him, speechlessly.

"Well it wasn't exactly deliberate, Kanan. I got distracted by other things at the time, even though I really ought to have known better when we were actively practicing. It was a genuine accident. So Bygone, I mean to to be completely fair you did catch me and get me back up and onto the again after well before gravity got the chance to make a pancake out of me."

And then Ezra Bridger karking grins, at the recollection of this apparently fond little memory. "I'm just…well I'm just trying to let you know that whatever's got you tied up in knots right now expression wise - it's probably not as bad really as you're current assuming. I mean seriously Kanan, it's all good at this point, I'm already too damn used to being entertainingly mangled by life at this point to be even half as breakable as you're currently assuming I am. Case in point? That day I just mentioned was actually the start of really a good mission, Kanan: in which we both met the Grand Inquisitor for the first, nearly died fleeing for our lives from his presence and then later? Basically bonded over the whole experience. Chaotic yes. Crazy yes. Death defying yes...but survived and thankfullly learned from. Hence nothing to really worry about in the grander scheme of things."

"We encountered someone called the Grande Inquisitor." Kanan says just a little bit blankly. "On the same day that I let Chopper send you literally plummeting to your death?"

"Yup. Well we met him the first of several times more truthfully, though we can probably skip over most of that drama, I hope anyway, if you're willing to bypass a pretty obvious wild goose chase initially. But then again to be honest," Ezra shrugs, "Mr 'Let Me Torture You With The Truth,' will almost certainly be coming to Lothal eventually, so we can't put off introductions indefinitely. Not unless you want to pass on a major trove of classified information ..and let at least one innocent civilian die really, really horribly."

Kanan blinks for a moment at this long string of flowing words, his expression growing more and more incredulous with each passing minute, his mouth best described for the time being as widely agape.

Ezra pauses, studying Kanan, and then he waves an awkward hand in older Jedi's general direction, "And you know what, come to think of it, I'm actually probably better off stopping right there...with this entire conversation. Because it doesn't look like it' reassuring you in quite the way that I was hoping that it would. You just ...well... you kind of looked like you were having a moment there Master when I first spoke up, and I guess, well, I just wanted to help if I could."

Ezra had wanted to 'help him.' *Kanan Jarrus* had looked like he was having a hard time right now, and so his Padawan had thus attempted to 'help him.' With earnest stories of fighting off Grande Inquisitors together and being knocked off of ships in the lower atmosphere during he and Other-Kanan's training. Because this is apparently 'comforting' in the teenager's eyes.

And Karabast yes, Kanan is completely over his head right now in kriffing all of this.

"So...what did have your undergarments all twisted up if I'm allowed to ask?" Ezra inquires after a moment, taking another slow sip of his drink. "Because not to be nosy...but now I'm stuck wondering, about the issue I mean…and vague instead of specific panic is probably going to bug me, I think…"

"...You looked like you might need a hug, Ezra." Kanan finally spits out the words just a little bit gruffly. Because after the last few sentences his previous mental crisis now just seems ridiculous. "You have ever since you first got up this morning, but you haven't actually said anything about it, and I wasn't sure whether I should offer you one, not under the current circumstances."

Ezra raises a brow at that admission, "Uhm sure…I mean I don't generally mind hugs if they're currently offer...especially if that's your thing suddenly at the moment. Uhm, frequent casual displays of affection weren't really in your otherselves' back in my originating time stream previously, Kanan. But then again now that I actually think about, I wasn't exactly what you'd call a 'big hugger' myself initially. So maybe I'm wrong and other you was huggier than I realized but the two of us just sort of fell into an unconscious pattern. Though," The teenager raises an eyebrow, "I also have to admit that I'm not exactly sure what 'under the current circumstances' is actually supposed to mean in thisparticular context."

"...Ezra." Kanan says the name very slowly and patiently, as if he's about to explain the obvious to a very small or very slow child who has somehow failed to grasp what should have been obvious at this point. "I have touched you or *tried* to touch you precisely four times now since the two of us first met. Well, outside during medical treatment anyway, and you were not what I would call particularly welcoming of or receptive to any of it. The first time - just after we'd rescued the Wookies, Ezra I tried to reach out and lay a hand on your shoulder, just as a gesture of solidarity and thanks for your help. And in return? You skittered backward away from me like a fur rumpled loth-cat. The second time was when I took you out for breakfast when I caught up to you in the market that morning. You nearly ended up passing out at that point when I impulsively reached out and flicked you on your forehead because, well..."

"...Unresolved, seriously pissed off broken training link."

"Yes." Kanan, pauses then for another moment or so, speaking up again only after shaking his head for moment, as if he's literally clearing it of cobwebs, "The third time, at least as far as I remember it anyway, was at the end of our fight yesterday evening, when I not only tossed you around like a sack of karking grain while insulting you and your 'master' repeatedly, I pinned you to the ground after that and pounded on your ass so hard you were literally sobbing. After which Ezra, you still *miraculously* decided to let me hold and try and comfort you anyway. Which I am currently calling contact four at the moment. That's it, unless I'm somehow forgetting something?"

Kanan raises his brows at the teenager as he asks the question. Ezra considers then requested input and then shrugs noncommitally, "There were probably a few casual pats and stuff in there along the way that you're forgetting, but yeah. I still don't understand what that has to do with right now with anythings, Kanan..."

"Ezra!" Now Kanan's voice is more than a little bit exasperated. " Are you really all that surprised after I just mentioned all of that, that I might be worried right now about whether or not you may be in need of a little bit of comfort?"

"I guess not." Ezra mutters, his face beginning to subtly redden.

Kanan just presses on, "And do you also understand why I might be a little bit concerned at this point whether or not I might be the last kriffing person on the planet right now that you'd actually want to *go to* for said comfort?"

Ezra face is now a bright, beet red. "Yeah no, I get it. And look, Kanan, I'm really, really sorry. The thing with the Wookies initially wasn't meant as an insult or anything - I wasn't trying to act like an asshole, I just...well I wasn't coping very well at that point with the ongoing situation, and you touching me again would have only..." Ezra shrugs, then abrupt shifts the topic again. "Look, what happened in the Cafe wasn't really either of our faults either, Master. We didn't know what was going to happen when you touched me. As for our fight last night and…and the inevitable aftermath. Look, at this point I'm just basically calling bygones in regard to the whole karking thing. I mean yeah you provoked the fight deliberately sure, but Kanan, I knew that. I knew you were baiting me, even knew why, at least to some level or extent. But even so, I still threw the first karking swing."

The teenager lifts his eyes from his drink then, where they'd fallen as soon as his face had started to redden. His expression is earnest, more than a little bit embarrassed even as he continues to speak. "Look the truth of the matter is that I have no interest in holding grudges or anything like them at this point in my life, Kanan. If only because they're way too exhausting on top of everything else that I'm currently trying to keep track of to even be remotely worth the ongoing effort. Especially when at the moment it literally hurts to even sit down for more than a couple of minutes at a time and and on top of my head's still a kriffing mess even without the constant throb anymore from the previous damage to the training link. I just ...I just don't have the energy required to stay angry at present..."

"Ezra..." Kanan begins, but the teenager only continues to babble, growing closer and closer to outright verbal flood now that he's finally uncorked the proverbial bottle, has finally given himself permission to actually admit to such things.

"I mean the Temple's trials are already going to be hard enough to deal just on their own at this point, Kanan. Even without trying to also deal with the fact that I'm now back to fighting off sudden random bursts of crying like I was when I first arrived in this time stream without me deliberately trying to carry around more useless angry banthashit. Look, I know…I *know* that the past few days especially have just been bad for both of us, okay, but If you ever want to hug me then just ask. I can't always promise you that I'll actually be in the mood, but you're also not going to somehow piss me off just by inquiring I promise…"

"May I hug you?" Kanan finally cuts in, bluntly interrupting the increasingly erratic stream of words.

Ezra's nod is accompanied by an emphatically stated "*Yes.*"

Then Kanan is finally doing just that: larger arms reach out to wrap around the smaller form tightly, pulling him forward and into a welcoming embrace. And Ezra? Outright whimpers in relief at the contact, his eyes sliding involuntarily shut in reaction even as his head drops forward to rest for the moment against the older man's sternum.

"I just don't get it." Ezra grumbles after a couple more long seconds of just clinging on to his master, "I mean I thought that you knowing...that the link finally being back in place would set everything to right again, Kanan. Not leave me feeling as twitchy as an injured loth-wolf with an unguarded den right in the middle of welping season! I mean this morning I literally teared up when I *dropped the karking toothpaste* on the floor of the fresher. I'm getting pissed off at stuff like the flavor of my damn fruit drink. Everything's just so kriffing *raw* right now and..."

"I get it, Ezra, I get it." Kanan interrupts him softly, "It's similar, if not quite channeled the same way right now when it's coming from my own end."

Then Kanan is stepping backward with the kid still firmly in his grip, bumping into the fold-down seating where he carefully plop down on one of the folding benches and then gently coaxes the kid down along with him as well, Ezra essentially straddling Kanan legs for the moment in a way that allows the teenager to tuck in close without further aggravating his already sore places. The hug that results is a little awkward at first, maybe but not too bad, Ezra's face ends up buried between Kanan neck and his collarbone, his thin arms linking behind Kanan's back. The dark haired boy shudders hard, his whole body trembling as his breath audibly hitches. "I am not going to cry now." He mutters into the silent air more than a little rebelliously. "I am not a kriffing kid or whiny karking baby."

"It's okay if you need to, at the moment, Ezra." Kanan informs him very, very gently. "Look, Kid - psychic bonds are tough things. Yeah they have some wonderful advantages, in terms of teaching and for things like allowing easier communication, but they can also be incredibly complex and finicky even on their very best of days, and you..." Kanan's arms tighten briefly around the smaller form again. "Ezra you just survived a literal hell on earth all right? It's normal under the circumstance that you're seriously feeling it. Look, I know that this is probably a piss poor analogy in a lot of ways - talking about psychic phenomenon can be hard to adequately describe in most cases, but from a certain perspective what just happened to your mind - to your karking soul, Ezra, was the psychic equivalent of somebody essentially ripping off one of your limbs. After that it was essentially left completely untreated for almost two months from what I've been able to sense, before finally treating it scattershot with rubbing alcohol, codeine and a couple of mostly sterile bandages." Kanan's hand comes up then to cup the back of Ezra's head a little protectively, "And just as that psychic 'stump' finally started to heal and maybe hurt a little less thanks to the Amalyn, someone drug you unexpectedly back into surgery Ezra, and they grafted on a new karking limb."

The teenager chokes out a laugh in response to that analogy before his entire body starts literally shaking. "I will not cry," he repeats again. "It makes me feel like a brainless idiot. Not to mention that it doesn't in the history of ever actually fix anything."

And Force but the sheer stubbornness of this Kid at the moment. Kanan sighs heavily - considering all his options thoughtfully before he shifts his right hand just enough to find a bit of exposed flesh on his Padawan's right forearm and pinch at the same time that he buries his nose in the kid's dark hair, and literally swamps the bond with a mini-tsunami of affection.

Kanan's pretty sure that Ezra doesn't consciously make the connection between the unexpected sting of pain and the sudden larger flood of psychic and physical comfort, but the effect of the act is immediate. The tears in Ezra's wet eyes flow over, helplessly, and there's no hope - or point at all of holding them back once they've actually started to fall. At least as far as Ezra seems to be concerned at the moment. Another ragged breath woofs out of the kid's chest, shaky and tremulous as wet eyes abruptly spill over and then once again the teenager is weeping.

Kanan rocks him silently for several long minutes before finally speaking up. "I'm sorry, Kid" He murmurs at last to the still keening teenager, "That I'm the source of any of your pain at the moment. If I could find a way to do so, I'd remove it all from your shoulders entirely."

Ezra's arms tighten around him convulsively. "It's not your fault either, Master." He gets out with a little hiccup after another moment. "You're not any more responsible that I am for any of what's happening."

"Not even for your sore rear end, Kid?" Kanan asks the question more than a little bit wryly. He's basically messing with the Ezra's head right now, trying to provide him with a little distraction away from the much larger grief that's currently got it's claws in him. But Kanan does feel like they need to talk about this at least one in a serious manner. Because the older Jedi does know that he owes Ezra an apology for his actions last night, if maybe not for the the reasons he'd taken them.

Ezra meanwhile, just thumps Kanan's torso with both of his fists twice. "Bygones, Asshole, as I already told you! Also, you big jerk you just kriffing pinched me!"

Kanan sighs very softly, but still nods his head in admission. "Yeah. Yeah, kid, I did. You've already got way, way too much pain in the head of yours to hope to carry it around safely. Anytime that I can manage to get some of it out and into the air instead I'm going to do so, if I only have to play a little bit dirty to do so. Because at least once it's out it loses most of the power it has to hurt you."

Ezra thumps his chest one more time, "Oversized Asshole of A Jedi Shaped Bully."

Kanan just chuckles in reply to that. "Guilty as charged," He admits. "At least when I'm dealing with fourteen-year-old time travelers masquerading as Loth-rats who don't seem to know when to get their karking asses home in an actual crisis."

Ezra laughs between his sobs at the comment. The teenager's tears are finally slowing down, albeit gradually. Eventually, Ezra pulls back just far enough to wipe he face with the edge of his shirt sleeve. "Force, but I karking hate crying, Kanan. It makes me both look and feel like I'm literally five years old again."

"Which you probably still pull off better than most of us do Ezra, with that baby face of yours, I mean." Kanan teases him gently, cuffing the back of the kid's still slumped forward head one more time then smoothing the hair atop his head before speaking on more time. "You've got more call than most of us right now for the occasional bout of weeping. And let me tell you, Kid, that stuff is a whole lot better vented than left stuck inside your skull like some kind of pissed off, trapped tooka that's ripping the hell out of your mental upholstery in retaliation."

Ezra snorts with laughter at that, his hand swiping over his eyes again. "Jarrus," He volleys back, "Do I look like the kind of person who currently has or has ever had upholstery? Honestly, I sleep on a bench with a bunch of old blankets."

"It's *Kanan,* Ezra. Or Master. Whichever you prefer at the moment is fine. Enough with this continual 'Jarrus' kriff... I already know that you have only ever used it as an an ongoing attempt at distancing."

Ezra shrugs, "Less just that then...well...some way to maintain some level of separation between the two of you, Kanan. Because if I'm not really careful about the names and pronouns and yous vs thems, Master then things in my head can start to get really, really muddled. In a way that sort of defies easy explanation. I mean you're 'him,' yes Kanan, but you're also not him at the exact same time...And I'm not really me back when I was this age the first time around, but I still remember all of this me's history and memories...so it's not like I'm really losing anything, not exactly, instead it's more like there's a four-year gap of extra living in there now, that no one remembers but me anymore. The life that me and The OtherSpecters lived together. That I'll maybe sort of live again with all of you, or it could all end up unfolding completely different. Because after all, it's all going to depend both on big choices that people make and a bunch of little tiny things that have these huge unexpected consequences even when you don't really expect them to." Ezra snorts very softly to himself. "I try not to think about it all that often if I can possibly help it."

Kanan thinks about all of that for a moment: about the complexity of the parallel lives that Ezra is constantly trying to balance, and then he just sighs and cuddles the teenager in closer - letting the boy's smaller head work as a headrest for his own chin. It's no wonder that the kid is feeling so skin hungry right now, he realizes after a couple seconds of silent contemplation. The entire world has to seem constantly disorienting to Ezra at the moment, and touch when the Kid can manage to get some, at least roots Ezra firmly within in his body, centers his Padawan in the now, for lack of a better way of putting it.

And as it turns out, that same centering effect that he's just noted, probably doubles or triples when Kanan's the one making the contact with Ezra. Because on top of everything else the kid is dealing with right now, their remade bond is still essentially settling and rooting back in.

Ezra's mind, in particular, keeps poking at the area where the bond lays between the two of them almost obsessively. Which is is probably the psychic equivalent of repeatedly poking at the same area of bruising, Kanan guesses. It's constantly uncomfortable for him to do so but also something that his Padawan can't consciously stop because it amounts to an ongoing traumatic compulsion.

When he and Ezra touch each other right now, though, it makes Kanan's mind easier for the younger man to sense, allowing the same kind of check in on the bond without the need to poke the bruise, which is still pretty sensitive at the moment. Kanan realizes all of this in the space of one moment, and then feels a little chagrined that he hadn't made the connection before now. Because honestly this is an issue that has a *ridiculously* easy fix.

Relaxing consciously, Kanan draws in a deep breath and gradually but deliberately thins his own shielding around his end of their link. The effect doesn't actually leave him vulnerable to anything right now but more of Ezra's specific mental 'background chatter,' but the effect that the change has on the teenager in his lap is still hugely gratifying. Ezra blinks, clearly surprised, but then just seems to psychically lean into the effect, in the same visceral sort of way that a normal child might findcomfort in resting their head against a parent's chest when they're feeling lonely in order to soak up the constant sound of a reassuring heartbeat

"Better?" Kanan finally asks the question softly.

"Yeah." Ezra nods, "Though I can't say for sure what it is that you even just did, Kanan."

Kanan squeezes him a little tighter, "Nothing major, I just, well, made it easier for your subconscious mind to find and track me right now essentially. Which will hurt less for you at the moment. Your mind's still constantly picking at the trauma sight over and over, just like it was before you started the Amalyn...and it tends to slow the healing of the psychic bruising when you do that sort of thing. "

Ezra groans softly, "I swear that I'm not *trying* to do anything right now, Kanan."

"I know that Ezra. It was just an observation for the moment, not something that I meant as to be taken as any kind of actual criticism. Though I am starting to think, that before either of us try and enter that temple you definitely need another full round of Amalyn infusions."

Ezra blinks "Uh...why before instead of just afterward, Kanan?"

"Besides the obvious fact that temple trials are generally a tremendous mental and emotional stretch, Ezra and you're still literally and figuratively exhausted at the moment?"

Ezra sighs deeply, "I'm fine, Master...or I will be soon enough anyway. You worry too much, Kanan..."

The older Jedi gently cuts the sentence off before Ezra can say anything more on the subject, "That is another lie that you need to stop telling on rote, Kid - both to yourself as well as to me. You are *not* fine, Ezra. You are freaked the kark out and emotionally as vulnerable as kriff at the moment. Which I only made worse last night, albeit with basically noble intentions. I was completely focused when I first caught up with you again on getting you to face up to and release some of the overwhelming pain that I could sense even through the best of your shielding, because I was afraid at the time that it was going to end up genuinely killing you if you didn't. The truth of the matter though, is that I didn't have all of the background information that I really needed to understand the cause of said pain when I did so Ezra, and on top of that I was seriously pissed off and agitated. And then on top of that you just happened to smash down hard right atop one of my current biggest triggers... Which yes, definitely messed up my ability to remain completely objective. It still hurt you either way no matter the causes of my actions at the time and I'm really sorry as I've already said about the way that the truth coming finally happened."

"Yeah about that, Kanan, "Ezra sounds more than a little wryly guilty himself. "I was actually thinking about that myself this morning after I first woke up, while I was meditating, and Kanan, I'm pretty sure that I also owe you a massive apology as well. It wasn't a deliberate move on my part - well not consciously at least - but looking back at it now I'm pretty sure on some level that I knew exactly what I was doing when I told Chopper Rex's designation. I mean, I should have been able to sense your presence by that point in time, Master. Kark some part of me probably did subconsciously and still just chose to do it anyway. I know that now, just not why exactly I was deliberately provoking you in the way I ultimately did, Kanan ..."

Kanan actually chuckles softly at that admission. "My guess on the subject Ezra? Is that there has always been a part of you in all of this mess that was actually looking for that ass kicking, or at least for some kind of wake up call instead. This may sound strange from the outside, but most of us aren't as blind as we like to pretend that we are…especially when we're in terrible ongoing pain because of our choices. Bluntly stated we all get tired of dealing with our own bullshit eventually."

Ezra harrumphs. "I was certainly itching for a fight by the time that you showed up, yes, Kanan. I mean you guys had all been pissing me off on the regular for better than a week by then. But what I don't understand is this, Master….a brawl is generally easy to find or provoke in Capital City. But I had to go and pick a fight with the one person on the entire kriffing planet who can regularly literally wipe the floor with me even when I'm using my force gifts or lightsaber? Instead of one of the literal hundreds of people who couldn't? Which means that I basically set myself up to get my own ass kicked, Kanan, at least as far as I can figure. "

"And I repeat - you weren't actually looking for a fight. You were looking for a wake-up call, Ezra. They aren't precisely the same thing, you know. Yeah both are good in the sense that they allow for the venting of some rage, but whether you want to admit or not Kid, when you strip away all the rationalization and the fear that you've been shoveling lately about why the road you were taking yesterday was the right one, that didn't mean that even your own brain was completely prepared to agree with you."

"So what...you're claiming that my subconscious mind basically attacked me last night? Decided that it had had enough of my excuses and then karking betrayed me?"

"Yes." Kanan answers him bluntly. "Though Chopper also definitely helped along the process as well, if only by aiding and abetting your breakdown until you finally reached that point."

"Well then my subconscious is a bantha's ass, Kanan. And so is the murderbot while we're on the subject." Ezra grumbles crankily. "He threw out more than half of a perfectly good bottle of liquor, yesterday. Which I actually kriffing paid for. When I see him next I fully intend to retaliate by kicking him."

"I ...may have encouraged the process along just a teeny tiny bit as well." Kanan informs his Padawan very, very dryly.

"Great. Then my life is full of assholes right now apparently." Ezra snipes back, while also half smirking at him

"But intelligent assholes, Ezra." Kanan shoots right back. "Who have a clearly vested interest in maintaining both your long-term health and your long term sanity."

Ezra sighs deeply. "I really don't like the idea of us having to wait to go into the temple, Kanan" he mutters. "I know that you still think that we should, and I completely understand why, but I'm the one with the extended set of crib notes on what's ahead in the days to come, and I'm telling you Master, that there are a whole lot of reasons why my initial plan for handling things probably would have been a lot more safe and beneficial for all of you in the long run."

All of 'you' not all of 'us.' Kanan doesn't for even a second miss the importance of Ezra's pronoun choice. He sighs softly, running a hand through the mop of dark hair several more times. And yeah, the kid definitely has a serious touch deficit going on right now, because they've been cuddled up together for quite awhile and Ezra still isn't showing any inclination at all to pull away even though Kanan knows that Ezra can sense him much more clearly at this point.

His voice is purposely gentle when he finally speaks up again, "Ezra has it even occurred to you, yet, that your crib notes as you charmingly called them, are actually growing more and more useless every day now. I mean, yes, they'll help us anticipate and prepare for some of the coming big moments down the road, but at the same time you also have to know already that this is not just your past four years verbatim. The moment that you first woke up here and started interacting with the world as your new self rather than your old one, Ezra literally everything rapidly started to change. The way it was...who you were before, who we were as well and what's still coming up ahead, none of that is ever really going to be the same."

"I know that." Ezra mutters very, very softly. "And I'm not going to get a full night's sleep for at least four years, given a lot of what I know is still on coming, but at the same time at least hopefully this time around we both get to live with the price of that particular exchange." His whole body shutters hard. "Which believe me is still preferable to the karking alternative."

Kanan makes a low comforting sound at that, rocking the smaller body in his grip a little tighter. He's really, really starting to have his doubts about the wisdom of them trying to access the Temple right now. Not because he believes the Force to be particularly cruel or unreasoning in its judgement, but simply because Kanan doesn't even like the idea of Ezra trying to cope with something as simple as a fist fight by himself at the moment. Not without a few days more real rest and a hell of a lot more time for their bond to actually settle in first.

"Ezra." Kanan chooses his next words carefully, not wanting them to be misconstrued as judgment or criticism if he can possibly help it. "We...Look I really don't think that we should be trying to enter the temple right now. We need to postpone our excursion for awhile. This is just... It is not the right time, all right, Kid We'd be better off packing it in ...for a couple weeks at minimum, at least. Maybe even as much as a month or two. After we've both had more time to readjust we can always return to try again."

The body in his lap goes board stiff in a little under half a second. "Kanan..."

Kanan makes his tone extra firm then. "Ezra, I am dead serious about this at the moment. I am not saying that you don't deserve a lightsaber of your own, or that I don't think that you'll end getting one whenever we eventually come back. But there is such a thing as good timing, Kid, and Ezra, this is not it. Right now trying to access the temple in this state isn't just risk it's outright, stupidly dangerous."

Ezra tries to scuttle backwards then, clearly defensive and frustated, but Kanan only allows the teenager a set amount of distance. Namely just enough that they can make and keep steady eye contact. "As I said before, Ezra - bonds are incredibly tricky things, Kid, and ours has been in place less than twenty-four hours now. It needs time to stabilize...and your mind needs more time to actually heal. Not to even mention the fact that, well...at the moment at least I really don't think it would go well for either of us to try and undergo temple trials that typically require at the very minimum, individual participant separation."

Ezra curses heartily under his breath but then nods his head... "I should have tried to come out here and get this done before you guys ever arrived back on planet. Karabast."

That thought causes a sharp stab of ice cold dread in Kanan's gut in reaction. "No, Ezra, you shouldn't have." He very carefully replies. Because while no, Kanan doubts that the temple...if he understands the situation correctly, would have let a vulnerable unsupervised minor into the temple for a trial without a master there as well excepting in some very very special circumstances, Kanan's not technically sure if Ezra is a minor as far as the Force is concerned . It is a very thin line in this particular situation. Or at least it had been until Ezra had once again had an active and function training link.

The fact that said bond has reformed so fast and so strongly...along with Ezra's recurrent slips during various moments when he'd called Kanan his Master since that first day up in the Tower have pretty much cemented Kanan's own opinion on whether or not the younger man, regardless of his age, is truly ready to operate on his own at the moment.

But if Ezra hadn't so badly lost his mind when he had first woke up...if he'd come out to the temple on his own immediately instead of waiting until this point, with a soul that had eighteen years of experience at the time? If he had presented himself as someone whose master had died recently and who was now seeking guidance... What if anything might have happened to the kid then?

Kanan frowns a little, feeling a deep chill of cold in his chest. If Ezra had, as he'd first said, come out here with OtherKanan and the two of them had been granted access to the structure together, then it's very clear that the temple had let Kanan in himself that first time around under very similar circumstances. Ezra, odds are, would have been granted access to the temple at that point - if he'd come to the structure alone before the Ghost had arrived on planet. And what would have happened...could have happened at that point to his Padawan is deeply, profoundly unsettling to Kanan.

After all, Ezra is actually stabler now then he'd been when he'd first woken up in this time-stream. He's received at least some measure of healing thanks to the ongoing Amalyn treatments. He's tired as kriff but mostly in his right mind at the moment. If he'd gone into that temple alone initially, though, would the place have helped to heal his fracturing mind, or would it have simply broken him instead, unintentionally, thanks to all the increased stress, creating a different sort of shatter point and an utterly different kind of future spinning the rim and the galaxy into chaos around them?

Kanan is guessing that he knows, or at least has a pretty good suspicion, judging by the way that the hair on the back of his neck feels like it's literally standing on end just imagining that set of circumstances.

Ezra sighs, "Ah well, I guess. It's not like I didn't go bladeless at this point in the time -stream the last time around. I'm generally good when I have to at adapting - and there's always my slingshot or maybe some blasters if I can manage to get a hold of a few. Now to just figure out how to deal with my lists in the meantime."

"Your lists?"

"Yeah…you know, of the things that really mattered the first time around, in terms of the time stream's overall continuity. I'd assumed up until now that I'd be dealing with all of that kind of stuff on my own – but well things have changed a bit, obviously. "

"Deal with what on your own?"

"Just…well, stuff, Kanan," Ezra says, shrugging more than a little bit helplessly.

Kanan frowns, considering everything that Ezra's just said, and his eyes narrow suspiciously. "And where exactly were you planning to go, Ezra, when the Grand Inquisitor arrived here on planet?" Kanan asks him suspiciously. "If you'd managed to get the rest of us 'safely off Lothal', I mean?"

Ezra winces, his eyes dropping abruptly like he already knows exactly how much Kanan is not going to like hearing what he's got to say, though he makes no attempt to actually deceive. "If I'd had any real say in the matter at all, I wouldn't have stayed in Capitol City for long, Kanan. But, well there's helping Jai and Zare... and stealing that tie fighter that might be necessary for a small rescue mission later, plus saving the Sumars who are important to the Lothalian resistance down the road. And of course there's that info on Kallus' computer that we'll need – cause we needed it before, and that's all currently at the Imperial Academy."

"Ezra…" Kanan's left temple is starting to throb in frustration, but his Padawan just keeps right on talking. Because the Kid enjoys giving Kanan small cerebral strokes apparently. Because honestly, *seriously?* How many missions exactly had Specter crew ended up running together in the previous timeline which Ezra, before his secret had involuntarily been revealed, had essentially committed to finishing up by himself, regardless of their danger or their apparent complexity?

Ezra meanwhile, is still talking, "...plus *someone* would have had to stay here and get to Tseebo out of my folk's house on Empire day when the Empire starts up the manhunt for him, Kanan, because the specs in his head are crucial to the resistance's work down the line," Ezra chews his lower lip, before glancing up at him, with an oddly bemused expression. "Hey look, this may sound a little strange Master, but if you and Zeb ever meet a man named Londo Calrissian at a sabaac table just do all of us huge favor and walk the kriff away!"

"Ezra, enough. I repeat, what exactly was your plan to secure *your* safety after the rest of us left Lothol, especially if you knew the Grand Inquisitor was going to be coming?"

"Er…Other than the obvious trip out here?" Ezra shrugs his shoulder again. "Well there was the Rex related plan that we've agreed to avoid talking about full stop anymore because doing so makes your jaw twitch. I really was intending to leave Lothal, Kanan, after I just, err...tied up a couple of small, loose ends."

"Define 'tied up.' Kanan murmurs more than a little bit dangerously. "And loose ends."

Ezra rubs at his neck a little, "Just ah …dealt with things, you know? The kind of basic mission stuff that involves data recovery or prevents a lot of permanent-imprisonment or otherwise dying."

"Permanent imprisonment..." Kanan's voice drops off sharply suddenly, his eyebrows drawing closer together. Then the older man's jaw drops as his head lifts again and he looks at Ezra incredulously, "Wait a minute. You knew that Zeb was going to ditch you during our initial escape attempt because it's happened to you one time before, and even so you *deliberately* let it happen again!"

Ezra shrugs, "Really wasn't an option to do otherwise, Kanan. When and where exactly do you think that I got the information during my first time around? My memory's good sure – but it's not completely photographic. I had to make certain that I hadn't forgotten anything important before we went after the Wookies in terms of times, and dates and actual locations. I mean it's been four years since last timeI heard all those details, Master, and there's been a lot of details for me to remember since then."

Kanan is going to kill him. Kanan is *literally* going to kill him. His other self? Was clearly a saint for never having actually broken and ass whupped the hell out of this damn kid.

Ezra, meanwhile, just tilts his his head at Kanan's expression, and then quirks his lips in a wry little smile that's probably meant to be kriffing ironic. "If it makes you feel any better this time around, Kanan, at least before I came on ship to warn you guys that it was actually a trap, I left the Holocron safely *on the Ghost* instead of taking it with me like I did the first time around. All I really had on me when I boarded the vessel this time was my multi-tool and a bunch of overripe yogan."

Kanan draws in a couple of very deep, very carefully measured breaths, desperately seeking both his center and his ability to speak without actually yelling. "Ezra." He informs the teenager calmly, "You are grounded. On bread and water. For the rest of eternity."

"Kanan..." Ezra just sighs, almost bemused, in all too patient reaction.

Kanan cuts him off with a single pointed finger. "That is a very, very generous offer at the moment. I suggest you accept it. *And quickly,* if you know what's good for you kid."

Ezra's lips actually quirk up a little, but at least he nods silently in response, before speaking softly. "All right, Kanan, I understand."

Kanan keeps on pointing his finger. Very emphatically. "I'm serious, Ezra. And when I say grounded, I mean *karking grounded, Kid.* Which means no more going back to the tower on your own anymore. No practicing your shoplifting skills in the market. No leaving the ship unaccompanied at all without explicit permission from either myself or Hera before you do so, no disappearing constantly when you get annoyed into the vents of the ship. " Kanan shakes his head several times, still trying to wrap his mind around the intensity of the recklessness that the teenager had just admitted to – horrified by the way that Ezra risked his life by blindly trusting in the unshakable commonality of a timeline that they'd both just stated several times they knew was diverging.

After all, there had been no guarantee at all that Ghost would have returned for Ezra this time around if anyone's vote had suddenly changed for some reason or if something happened to the ship mechanically during their escape. Ezra could've been...well pretty much anything basically...

Kanan slams his eyes shut, shaking his head again at the thought, and then he looks over at his Padawan again, "Force Ezra, the first week or so, don't even expect to be let out of my sight for more than a couple of minutes at a time initially unless you're either in med-bay with an IV, you're using the bathroom or you're meditating." And yes, Kanan admits - that may be a tad bit extreme. Right now though, he really doesn't much care. His damn nerves are all but shredded at this point, especially after this particular conversation. Ezra's got some serious ground to cover right now in terms of actually regaining Kanan's trust before he's going to be fully trusted to look after his own safety again.

Besides, with the bond still so new between them right now, and with them both tending toward emotional strain and overreaction Kanan knows that it's probably wise for them to stay in reasonably close proximity until the link has had a few more days to really settle and finish up rooting in.

Ezra crosses his arms and then tilts his head. Not defiantly, though – more as what looks like part of a conversational habit as the younger Jedi studies his master for a moment or two, before he finally speaks up almost curiously. "You know, you didn't really freak out about our first few months this much my first time around, only now you totally are and it's kind of weirding the hell out of me, Kanan. Not complaining, just noting that for the record."

Kanan stares right back at him, completely unashamed. "Oh Kid, I definitely freaked out then too. I absolutely guarantee it. Albeit from what little you've told me Ezra, I'm guessing that said freaking was done in my quarters at the time, subtly and much more *privately.* For what it's worth, links like the one that we've got now tend to take time to evolve to full strength, Ezra…yours and your former master's likely developed slowly over months whereas we," he gestures between the two of them, "just re-recovered a good part of what probably initially took us years to build in one night, and so now it's going to take both of us a little time to readjust and get used to the necessary levels of shielding."

Kanan jabs his still extended finger at Ezra, one more time, "But all of that admitted, I'm also assuming at this point that my other self could at least comfort himself with the knowledge that even if you were, as you put it yesterday a 'handful' when he was first getting to know you, your younger self almost never did something so ridiculously stupid!"

"It's wasn't stupid. Kanan. Just necessary." Ezra's voice is deadly calm in its rebuttal.

"Banthashit," Kanan snaps back without even the slightest hint of yielding. Ezra switches the cross of his arms, shifts his balance from one leg to the other, raises an eloquent eyebrow and then speaks again, with far, far too much karking surety.

"'If the only life you defend is you own, Kanan than your own life counts for nothing.' Now I don't completely agree with Hera's philosophy, as you already know, but I also don't reject the sentiment completely either - Hera was right that time, at least in that particular situation. Yes, I took a calculated risk by letting myself get captured, Kanan but that risk was probably far, far less dangerous than the one I took the first time that I boarded that ship, because at least this time around I actually had a pretty damn good idea what was actually at stake. I knew the possible costs of what I was doing in full when I did what I did the other day, Kanan. I just judged the prize at the time to be absolutely worth it."

Force damn it, Kanan thinks. How many times has he asked Hera to be careful about using that particular phrase so damned indiscriminately? Yes, Kanan acknowledges that the sentiment does have some general merit, but it's also tone deaf as hell when coming from a person who seems completely unaware that having others who are willing to sacrifice in order to save your life is actually a sign of personal privilege in most cultures, and that for some people at least, fighting for their own lives is actually one of the highest forms of courage in a society that has declared them essentially worthless. His own Padawan is a walking talking example of just that concept, as teenager had rightly pointed out the other night, not that Ezra currently seems to be practicing what he preaches.

"You could have just warned us what was actually coming, Ezra," He points out after another moment or so. "Could have warned us that the information we had wasn't necessarily to be trusted. You did not need to deal with the situation as recklessly as you did."

Ezra snorts aloud, "And I could have told you guys what exactly? That I somehow knew you were walking into a trap, but I could help you get more accurate information about the wookie's real location if we just flipped their proverbial table and used their own game against them instead? No one in their right mind would have ever believed me, no matter what I'd said, Kanan. Even if I had claimed to have secret ears somewhere inside Vizago's organization. How much trust were you guys going to give a loth -rat who'd you'd just literally scooped up after a speeder chase like some kind of exotic pet who'd you found left out on the street the exact same day who miraculously just started talking? I am not an idiot, all right Kanan, I know my own capacities to convince people to believe me, and doing so in the situation would have been completely beyond my ken. Besides, any temporary personal danger I put myself in during the short period I spent on board that vessel was still minuscule compared to what could have happened to all of us if I'd just stayed home on Lothol and tried to bust you guys out later, much less tried to change things even more than that from their original iteration. Which I at least remembered and had the capacity to use said memories to our mutual benefit. Do you have any idea - any kriffing idea at all how deep in Banthakriff you all would have been at that point in time had I not stepped up in the way that you did? You probably would have ended strapped to another kriffing imperial torture table, Kanan, and let me tell you, Master I don't currently have the hidden tie fighters or the contacts and weapons available that would have become necessary to launch the required rescue operation!"

'Currently.' The words register in Kanan's head, just a little bit numbly. He licks his lips in order to wet them, and then he speaks up quietly. "And how old were you when you did first have all the resources to first make that sort of thing happen?"

Ezra blinks at the question, clearly startled. "Uhm...fifteen and a half? Not that it was really just all me. But that's not really the point at the moment, Kanan. Look, I made a deal with Vizago back then in order to get the info from him that we needed to get you back from Mustafar and then with a little help from our friends in the resistance, we managed to get you out and get us all home again. The point that I am trying to make here is that I am *not* voluntarily going to live through that kind of nightmare again if I don't have to! Not if some reasonably calculated risks on my part mean that I can prevent it from ever happening at all. Because let me tell you Kanan, I preferred you uncaptured and my face unscarred by light sabers at least for the moment!"

Oh no… Fifteen years when that had first happened is definitely the point, at least as far as Kanan is concerned right concerning all of this. Well, that and Ezra's explanation just in general because seriously, what in the karking kriff?! At fifteen and a half years old *Ezra* had been the one who had been dragging *Kanan* off of Imperial torture tables. The one making deals with local arms dealers in order to secure needed information as if that was a totally normal, acceptable thing for a fifteen year old to be doing when his 'parent' disappeared into the hands of the enemy? And apparently, everyone else in the world had simply gone mad and apparently let him?! If they had been working in tandem with the rebellion by that point then surely there should have been some adults around to do…well, the actual adulting!

Kanan draws in a deep breath, "You're right, Ezra." He acknowledges after a moment or so, carefully rising to his own feet to come a little bit closer to the younger Jedi. "By the sound of it from a completely neutral outside perspective, you made a judgment call that you believed was the best one available to you at the time. Because you're absolutely right, Kid, that we didn't know you on that 'first day' from Adam."

Kanan takes him by the shoulders and shakes him, just once, hard. "But Ezra, guess what, Kid - you are still kriffing grounded, anyway, because even if I didn't know you at that point, Kid, you karking damn well knew me!"

"What?" Ezra stares at Kanan, his eyebrows drawing together in confusion.

"I...the other version of me, was your Master for four years, Ezra! Before he died the two of you must have had, from what I can see of the wreckage still in your mind right now, a strong and incredibly attuned training link. Kark even now, when it's still at just a quarter of its original size at the time it was first broken, our mental affinity still seems to be so fore-damned strong that I'm betting the Force started literally howling in your head the moment that the Ghost came back into the solar system, regardless of whether or not I was shielding at the time. Am I wrong?"

Ezra drops his gaze down to his feet and very deliberately says nothing.

"How long were we on the planet, Ezra?"

Again Kanan is greeted with total silence.

"How long were we here, Ezra, *before* the day of the robbery?"

"...about a day and a half." Ezra finally mutters, distinctly unconvincingly.

Kanan reaches out and shakes him gently by the shoulders, "Wrong answer. Don't try and lie to me right now, Kid. I know better. HOW MANY DAYS WERE WE HERE ON LOTHAL, EZRA?!"

"Almost five okay!? You guys were here almost five, Kanan." Ezra's voice is cracking with strain, and good – because it should be. The kid should be just a little bit afraid and guilty right now because Karabast is the older Jedi is going to allow this situation to just pass unchallenged.

"Almost five." Kanan agrees, stepping back enough to give Ezra just a fraction more room in which to shift on his feet in reward for his eventual honesty. "Before that 'first day' Ezra, we were parked on outskirts of the Capital City, just like we have been the last few weeks. We were reachable by foot with just a little effort on your part and we were certainly reachable if you'd chosen to 'borrow' a speeder. So don't just sit there right now acting like you had only one option available to you before you met the rest of us and so you just chose to do 'what you had to do' at that point when the truth of the matter is that there were five days before the actual robbery in which you could have tried to come and find me first so we could find a way to do what was needed without you brazenly risking your life."

Ezra's breathing ratchets up a notch. His eyes are still locked on his feet, at least for the moment. He draws a deep breath, then lets it out whispering the next words not exactly defiantly. "I still had no way to know for sure at that point that you'd believe me, as I've said, Kanan. If you hadn't and you'd tried to leave me behind thinking I was some kind of security risk to the rest of you...I ...I just wasn't willing to risk it at that time."

"'My previous master's name was Caleb...But then he never really went by that moniker while I knew him.'" Kanan puts his words in quotes, "Or Hera says that's what you told her when she was poking at you about the subject the other day." He shakes his head with a small snort, "There was no way in kark that you just threw that name out at random like I originally thought you must have when Hera first told me what you'd said; you were deliberately kriffing with us - try to knock me in particular temporarily off balance because I was pushing you too hard and you were starting to get angry. But still, you know some or all or some of my birth name. What was the name of my own master, Ezra?"

Silence.

"Ezra!"

"Depa Billaba."

"And what was the name of my Grande Sire?"

"Mace Windu."

"Who taught me the smugglers craft in the years after after Order 66."

"Janus Kasmir. Or at least he claimed that gave you a foundation of the basics"

"Where and when did I meet Hera, Ezra?"

"you met her on Gorse."

"And what happened there?"

"I don't really remember the details. Something about some kind of lunatic and a moon, Kanan."

"Yes." Kanan emphasizes the word with another quick shake of Ezra's shoulders. "As I just said - you knew me at that point in our lives, Ezra. Whether or not I knew as much information about who you were didn't really matter. And you're not stupid Kid - you had to have had at least an inkling given that treasure trove of personal information about me that it would have taken you less than *three minutes* once the two of us had met for you to ensure that you had my attention for at least one or two serious conversations, even if I hadn't initially noticed that you were also another force sensitive! You also knew full well at that point that generally when it's something so potentially important, no matter how odd or strange something seems, that I'd have at least stopped to meditate on the situation for awhile, and that if I had then The Force would have karking well confirmed what you were saying just through the reformation of our training link!

Kanan steps forward again then, unerringly shifting the kid to one side and then toward the wall of seats now behind him. "But you didn't want me looking closer did you, Ezra? Didn't want me poking into the currents. Didn't want me asking any relevant questions about who you really were. You definitely didn't want me taking the time to stop and meditate over the situation. Because after all, you already had your own plan for how you were going to handle things at the time, didn't you, kid? And that plan initially hinged on keeping all us so karking off balance during our initial first job together that we would end up looking at anything and everything but you! Never mind that decision also involved continuing to walk down a path that involved indefinitely repeatedly psychically ripping apart your own damn mind scape!"

A firm hand against the teenager's shoulder doesn't shake Ezra this time. Instead, Kanan simply pushes the younger man down almost deliberately, forcing Kanan's increasingly pale Padawan into the seat across the aisle from the larger man, the fourteen year settling down against the cushioned bench with a distinct wince of pain. And yeah, judging by Ezra's face when he sits the kid most definitely still has some bruising on his rear from last night. Kanan's going to see in just a couple more minutes if he can find Ezra some Bacta Cream to help with that problem once they're finished up here. In the meantime though, Kanan just drops down to his own knees in front of the now sitting, teenager, lifting the younger man's chin from where it's come to rest against his chest and making sure they've got real eye contact again before continuing, his voice gentle but also absolutely no nonsense. "*That's* why you're grounded right now, Ezra. Because for *five force damned days* you held your tongue when you karking knew that you were meant to be talking to the people who were meant to be sharing in the burden fairly. You and grounded, Kid, because you risked your own life needlessly, rather than actually share the responsibility that shouldn't have been all yours to begin with, and it could have ended up with you dead, Ezra. You do it again Kid, and you will not like the consequences! You are done with playing these kinds of games, unless you want my boot metaphorically or otherwise, planted in your rear again!"

Ezra drops his eyes, hands fisting on his lap, "We're clear, Kanan." He finally answers back softly. "I get where you're coming from, I really do, Master and I..." His voice cracks sharply yet again. "Kanan, I'm really sorry. I was doing the best I knew how to do, what I thought was the most ethical thing at the time, I just…"

"I know." Kanan raises a hand to the fourteen year old's shoulder then, squeezing it comfortingly, "You allowed yourself to be blinded both by your ongoing sense of personal isolation and the risks that you thought that the rest were facing, Ezra. But you weren't alone then, and you certainly aren't from here on out either, and you better learn to kriffing remember that next time. Because I swear to Force, if I ever catch you trying to pull this kind of kriff again deliberately, then the next 'conversation' that the two of us have concerning this subject will be a hell of a lot less pleasant than this one has been. You are not expendable, Ezra no matter what you seem to assume, and you need to stop giving me heart attacks by being so needlessly reckless all the karking time."

"I know." Ezra replies. "And I'll try. I really will Master, I promise. I just ... When the stakes get really high, then get tunnel vision sometimes."

"I know. Which is why we're having this talk in the first place, and laying down some safe limits. None of which means I'm not still proud of you for everything that you've survived over the past couple of months. Nor does it mean that anything else I told you yesterday is going to change - not ever, much less for the moment. Yes, I'm mad at you right now, Ezra for the way that you've been so casually treating your own life over the past couple of weeks, but that doesn't mean that you've lost my respect or the right my protection, because you literally can't loose either at this point. I'm just trying to protect you from your own greatest enemy - namely you - at least for the moment."

Tears well up in Ezra's eyes then, spilling over unwillingly at the words. He nods, utterly silent. Kanan responds by reaching out with one of his hands to gently wrap around the back of Ezra's neck and squeeze affection. "You going to be all right? Need a water or cuddle or something like that, Kid?"

Ezra makes a face, wiped his eyes with his shirt again. Kanan really needs to find the kid some kind of kriffing handkerchief. "I'll be fine. Really I will, Master. Like I said earlier, Kanan I've just been like a karking faucet all morning, no matter what I do. It's stupid as kriff not to mention really, really annoying."

"Happens to the worst and the best of us both, I'm afraid at the moment. Ezra. Is there anything right now that you do either want or need I might be able to help with?"

"A less kriffed up brain?"

Kanan smirks gently in reply to that, "That'll come on its own, Kid. Just give yourself a few days and in the meantime, try to go a little easy."

Ezra makes a face, "Believe me, right now it feels like I've already given way more time than I even like to think about."

Kanan sighs and then he gently squeezes his Padawan's shoulder yet again. "Look, I know that it's hard, Ezra, and that you're tired right now as well as frankly worn out from all the ongoing 'drama' – but in truth it's still been less than twenty-four hours since our link's much needed reforging. This isn't an abnormal response on your part at all, okay? The bond's just settling in, and on top of that your mind's trying to deal with all the damage that still needs sorting through after all these weeks of ongoing pain and repeated injury. It will get a little better tomorrow, and the day after that, and the day after that."

The blue-eyed teenager sighs then, rolling his eyes heavenwards, "Well in that case then, couldn't someone like, just put me in a coma or something and wake me up in a couple more weeks when I've finally lost this sudden penchant for being constantly weepy?"

Kanan laughs at that complaint, he really, really can't help it, and the bell like sound makes Ezra's head come up sharply in response, his blue eyes staring at Kanan and blinking, just a little bit dazed. The older Jedi raises an eyebrow at the younger man's almost bitter expression, the chuckle cutting off. "Are you... Ezra, what is it?"

"Nothing. I...I just..haven't seen you do that in a while, that's all, Master."

"Laugh?"

Ezra shakes his head a little, "Both look me in the eyes and smile absolutely genuinely."

"Sounds like I turned into quite a curmudgeon by the end then." He observes after a moment, "If that's really the case, Ezra."

Ezra shakes his head a little. "No. Not at all. Other you was always hopeful, Kanan…if maybe a little bit tireder as a rule. He had a very similar kind of humor to yours, at least most of the time. Life just well, got harder as time marched on over the past few years especially. It's the nature of wartime, I guess. The work just never seemed to end it seemed like. Someone always wanted or needed our help. Kriff in years before I woke up here in my Tower on Lothal, I don't think that I'd actually…" Ezra voice drops off abruptly, his face a little stunned.

"You don't think you'd what?"

"I don't think I'd had more than one day off in a row for over a two years honestly, Master. There was always just too much to do at any given time."

Kanan chews that bit of news over for a long moment, considering as he does so what it actually says about the place that Ezra came from, about the other life they'd all been willingly living, and all its apparent responsibilities and costs as well as privileges, where Ezra was concerned. Somewhere along the way it sounds as if the fourteen-year-old street rat had become an eighteen-year-old child soldier, instead. Kanan's not sure at the moment how he really feels about that.

The thought makes Kanan wonder, as he kneels there studying the teenager, if maybe some of the Ezra's ongoing soul sickness hasn't been just about OtherKanan's apparently brutal death. Maybe on top of that trauma, Ezra's also just plain tired over all, as any soldier can become in a long ongoing conflict.

"Well on the bright side, Kid, we've got nothing else on the schedule for awhile now that we've located and freed the Wookie prisoners. Well unless the coffers get too low or Hera gets particularly restless, or get a call from one of her rebellion side contacts, I mean."

Ezra chuckles. "Which means, Kanan, that we'll be running for our lives sometime in the next couple of days. At least historically speaking."

Kanan snorts. "Yeah, yeah, you pint sized little cynic."

Ezra snorts right back, "I prefer the term 'Realist' Master."

"Snarky stubborn, little bull-dog..."

"More like kriffing wolf, thank you very well. Or maybe semi well adjusted time traveler instead." Ezra immediately shoots back, and then he suddenly pauses, tilting his head to one side and raises the pointer finger of one of his hands.. "Wait a minute: just for the record, are we technically throwing and rebutting insults here or criticizing lifestyle decisions? Because do not blame the whole time travel on me at least for the moment! Because I sure as kark do not remember purchasing this ticket to crazyland deliberately."

Kanan rolls his eyes "You're not actually outright crazy yet, Ezra."

"No just teetering on the knives edge at this point, I think."

Kanan waves his hand, "Nah, you're a little tested, chronologically speaking is all, Kid."

The teenager's eyes narrow, "While you? Are an obviously failing amateur comedian these days, Kanan."

"You wound me, Kid."

"Yeah, well cry me a karking river..."

"No...I think I'll leave that one to you for now, Ezra, you pull it off better. So... do you currently need another hug or anything?"

"Need no - but I'll take one anyway if one's currently on offer." Ezra snorts softly to him, "Kark I think I'll try anything at the moment that makes me feel less like a kriffing kicked puppy."

"You do kind of have the face for the role these days, Ezra."

Ezra's returned pout is dry, "Hardy har har, look Kanan – why don't you go back to working on the jokes for your truly act for awhile, well I ...I don't know, go take a nap or meditate for a couple of hours or something."

"Hey maybe I'm actually great most of the time for a laugh, Ezra. Maybe you're actuallly just a lousy audience, you ever consider that particular possibility.?"

Ezra's look is distinctly skeptical, "I find that highly, highly unlikely, Kanan."

"Why's that?"

"Because I for the most have a great sense of humor, Master Mine. Whereas you? Deal in terrible Dad jokes almost exclusively."

"That's a horrible thing for you to say to guy, Kid, you know that?"

"Well what can I say at this point Kanan, other than that OtherYou always advocated honesty in our ongoing relationship..."

"Well OtherMe must have been a real jerk most of the time to be around, then."

"Wonder who he learned that from," Ezra mutters back very wryly.

"Probably Zeb," Kanan replies all but instinctively, smirking right back. And then he pulls the kid back into his arms for one last lingering hug.

Chapter 13: Briefings

To say that Ezra is cowed right now in the wake of their most recent conversation is perhaps a massive sort of understatement. For the last couple of hours the kid has been literally the quietest that Kanan's ever seen him since the two of them met.

(Well in this time-stream's particular iteration, anyway. Which for Ezra, Kanan supposes counts as their second first meeting. Which Kanan is now going to stop thinking about right now in favor of the actual present before his brain starts to literally steam.)

Regardless after Kanan pulls back from the hug he'd given him, his Padawan barely seems to register, much less protest against the way that Kanan wraps up the rest of the normal morning stowaway and then turns the Phantom back toward Capital City. Indeed, by time that Kanan gets the ship up in the air and then glances back over his shoulder to check what the teenager is up to, he finds Ezra still half slumped over where he left him initially. The kid's eyes blurry, his face slack and his general posture listless.

Frankly stated the kid looks like hell at the moment -exhausted and overextended even after eight-plus hours of sleep. And it doesn't really get all that much better even after Kanan makes them both caf and instant meals as a sort of early lunch/late breakfast. Ezra honestly reminds Kanan of a slowly deflating balloon at the word for lack of a better description. Albeit one who's keeping his air – or his thoughts in this case – utterly silent as they bleed out of him and into the quiet of the room.

Kanan watches until the boy, after a full two hours of essentially staring at the wall, finally rises from the seat he's sitting in, throwing his empty trash into the trash compactor. Then Ezra starts clearing off a spot on the floor – presumably to either do his daily stretches or more meditation, and Kanan rises and catches him by the arm, very gently. "I think you'd be better off hitting the sack again Kid for a few hours. At least for the time being."

Ezra blinks at him a moment. "I've been awake less than six hours now, Kanan." The younger man observes quietly, without even the faintest trace of real challenge in his voice.

"Which has nothing to do with how much downtime your system actually needs right now with the training bond both healing and sealing. What's your pain level at?"

"Seven or eight."

Not as bad as it could be, but not great either. "How's the state of your shields, Ezra?"

"They need some work, Kanan, but I've been letting it slide because it actually hurts less with them lower at present."

Kanan figures that makes sense. At least with just the two of them out here for the time being.

"You're probably dealing right now with some pretty significant blow back from everything that happened yesterday, Ezra. Which is why I think that we're going to start you on a short run of Amalyn again like I mentioned. Just to help with the pain and the exhaustion. Any objections?"

A shake of Ezra head's is the only real answer Kanan needs. "Fine. I'll go make up my bunk again."

Well that's the only real indication that Kanan needs of how awful Ezra must actually feel at present. His Padawan doesn't even attempt argue with the older man, just waits as Kanan goes and digs out the supplies quietly.

The Phantom's medpack does in fact provide several IV insertion kits and Dextrose bags when Kanan checks, in addition to the ones that he already has in his bag. Hera had apparently taken their last encounter with Kallus – and Ezra's general ongoing medical situation - as an excuse to both reload and revise the Phantom's med kit to a rather amusing level of over-preparation.

She's clearly already very proactive when it comes to anticipating their 'youngest's' needs.

The thought makes Kanan smile a little, warmed by how much easier that natural affection that Ezra seems to pull out in all of them will hopefully make things in the coming weeks. Not that this new reality they've someone crash landed in without noticing isn't going to require several complex and likely involving future conversations.

Kanan chokes out a laugh at the thought of how he can begin at least one of said conversations. 'Well, the good news is that I finally reeled your much coveted final crewmember, Hera. But in doing so I also appear to have netted myself a rather…err… high maintenance, Padawan. Who comes equipped with a slightly mind bending talent for time travel.'

Hera – she's gonna. Force. When Kanan tries to imagine sitting down and explaining all of this to her in any reasonable sort of manner he starts to get just slightly hysterical. Because at least initially, Kanan's pretty sure that his lover is going to assume that he and Ezra have both gone completely around the bend. Should he maybe just take a cue from Ezra and not tell her at first while he tries to figure out the best way to do so? He considers the option for all of half of a second or so, then shudders in an instinctive, all too knowing 'don't be outright suicidal, Jarrus' reaction. If he hides this, for any length of time successfully, and the Twi'lek pilot finds out about it in retrospect than Hera will literally hang him up in the docking bay by his gonads.

There is, in Kanan's experience with Hera, keeping secrets -which is generally fine- and hiding things from her. Which will result in instant dismemberment and death.

This…all of this. Ezra, the training bond, his future knowledge, the Shatterpoint Kanan's pretty sure he saw occur – all of that is going to require explanation. And Hera isn't going to be any happier about what Ezra's done than Kanan initially was, once she works through her own trains of logic. Though it may take her a little longer to work it all out - to accrue enough understanding to really grasp everything that's happened. Which will only make the resulting storm ten times worse when it finally hits.

Because if Kanan's not reading the wind wrong - and he really doesn't think that he is - then it's incredibly likely that Ezra spent four years on the Ghost with the both of them in his other reality. Which made OtherHera and OtherHim both, for lack of a better term, the kid's defacto parents.

What that means in the literal is nothing at all. What that means figuratively however is that - surprise, surprise- Hera Syndulla had/has a son every bit as much as Kanan had/has a padawan. One that Hera's already proven to be almost inordinately fond of after having only known Ezra for about three weeks now. And now Hera's going to learn that three weeks of acquired affection from her side was literally four years' worth of the same from Ezra.

All that kept in mind, Kanan somehow strongly doubts that Hera's going to be able to easily swallow the knowledge that a child whom OtherHer had loved and who had obviously loved OtherHer in return, had then not only found himself cast back in time with no explanation but then preemptively attempted to dump his entire family out of his life 'for their own good' less than a day after he'd also allowed himself to be captured deliberately by the enemy in order to make sure that Kanan and Hera both got the data that they'd needed for their ongoing Imperial trap/Wookie rescue mission.

Hera is, unless Kanan completely misses his guess, literally going hit the kriffing ceiling.

And Ezra? Is going to be eating a large and varietous amount of crow in the days to come, if his lover's feeling *generous.* Hera is literally going to put the fear of hellfire into the kid once she figures all this out, it's all but virtually guaranteed. Even after Kanan makes a point of letting her know that he's already 'handled' the topic in terms of needed disciplinary action.

Kanan doesn't have the faintest clue honestly, how it's all going to come out even after he tells her that. Because Hera after all isn't going to be capable of fully appreciating Ezra's viewpoint or decision making tree just yet. Oh, she'll at least try to, because yeah she lost her mother young too, but Hera can't quite on a visceral level quite understand Ezra's grief in the same way that Kanan can right now. She doesn't know what a psychic bond is like. She has no concept of what it does to a mind when they're broken. She'll need to have it explained to her very clearly and gently that passive suicidal ideation and ongoing PTSD probably played just as much of a role as teenage arrogance and recklessness in most of Ezra's recent mission-related decisions.

At which point once she understands Hera won't likely yell at Ezra anymore - much anyway, but she'll definitely ramp up her overall level of monitoring and worry about the general situation.

Kanan, on the other hand, knows exactly why Ezra made the choice he did at first, when he woke up and found himself in this time and this place. He understands how fears for Kanan's safety, Ezra's concerns about his own sanity and the thought of having to live through a link break again could have led Ezra to make such stupid self-destructive choices. Especially when the kid could wrap it all up neatly under the guise of calm, moral, rationalization. Mind you, Kanan doesn't think that Ezra's choices were right in the slightest: note their previous conversation. Still he understands the mindset involved, and even more importantly than that, he knows right now what Ezra needs more than anything else is simply time. Time to hear that he's all right. That this isn't a dream. That he's not simply going to wake up one day and once again be alone and in horrible pain.

Ezra needs to hear those things, and he needs time to start actually believing them.

Which is why Ezra, for the next few months at the very least, is going to be getting as much mercy as Kanan can possibly dig out of his own heart. Kanan's going to be practicing both forgiveness and empathy as vigorously and as often as he possibly can. With a few small but notable exceptions of course -again please note their previous conversation. Still, considering that said exceptions thus far have basically included, a) you may not hit me except in self-defense, b) you may not run away to live with clone war troopers and c) you may not needlessly endanger your own life without suffering severely unpleasant consequences for that decision, Kanan's pretty sure he's not doing too badly at this whole Guardian Ad Litum thing. No matter how awkward he'd felt at the beginning of the day thanks to the whole 'to hug or not to hug' thing. Kanan may have in fact overestimated generally on how badly he's going to suck at all of this.

All this in mind, Kanan carries the IV supplies back to where Ezra is already lying down on his side half asleep, and proceeds to drug the kriff out of his over stimulated, over exhausted, completely overburdened mess of a kid. And then he goes to make a comm call back to the Ghost from the front of the ship.

"Kanan!" The Twi'lek's smile on the com is wide as her head appears on the viewscreen. But the expression quickly fades as Hera leans in to get a slightly better look at him. "I didn't think that I'd hear from you until after you were done at the temple, and you said that might take a day or two. Kriff...wait a minute..." Hera squints, "Kanan is your… Love, your nose looks like it got broken?"

Oh yes. Kanan had forgotten about that little detail. He sits back a little in his chair shrugging, "Yup."

"And how did that happen?"

" Ezra." He replies. Not even blinking.

Hera winces in reply, "And how did all of that go exactly?"

"About as well as could be expected. He had a lot of repressed anger, Hera. I helped him unrepress it by releasing a little anger of my own. We both yelled. He hit me. We tussled. He took an involuntary nap. He woke up again and we talked some more and then ended up tussling again, and then I handed him his ass in exchange for the broken nose and repeated attempts to unman me." Kanan shrugs his shoulder a little, his lips quirking up. "Overall Hera, you could say it was a 'bonding experience.'

"…Some anger of your own." Those words aren't anything but a request for further clarification on Hera's part.

Kanan calmly steeples his fingers in front of him as he looks at her. "Let's just say that I expressed some...serious reservations, Hera... about the fact that Ezra's apparent 'life plan' after he ditched yesterday us involved him leaving Lothal on his own to try and track down a few of his previous master's clone trooper buddies."

Hera's face pales at that announcement. "He was going to what?!"

"Show up on some GAR Veteran's doorstep and see if they wanted a pet Padawan essentially." Kanan sighs heavily. "He shared his plan, albeit completely involuntarily. I objected to it. Things escalated - rather loudly and swiftly."

"…Is he?"

"He's fine Hera." Kanan is quick to assure her, "Not sitting very comfortably right now as a result of some of his poorer life choices, maybe, but as he put it 'bygones.' We're fine. Well okay not fine precisely but getting there and definitely on to dealing with bigger issues."

"You actually...?" Hera shakes her head then, snorting a little. "You actually literally ended up spanking the kid? Cause I have to admit, Kanan, I didn't actually see that one coming. Some fisticuffs erupting between the two of you yeah, but..."

"It was self-defense for the most part on my part, Hera. I put Ezra on his stomach and tanned his hide after he repeatedly tried to knee me during our ongoing fight. After which he finally broke and then cried for over an hour. And as it turns out for Ezra at least, tears are a whole lot more effective then sparring in terms provoking general catharsis. Please also note for the record Hera, that this is *not* a complete summary of what actually happened, I'm just reading off the cliff notes basically and will happily extrapolate later to your complete contentment."

"I understand. Keep going." Well at least far Hera's face is concerned so far, things don't look too bad. There's a lot concern there, a little judgement, but mostly just understanding. At least so far, "We also talked a lot about his former Master , Hera - both after and in the middle of all of that, and well after I kicked his ass and he cried he also let me hold him and he finally relaxed enough that I was able to get through his top layer of shielding." Kanan draws in a sharp breath, because here they go, "Which is when I realized that we already had - have, a very old and active training link, Hera."

"But...but how is that possible?" Hera looks absolutely flabbergasted at the information. "It's old you say?! You'd never even met him before, Kanan, during the few times that we've actually visited this planet!"

"Yes, I know. But Hera, here's the kicker...You know how he mentioned that one time that he was with his master slightly more than 4 years? Well, the last date that Ezra currently remembers living in occurs in YOE18." Kanan informs her calmly.

"What?!" Hera repeats again. To be fair it currently is only Year of The Emporer 14.

Kanan shrugs, "You know how you used to always tease me about what you called my time travel book and holovid obsession?" Kanan lets out a distinctly wry little snort. "Well, that just turned out to be ironically relevant, Hera. The Force is pretty clear in its confirmations, Hera. He's definitely not lying. Which means that I was, I *am* Ezra's old Master, apparently."

Hera stares out through the viewscreen at him for a long, awkward moment completely mute. Kanan draws in a deep breath…"Look Hera - I know okay, and I understand that you have every right, right now, to be skeptical. Why do you think that Ezra didn't say anything to any of us for so long? Death of his OtherMe aside that he had to witness, he knows that it all sounds completely insane and beyond belief. He's a kriffing mess at the moment because he's spent so long trying to cope with the reality of it all by itself. But it's definitely...look the Force is just really clear, Hera, in ways I can't really even describe. And even if it weren't he knows things…details that he should have no chance at all of knowing. Unless he's actually telling the truth."

Hera softly cuts him off then with a softly murmured. "Cham."

Kanan blinks at that, "Huh?"

Hera looks up at him from her hands, "He knew what my mom's name was, Kanan. As well as Cham's."

"He did?" Kanan leans forward a little, blinking at this unexpected revelation.

Hera shrugs her shoulders, "When he was on the Amalyn about a week ago…he asked me at one point when I was sitting with him how long it'd been since I last gotten to visit home – to see Cham. I...I thought he was just babbling when he said it, Kanan, like stringing thoughts randomly together. Or that maybe he'd been talking to you at some point and that you'd told him my Dad's name just because he was curious about me in general but..." Hera's eyes have been far away as she speaks, but now she looks up and stares at him. "You rarely mention my father Kanan. Ever. Certainly not to someone we don't know well. And then later on that same day, Sabine brought up the fact that a panel in the hall outside Medbay was making some odd sounds and Ezra mumbled out something under his breath about checking a particular circuit panel to fix it. Which Chopper and I had modified ourselves at one point during some patchwork renovations. There was no way in kriff, Kanan that he should have known how to properly diagnose that problem...!"

Hera reaches up to rub at her brow, then, "Not only that either - I was talking to the others about it earlier, and well, Kanan apparently Sabine and Zeb have both been noticing a lot of similar strange little coincidences too. Oddities that Ezra brought up when he was drugged. Little details he just seemed to know about us or the ship that have been making them edgy and or very confused. I thought at first it was lingering guilt on Zeb's part and...well Sabine is tired of being the baby of the crew, Kanan. She may be angry at Ezra right now yes, but she also wants Ezra on board intensely right now reasons she can't even explain herself. It's driving her a little bit nuts. But your explanation. If it's all true, Kanan than suddenly it all makes a lot more actual **sense**."

Kanan nods, Blinks at her a little incredulously. "Wait a minute...are you actually saying that you just outright kriffing believe me?!"

"Oh I won't go that far. Not quite yet anyway. I still want blood tests ruling out foreign agents in both of you. And I think I'm coming out now to get you just to be on the safe side since you are acting a bit 'off' for me to be particularly comfortable with you flying my ship at the moment. But if the labs come back clear Kanan, then..." She shrugs. "At this point, Love, any coherent explanation - even this one, with the sheer tint of weirdness the world has taken on lately, would almost be a relief..." She shrugs her shoulders, helplessly. "Because I never imagined before he came aboard that I would ever say this, Love, but apparently there can actually be too many complete coincidences in the world..." Hera rubs at a lek again then, giving him an awkward smile. "And Congrats, I now sound every bit as crazy as the both of you do, I think."

Sitting there, Kanan honestly doesn't know whether to laugh right now or cry in literal relief. He reaches out instead and puts a hand on the view screen wishing he could touch her. "If you want to come and get us Hera that'd be great, actually. Ezra's doped to the gills on the Amalyn right now and...honestly? I just want to go and crash on the floor next to him for awhile. I know that it's just the bond settling in but..." He shrugs his shoulders a little helplessly.

"You're having separation anxiety right now when you're too far apart aren't you?" Hera questions softly.

Kanan nods his head, a little embarrassed to acknowledge it. "Yes, I think I am."

"Was it the same way with you and Depa? When the two of you first bonded?"

"Yes and no, Hera...our link started smaller, and built gradually up over time. And of course, our link was never broken like Ezra and I's apparently was until..." Kanan lets the words die off sharply.

"Until she died." Hera finishes for him.

Kanan nods his head in response.

"But it felt at least a little similar and gradually settled over time?"

"Yeah." He acknowledges again. "And I assume that's what'll eventually happen to Ezra and I as well. Well, assuming the Amalyn works and Ezra finally manages to get some decent rest first."

Hera gives him an agonizing beautiful smile in reply. "Well then go sit with your Padawan, my emotionally constipated Dear One. I'll comm the Phantom again when we're about 30 minutes out. Oh, and Kanan?"

"Yeah?"

"If Ezra wakes up before we get there, and he lets you, feel free to cuddle the stuffing out of him. Because I absolutely guarantee you that an exhausted fourteen-year-old with lingering psychic damage is no less needy or awkward about trying to cope with all these feelings than you are."

Kanan chuckles in spite of himself, "He keeps telling me repeatedly that he's technically eighteen now, at least experientially. But frankly Hera I'm having more and more of worries about what those years only he has in his head were actually like."

"In what context, Love?"

"It's just...I get the distinct impression he grew up in an active war zone, pretty much exclusively after we found him. Which yes I know happens. Still," He rubs his forehead. "It's a little bit unnerving, Hera, when you find out your Padawan of less than a day - at least in this iteration anyway, apparently once made a deal with Vizago in order to help pull my other self's ass off an Imperial interrogation table back when he was only fifteen years old. Well, his fifteen anyway. Not ours, since he's already strategizing about how to not to let it happen again in this time-stream."

Hera blinks at that. "He made a deal with who?!"

"Vizago." Kanan quirks his lips a little - he can't help it, it's automatic even as he tilts his head and shakes it because his eyes because they're starting to blur a little. "He wanted me to pass on that you don't get to yell at him for it, by the way Hera, when you find out about it. As OtherYou apparently already thoroughly covered that reaction."

"Damn right I did." Hera mutters under her breath. "Or at least I better have. Vizago? Really?! What in kriff was he thinking?!"

"I suggest you try not to think about it, at least not too much for now. I'm the one who wanted him talking, Hera, I'll admit it. But I'm rapidly learning too much too fast down that particular road with Ezra leads only to madness. Kanan yawns deeply. "Okay Hera, unless you need anything else I am officially going to go now and crash."

"That's just fine, Love. Just remember before you do to transmit your current coordinates, okay."

"Sending them right now." He yawns yet again. "Hera - look don't worry if we don't actually reply to that thirty-minute notification, all right? As I said Ezra's literally doped to the gills right now - I have no idea when he'll next wake. And depending on where I am in my sleep cycle when you get here...? It was a rough day yesterday. We're not in any danger at the moment, I promise but we're both pretty drained and draggy at the moment."

"Understood. Do you want me to just not notify you two at all? Let you sleep as long as you possibly can?"

Kanan considers this option for a moment, then shrugs. "It's probably better to at least 'knock' before entering The Phantom, Hera. There's at least a chance Ezra will be awake when you guys get here and he's well... pretty volatile at the moment."

"I hadn't noticed." Hera snorts softly, her eyes crinkling up at the corners as she points to her nose to remind him again that his own is broken.

Kanan just chuckles, then sobers, "Hera, please warn Sabine and Zeb that they're going to need to go a little easy on Ezra for a while okay? He's not violent or anything like he was last night, but he's very very raw right now. And though it horrifies him, he's prone to sudden bouts of crying. As in he actually cried after he dropped the toothpaste this morning, at least according to him."

Hera winces at that confession. "Is that something we need to be seriously worried about Kanan?"

"Only if it continues after the bond finishes repairing itself, Hera. Like I said, it's been a rough couple of weeks. He's running one hell of sleep and mental resources debt right now. It'll help I think, now that we both know and he's not committing so many of his mental resources to constantly hiding and or lying about things."

"…We're going to have a 'discussion' about that with him, Kanan, you do know that right? I mean, he's been taking some very very big chances, and running some serious gambits trying to keep us out of the loop. And to be honest? I'm still not entirely sure I understand why he's even doing it. I mean beyond the obvious difficulty I do acknowledge comes with beginning this kind of conversation. I mean I'd have thought that he'd have gone one hundred and eighty degrees in the opposite direction in terms of how he'd cope. I wouldn't have wanted to let you out of my sight for a moment once we reunited if I'd been forced to watch you die. I guess I'm just a little bit baffled by his head-space at the moment."

Kanan sighs again softly, "We already had the beginning of that particular 'talk' earlier this morning, Hera. After which Ezra was so wiped that I sent him back to his bunk with another dose of Amalyn to help with the blow-back of so much emotional stress overloading his circuits all at once."

"And were you able to figure out what the hell he's been thinking?" Hera tilts her head, studying him carefully.

"Basically? That if he's smart enough and tactical enough and sacrificial enough – at least as far as he understands the definition of the concepts, that he can just find a way to stop the majority of the trauma that he's still coping with from actually happening to the rest of us again. Which to be fair, Hera, is a completely natural survival instinct on his part."

Hera frown, "Kanan there's nothing 'natural' about any of this. I mean I know it's amazing what the mind can actually cope with when it has too, but assuming that this is all true – and I'm really leaning toward the fact that it is... how in Kark is he even still sane at the moment? Because I'd be practically out of my mind trying to cope with everything!"

Kanan laughs roughly, "Believe me Hera, Ezra isn't much better off himself. He tends to fluctuate between random bursts of anger or crying and longer periods of what I think is near emotional disassociation. But I'm also ninety-nine percent certain at this point that it also explains why he's been hitting the liquor so hard. He hasn't just been self-medicating the pain from the broken psi-link, Hera. He's using the alcohol to help him cope when it all just becomes too much for him emotionally."

The pilot scowls at that, "Well he's going to have to dry out Kanan, and soon. He's too damn young to be tempting fate quite this hard! He's going to end up genuinely addicted if he's not careful! If he really needs chemical help to deal with all of this even after we know and can help him process, then we'll damn well figure out how to get him a prescription of something instead."

"I know, Hera," Kanan reaches up to rub at his eyebrow. "It's another topic we've already touched on already too. I'm not going to say he's not going to need some chemical assistance for awhile yet…especially when it comes to pain control issues and trouble sleeping, but he's already been informed he's not allowed anything mood altering unless I personally dose it out for him from now on?"

"…and am I going to get added to the list of people he can take meds from, Love?" Hera asks after a moment, her eyebrow raised,

"Of course you are, especially when he's done with the Amalyn, which has more side effects to keep track of right now which is why I've been handling it, I'm just…." Kanan rubs at his temple, "I'm just trying to train Ezra deliberately back into actually coming to me when he needs help with things. I mean I assume that he did so pretty regularly when he lived with our other selves on the Ghost, but it's been a long few months for him and…"

"And there's been some backsliding."

Kanan nods, shrugging his shoulders. "I suppose it's not really surprising. It's an inherent survival mechanism that's kept him alive and semi-functional while he was trying to hold it together when he was on his own. Now that reinforcements have arrived though it may take us some time to pry his hands off the wheel at the times it really shouldn't be there again."

Hera snorts softly at that observation.

Kanan raises an eyebrow at her. "What is it?"

"Nothing, Kanan - it's just that what you're essentially saying is that he's going to need to learn – or to relearn in this case - how to function as part of an actual team again. Which is probably what our other selves were trying to teach him too the last time around if this is right about the time that we first encountered him. History may not be exactly the same, My Love but it doesn't mean that certain themes aren't still repeating anyway."

Hmm. Kanan hadn't really considered the situation from that particular perspective. "Huh. Well, you're probably right about that, Hera. It certainly makes for one kark of an interesting philosophical discussion. But not one that I think I'm up to at the moment. As I said Ezra's not the only one who's brain fried right now. My own bedroll is definitely calling.

"Then go, Love. Rest up as much as you can. Mother bear Ezra until we get there. It'll make you both feel better. I'll get us back in the air just as soon as I can track down Sabine and Zeb who are currently getting some supplies in the market. We'll see you both again just as soon as we possibly can."

"Thanks, Hera. Signing out."

"Be well until we see you again, Love."

"You too, Hera." Kanan smiles and then he cuts the connection, yawning deeply for a final time, as he stretches out his arms directly above his head, hearing his shoulder blades pop in reward for the action.

Then he rises from the pilot's chair and goes to assemble what amounts to his own makeshift bedroll on the floor beside Ezra's. The teenager's rolled onto his back sometime in the last few minutes and looks none too comfortable for the change. His forehead is knotted, his lips pursed in pain, his hands are randomly clenching and un-clenching in his sleep.

Kanan takes a moment to lay a hand on the dark head, sending a wash of calm and ease down their link, which seems to help considerably, and then he nudges Ezra gently into rolling over onto his stomach for the time being, sinking down after covering the kid up to simply watch him sleep for a couple of moments while he lies there on his side.

And yes, Kanan knows that Ezra is anything but an actual infant, but he can't help wonder for a moment even so if this is what regular parents feel like those first few nights home from the hospital when they creep into the nursery to watch their newborns sleep.

It's unspeakably easing when everything's done to just sink down and slowly close his own eyes. Lulled by the rare moment of real peace for the first time in weeks, Kanan doesn't consciously register the moment that he falls into sleep.


	5. Chapters 14 and 15

**Chapter 14: Dreaming and Waking**

Kanan's aware that he's asleep in that odd sort of way you sometimes are, when you don't know exactly how you ended up unconscious, but don't particularly object to your current dreamscape surroundings. Though on second thought, maybe it's less his then Ezra's actual dream.

They're clearly on Lothal after all – yes, but nowhere near anywhere Kanan's personally visited. He's standing on a large rock outcropping right now, looking out over an absolutely glorious moon marked sunrise or sunset. Ezra, is sitting near the edge of the summit, his legs folded under him in a meditative lotus position. The kid's eyes are closed, his face is peaceful, his body is still in a way Kanan rarely truly sees it….and sufficive to say the kid is looking just a little bit… different right now.

"Force Kid. That haircut makes it look like you've been shorn like a sheep." Kanan murmurs the comment softly, with no small amount of bemused wonder, as he sinks down next to the younger man, reaching out to gingerly touch the close-cut hair almost as he can't quite resist doing so, because Force but does the hairstyle make Ezra look like a different person.

The teen quite simply stated looks older now – but also more pared down to the barest of essentials, for lack of a better way to describe it. Oh, Ezra's still clearly in his teen years, yes, but without his mad mass of floppy hair around his face, there's something that seems both less naïve and simultaneously far more vulnerable about him. Like he simply has no masks anymore to even try and hide behind.

The teenager quirks his lips, though his eyelids remain shut. "Shhhh, Kanan. In case you failed to notice, I'm trying to meditate here."

"Keyword being trying." Kanan says dryly quirking up his own left eyebrow. "Trying to empty your mind when you're already unconscious, is like trying to fill a bucket with a hole in the bottom, Ezra. Which I assume that you already know at this point after more then four years of training. Sleep and mindfulness don't mix Kid, well unless you're courting subconscious revelation anyway. So - this is what you looked before you 'woke up here' all those weeks ago then?"

Ezra snorts, his eyes still closed, though his posture does relax completely out of formal lotus, "Yes Kanan. This is what I looked like when I hit age eighteen."

Kanan looks him up and down, noting the lightsaber burn on one cheek, the dusting of whiskers now on his cheeks in the likely fading light of the day. "Wow...You're pretty tall, Kid. I guess you don't end up with your mother's frame after all."

Ezra snorts softly at the comment. "No, Kanan. I really don't. And truthfully, I never really expected that I would even when we talked about it before. My mom gave me my eye color, yeah, and a lot of people who knew her personally say that I also have distinct flashes of both her way with words and her normally well leashed temper, but from what little I remember of our family photos before the albums were destroyed when the Bucketheads raided our house I'm a near-perfect physical match of early photographs of my Dad."

Kanan nods, dropping his hand from Ezra's head at last. "I have to admit Kid: it's a little eerie actually hearing you talk when you look this way. I don't know if I'll ever completely unsee this version you in any future conversations."

His Padawan opens blue eyes and looks down at his own body for a long moment, and then his lips quirk up ironically. "Tell me about it. I just got used to being back to a smaller size again. I figured it'd be a few years yet before I'd be seeing this particular me in the mirror again." He shrugs, "But oh, well, it could always be worse. At least I didn't get dumped back before puberty . Not only would the wait for you guys have been a whole lot longer, but I can't imagine what'd have been like trying to go from eighteen to seven or nine or something. Talk about a nightmare. I mean yeah now I'll have to wait to get my height and weight back to where it was before, but it'll all come in slowly and steadily. Unlike the uneven completely random growth spurs that I had to deal with in the very beginning of my preteens."

Kanan considers, then nods. "Yeah, I can see how you might get weirded out by that idea. Still..." Kanan looks him up and down, "I suppose I can at least be comforted by the fact that even if you're going to challenge me on height pretty damn quickly, at this age you're still way scrawnier than I am. Though the more honest description is probably that you're 'more reedy.'"

Ezra let's out a tiny little huff of laughter at that. "That's one way to look at it." He chuckles again,

"What is it?" Kanan asks tilting his head.

Ezra waves a hand at him. "Nothing, Master. It's kind of hard to explain the humor."  
Kanan raises an eyebrow, "Try anyway?"

"All right. Well…appearance wise you and I sort of flip-flopped by the time I turned eighteen, Kanan. At least in some contexts…"

"Well I'm not assuming that I'd gotten any shorter so..."

"No. You definitely didn't. But at the same time that I close-cut my hair, Kanan you stopped shaving so much and kept on growing out both your hair and your beard to a degree. Admittedly probably just because it was easier to maintain it that way in the crazy lives we were living. It's just…well you got a lot hairier all over just generally speaking. To the degree that a squadron I used to fly with on occasion took to teasingly called you Master Grizzly behind your back."

Kanan snorts at that. "I have to admit I really can't picture that when you describe it. Though I suppose I should be glad to know that after four years of training you I wasn't left completely bald from stress shedding. Which up until now has seemed a hell of a lot more likely."

Ezra rolls his eyes. Kanan nudges him with an elbow. " So, what made you ultimately decide to chop all your hair off? Did it just get to be too much work? Or did you get sick of having to deal with the regular maintenance haircuts? I remember I let mine grow out in my twenties for pretty much the same sort of reason."

Ezra shakes his head slightly, and shifts a little uneasily, chewing his lip quietly for a moment, before finally speaking, "My hair went for two reasons actually if I'm honest Kanan. The first was piloting and the second was penance."

"Penance? For what?" Kanan feels his brow knot up in confusion.

Ezra just shrugs his shoulders, turning to look at the horizon before continuing. "I was responsible for the serious injury of a very close friend of mine. They didn't see it that way of course, but it still took me a very, very long time to be able to let go of the guilt I felt about it and it just felt right," Ezra shrugs, "Cutting off one's hair as a sign of either contrition or of mourning, it's a very Lotholian thing to do, Kanan. I can't really explain the context any better than that it's just...something that is. And no matter what else I've ever been in my life, or will be, I have always been Lotholian. "

Kanan nods at that, making a mental note to inquire about the custom a little bit more if he ever meets another native Lotholian who might have some additional insight to offer on the subject. He finds the idea interesting on any number of levels, not the least of which is how such a tradition might interact with other Lotholian traditions about head coverings. He and Hera have been to this planet a handful of times over the years, but Kanan's never made all that much of an effort to make an in-depth study of their specific cultural traditions. Which he should probably get around to changing just as soon as possible seeing as his Padawan had literally spent his first fourteen years immersed up to his neck in them.

"So…your friend? Is it okay for me to ask what eventually happened to them? I mean I assume that they lived?"

"Yeah. Thank force. For awhile longer, anyway before falling with several others during one of our biggest missions. I…. Look I promise I'll tell you more about that at some point. I'm just…a bit to wiped right now to dig into it more currently, okay?"

"Fair enough." Kanan agrees, "So..." Kanan looks around him, deliberately changing the subject. "Should I be proud or kind of worried about our schedules in the days to come if you literally have to dream up time for meditating? "

Ezra snickers again. "Oh, my dreams aren't always this way. I promise that much, Kanan. It's just..."

"Yes?"

His Padawan shrugs, "Life can be a wild ride sometimes that's all, Kanan. It only seems fair that when you do make it into a bunk for more than a couple of hours of downtime you ought to at least try and multitask while you're out. And this kind of a moment is a rush sometimes, just as much as it's also relaxing." The boy's smirk turns distinctly whimsical then, "I mean it's not comparable to flying with The Purgil or anything but then," Ezra shrugs. "In my experience very little else ever has been or will be."

"You've been flying with Purgil." Kanan blinks in response to that confession.

Ezra turns back to Kanan then, his smile positively beaming, "Yeah! And for the record, they're absolutely awesome. I think that if I could have found a way to do it more often I would have in a heartbeat...but you can't exactly keep them as pets. They're seriously the wildest of truly wild things. Just knowledge and passion and instinct all in this inseparable ball of centuries upon centuries of life lived traveling through space. Way, way smarter than anyone who sees them would probably ever imagine."

"You make it sound like you could understand them…" Kanan observes quietly.

"I could, for a little while, anyway."

"You must have quite the natural talent for connection then." Kanan murmurs, making a mental note to research the Holocron when he next can for information specifically about that Force gift in particular and those in Jedi history who have been particularly talented at it.

"I'm...generally pretty good at it, yeah. Unless the subject is Spiders." Ezra shudders. "I admit to being more than slightly arachnophobia."

"It happens to the best of us." Kanan informs him with a shrugs, "When I was a kid still in training myself back at the Temple I used to find tight spaces triggering. Can't exactly say why though."

Ezra nods. Then chews his lip. "Kanan, not that you're not welcome or anything at least at the moment. I still have to ask, though how is it that you're even in my dream? Or at least I assume that that's what's literally happening? OtherKanan and I…we couldn't do this as far as I can remember. Is it just because I'm not shielding as heavily as normal or you're not…? I'm not like mad about it or anything, just…"

"Curious?"

Ezra nods. "And a little bit concerned to be truthful, Kanan. As I said you being here, now, it's fine. But…well… I don't always have the calmest or safest of dreams for anyone to just be wandering around in."

Kanan reaches out a hand and squeezes Ezra's shoulder briefly. "Don't worry, Kid I know to keep my eyes open in anyone else's head. Force in my own head half the time. That said, once the link settles in more and we're both back to more regular levels of shielding it won't probably happen all that often. You're just very naturally talented at connection as I was saying earlier. Far more than most Jedi I met myself, I'm guessing too…"

Ezra's lips quirk up a little wryly at that. "Is that a good or a bad thing?"

"That depends on who you ask. I'll say this much though, back in the old days your apparent level of talent if you can actually communicate meaningfully with Purgil would have made you seriously tasty prey for recruitment to groups like the Mind Healers, the Creche Staff or the Negotiating Pools."

Ezra snickers aloud at that idea. "As in scientific or political work, Kanan? Hardly." the teenager snorts, "I'm a pilot, a fighter and a *thief,* Kanan. As well as a decent guard dog by practical assignment. All three of the other jobs you just mentioned are kind of hugely outside of my purview."

Kanan frowns at that a little. "No, Ezra. They're not. Or rather they wouldn't have been in a world where your primary duty hadn't just been surviving. You certainly seem to have the innate intelligence to have studied and succeeded in any of those three jobs as far as I can tell. Though I think I know you well enough by now to be fairly sure that you'd also have personally preferred and been happiest in a job that's both active and hands-on as opposed to largely academic."

Ezra's lips quirk, "Look, no offense, but I was literally *born* on Empire Day, Kanan. As the first and only child of two dyed in the wool Lotholian resistance leaders. Even after they were taken, irritating Imperials has always been less my hobby then it is my self-appointed calling. My history – well to borrow an old saying, Kanan, it is what it is. I am, I suspect what I was always fated to be."

Ezra ducks his head down a little then, blushing, "Though on the other hand, maybe that sounds arrogant when I put it this way and that's not…. I'm not trying to blow the idea off. I just…I somehow really doubt that I'd ever have been anything else but what I am already in the universe in which we live."

"And what are you then, Ezra, in your own words exactly?"

Ezra shrugs his shoulder a little, "I'm a sword or a shield arm to those I meet who need it. A shoulder and a sounding board to my friends and my allies when it seems like they need from me. A sentinel with one eye on the horizon…well, when I can manage to make sense of my dreams anyway. Mostly I'm just…I don't kno….whatever the Force and those who I care about seem to need me to be at the time."

Kanan's lips quirk up, "The word that you're looking for is 'Jedi', Ezra."

Ezra expression twitches, then he shrugs, "Maybe, Master. We'll see."

Kanan frowns. "Kid that's not a recruitment quip, that's like… better than half of the knight's pledge you just spouted back to me there..." On accident apparently.

"And a centaur is half of a horse, Kanan. Like I said, Master, we'll just have to wait and see."

"I take it you've been doubting the path that you're on these past few years?" Kanan makes a regretful sort of face, "Kid…after the last few months that's basically normal. Almost anyone sane who lived through what you just did would be having doubts."

"It's not that…well at least not exactly."

"Then what to do you mean? And for the record, Ezra, I'm asking completely non-judgmentally. I'm not calling you out on the rug here…just seeking further understanding of your viewpoint. I mean it's normal to have questions about the path as we progress on the journey."

"It's not the questions I have, it's the answers that I keep getting from people that really worry me, Kanan."

"Meaning?"

"Just...that so many people I've met in recent years act like it's all so black and white; especially among the resistance. Who yes, I've interacted with the most admittedly. Still, I've been around long enough myself – and seen enough different people and their choices and viewpoints to realize that real life is a kriff of a lot more complex than almost anyone I've met so far's simplified philosophy. There's a whole world of grey between what amounts to very thin strips of black and white."

Ezra shrugs again, toying with the heel of his left boot, "And look - I know Jedi philosophy, Kanan – I really do. Well as much of it as you and your Holocron from Master Billaba could find the time to teach me. And I'm not trying to sound ungrateful or rebellious when I say this or anything. But Kanan? I'm honestly not sure it's all the right stuff for me. There are...conflicts truthfully. Serious issues that I have with some of the major tenets. Kriff, the Temple may not even actually admit me anymore, whenever we do get around to actually trying again. Because let's be honest I'm *not* the kid who passed a trial and got his first crystal at fourteen anymore, I'm really not. Granted I'm not all that changed either, I don't think, but I do know myself and the world both better than I used to now and I won't - I can't - give up certain things at this point in my life in good conscience, basically. Not that I'm saying I'm not willing to listen, or hear other peoples' perspectives and maybe change my own as I learn more along the way."

Ezra shrugs his shoulders. "But I'm not going to walk the path of the Jedi, Kanan, I can't in good conscience, if the cost of doing so is killing off what I'm now recognizing are personally defining parts of 'myself' in the process."

Ezra lips twitch up at that, as he glances over at Kanan than back out at the sky again. "And don't I just sound like a literal cesspool of teenage angst and melodramatic puberty when I say that, just to make the whole things ten times worse. At least from my perspective anyway. I swear to kriff I hate puberty, Kanan. Eighteen was way, way easier than fourteen hormonally."

Kanan looks at Ezra, a very, very long time silently. Then he asks a very simple question, again as non-judgmentally as he can manage it. "Ezra, is this…? Was this topic anything you ever really discussed with OtherMe before he died?"

"Sort of. A little. Maybe. Certainly never this explicitly. There was never really time. As I said there was a war on, Kanan – and there was always another mission – another round of necessary duty. It didn't seem important."

"Ezra look at me." Kanan's voice is gentle and calm.

The teenager obeys, looking a little bit hesitant as if braced to get yelled at. "Yeah?"

"War or not? Duty or not? As your master? This conversation – dealing with these kind of questions and concerns? *It is* my karking 'duty.' And I'll tell you right now, if you'd ever pulled him aside and he'd realized how much you've apparently knotted yourself up over everything you just said, OtherMe would have said the exact same kriffing thing."

Ezra shrugs again, "Like I said, we were in the middle of a war Kanan. Seriously. He didn't need to cope with adolescent melodrama on top of the weight of missions and the threat of constant death we were always under. The last thing he needed to put up with was a…"

"Teenager?"

"Yeah."

Kanan rolls his eyes heavenwards sighing softly, "Yeah well kid, reality check for you here okay? Whether you are fourteen or eighteen or somewhere in the middle you're technically still *in* your teens! And Ezra you're entitled to a few rights of adolescent passage! Worldview testing, self-analysis and self-redefinition being three of the very most prominent on that list."  
Ezra sighs deeply, "…If you say so, Kanan."

"I do… And as for what you said above about having to have it all figured out to enter a Jedi Temple, much less be a Jedi Padawan? Ezra no one ever said – or they shouldn't have at least, that to be a Jedi you can't have doubts or even just have hard questions. I mean Force, Kid…the primary difference between a cult and a stable belief system is that the later actually encourages and *stands up to* honest testing while the first collapses under real examination. Kriff, Ezra, sometimes it's not even the concept that a person is wrestling with that's really the problem but simply the way in which they've incorrectly or only partially perceived it. Which can only be resolved ultimately *through* further discussion. Complex or multifaceted issues sometimes take awhile in order for people to understand. You having these kinds of questions isn't rebellious at all Ezra, just the opposite really. It's just sign of greater growth and maturity – proof you're progressing on the path!"

Ezra shrugs, "Maybe so. Still for the record Kanan, I feel as if I ought to tell you that I'm sorry for something for all of this."

"For what exactly?" Kanan asks, scratching his head – though he has a pretty good hunch he knows where Ezra's next words are actually going.

The teenager shrugs, "For saddling you with a training link to a Padawan who doesn't even know for sure if he's meant to be an actual Jedi anymore, Kanan. You didn't exactly get the sit-down talk of full disclosure before our bond reforged about my stance on this did you?" The teenager's lips quirked up wryly. "I mean if I'd have gone the route of telling you outright, then I'd like to think that I'd have done that much preferably before things couldn't be undone, so to speak. You certainly didn't ask for a student with my obvious and lingering levels of uncertainty."

 _'And you didn't ask to watch my OtherSelf die, Ezra, or for the bond to break and shred the inside of your head. Or to grow up in a war zone for the past four years.'_ Kanan thinks to himself with a sigh before finally verbally replying again, "Look Kid, I have another question for you. When I first offered you training in your originating timeline, did I ever *once* imply that I was demanding an unshakable lifetime commitment from you to the Path of the Jedi ? Even if said path went against your personal ethics or instincts?"

Ezra blinks, "No, of course not, Kanan. You just offered to share what you knew."

"Good. Because if I had, Ezra then I would have been an asshole, and I hope to kriff that you'd have turned and run a thousand miles an hour the kark away from me! Demanding the surrender of one's conscience isn't a Jedi tenant, Ezra. Just the opposite really - it's a blatantly *Sith* philosophy as a route to more power And as we both know power without ethical limitations only corrupts you!"

"Huh." Ezra blinks at that a moment. "I didn't really think of it that way."

"And I apparently never got the chance to point the fact out to you in your originating time-stream because I was apparently so focused on other things I was unaware of the conflict, and you Kid- admittedly for the noblest of stupid ass reasons, never bothered to just simply sit down and ask me. Which for the record, Ezra? For Force sakes, don't ever do again - especially 'for my sake' anyway. As I said coming to me with this stuff's not being a bother. That's the description of a Master's karking job- whether in the middle of war time or in peace. Let me tell you, my own Master Depa certainly didn't let her stint in the GAR ever stop her from providing the same kind of sounding board to me."

Ezra side-eyes him quietly then, "You're really not at all upset about what I just admitted then?"

"Upset no. Concerned that you've been clearly struggling with the subject all alone, instead of sharing your burden, yes I am a little bit. But Ezra, even so I can't very well get pissed at you for having doubts or asking questions can I and be fair. As a teacher, after all, it's my job show you the path – or more than just one of them, if there are several moral options available. It's also my responsibility to teach you the skills you need to navigate the road as you walk it according to your level of capability and growth. But it's you who's ultimately got to be the one who does all the choosing. And just so long as you're clearly in tune while you're doing so – unlike you were earlier, and you're not being blatantly manipulated by anyone or anything, than I have trust that the Force to give you what you need to choose wisely. Because after all kid, your path isn't meant to be completely identical to mine now is it. It's just meant to run parallel and hopefully for as long as possible, concurrently."

"Huh." Ezra says after a moment of reflection. "I must be really getting better at this philosophy kark or something after all. Because you just sounded a lot like Master Yoda there essentially, Kanan. At least after a fashion. And yet that all still made basic sense to me." His lips quirk up distinctly wryly.

"Great, then how about you answer a question for me now?"

"If I can, sure."

"Why did you have Chopper drive you out to the Temple at all, Ezra, yesterday -I mean. If you had these kind of doubts that you'd be allowed into the Temple at all?"

Ezra rolls his eyes heavenward. "Well that's easy, Master. I know at least some of what's coming, Kanan, and I miss my lightsaber. Like *a lot.* I'd be stupid to not try to get back at this point, really I would. Even if I don't successfully get entrance into the Temple. Because a) I still intend to help as many people as I possibly can, which I think was a huge part of how I got my original crystal the last time around Kanan. Not to mention that I am particularly fond - kriffed head or not - of not dying! The Inquisitorius, the ISF, kark most of the force damned universe doesn't care if I'm technically a Jedi or not at this point Kanan. I'm dead just by association by now. If they know that I'm a force sensitive, then like it or not they're going to be coming for me – to kill me or better yet co-opt me as their weapon if they can. And since staying hidden was never really an option…" Ezra shrugs, "I have to do whatever I can to prevent that from happening."

"It could have been an option – staying hidden I mean. If you'd stayed off Imperial radar. If you'd let the rest of us handle rescuing the Wookies and just maintain your current level of personal shielding." Kanan points this fact out very very softly.

Ezra snorts softly, "Kittwar would be *dead* if I had done that, Kanan! And yeah, while it's true that I'm fond of not dying that doesn't mean I'm just going to let some innocent kid who needed my help die in my place instead. If only because I have to live with myself in the aftermath of that decision! Or not live with myself, I suppose, technically speaking."

"Meaning what?" Kanan narrows his eyes at that comment.

Ezra shrugs his shoulders a little, "That the worst might happen, yeah. But that'd be okay from my perspective. Sacrifice and unhinged martyrdom aren't always the same thing after all Kanan. The former in particular can be done, or at least I'd assume that it can anyway, with the right intent and reasons in play by the person who's losing their life. So long as it is done mindfully – with the person dying well aware of everyone's worth in the specific situation. "Ezra shrugs a little then, "Or perhaps better stated, as I put it to Hera the other day…"

"All lives have to count, or eventually none of them do." Kanan paraphrases Ezra's previous statement softly and he teenager looks over at Kanan, nodding. "Yes. Exactly My life isn't worth less than Kittwar's, Kanan and it certainly isn't worth more. But Master if I hadn't gone along on that mission and saved him then I would have been betraying that particular philosophy in that situation. Because after all as an innocent kid with no fighting experience at all Kittwar didn't have a chance alone against Kallus and those Storm Troopers. While against the Inquisitorius and ISF with my training, I do stand a chance. Not a good chance maybe no, but hey, as they say it on the street, you pays your money, you takes your chances. No one's actually forcing me to live by this particular code of honor, so I get to shoulder both the pros and and the cons of my own ethics if the resulting effects are particularly dangerous or stupid."

Kanan can't help it then. He starts to laugh – hard enough he's practically wheezing. "Hey!" Ezra glares at his master a little insultedly in reaction. "I'm sitting and pouring my heart out. Like you asked me to. And what do you do in return? You sit there and laugh. Like a karking asshole!" The fourteen year old's look turns distinctly pouty.

"I'm sorry, Kid." Kanan manages to get out, between laughs. "It's just well Ezra, do you ever stop, well…*listen to yourself*?! And think you're not a Jedi!"

"Yup. I listen to myself all the time, Kanan. Muddled Street-rat-ese, I know." Ezra shrugs apparently ignoring the rest of Kanan's statement for the timebeing. "Which is probably why so few people actually listen to me most of the time if I face up to it honestly. Well except you now of course, and OtherYou and the OtherSpecters in the other timeline. OtherHera once told me that I am plenty wise, once you take the time to get to know me but that I, unfortunately, speak as if I'm under- educated. Thanks to my rather scattered academic record. Not that I didn't try and catch up when there was time last time around... Thank kriff for your holocron, and the Rebellion base's audiobook library, Kanan."

Kanan's eyes narrow yet again at that particular admission. "Kid -I've got a question for you?"

"Yeah?"

"Did you ever get any serious questions about your reading skills - or handwriting ones for that matter. In the old timeline I mean, from either OtherHera or myself?"

Ezra snorts, rolling his eyes heavenward, "Well Hera got sick of my chicken scratch on a semi-regular basis, yes, and gave me pretty much constant kriff about my spelling in memos. Not to mention that I swear to Force Kanan that she probably threw no less than six different handwriting programs at me over the years. Usually after trying to read my mission reports or as part of an ongoing 'schooling push' or punishment regimen. They never helped all much though no matter how diligent I was about them. Other you," Ezra shrugs, "...didn't seem to care so much about what I'd called 'regular academics'– to be fair our day to day lives on the Ghost didn't exactly require that I take very many tests or write a lot of papers, Kanan and I could buy what I needed, fix what broke as necessary, that sort of thing, not to mention always made decent strides in sparring and force skill training. When I needed to give reports Kanan, by the end I of things anyway, just used my data pad's text to speech with auto-correct on or I just reported off orally for someone else to transcribe when that was an option. But like I said we were living in a war zone not at any kind of academy."

Kanan winces in reply to that, because again this is all sounding very very familiar. "Ezra did they ever evaluate you - or have anyone else do it, for something called Dyslexia, that you're aware of?"

Ezra's brow wrinkles up. "I don't think so, no. But then again Kanan we didn't exactly have a lot of funds for extra medical tests that. Truthfully Kanan, life was pretty much hand to mouth when I first came aboard the Ghost, at least initially. Especially when the Inquistorius in particular starting hunting us in earnest and our available job pool shrunk a ton as a result. Later on..." Ezra shrugs. "If you're worried about it know I had all the basic testing for vision and hearing and a full blood panel once we joined up officially as a squadron with the rebellion as part of my fleet physical." The teenager frowns then, looking thoughtful, "Speaking of which, Kanan - we should probably try check into that again next time it's even vaguely fiscally doable if only because I know that I popped hot for a particular illness back when I was sixteen or so last time around and that Hera literally flipped a lid for awhile when she first found out about it. I mean it wasn't something that was dangerous to any of the rest of you contagion wise as far as I remember, but she was pissed as kriff that it took so long to get said illness identified in me and then to start on the recommended treatments for whatever reason."

"Which illness exactly, Ezra?" Kanan asks him frowning deeply at this new information.

"Um...Hepatitis? Or at least I'm pretty sure that's what it was called anyway. It effects the liver they say. I can't remember for certain though whether it was strain A, B, or C." The teenager wrinkles his nose, "Just that the meds I took for it made me constantly nauseous for like a month, and that when we found out that had it at all Hera got very very quiet and then stomped around for weeks after really, really *really* pissy."

Yes, Kanan can imagine.

"And you, Kanan..."

"And I what?" Kanan arches a brow, curious how his other self had reacted.

Ezra actually shrugs, snorting softly. "You actually apologized for some completely nonsensical reason! Like it was your fault I got sick when the scans showed that I'd had it by that point for like...half a decade at least. And as soon as it was discovered, you all made sure that I damn well got any and all treatment needed. Whether I wanted it or not initially." Ezra rolls his eyes heavenward then. "I swear to Force Kanan – during the treatment regimen, I was like two hours late once, taking one of the doses – like I said they made me gurky, so I wasn't what you'd call a fan of the stuff. And when Sabine found out what I'd done she literally threatened to gut me and hang me up in the cargo bay if I ever did it deliberately again. Which was seriously counterproductive if you ask me, since the whole point of all of it was supposedly just to get me healthy again."

Ezra waves the thought off with a hand, "But anyway. Bygones. It's not like it was actually this world's Sabine. I just figure, you know, that since I already know this time around, maybe if we take care of it earlier, then when Hera inevitably finds out about it she'll be less inclined to have a bantha in response or something."

Uhm no. Kanan can deny that assumption with about one thousand percent certainty. She'll be just as angry about the issue, albeit for a group of very different reasons. But hey on the bright side, Kanan figures, at least Ezra's time traveler past will help them avoid a lot of pointless angst about unintentionally insufficient medical treatment on their parts. Kanan draws in a deep breath, "Well I guess that answers one of the questions that Hera asked me the other day…"

"That being?"

"Where I want to start looking for new jobs. The answer at this point is, 'somewhere with a decent medical clinic.'"

Ezra sighs a little at that. "Well that's probably going to have to wait at least a little while, Kanan. That kind of care is expensive as Sith Spit, at least on Lothol these days. The Imperials jacked up the price of everything, between the increased tariffs and all the extra red tape involved in following all the new imperial medical regulations. Not to even mention that they shut down everyone legitimate who didn't follow all the regulations religiously. "And as for most of illegitimate options that are left?" He shudders hard, clearly remembering earlier visits, "They all mostly involve the kind of people, prices and sanitary conditions that I'd frankly prefer to avoid if I'm not literally dying already. Seriously Kanan, I'll take the Hepatitis over the south side chop shop in this city, truthfully."

"Well then our next mission is going to have to be on a different planet then." Kanan informs him, absolutely unbent by this information.

Ezra frowns, "But there's still so much stuff here that we need to deal with Kanan within the next couple of…"

Kanan firmly cuts him off, "Most of that 'stuff' as you put it is going to have to karking wait, Ezra, at least until you're covered in terms of basic required medical treatment. Kriff, Ezra- Hepatitis is noncommunicable yes, if you've had the standard galatic series of childhood inoculations anyway. It's also not anything to mess with if you confirmedly have it, Kid. It can seriously damage your liver if left untreated, even under the best of living conditions. Which you haven't exactly been handing it in recent days, Ezra with all your hit and run binge drinking."

Thank kriff, Kanan can't help but think, that Amalyn filters out through the kidneys just like morphine. Though he's going to have to look up the treatment reccs for Hepatitis in the meantime to make sure they're meeting the treatment standards in terms of adequate hydration and other possible dietary limitations.

Ezra's face screws up at this apparent revelation. "Kriff…this is probably going to shove Hera straight back into dietary supplement mode again when she finds that out isn't it?" The teenager buries his face in his hands, groaning aloud. "Just kill me now Kanan. It'd be kinder. Seriously."

The look that Kanan tosses Ezra in response to that is dry, because, yup, that's definitely the fourteen rather than the eighteen year old in the kid's tone yet again. "And you accuse me of being melodramatic about things."

Ezra half glares, "It's not melodramatic or paranoid on my part, Kanan, if they are in fact out to get you. I'm telling you, Kanan: the Hera in my originating time-stream was on her best of days more than a little obsessive about that sort of thing. Which would have been fine if the trait got spread evenly among the other five of us, I guess. Except for some reason? The only one who she ever really harassed was me. On a year constant basis until she decided I'd hit growth and health standard according to both her and the doctors. Seriously, Master?! Whatever happened to sharing one's burdens in a family?!"

Ezra's tone is so disgruntled at that confession that Kanan literally can't help it - his lips curl upward again in reaction, as he shakes his head and chuckles, reaching out to squeeze Ezra's shoulder gently in reply. "She'll ease off eventually, Kid, I promise. Just let her get her feet under her Look, Ezra, Hera's just very pragmatic and practical in the way that she tries to 'help' other people she cares about with their problems. Especially when she's actively worried about them. She's not actually trying to drive you crazy, Ezra, I promise. In fact if anything I'd say it's probably more likely that she's just basically replicating what little 'doting behavior' she recalls from her brief memories of her own childhood with her mother before she passed. I know Hera's commented her Mom was a stickler – unlike her dad – about what she could and couldn't eat."

Ezra blinks at that, cursing softly in reaction to that new bit of information. There's no heat in the reply really however, instead there's something much like chagrin on his face and in his tone. "Well knowing that now Kanan, I'm not even going to grump about it without feeling like a jerk anymore, am I? That wasn't very kind of you, Master."

"This hasn't been a week for kindness, really. Or even a month for it, for the matter. Or at least that's how Hera put it earlier this week." Kanan informs his Padawan in return, very very dryly.  
Ezra nods at that, his face screwing up in an apologetic grimace. "Yeah I know. And I know that a lot of that was probably on me too. For which I apologize, Kanan."

"That takedown you gave us all the other day - but Hera, Sabine and Zeb in particular. They're still dealing with some serious psychological bruising from it Ezra. Hera, in particular, is still smarting over the fact that you not only called her on a major personal blind spot, but you also openly called her a zealot. Given some issues with her dad in her past, I believe she referred to it earlier as the equivalent of getting a philosophical spanking."

Ezra winces, "Force, Kanan, Kark I'm sorry…I really shouldn't've…"

"Yes. You should have, Ezra." Kanan interrupts, "I actually need to thank you for your speech, if I'm honest. Most people run from the truth because they know it isn't pleasant after all most of the time, but that doesn't mean said truth isn't needed. This may sound counter-intuitive Kid, …but you helped us all in the long run, even if we got bruised up by the delivery."

"How so?" Ezra honestly doesn't see that he'd dropped any real deep nuggets of insight there. Just actually said what retrospective made obvious truthfully.

"You made us stop and actually examine our decision through a different lens Ezra, by forcing us to face up to some things we've been conveniently avoiding about the ways that we've chosen to live or to think. You weren't wrong at all about the danger of allegiance to causes instead of moral codes and how the later can blind you. And you were absolutely right to call us out in particular on the hypocrisy of our deciding how to respond to Zeb's betrayal of you by voting instead of just insisting on returning because it was what our own previous action had morally demanded." Kanan sighs, "As I said what you said was mostly true Ezra. It desperately needed to be said. I just wish that the whole thing wasn't also going to colored by the fact that your reasons for doing so were actually so manipulative. Because truth - especially partial truth which we both know yours was-tends to lose a lot its potency when it gets tied to advancing someone else's personal agendas. As it is right now kid, I still don't know if the truth that came out of your mouth is going to stick quite as hard in the long run as the reasons why you chose that moment and said it."

Ezra expression grows weary, as he shrugs his shoulders, nearly helpless. "Yeah, well it was the last best weapon I could think of at the time, Master. I was more than a little bit desperate. Nothing else I tried was working. I needed a believable reason to detach. If I'd been a slightly different kind of Kid the first time around that's probably exactly what would have happened. As it was at fourteen I was pretty karking desperate. And smart enough to know I stood no chance, trust issue or no, on my own against the ISF. This time around, well the argument seemed my best excuse for blowing you guys off that Hera and the others would have real trouble seriously contradicting, so I went with it." Now the teenager's snort turns wry, "Not that it actually helped me all that much id it, Kanan, considering Hera's deal, Sabine's and the rest of you guys' baiting. Though I suppose that Chopper own turn at 'truth' was finally the straw that broke the proverbial camel's back."

Kanan reaches out a hand then to gently flick his forehead. "That would be because truth in its pure form is meant to function as a *light* Ezra, not as a weapon. Not to mention Chopper wasn't using truth on you so much as psychological manipulation. Also: while you can definitely argue better than most people I've met of your age Ezra – possibly thanks to our previous discussions, you clearly haven't had quite my level of logic courses on how to see through argumentative fallacies yet. "

Ezra nods, "I was just looking for something that would work…as I said. A believable argument. It was mostly just luck I think that on the first round up in the Tower at least, I actually found it."  
"That you did. Or a part of the truth at least. Though Ezra, just be warned that some point one or more of the rest of us will eventually get around to replying to that 'speech' of yours – to rebutting and or scaffolding off of it for their own purposes. And seeing as how you're not going anywhere anytime soon now and Hera Zeb and Sabine'll have more time to think, you better be prepared when the day arrives, for one or all of them to turn around and metaphorically hand you back your own ass."

Ezra's smile is wry. "You already managed a plenty good start on that all on your own, Master. Earlier this morning, with your whole justification of grounding; thing. I mean rationally I know karking well you're right. That I was majorly out of line, that I shouldn't have done it, it's just, I don't know…."

Kana's smile is sympathetic, "That for you right now, rationality in that particular subject at least, keeps on coming in and out of the building?"

Ezra shrugs embarrassed and then nods yet again. "Look, I'm willing to admit that it's a problem, Kanan. I still have no clue at all, though, how to go about stopping or fixing it."

"Admitting it's a problem at all is a start Ezra, and so is giving the 'why' of it all a name."

"Fine. " Ezra snorts, his tone self derisive, "Then I clearly have a growing stupidity problem."

Kanan elbows him gently, "Bzzzt! Sorry Bridger. Wrong answer. Please pick again."

"Then what would you call it, Kanan?" Ezra asks him almost sulkily. Clearly torn between just wanting to pout and wanting an actual explanation.

Kanan looks at the younger man then, calm and sympathetic, "A trauma based inclination toward unhealthy rationalization, Ezra? Severe and lingering mental trauma from a kriff-load of ongoing psychic damage? Not to even mention probable PTSD from both OtherMe dying and your time travelling with accompanying symptoms of severe anxiety and depression?"

The look that Ezra shoots him back in response to that is thoroughly unimpressed with all of the above. "I think I prefer to just stick with 'stupidity.' If nothing else Master, it's faster."  
Kanan snorts softly, reaching out to squeeze his shoulder gently again. "Maybe so, Kid, but you've got to diagnose the disease properly, not to mention admit to its existence if you're ever going to find the right treatment to help you cope with it."

The look that the teenager shoots him is distinctly wry. "I hate to break it to you Master, but I'm pretty Force-damned sure that at this point that there is no cure for what's actually wrong with my head at this point so much as a serious case of, 'It's broke but you still went bought it.' To be fair Kanan, I tried to warn you guys all straight away – lbeit subtly, that the stray you were trying to lure back to The Ghost was more than a little bit nuts– not to mention technically not even up for sale. But then you all had to go and get idealistic and shoplift the crazy-ass sucker anyway. And now we all get to live with it. Which on some days I guarantee you're definitely going to regret."

"...Ezra," Kanan huffs.

But Ezra just snorts, and spreads his arms wide continuing, "I mean seriously, look at me Kanan! When I'm not waxing philosophical about Jedi Philosophy or impulsively hijacking government transports I'm obsessing over spreadsheets of the possible outcomes of various future decision, or arguing with Chop about statistical probability chains! Or I'm crying because I dropped the kriffing toothpaste on the floor, or having completely random nervous breakdowns because oversized Jedi bullies act like assholes and randomly sneak-attack pinch me. Seriously, I'm telling you Kanan: trauma is boring! It needs to take a holiday for a couple weeks at least! Or at least get itself on a Force Bedamned schedule so it's less kriffing constantly annoying!"

"It will, Kid." Kanan soothes the younger man patiently, "With the regular application of sleep, time, and - you're really going to really hate this one in particular, Ezra - *talk* with people who can help you process and cope with the stress that this situation is causing. Because here's a little secret you may not have realized yet, Kid..."

Kanan squeezes his shoulder yet again, "Your emotional reactions to the situation you've found yourself in, Ezra? Are actually normal and healthy!" Kanan shakes his head, "Well minus the way that you've been coping with them by lying and running and the drinking anyway. But your responses to what's happened aren't 'kriffed' – they're normal basically."

The teenager looks over at him in response to that doubtfully.

Kanan just snorts softly, "Ezra seriously: anyone who's suffered a loss like yours of a former whole life is going to grieve, anyone who unexpectedly time travelled alone would end up wondering if they're slowly going crazy. And anyone who is familiar with the reality of actual war who has reason to believe that more war is directly incoming, is going to be anxious and try and prepare for it. Is going to try in increase the whole experience's survivability. Your mind is focused on what it always has been, Ezra, and that's just straight up surviving."

Ezra's starting to look thoughtful now, so Kanan continues, "If you're actually truly messed up by anything at all kid, it's too much ongoing stress and too much isolation – not to mention ongoing inadequate resources, which is about to change in a big way, Ezra, hopefully. Because after all, Ezra, now that I know and Hera does as, you won't be coping with it all alone anymore like you've had to up until now. This time process and prepare both you'll be doing so in the middle of a supportive community..."

"Wait a minute! Hera knows, Kanan?! Since when?!" Ezra gasps out on a tight, high pitched squeak, and then between one breath and the next Kanan is literally booted out of the previously serene mindscape and back into his own body.

For the first microsecond or so he assumes that Ezra literally threw him out. Either out of anger or retribution or maybe even because of the compulsive instinct to hide. But that assumption immediately evaporates the moment Kanan consciously registers the sound of Ezra's breathing beside him. The teenager is huddled over his knees right now, curled up on his bench seat, tucked forward in a ball rather like a small, frightened child, his mouth wide open, his eyes staring straight ahead – the pupils wide an unseeing. He's clearly trying to get air in, but he's just as obviously hyperventilating.

'Well Sith Spit.' Full on panic attack in process, then. And Kriff, Kanan can literally feel the terror rolling down through the link. "Ezra. Ezra? Kid! I'm here. You're fine. You're all right. Look at me please..."

"Hera. Knows?!" Ezra gaspingly repeats.

Kanan nods, his voice deliberately low, "I told her when I checked in, Ezra. Right before I first went to sleep." He closes a hand on the teenager's shoulder gently and squeezes for a moment. "Kid it's all right. It's okay. I'm here and you're safe, but I need you to try and breathe with me, okay?" Let's take a slow breath in for the count of three than out again for seven if you can."

But it's already too late, by far. The kid's chest simply locks up, his blue eyes widening impossibly. He gasps several times, shallowly, trapped in the pattern of breathing. _'Put…put…me…out!'_ Echoes the command/request in his mind.

"Ezra… I can just help talk you down."

 _'Put! Me! Out!' The mental command comes again. 'Don't …Want...To Hurt… Somebody!'_

Kanan's forehead wrinkles at that, "Ezra, that's not just going to happen randomly."

 _'Tell that...to the person.. I put in a coma...for a week! The last time…that I had...one of these around…people!'_

"You what Kid?!"

 _'Was…Unintentional… Accident…Age seven." Ezra's whole chest is heaving, his skin growing progressively paler and paler. 'Someone Grabbed Me… In The Dark…Scared…. Reacted Very Badly.'_

"That's your normal for panic attacks, Ezra?!" Kanan blinks back incredulously.

 _'No. Rare…for me…. to have at all. Normally just hyperventilate…till I pass out. ..After that fall asleep. But none… anywhere near… other people… since then. Don't want… to risk..happening again!'_

"Kid, you'll be fine. I promise" Kanan soothes, trying to ease his Padawan's mind, "Let's just try for now to try and slow down your breathing.."

Ezra breathing only ratchets up even further. _'Are the others? Hera? Sabine. Are they all coming out here to get us?'_

"Yes."

 _'You want to test assumption on lives!? They can't shield! Put! Me! Out! Kanan!'_

Kanan complies then, sighing deeply even as he does so, well aware at this point that if he doesn't then Ezra's just going to make himself pass out for lack of air anyway. Then he shifts carefully into a seated lotus position again and gently tugs Ezra into recovery position on his side on the bench seat. Looking down at the deathly pale face, and grimacing at the blue tint that's the edging the younger man's lips.

 _'Well,'_ Kanan thinks to himself, a little wryly, as he reviews the past few minutes, waiting for the kid to regain consciousness, _'That had been the worst possible kind of 'interesting.'_ ''

Thankfully it's not all that long really - maybe ten minutes or so, before Ezra's eyelids start twitching again. "Kriiiiiffffffff." He murmurs hoarsely after another moment or so, his eyes still clenched tight, his voice rough and distressed. "Where's the gundark who decided to play chicken with my karking sternum? Did I kill it?"

"It's in the cockpit at the moment, Kid. Hiding from rumors of possible psychic backlash." Kanan informs him very dryly, "Do you know where you are…do you remember what happened?"

Ezra's eyes blink open slowly. Then blink again as he registers his current location. "We were talking in one of my dreams before yes?"

Kanan grimaces. "Yes, yes we were, Ezra And then unfortunately you took some abrupt news that I told you… well, rather badly to be honest."

Ezra shudders hard, his eyes sliding shut again, his knees curling up to his chest instinctively in reaction. "Hera knows now." He mutters softly. "About the time travel I mean." Blue eyes slide open, suspiciously wet looking, "Force just be merciful, okay Master and next time try and warn me a little bit first before casually dropping that kind of bomb of information."

Kanan sighs softly, even as he nods his head, a little bemused. 'And again Kid - now who's actually being seriously melodramatic,' he really can't help but think, though he keeps the observation for the time being in his own head.

It takes Kanan a moment longer to realize though that all supposed melodrama aside, Ezra is literally trembling from his head to his toes in what looks a lot like essential tremor in reaction to the knowledge of Hera's awareness, though thank Force this time around at least there seems to be no change in the overall pattern of the teenager's breathing.

"...Ezra?" He murmurs, concerned, gently tugging the kid off the bench after a moment to make sure that the teenager's not going protest the action – Ezra doesn't - and then wrapping both of his arms tightly around the teenager, sending steady waves of calm and safety toward him. "What in the the...?"

"I knew that it was going to be coming, Kanan." Ezra manages to get out softly after a moment or so. "You two're practically joined at the hip, after all." The younger Jedi exhales heavily. "Still I really, *really* wasn't ready for it to be quite this soon. I thought that I'd have a little bit longer to prepare myself for it, time to brace for any impact. Which is important right now. Damn this day overall and my seriously kriffed up brain chemistry."

Kanan makes a sympathetic sound in reaction to that confession, then makes a mental note to avoid, if at all humanly possible, ever shocking Ezra with the news that he's been 'outed' like this again. Kanan doesn't really understand yet why the particular trigger exists in his padawan's head, but he can karking well try at least to respect and guard against reactivating it. His voice is soft when he finally speaks up again, "Hera - she's not mad at you Ezra. If that's what's got you tied up in knots right now."

"Yet, Kanan. Give her time to get over her shock and to work her way through all the implications of the past few weeks. Once she does an epic yell-fest is definitely coming."

Kanan sighs deeply, makes a mental note to try and have Ezra off ship if at all possible for said yell fest if he can't diffuse it outright through pre-planned conversations. "Kid, right now mostly Hera's more worried than anything else – about the both of us and how we're handling all of this really."

Ezra makes a twisted up, guilty face, "Yeah like that's supposed to be any more reassuring."

Kanan sighs yet again, "Look, Ezra - Hera handles challenges much better when she's not completely in the dark just waiting for the metaphorical tactical nuke to hit out of one of a dozen direction. I'm not saying she's happy with the situation – or that she won't need time to process, but she'll adapt – really. Kark, she's already adapting."

Ezra shrugs, "As I said, Kanan, I knew it couldn't be avoided. She was going to find out at some point. I just would have liked a little time to mentally prepare for it. As it is every time the truth has come out thus far in this timeline I've been either literally or metaphorically knocked backward on my ass."

Kanan sighs, "I understand, Kid. And I promise to keep that in mind for next time. That last thing that I want to do at this point Ezra, is needlessly heighten your current levels of stress. I know it's hard to get used to the idea of not being the only gatekeeper in terms of keeping your secret anymore." He pushes the teenager back just far enough to meet his eyes, "But now that all three of us are 'in the know' it'll so much get easier. You'll see."

"Four of us, Kanan. You can include Chopper, officially, on your list of those now 'in the know.'"

"Wait… Chopper already knows?! About the time travel I mean?!"

Ezra laughs hoarsely, the sound edging dangerously near to a giggle. "Chopper knew before anyone else did about the time-travel, Kanan! He figured it out quite awhile ago apparently, and only told me that he did when the two of us went shopping together in town yesterday. The little karking sadist dropped that particular truth bomb just as I was stepping off a curb and made me go ass over elbows. I still have karking scrapes from it on my knees."

"Chopper *knew?!*" Kanan emphasizes again this time more dangerously.

Ezra side-eyes him for a moment cautiously, before shrugging in a poor faxsimile or nonchalance. "Ehhh…It's technically probably more honest to say that Chop strongly *suspected* that I was somehow outside of my own original timeline, Kanan. He actually asked me for confirmation of the nearly ninety-five point something or other percent probability. Which I confirmed by landing pretty much on my face basically."

Kanan bares his teeth then, feeling the heat swell alarmingly in the center of his chest. "I swear to Force that the next time that I see him, that over-paid Databank is dead!"

Ezra half laughs, half shudders at that, squeezing Kanan's closer forearm comfortingly. "Oh come on now Master. To be fair, Chopper did help all of you corral me not long afterward, after helping himself to a couple hours of alcohol-assisted interrogation first." Ezra shrugs, apparently philosophical about the whole experience, "Granted I bought the booze in question all on my own, Kanan, and told him outright he could ask whatever he wanted and I'd answer as I thought was safe to do so. Which come to think of it is probably the real reason he decide to drive me out there himself. It was his excuse to dig and my excuse to start in on the Brandy early."

"Dead." Kanan growls out again, still fuming – at everything. "Dead, buried and then he goes to Hera. I am going to kriffing space him."

Not like it'll do Chopper any real harm. It'll still make Kanan feel better at least temporarily.

"Ah come on, Master, give Chop a break." Ezra soothes, "To be fair, he was being utterly logical about all of it, Kanan. He's a heuristic droid after all, and this whole situation is basically unheard of from his perspective. There aren't exactly protocols titled 'dealing safely with time travelers for dummies' in any of his programs."

Kanan tightens his arms around the teenager tighter, letting a hiss out through his teeth. "No there aren't, Ezra. Which is why Chopper should have come *directly* to Hera or I if he was really so far past the range of his day to day programming…"

Ezra shrugs his shoulders, still clearly refusing to judge harshly, "From the way he was talking about it constantly Kanan, I think that Chopper was genuinely concerned about creating possible paradoxes if he did or said the wrong thing, Kanan. Plus, I also get the distinct suspicion that he was genuinely enraptured just by the occurrence of such a novel situation. Not to even mention that I didn't bother to even attempt to lie to him when he confronted me earlier with the truth. Which he was able to confirm via his biometrics data. I guess he just decided because of that, that I was essentially trustworthy as a result Kanan."

"Trustworthy? You were a fourteen karking-year-old street kid with severe psychic trauma! Who'd just broken an oathed accord with Hera, purchased a bottle of booze that you were far too young to be drinking by any standard law on the books. Not to mention you apparently up and announced your intent at some point to rob an karking imperial transport hub!"

Ezra shrugs yet again, "Don't ask me to explain his logic tree regarding the subject, Master. The truth of the matter is that *I *officially stopped really giving a kriff about why he was doing any of it at about the same point that he threw a pair of handcrafted heirloom shot glasses at me and offered to take me out to the temple without me having to wait to liquor up. As we've both already acknowledged in previous conversations, one karking hell of a bad week for me at that point. My 'give a kark' at that time had been rather seriously busted.."

Kanan can't really come up with an appropriate verbal reply to that: he's too busy spluttering furiously in reaction. Ezra leaves him to it for a minute or two, before reaching out to pat Kanan a little awkwardly on the chest. "Deep breaths all right, Kanan? Getting this pissed off about all of it really can't be any good for your blood pressure, remember? Don't obsess about it so much. I mean it all worked out in the end..."

Now Kanan's look makes room for incredulity along with disbelief and anger. "Ezra do you have any idea at all how *badly* things could have gone for you under just slightly different circumstances? How badly Chopper keeping his own counsel actually risked your life? I'm pretty sure if he'd let you enter that temple alone the stress of a trial could have forced you into a mental breakdown or worse yet actually left you psychotic!"

Ezra shakes his head, shrugging a little. "No. I didn't know that. But do I understand waking up to the impossible Kanan, and having no kriffing clue what to do in response to any of it in reaction. This situation's nuts as kriff, Master and I figure Chopper has every bit as right to freak out figuring out how to deal with it as I initially had."

But no. That is not enough justification for Kanan. It's not. Not in the face of what was almost lost.

"No Ezra." He bites back in reply, "He didn't…still doesn't! Chopper had no right to a call that important completely alone and unassisted. Not when it could have ended up with you dead or in a thousand mental pieces. For Force sakes, Ezra, you're still only a minor, his top priority should have been your safety not kriffing information recognizance!"

Ezra shrugs. "Yeah well it's not as if Chopper'd really reasoned out those two statistical possibilities, as probable now had he, Kanan? You have to remember, Master that I'm still practically a stranger to him right now. We don't have four years of connections in his memory banks like existed between me and the Chopper from my timeline. He's not worried about me like he worries about the rest of you just yet." The teenage boy's voice is very frank, as he pushed his hair back from his face, "Remember his second major query train - following one to confirm I was a time traveler at all Kanan and how long I'd been here, was what were my intentions toward the rest of *his* family."

Kanan sighs, huffing in sheer exhausted exasperation, letting the topic shift for now at least. "Yeah, well I have to say I wouldn't mind hearing the answer to that one myself right now, Kid."

Ezra blinks up at the older man, a little dazed, and then he smiles up at his Master, almost tenderly. "Uhm…how much of my conversation with Hera did you guys actually hear when you all were out on the balcony, Kanan? I mean I just assumed that you all were essentially eavesdropping the whole time we were talking, and by that point, I'd already *told* Hera both my wants Kanan as well as my karking 'actual intentions'."

There's a short period of silence then, Kanan's forehead wrinkling for a moment as he thinks back to that moment, before he softly quotes back all but verbatim... "What is it that you *do* want, Ezra Bridger? Both from us in particular and just for your own life speaking generally?"

And Ezra once again speaks, his voice far more emotional now, if no less candid. "I want to trade up from my past as it was last the time around, Kanan, to something stronger and hopefully less destroyed and bloody. And along the way, Master, if I can I'd like to save as many of the people that I love as I possibly can."

It's such a simple statement really, if distinctly low on any specifics. On the hows and the whens and the wherefores. But as far as mission statements go, Kanan has to admit, Ezra hadn't been able to get more basic or bluntly honest than that in what he'd told Hera about his goals for the future. "That's it?" He asks him quietly, the anger slowly loosening in his chest.

"That's it." Ezra nods, and then he shrugs helplessly, "I don't really have anything more concrete, so far than that." His lips quirk wryly as he looks up. "I mean you guys never really stopped harassing me long enough for me to come up with anything more specific, or complex than that so far. And I don't have quite your genius, Kanan, when it comes to devising heat of the moment stratagems...much long term playbooks or stuff like that. I just…I want to try and make things better than they were Kanan, because it's hard to imagine I could make them any worse." Ezra whole body shudders hard at whatever memories are now in his head. "Well hard to imagine and frankly more than a little bit terrifying. What they did to all of our lives before the end, Kanan – not to mention and what they eventually did to my *planet.*" Ezra's whole body shudders hard once. "Look, I'll admit that I don't know much about temporal physics, Master. I mean kriff I like math, yes, and I'm good with fixing things that break down and at figuring out mechanical or electrical systems, but I'm also pretty sure that at this point in my life even after working HARD to catch up for almost two years that I could *barely* manage right now to pass basic educational competence exams. " Ezra snorts softly, shaking his head bemused, "To say nothing of knowing what to make of kriffing chronal variations."

Kanan sighs very deeply at that particular confession. "What you do know is pretty damn fantastic, Kid, considering how much actual schooling you never actually got to have. Your exposure to academia Ezra is not the same thing as your innate intelligence. Don't forget that."

"Maybe so, Kanan. Still, as much as I'm afraid that saying too much about the future or trying to chance it might have some serious consequences, I also can't just pretend right now that I can just sit back as a completely passive observer and do only what I did while watching the entire galaxy steadily fall back into sheer kark all over again by helping where and when I can. I mean I'd literally go nuts, Kanan. I really, truly would. I can't unknow what I do know from my previous time-stream any more than I can guarantee that any or all of it will actually repeat. I just …I don't know yet where, when or how to find a...well basically a balance. I mean in some ways things and people are already so kriffing changed already."

Ezra chuckles then softly. Wetly. Before finally continuing, "I mean…you guys all too… kriff, Kanan, I initially expected that ditching Specter Crew would be *easy!* You've all been literally regularly confusing the the kark out of me for the last few weeks ..."

"You expected that ditching us would be easy? Why?!" Kanan's eyebrow is climbing nearly to his hairline at that confession.

"Because I spent the better part of my first year on TheOtherGhost more than half afraid that you all were going to ditch me! Pretty much the exact moment that Hera finally decided that I'd outlived my overall usefulness! Or at least once you were sure I was no longer threat to the rest of your safeties initially! I mean seriously, Kanan: OtherZeb hated having to share his room with a roommate. OtherSabine mostly saw me as a perpetual if amusing pest. And though yes - OtherYou did initially offer me the chance to come on board for training in the ways of the Force - he dragged his feet initially for weeks in terms of actually teaching me anything! I knew full well those first couple of months aboard, that greater part of why I really got invited aboard was just to guarantee the group as a whole's greater security, and then later because you all finally realized that the skill set I had to contribute during missions was actually pretty handy!" '

Ezra shrugs a little, "All that considered I figured when I finally walked at the end of the Wookie mission that you all – and you in particular, Kanan - would be outright relieved to see me go, just so long as I could also prove to you if you thought it necessary that the Imperials wouldn't be able to grab or otherwise get any critical information about the rest of you guys out of me."

"Force, Kid!" Kanan mutters breathless. Because that whole confession is more than just a little horrifying. Had his other self actually heard about any of this from Ezra the first time around? Probably not, Kanan guesses rather grimly, since Ezra wouldn't have tried his strategy at all had any of the other Specters learned of and then 'aggressively corrected' his initial interpretations. "We wouldn't have ever…"

"Just dumped me like so many others had before you guys?" Ezra sighs softly "Yeah I figured eventually Kanan. But it didn't mean in the meantime that I wanted to be a burden on anyone, or kept around because of someone's fear or their pity. It took *time,* Master, last go-round I mean to really find my confidence and feel sure of my place with the team. After all you were all doing fine at least initially without me."

Kanan opens his mouth at that – prepared to say any number of things in reaction to that. Has Ezra really remained that unaware of his actual impact?! But the kid has just continued speaking, "Like I can only assume, that it's going to basically take me all over again. I mean I'm not the same person I was anymore, am I? And neither are any of you anymore really. So if I'm going to be staying on the Ghost with all of you, Kanan…"

"There is no 'if' involved in this, Ezra." Kanan informs him more than a little bit sternly.

"I know." Ezra waves the correction off, apparently well past that argument at this stage, "Since I'm going to be staying on then, I'm just saying that it's probably going to take us all awhile to find the right fit again Master, and for me to really get my feet back under me here in this time-stream." The dark haired teenager sighs, "It'll essentially be like finding square one and starting all over again."

"Is that why your panic kicked off so hard when I mentioned Hera knowing now, Ezra?" Kanan asks him softly, genuinely curious. Because Ezra's sudden panic attack had been more, mildly stated, then troubling.

"Yes. No. Maybe. I don't know, I just….Argh!" Ezra shakes his head, helpless, apparently without adequate words. He goes silent for a long moment or two then, clearly trying to sort out how to provide explanation. "Look, Kanan. I don't really know any other way to explain this but bluntly. Right after OtherYou died in battle, Kanan? OtherHera suffered from an unexpected miscarriage at around twelve weeks along. She hadn't even realized apparently yet that she even *was* pregnant. Still the shock of finding out what had happened to you during that final battle as well as the rest of us just…"  
Ezra shudders, "Force that on top of everything else, it was just, well a lot, okay? Unsurprisingly afterwards all of us were a mess at first." Ezra exhales and inhales several more time then before continuing. "And then to make it ten times harder, once she finally came out of her shock phase instead of really processing at least as far as I could see anyway, Hera just seemed to push on by hyper-focusing on both her never-ending work schedule and worse yet, Kanan – my personal medical recovery."

Ezra looks away then, his eyes glazing over, his expression going oddly distant. On the very edge, Kanan, suspects of full emotional disassociation, his mind trying desperately to protect itself from the pain still clearly associated with this conversation and it's memories. "And yes – I'll admit that I *wasn't* in the best state either physically or emotionally at the time, Kanan, and she had a right to be worried. I had some new prosthetic limbs that I needed time to really adapt to and our former link was unsurprisingly raw and broken after how you died. I had no idea about the Amalyn. They mostly just gave me morphine and sedatives. Neither which stopped the bad dreams. I was having trouble keep much food down, so I was losing some weight…probably too much really but…" Ezra shakes his head, "She'd still just lost both you Kanan, and you guys' *baby!*"

The younger man shudder yet again, before finally looking back at him directly again. "And it drove me kriffing nuts, okay?! Because all she seemed to want to talk about was how much I ate or slept, or I didn't - well that or she'd tell me about whatever mission she and Sabine and Chopper had been assigned to most recently by the fleet. Which I couldn't even help with yet because medical hadn't agreed to release me. I ended up checking out AMA eventually. And I know that this Hera isn't *that* Hera, Kanan but I still can't…." Ezra's voice cuts off cracking.

Force. Kark and Sith spit. Ezra still can't entirely separate the two Hera's in his own mind. Not effectively.

Which explains so much really, about how he's been treating Hera since they first met him here in this time stream. The twi'lek's alternating status between protected class and someone to be avoided at all costs lest Ezra get her upset or otherwise angry.

Hera was right, she isn't going to like it when she finds out what's been behind Ezra's current behavior toward her. Not in the slightest.

Force, Kanan wonders for a moment, breathless. How in kriff are you supposed to tell the woman that you love that she's currently being treated like a piece of sharp if fragile glass because of residual guilt and grief over the loss of a child that never even existed in this particular timeline. That her otherselve's natural reaction to his own death had harmed their living child incredibly badly instead of helped them work through their own grieving process in those first most crucial months following the loss of yet another.

How is anyone really supposed to react to a truth like that?

Not to even mention that if Kanan remembers some of he and Ezra previous conversations correctly, then Ezra actually said the other night during his initial confession that the last thing he really remembers from his originating timeline was a worried OtherSabine and OtherHera drugging the poor kid unconscious, probably in order to try and force Era to actually deal with his ongoing sleep deficit.

Because *yes,* he thinks, just a little bit grimy, Kanan can more than easily believe that a OtherHera – particularly one locked in her own initial period of grieving and still halfway in denial herself, hiding behind her work and simultaneously *terrified* that she was going to lose her son on top of everything else - would absolutely have done just that sort of thing if she believed that that she could safely get away with it.

Kriff it's no wonder that right some part of the Ezra's mind is reacting to Hera like she's one part literal paragon of virtue and one part terrible threat. OtherHera's half of the reason that Ezra's trapped in this dream that's not a dream. At least from one perspective. And that means she can maybe 'wake him up again.' The situation's probably wreaking literal havoc in the poor kid's already battered and terrified subconscious.

And as for Kanan's own actual Hera – who is currently dealing with the fallout of all of this without any real understanding as to why… What if anything does is Kanan supposed tell her about all or any of this? Because honestly Kanan doesn't know at this point if keeping his trap shut about these kind of details for any length of time will count as deliberately hiding thing or just as keeping secrets.

Kanan's probably going to have to meditate on that one for a bit as soon as possible. Not to mention…not to mention whole miscarriage bit. Because Force but right now Kanan's barely wrapping his mind around the flesh and blood actual teenager that he's just adopted who's standing currently in front of him. One who Kanan is already wise enough to know is already going to require one hell of a lot more than just basic provision food and clothing until his eighteenth majority. To say nothing of any future other kids.

The average human knight in the Temple usually reached that stage between ages twenty two and twenty four, after all. And that generally presupposed that all the pre-apprenticeship initiate training had already occurred. High potential force sensitives in particular tended to require more training, not less, from their masters. Not for any lack of learning capacity of their part but simply because they tended to be far more in need of extensive one on one attention to help them learn to cope with their greater statistical amounts of both force visions and empathy. Knighthood for them unless they were chosen early often was somewhere closer to twenty five or even twenty six.

Still, Kanan's mind just keeps circling back. Because the idea of him: Kanan Jarrus…bane of the creche. Natural arch nemesis of sleeping infants, who'd been banned from the nursery for apparently *smiling at the infants wrong* with a *baby* - sounds like an awful nightmare just waiting to happen.

Even if yes, he loves Hera, and that kid would be half Hera, half him.

Kanan quite honestly speaking, at least when he's actually let himself consider the topic at all, thinks that that he'd be a lot more open to the idea of parenthood in general if they at least issued you a walking, talking actual KID when you decided that you were ready to have one. A child who who was potty trained, had distinct personality already and could for the most part engage in fairly involving conversations. Not to mention kids that were old enough to avoid repeated requesting for days that the same song or book be partaken of over and Over and OVER again.

Ezra, who's still in Kanan's lap at present, suddenly lets out a helpless little giggle.

"What is it?" Kanan finally ripped by the sound out of his own mental whirl, glances down a little quizzically at him.

Ezra wheezes with laughter. "I'm sorry, Kanan. it's just…Force Master, if you could only see your face right now. It's classic look #28 horrified 'babies!' expression!"

Kanan shrugs a little in reply to that particular assessment. "I'm...Look…I'm not saying that I object to parenthood as a rule Ezra. And with Hera, yeah, maybe if she ever really slowed down a little and truly seemed to want it…but the truth of the matter, Ezra, is that I've only ever really been comfortable around either teens or older kids."

Ezra actually snorts in reply to that. "Oh I know that, Kanan, believe me. Who do you think that you kept passing the squallers off too on a regular basis those rare times when we did get stuck 'babysitting?!' I mean you're not scared of heights or Hera or even Inquisitors half of the time, Kanan Jarrus, but karking babies scare you to death!"

"I am too scared of Hera!" Kanan shoots back in automatic, emphatic protest. "Who the kark wouldn't be?!"

The fourteen-year-old in his arms starts to laugh even harder – until it's nearly convulsively. When he's finally calm again, several minutes later he wipes his eyes with his sleeve once again, "And on that note, Kanan. I need to get up, find something to drink and answer the call of nature. How long have we been asleep anyway? Do you know when we'll be back to the City?"

"I'd need to check the chronometer to be certain. In case you haven't noticed yet though Ezra, we're not even in the air anymore. The Ghost is coming to pick us up instead since Hera judged that you and I were both a little bit too overextended for her to want us flying the Phantom at the moment."

Ezra's brow wrinkles, "And we couldn't have just switched on the autopilot for a couple of hours instead while we slept and saved them the trip all the way out here?"

Kanan shrugs, "She's anxious to have us both of us where she can see us, Ezra. The Ghost can always outpace the Phantom in terms of upper altitude transit, which I'm sure that you're already aware. And its not like we both didn't benefit from the opportunity for sleep."

Ezra nods at that, glancing toward the door now almost instinctively. "So how long do we have anyway? Before she and the rest of the crew arrive?"

"Tough to call before seeing a chronometer. Probably only a couple more hours if that. Soon enough certainly that Chopper either better either hide really, really well before I get to him or maybe start running."

"Kanan…" Ezra sounds very patient and a just little bit exasperatedly. "Seriously, Master. He was doing the best he could so like…when you see him at least try and go a little easy."

"I get to be pissed at this point, Ezra if he needlessly endangered your safety. It is totally a Master's prerogative."

Ezra heaves one more sigh, resigned. "So, you say. Look Kanan, after I'm done hitting the head and getting a drink – and maybe finding a snack because I think I'm actually hungry – which is weird this soon, I think that I'd like to take some time to meditate now. Unless you have objection for some reason or there other things we need to be doing? Cause I'm certainly not going to be able to go back to sleep again after that little panic fueled bout of adrenaline that just clobbered me."

Kanan looks Ezra up and down critically for a moment, taking silent stalk of both his 'feel' and his overall appearance. Compared to how the kid had looked before he'd first fallen asleep, Ezra does look considerably better. Less like he's been recently hit by a kriffing speeder at least. Maybe all he'd really needed was a short nap to recharge and shut down his mind from its worrying for awhile. After all the most common symptom of psychic fatigue is usually physical exhaustion. Perhaps because it's much harder to overstimulate a mind that's already safely passed out in bed dancing with the sandman than is to wrangle a still conscious and conflicted mind.

"You looked pretty awful earlier, Ezra. Though you do look a bit better now. How's the pain in your head at the moment?"

"Down to a five or a six."

Which is a serious improvement really. Especially after Ezra's only had a single bollus of Amalyn. It'd taken three days of doses that last time around for Ezra to show that much improvement. Then again, now there's no longer ongoing psychic damage occurring doing to an unhealed psi-link.

"Meditation should be fine, Ezra. Kriff it's probably wise to help you ground yourself before the others get here. But Kid? With that kind of rapid turnover and improvement, you definitely need to go a couple more days on the meds at full strength again. Because this? Is how the Amalyn should have worked for you right from the beginning." Kanan purses his lips, unhappily, "I ought to have guessed there was something more than just the age of the wound or your level of potential that explained your slow recovery." Now that he looks back, Kanan's well aware there had actually been numerous hints.

Ezra shrugs, then snorts softly, finally pulling back completely from Kanan's hug and rising slowly to his feet from out of his Master's lap. "It wasn't your fault Kanan. You didn't know."

"I should have," Kanan mutters discontent.

Ezra snorts aloud, "How exactly?" He demands.

"I just should have known." Kanan grumbles back, "If nothing else I should have been faster at seeing the link. I still can't figure out why in the kark I actually didn't."

"Deflection? Misdirection? Annoying teenagers who liked to distract you with sniping?"

Kanan scowls a little at that. "That should have been normal for me, Ezra by at the latest day five or six of you regularly taking the IV Amalyn,"

Ezra snorts at that claim, "Kanan, there is nothing even vaguely normal about our current situation. I mean seriously Master. We could be living out one of those cheesy holodrama time travel sagas of yours that you always used to swear when I caught you reading them you're not actually a giant geeky fan of."

Kanan feels his face heat up a little. "Ah…so then I take it you already knew about that particular weakness of mine then?"

"Your obsession for trashy pulp fiction? Yes Kanan, I'm more then aware. Kark - I'd probably even share it with you outright if the Rebellion actually had a larger audiobook collection. Unfortunately, though in my case there are fare more limited options – mostly what I can find in the junk stalls, and Hera's occasional if generally enjoyable gifts - and a literal multitude of boring ass kriff from the Rebellion bases smaller collection that various people keep assuring me I'll love because they're the 'classics.'"

Kanan snorts, "I take it you've been less than impressed by the results of these recommendations?"

Ezra shrugs, "Oh I wouldn't say that entirely, Kanan. A few of them that I've found time to listen to have involved interesting characters or interesting overall situations. But I'm pretty kriffing sure that the fact they're from places I've never visited and about cultures I've barely even encountered means that I've missed a kark of a lot in terms of their overalll relevance."

"But you do enjoy books just on their own merit then?"

The teenager makes a face in reply "Less 'books' than 'learning' in whatever form I can happen to get it really. I prefer vids or other on the go medium like that that I can take with me if I'm honest. Usually if I'm actually sitting still Kanan, I'm either meditating or I'm about to be sleeping."

Kanan narrows his eyes at that yet again, considering everything that he's heard in the last few minutes and comparing it with some of the things he's read, and then he makes a mental note to also get Ezra checked for Dyslexia when as well Hepatitis the next time that they visit the clinic.

Because yes, it seems a little ridiculous to imagine OtherHim and OtherHera could have missed something that big for four years, but still... There had been a war on. They had apparently been very, very busy. Ezra has already provably admitted on more than one occasion to not liking to bug other people with 'his' perceived problems. Not to mention that a lot, Kanan figures might have been easy to simply blame on the Kid's obvious 'learning by survival,' 'Loth-Rat U' education.

Kanan'll still feel like a literal moron even so if they don't at least attempt to rule out the potentially obvious on a second go round.

After all, He may be Kanan Jarrus, just like Ezra's old Master, yes - but as the teenager has always repeatedly admitted, that doesn't mean they had to be completely identical people who have the same exact priorities or make the same choices.

If Kanan's otherself had made some mistakes, had displayed a little short sightedness on occasion that his Padawan was now copping to, even if that confession wasn't exactly deliberate? Well then 'Thank you for your mistakes, there, Buddy. I swear I'll do my best to try and learn from them.'

So Kanan nods, "Go ahead and do what you need to in the fresher, Ezra. I'll go and check what's available in terms of food and drink right now for both of us. You're not the only one who's hungry actually. It's not like it's a bad thing to refuel. After that's done though if you want to go solo and meditate till the others arrive Kid, then no, of course I have no real objection."

Ezra nods. "I'll be back out in a just a couple of minutes then."

Then Kanan's Padawan turns and heads toward the fresher at a near ambling pace, his mindscape at ease. His whole body content and apparently compliant. Apparently at peace in his quiet and easy obedience.

Kanan wonders, as he watches the younger man go, how long it's going to take him to not find that behavior in Ezra both high unusual and highly, highly suspicious after their initial four weeks together. The thought is enough to makes him chuckle a little bit wryly.

'Don't be so paranoid, you cranky old grump,' His own mental critic shoots back at him, then 'Ever heard of the eye of the storm, Jarrus? This is probably just it. Give the damn kid a couple days or weeks to fully recover and get more comfortable concerning his place and I practically guarantee you that he'll go back to giving your heart attacks on a semi regular basis. He is after all, still ultimately him.

That thought is enough to make Kanan relax and grin just a little bit more broadly. Because after all if this new normal with Ezra isn't the old normal, for as short as a time as Kanan'd really had to get used to it, he really doesn't think that he'll end up complaining much about the difference.

They've had a meeting of the minds of sorts. They're both on mostly stable emotional footing. And even if some of the talks with the others still to come may turn him grey one strand at a time at least Kanan knows for certain at this point that he won't go completely bald eventually thanks to the damn kid.

 **Chapter 15** : New Beginnings

.

Kanan's well aware of how nervous Ezra is about reuniting with the others again. Even after the teenager spends over two hours before the rest of the Specters arrive in meditation, trying mostly unsuccessfully to release that anxiety into the Force. After which the teenager wanders out of the Phantom with his day-pack still on his back, a bottle of sports drink in one of his hands and his data-pad in the other, in order to watch the twin moons unveil the start of another glorious sunset.

He plops down in the grass, leaving his bag a foot or so to his left as he cues on an audio-book, smirking all the while at a litter of nearby tussling feral loth-cat kits. Two of which he's easily able to lure close enough with soft words and a little bit of his gift for connection to sniff at the tips of his fingerstips cautiously.

At least until Ezra produces a strip of meat jerky from his daypack, anyway. After which the entire set of fur-balls suddenly rapidly descends, mewling repeatedly and insistently mobbing his lap, all trying to climb over each other in order to get to their fair share of the treat that he's offering.

Kanan, more than a little bemused by the entire progression of events, comes out to keep him company as well, then. Sitting down for a while and enjoying both the animals themselves as well as the humor of the situation and the distraction of their presence. Though he does wonder for a bit as well where the youngsters' mother has gotten off to. Ezra meanwhile, ends up flopped out on his back in the grass after several laughter filled minutes, and perhaps because of the soothing nature of his companion's presence, he ends up dozing off yet again.

Eventually, Kanan hears the low hum of the Ghost's main engines out in the distance, at which point the older Jedi gently removes a sleeping kitten from his own lap and stretches, rising to his feet to go and greet them. Ezra surprisingly remains soundly asleep, one kit cuddled up in the curve of his neck, another two on his chest, and a fourth curled up possessively by his left hip. The whole lot of them are all dozing now, furiously purring.

When the Ghost's disembarkation ramp finally lowers, just a couple minutes later, Hera is the first one out of the ship, followed directly by Sabine and then Chopper, whom Kanan notes with a small dangerous smile is trying – albeit subtlety - to keep his distance. Wise droid, he can't quite help thinking.

Zeb is the last to leave the Ghost, the large Lasat strolling down off of the ramp with a kind of casual ease and disinterest that lasts precisely as long as it takes for him to notice Ezra and his fan club still in the grass. At which point he breaks into a broad grin and gestures in Ezra's direction with a thrust of his head. "Looks like Bridger's got his own little mutual admiration society going on over there at the moment?"

Kanan smiles nodding, his own tone is clearly bemused "Yes. It seems as though Ezra has a quite the natural talent for connection. He seems to find his small friends calming. And though he's better than he was last week, he's still recuperating from his psychic injuries. He's likely to pass out sporadically on and off for another week or so at least."

"I see that during your little 'talk' he managed to break your nose." The comment comes from Sabine who is looking Kanan critically up and down, as if composing some kind of grievances list.

Kanan shrugs. "Yes Sabine, he did. But he and I have already buried the hatchet concerning that particular subject. As he would put it, we're 'Bygones' in terms of our 'conversation' last night. So please don't think if you're winding up to give Ezra a bunch of kriff about anything that's happened over the past day or so that you're doing so at my bequest or to my benefit."

Sabine snorts aloud. "So what? He's just off the hook for running off the way he did then?"

"No, Sabine. There have been and there will be consequences. Some you'll no doubt see in action in the days still ahead and some that frankly speaking are none of your business. But Sabine, for the record you don't know everything that was driving Ezra, and frankly? Neither did I when I first caught up to him yesterday. His choices may have been questionable, but his motives have always been good -he was doing what he thought was the right thing, even if his choices were short sighted sometimes and more than a little bit personally self-destructive. Given that fact, guys, the word of the month is going to be 'mercy' for the time being. Ezra doesn't need any more ass kicking. He needs a mostly blank slate to at least try and start over again at least figuratively."

The Mandalorian snorts softly. "Okay. Sure. If you say so, Kanan."

Kanan frowns at her slightly. "I mean it, Sabine, so please take me seriously. Yes, Ezra screwed up and he knows it - he's said so and apologized to me about it all repeatedly. I'm guessing that with no prodding from me whatsoever, he's about to do pretty much the same thing to Hera when he sees her as well because he also knows that he broke his word and wants to make amends We're looking for second chances at this point Sabine, not the taking of any more retributory pounds of flesh. Ezra's suffered enough as it is recently thanks to everything thats happened without us making it worse by holding unnecessary grudges and making him miserable on a near constant basis. Especially since at this point, I can now *guarantee* that he will be staying with us indefinitely. We actually formed a training bond last night as well as had a meeting of the minds, for lack of a better way to put it." Kanan turns a small smile toward Hera then. "Congratulations, officially I guess. You now have yourself a permanent Specter Six."

"Damn right we do." Hera smiles back, then she pauses, lips twitching. "Look Kanan I promise you that won't yell at him or anything but he and I do have a little unfinished business to cover considering his little round of deal breaking…nothing cruel though or anything particularly unfair or unexpected though – that I plan to address when I see him next. Now otherwise how is he doing just generally mentally and physically for the record?"

"He's anxious. Embarrassed. And despite his best intentions guys, he still burns out really, really fast. Both mentally and physically too - especially in emotionally charged situations. That's not abnormal at all – it's just a side effect of everything he's already been through as well as one of the effects of our new training link. It'll get better gradually as things settle in, i promise you that. In the meantime, though," Kanan shrugs, "Look I'm not saying that you all can't have serious talks with him when it's situationally appropriate, but at least do your best to try and stagger them out a little, okay? Don't gang up on him deliberately or you'll probably push him into collapsing. And for Force's sake be selective in picking your battles when it comes to starting actual conflicts. Think of this all as him have the psychic equivalent right now of a bunch of broken ribs."

Sabine purses her lips still looking a bit unhappy, but she nods at him in understanding, Hera tilts her own head knowingly at him – the look in her eyes clearly promising additional looming conversation. Which Kanan had already been expecting for a while now honestly. Their short chat over the comms earlier this morning before he and Ezra had both passed out for a few hours had certainly been important yes, but it had also been anything but Hera's definition of 'necessarily comprehensive.'

Zeb snorts softly at Kanan's advice, with a shrug of his shoulders, "I hear you Kanan, and it's not a problem at all from my perspective. All of us have needed fresh starts from time to time in our lives. Only seems fair that the kid gets a chance at the same. Besides, he'd have'ta voluntarily be in the same room with me on a regular basis for me to even be able to pick a fight with the kid. And good luck for any of us managing that at the moment. I know it's going to be awkward for while all of us are sorting out just what the new normal around here's actually going to be."

"Good," Kanan says, smiling at the larger Lasat as he reaches out to put a grateful hand on the other male's shoulder. "I'm glad to hear that, Zeb. Because Ezra's willing, more than willing really, to try and start over at this point, but he's still more than a little off balance. And on top of that guys, it also looks like he's quite possibly also physically sick as well in a way none of us have been aware of." His eyes shift to look over at Hera. "Which is why our first priority after this conversation is over is going to have to be locating a planet off of Lothal with a decent, affordable medical clinic."

Hera shakes her head. "Wait a minute - he's actively *sick* now Kanan?" Her eyes widen a little in alarm. "You didn't mention this to me earlier… When did this…"

"He just mentioned the issue over the past hour or so. Don't panic the issue in question's chronic Hera, and non-contagious. It's serious but not exactly life-threatening – or at least I'm ninety-nine percent sure that's the case. Which doesn't change the fact that Ezra's still lived on the street for over seven years now without proper medical care and he's going to need to be to have a checkup as soon as we manage it even if it means tapping our emergency fund for the time being in order to make it happen."

"Of course, Kanan. We're actually doing fine there right now. And we can start taking jobs pretty much immediately after Ezra gets treated. Unless you object for some reason Love, I figure that we can just go to Gorse." Hera says after less than half a moment of silent debate, "I can think of a couple reliable as well as fairly priced places that he can get checked over while we're there, and the work options in that system are always plentiful. So are we all ready to actually go then?"

Kanan glances back over his shoulder at the teenager still asleep in the grass, his lips quirking upward a little bit. "As soon as Ezra wakes up and can extract himself from his fuzzy fanclub, yes. Which may be more of a challenge than you'd probably think, Hera. He's got himself some very ardent furry supporters at the moment."

Zeb snorts at that word choice. "Well come on then. Let's go wake 'em up" He gestures with a hand. "Though actually, it looks to me like Chopper's going to beat us to it if we don't hurry up and join him." And he and Sabine walk toward the teenager still sprawled out asleep in the grass.

Kanan's eyes turn to Ezra's location then, his eyes narrowing slightly as he sees Chopper coming to a stop just at the end of Ezra's outstretched legs. He hadn't consciously registered the way that the droid had snuck past him from the ramp of the Ghost while he and the others were lost in conversation. One thing is for sure though, once they all get on board and he's got Ezra settled somewhere to sleep for the night – probably Medbay again until they can figure out the issue of permanent quartering - he and Chopper are absolutely due a very important chat. One for which Hera had also better be present now that Kanan really thinks about it.

He turns his eyes to his lover, thrn, "Have you had it out with Chopper about everything that's happened yet Hera?"

Hera sighs, rubbing at her left lek, "We've started, but we definitely haven't ended that particular little 'talk' yet – why Kanan?"

"Because I'm going to be joining the fray there in spades pretty much as soon as I can get Ezra set up in Medlab with another bolster of Amalyn back on ship. He's going back to taking bolsters for a few days, by the way, Hera, because it's finally working the way its meant to and doing a hell of a lot more good now that he's not taking constant new damage from resisting the restoration of the training link. But Hera…I also have some new information for you that Ezra made me aware during one of our most recent talk that you are definitely going to want to know concerning what catalyzed all of this."

"what exactly?"

"The fact that Chopper apparently became aware of a few of the secrets that Ezra's been keeping well before you or I did. He *knows* Hera. He's possibly known for days or weeks now."

Hera's eyes widen hugely then narrow again at that particular announcement. "You mean about the…?"

"Yes. And right now I am seriously ready in my darker moments to space him."

He knows about the time travel," Hera says yet again, partly in genuine shock partly for absolute clarification.

Yes Hera. He started suspecting before any of the rest of us and apparently, he clued Ezra into the fact that he was aware when the two of them went to the electronics market after Ezra fled yesterday morning. At which point Chopper saw Ezra buy a bottle of Brandy at the stands, bought him a pair of matching shot glasses as a gesture of apparent solidarity and then offered to drive on the way out to the temple when Ezra predictably announced his impulsive intent to carjack. Most likely so that while Ezra was intoxicated Chopper could further interrogate him about his ongoing situation."

Hera swears in Ryl, expansively. "He what?!"

"He aided and abetted Ezra's whole scheme in order to probe him for more information, Hera. Then apparently decided after a few hours of drilling Ezra that that he'd finally learned enough and it was time to bring us into the loop as well, for whatever reason. Which is when he ditched the rest of Ezra's booze out of their transport on the off chance that we wouldn't find out what he'd actually done and switched back on his locator beacon so that we could finally find them."

Hera curses again, scowling deeply, "Okay yeah, he just lost a heck of a lot more than his regular allowance for a while, then. I swear to the Little Gods Kanan, I am going to kriffing murder him. Or at least take away his electro-prod for a couple weeks or something."

Kanan snorts. "Yeah well, you're going to have to get behind me for that particular privilege right now, Hera. You really have no idea how close Ezra came last night to completely mentally breaking under all the stress. If I'd had any clue at all what was truly driving Ezra's behavior all this time I'd have approached the entire situation from an entirely different angle. Force Hera! Just my asking Ezra in jest if he was a time traveler probably would have likely been more than enough to completely push him past the edge, or at least tha'ts what I'm guessing. We would never have had to wind him up the way we did for so long, much less lay an actual kriffing finger on him to cause the needed emotional break…"

Hera sighs softly in response to that, reaching out to squeeze her lover's arm gently. "You did the best that you could at the time, Kanan. Don't beat yourself up...especially if as you say Ezra's already forgiven your fight."

"Yes for what I knew. With unnecessarily poor information. Kriff Hera, I've even apologized since then directly, not that Ezra even seems all that upset by it. He's too karking relieved to be able to stop hiding by literally any means. The kid's been through so much already, though Hera, he should not have had to endure me tearing into him like that, though. Even if he's apparently far less angry about what's happened right now than I am. Now if you'll excuse me…" He gestures back over to Ezra and the astromech. "Under the current circumstances, Hera, I'm more than a little a bit concerned about leaving those two together and unsupervised at the moment for any length of time. Ezra may be ready to declare galaxy wide bygones but I'm not feeling quite as generous about things as they stand at present. Chopper's about to be in the proverbial doghouse for a very long time at least where I am concerned because of what happenef. Whereas Ezra, for the record Hera, is just grounded for the time being. Mostly because I want him sticking close for now until things have had a chance to settle down and reach some kind of new homeostasis." Kanan snorts softly, "He's not even fighting me on the subject since I told him that Hera. Which probably means he knows that he deserves it. For now at least. We'll see as the days drag on if he becomes any less compliant or unresistant about the whole situation."

Hera nods. "Noted, Love. Please make sure to let me know later what the specific terms of that grounding actually are, Kanan. In the meantime, it's probably time for me to finally go over there myself and re-say 'hello'. Does he know that I know about the time travel yet?"

Kanan winces, then nods emphatically. "That would be a definite yes, Hera."

Her eyes narrow at him. "Is there some kind of problem?"

"Sort of – look, when I told him that I'd told you the truth Hera, the kid had a full-fledged panic attack."

Hera winces. "Do you know why? Was it something specific Kan or just generally too much unresolved stress - too much too fast essentially?"

"Some of both I suspect. We can talk about it more later on tonight if you're feeling up for it."

"I should be. Though I may need a short nap first."

"For now, just know that in addition to what I told Sabine and Zeb earlier Hera, that Ezra's not going to be looking for conflict, but that doesn't mean we're not still going to have some potential issues for a while. He's going to bear some careful watching for a couple weeks at minimum. Not because I expect him to openly rebel all that much – well about most things anyway. He genuinely seems relieved to have someone to lean on and look to again. He's just prone to moments of severe irrationality after everything that he's been through. What he logically knows and what he feels right now are two very, very different types of animals and he can be very unpredictable from moment to moment in terms of whether or not his head or his heart is making the necessary decisions."

Hera smiles softly, "Isn't that true Kanan, of most adolescents?"

"Yes. For the most part. But as we already know when Ezra in particular goes off the rails his impulsivity goes up by a factor of at least five of ten. He doesn't think he just reacts. Especially if he's under severe pressure or strain like he was after a week of us all pushing and him and him having no real way to vent."

"Understood. Well come on then, Love, let's go get him."

Looking over again, Kanan can see that Ezra, Sabine and Zeb are all sitting in the grass now. Zeb with a puffed up dark grey mottled loth-kit in front of him, hissing. Sabine with a piece of jerky in one hand, a black loth kitten on one knee and a reluctantly amused expression on her face. Ezra still has a tiny white and grey sleeping loth cat curled up again the curve of his hip. He waves a little at Hera. "Hey," he murmurs his face a potent mixture of sheepishness and uncertainty. "Long time no see, Hera."

Hera looks down at him for a long silent moment, her jaw twitching. She looks at him a moment, then rubs the base of her left Lek for a moment, before finally speaking.

"Chopper, Zeb, Sabine, can you please give me, Kanan and Ezra a couple of moments alone?"

Zeb huffs a little grunt at that. "No problem." He glances at the loth kit still puffed up like an oversized ball of cotton on the ground, "Wasn't exactly making friends with this one anyway,"

Sabine also nods without real comment, gently setting her new friend on the ground without a word, rising to her feet and walking with Zeb back toward the ship. Chopper for his own part, gives a short collection of whirs and beeps, looking from Hera to Ezra to Kanan, then back to Hera with obvious question – clearly inquiring if he is also to be invited to be in this little conversation. Hera presses her lips together tightly, crosses her arms over her chest and then shakes her head.

"No Chop. This is between me and Ezra and Kanan at the moment. I know that you know the truth as well but your timing on sharing that information has been less than what I'd call convenient. Which we will be talking about in detail later. In the meantime why don't you help out by going and redocking the Phantom for me please, so we can leave as quickly as possible once we're done with this conversation."

Ezra doesn't say anything but from his spot still sitting silently in the grass, Kanan doesn't miss the way the teenager winces empathetically at the droid's clear dismissal by his captain.

The astromech, for his own part, beeps out a grumpy objection, but then turns to do as she asks. Hera waits until he's departed then looks back down at the teenager still in the grass, whose lap is still full of kittens. He doesn't even attempt to meet Hera's gaze for now – his eyes very deliberately locked firmly on the animals. His hands have started tremoring again, albeit so slightly that most people probably wouldn't even see it. Hera probably does. Kanan, for his own part, can also feel the storm of mental chaos that is currently building behind the kid's shielding. He flails around for a moment or so, helpless, looking for something to help break the tension.

Hera beats him to it though, - her voice calm but soft when she finally speaks. "Ezra put down your friends and stand up please."

The teenager immediately complies, gently uprooting his passengers one by one and setting them on the grass one by one, before rising, his eyes still deliberately downcast. The teenager's whole body starts in shock when a moment later Hera steps forward and fiercely hugs him. Hard enough at first, that Ezra actually grunts softly at the contact. Then Hera's pulling back from Ezra again, scowling gently, her hands coming up to grip Ezra's shoulders and shake him, just once. "You broke our deal, Ezra. Not too mentioned scared the kark out of mr."

"Yes. I did Hera, and I'm sorry about that." Ezra shifts on his feet awkwardly.

"You better be, because Twi'lek have infamously long memories. Do that again and you will not like the consequences, Ezra. At all. I have yet to meet anyone who likes sanitation system maintenence."

"As I said Hera, I'm sorry. I understand."

"All right then." Hera lets her hands drop then. "Look I'm not going to belabor the subject anymore than that. You're not an idiot. I also know that you and Kanan have been talking about everything extensively since he caught up to you and Chopper. Not to mention all three of us know that there have been…extenuating circumstances making everything all that much harder for you to manage. Now that the cat's out of the bag though Ezra may I also assume that you're done with any further games as much as humanly possible? Though yes, I do know that there are going to be times when everything is going to get, well frankly speaking, just complicated. Which is why I want you to promise me right now that with no exceptions you'll just come and talk to Kanan or I when ever you start cracking under the pressure."

"I'll try, Hera. I promise."

"Then that's all I can really ask for at the moment. Though on the subject of your 'ditch out' as I think we should call it, Ezra, right now I think that it's only fair that you still honor the work that you promise to do for me on the Ghost whether I'm taking you anywhere afterward or not. Just consider it the current cancel fee for breaking our earlier bargain."

"Also agreed," Ezra repeats instantly, his voice soft but calm, his face open, if still distinctly sheepish. "As I said before, Hera I'm really, really sorry about things over the past couple of weeks…I just…well it's been."

"I can well imagine, Ezra. And for the most part you're already forgiven. Though that forgiveness doesn't really change the fact that, for now at least, your word is currently very weak currency with me. You're going to have to work some at re-gaining lost trust in the weeks to come, even under all the extenuating circumstances."

Ezra nods his head once again. "Like I just said I understand completely, Hera. I know I more then have it coming. And it's not like I'm going anywhere for a while at this point am I? I can take whatever time it requires to earn your confidence back."

"I'm sure that you eventually will." Hera says with a small smile, "Look, Kanan said that he and you have already sorted out other consequences for what's happened up until now as well. Other than what I just mentioned about the ship work I'm content to let things stand as discussed... at least from my end of things." She glances at Kanan, "Unless you have any objections Love, to Ezra finishing up the tasks he agreed to do for me earlier for some reason and want the issue handled differently?"

"No objections at all, Hera, just so long as you can accept that Ezra will need to Ezra prioritize said work *after* his regular meditation, his weekly academic studies and his regular daily Jedi drilling and training. Oh, and while he's still recovering he can't do the work at the sacrifice of needed recuperative sleep. Which mean that said list of chores could take a while to get through, Hera...definitely more than just two weeks like originally agreed if Ezra's going to heal as well as meet his other scheduled commitments.

Hera shrugs. "That's not a problem. Like Ezra said, we've got plenty time. I'm even willing to set up a weekly work schedule so that it doesn't take up all of his free time either. There is such a thing as balance after all." She looks back at Ezra, crossing her arms over her chest to study him "Now what's this that Kanan mentioned earlier about you possibly being sick or something at present?"

Ezra winces and draws in a deep breath. Kanan knows the boy had hoped to let Kanan be the one to completely handle this particular conversation if possible. He reaches up to rub the back of his neck. "Uhm...okay...two years from now Hera, in my old timeline at least, I had some blood work done because of an anomaly they found during my flight physical when I was flying with one of the Rebellion Fighter Squadrons. It turns out that I have apparently contracted one of the local strains of Hepatitis. I don't really remember which variant, i'm sorry." He pauses and then bursts out with more words in a hurried awkward rush. "You don't have to worry about it all that much right now, Hera…I mean I can't give it to anyone who got the standard recommend inoculations. And Lasat's can't catch this strain at all so you're all safe. I mean it shouldn't…."

"Ezra." Hera cuts the stream of words off instantly. "I'm not worried about the others right now okay? I'm worried about your own health. How in kriff did you end up contracting…?" She tilts her head, chewing her lips for a moment. "Were you allergic to the inoculations for some reason when you were younger? Or did your folks have religious objection to them?"

Ezra just shrugs his shoulders a little helplessly. "Not sure, Hera. I mean I don't think so, anyway. I know I was sick for a while as a baby but then I was prettu premature and it took me awhile because of that to hit growth standard. Not only that but there was a vaccine shortage for awhile after the Empire rose of a couple of the childhood boosters on Lothol. I remember that my parents were still trying to get me caught up before they were taken by the Bucketheads, and afterward well…" He shrugs, distinctly noncomittally. "They didn't exactly offer childhood booster shots at the under the table places that I visited when i could afford it Hera when I was living on the streets. Ad even if they had i didn't exactly have the creds to afford it."

"So it's been awhile since you've had any real basic precautionary medical care then?"

"Other than visiting one of the local chop shop placed when I needed help setting broken bones or couldn't reach in order to put in needed stitches? No medical stuff at all since before my seventh birthday, truthfully."

Hera stares at him for a moment, her face horrified and her mouth widely agape by the impromptu confession, and then she shakes her head a little and once again resumes speaking.

"Well all right then…it is definitely decided. We are going to leave Lothal just as soon as we can possibly manage it – we'll go to Gorse for a bit instead- both to pick up some new jobs and to get you properly examined and as necessary, Ezra treated. "

"All right." Ezra chews his lip for a moment, clearly thinking.

Hera meanwhile is still speaking, "Ezra is there anything in your tower right now that you would urgently need to get to take with you when we leave, or things you need to get out tucked of sight?"

"No. Well, at least not really. Though it might be a good idea now that I really think about it to take my speeder along. It needs a couple of repairs sure, yeah, but I can probably get the parts that I need to fix it next time we go to the market – especially on a planet as big as Gorse. Once it's fixed up then they'll be no need for doubled up riding anymore."

Hera nods, "Fine. Then we go back to the tower for now, crash for the night, grab whatever we need from there first thing in the morning and hopefully leave orbit by lunchtime at the very very latest."

Ezra opens his mouth then closes it. Opens it again uncertain.

"Is there a problem?" Kanan asks him after a moment. Puzzled by his Padawan's clearly conflicted expression.

"Sort of. Maybe...Guys...Can we…do you think that we can be back here on Lothal in another five or six weeks do you think?"

Hera blinks at him. "Why?"

Ezra seems to debate with himself silently for a moment or so before shrugging his shoulders in response and just speaking very frankly. "Because I have a couple of old friends named the Sumars who are going to need some assistance at that point that I helped provide them the last time around when their farm was taken away by the empire and they got arrested. If we don't come back by then and I don't help them out like before then they're probably going to end up interned in one of the camps, and I really, really don't want to have to come back and bust them out of a literal Imperial Prison Camp or something instead. For one thing i am guessing that it'd be much, much more labor intensive."

Hera blinks at this. "And you know this is going to be an issue how again…?"

Ezra raises a brow at her. "Time traveler Hera, remember? Who do you think busted them out of their prison transport the last time around? Well me and Zeb did it together anyway." Ezra's eyebrows knot up. "Though admittedly I'm going to have to figure out an entirely different way to go about doing it this time around, since I probably won't exactly be in possession of a stolen tie fighter when that day comes– or so I assume anyway."

"Possession of a what?!" Hera squeaks out then gaping.

Ezra waves a supremely uncaring hand at her in response, "Look don't worry about it Hera. It'll inevitably go differently this time around in terms of the specifics. Just…can we please be back here in about six weeks? Because I really, *really* don't want to have to plan some kind of a jailbreak."

Hera's right lek starts twitching in agitation. She glances over at Kanan who can't help but smile back a little helplessly in reply. "Welcome to the ride.'" He murmurs wryly, "And apparently, to our lives in general from now on now that we know. Ever since I found out the truth, he's been dropping these lovely little tidbits of his about his old life at least once or twice a day."

Ezra looks vaguely affronted at this comment. "Hey!" He protests. "She's the one who said that I was supposed to come to you guys with these sort of things!"

"Yes. I did." Hera allows, her hand reaching up to rub at the back of her neck, still blinking. "Though I hadn't realized quite how far down the rabbit I would shortly be falling when I made that particular request. Look, Ezra, I'm not saying no or yes right now, because obviously, these people are clearly very important to you…"

"Yes they are. As well as to the growing Lotholian resistance, Hera."

"All right then. That all acknowledged, Ezra, we obviously aren't going to be doing anything without further information." She eyes him skeptically for a moment. "You and Zeb actually stole an Imperial Tie Fighter and used it in a prisoner liberation?"

"Yes. And then kept it parked somewhere secretly afterwards out on the outskirts. Boy were you ever pissed too when you found out what we'd done down the line, but then to be fair, Hera, later on, the thing became crucial to all of us saving Kanan's eventual bacon. So, as I like to put it Bygones?"

Kanan glares at him a minute, crossing his arms. "You know, I'm starting to seriously worry about your particular use of that word, Kid."

Ezra shrugs spreading his arms wide. "Hey, I'm just calling it like it will probably be, Kanan, as opposed to how it currently is." Then he picks up the smallest of the Loth kits who is currently attempting to scale up his pants leg, still mewling. "So, Hera…they're almost ready to be weaned judging by how they were eating the jerky I had on hand earlier and this one in particular appears to have an active eye infection that looks pretty serious to speak frankly. It's in need of antibiotics quite frankly. I know that OtherYou has mentioned before that the Ghost has had vermin after stops at some ports on other planets including Gorse if I recall correct. That fact considered, If I do all the care and clean up until he's healed up, what exactly is your standing on temporary pets that look like they might be naturally born mousers on ship? Just until I can get Squawk here well with the help of some meds and then teach him how to hunt for himself out in the wild again?"


End file.
